The Worst Party I’ve Ever Crashed

Hey guys today lets talk about: When Chronic Pain, Depression, and Anxiety Decide to Have a Fucking Party.” It’s like the worst reunion ever, and guess what? You’re the unwilling host.

Let’s start with the guest of honor: Chronic Pain. This persistent bastard doesn’t know when to leave the party. It’s like that drunk person who keeps telling the same story over and over, except instead of boring you, it’s literally torturing you. Studies show that about 50 million U.S. adults suffer from chronic pain in some form or fashion. That’s a lot of people dealing with this uninvited guest.

Its been said that fibro is like muscle cramps. I don’t even acknowledge that uninformed opinion.There are days that I can mow the yard (I’m the lesser emergent heart concerns in the home) And there are days that I’m in paralyzing pain, the kind of pain that has you locked into one pose for hours on end just because it hurts a tensy bit less and right now you’ll take any relief, what ever strength form or shape it arrives in. I understand how it could appear to others that I’m a normal person with normal persons aches and pains. I am 100% positive that is a good deal of my pain, but I don’t think I begin at the same point as others. Its not that I’m special or different other than being a bit more sensitive, its a condition I have and currently just have to live with as best I can. Thats all any of us can do, even on the days all we do is get up to pee and hydrate.

Enter Depression, the party pooper that turns everything into a black hole of misery. It’s not content with just making you feel like shit; it actually amplifies your pain. Research suggests that people with chronic pain are four times more likely to have depression or anxiety than those who are pain-free

It’s like Depression and Chronic Pain are in cahoots, tag-teaming your ass into oblivion. The cycle just repeats, you hurt so you can’t be active even though you have things you want to do. What happens when we want to do something badly? We tense up, normal human reaction, but that just hurts worse so you don’t get up and you get mad at yourself for not getting up to do ANYTHING, and when you start negative self talking thats when your system shuts down, you go on autopilot eating sleeping and breathing and SOMETIMES when the water isnt too hard you scrape yourself up for a shower. Even if you KNOW once you are out you will feel soft warm and clean.

And just when you think it can’t get any worse, Anxiety crashes the party. This jittery mess of a guest is always convinced the worst is about to happen. It’s like having a paranoid squirrel on cocaine running around in your brain. Anxiety disorders affect about 20% of adults with chronic pain (I’d actually expected much more than that) turning your mind into a non-stop horror movie of “what-ifs” and worst-case scenarios. Usually these leave me feeling fearful of my future and everyone around me honestly. And I HATE IT! If I could change one thing, like after all of the other wishes for my family and friends I’d wish to NOT suffer from everything but if we are talking about the first thing I’d get rid of, its actual the Anxiety, the fearfulness that makes me hate myself and keeps me frozen, or at best on autopilot. I’d sell an organ or answer the trolls riddles three if it meant not actively hating every single thought in my head.

Now, here’s where it gets really fucked up. These three assholes feed off each other like some kind of dysfunctional symbiotic relationship. Chronic pain makes you depressed, depression amplifies your pain, anxiety makes you tense up which – you guessed it – causes more pain. It’s a vicious cycle that would make even the most sadistic carnival ride designer say, “Whoa, that’s a bit much.”

But wait, there’s more! This unholy trinity doesn’t just mess with your head and body; it fucks with your entire life. Work, relationships, sleep – nothing is safe. A study found that people with chronic pain and depression are more likely to have work-related disabilities and unemployment .

I.t’s like these three decided to team up and play a game of “How can we ruin this person’s life today?” I have had the majority of this written four or five days ago, a number of unrelated problems popped up that have me so unbelievably confused and stressed, I have sat here, for large chunks of time, I knew I couldnt do what I wanted, even though it wasnt anything that would prevent me from typing this, so I sat and stared into space. Like for real, the tv was on but I couldnt tell you what I was watching, just completely blank, so I’m pissed as shit at myself, which makes for a lot of negative self talk, so I’ve basically sitting, in my room, alone, with the tv on, sometimes pen in hand, half written notes and ideas scattered everywhere. It makes me so mad, then depressed, then the day would be gone so mad at myself, make up some super ambitious goals that I’m setting myself up for failure, that cycle repeats ALL DAY. For weeks on end. Endless loop.

So, what’s the solution? How do we kick these party crashers to the curb? Well, it’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either. Integrated treatment approaches that address both the physical and mental aspects have shown promise. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, mindfulness practices, and certain medications can help manage this clusterfuck of symptoms. Speak up, be honest with your doc, 9 out of 10 times you are better off getting a referral. Its manageable guys, and I’m saying that as someone who is currently drowning in the sorrow sea right now lol. Just hang on better than Jack. (Some of you will get that but its not imperative to the weight of my story). I’m of the belief that you have to find your own combo and fine tune it, as I have been since the age of fifteen. Clearly I’ve not found the perfect mix but I’ll try anything and I remain hopeful. Thats why I feel such a need to fill this space with friends and others who can share and grow and learn.

In conclusion, living with chronic pain, depression, and anxiety is like hosting the world’s worst party where you’re both the host and the unwilling guest of honor. It’s a relentless, exhausting experience that millions of people deal with every day. But remember, you’re not alone in this shit show. Reach out, seek help, and don’t let these assholes run the party. It’s your life, and you’ve got the right to enjoy it, even if these uninvited guests refuse to leave. Til next time guys, it won’t be as long, I’m going to beat this. Take care of yourselves, and each other.