Our memories are not just static recordings of events; they are deeply intertwined with our emotions, perceptions, and personal histories. This intricate relationship often leads to a fascinating phenomenon: two people can experience the same event and yet remember it in vastly different ways. This divergence is rooted in the complex interplay of psychology, neuroscience, and personal interpretation. People think of memory like a computer, and you can pull up exactly what happened, exactly how you felt as you felt it, but it’s not, and our brains are weird, which is why the Mandela Effect is a well-known phenomenon where a large group of people remember an event or detail differently from how it actually occurred. This collective misremembering often leads people to believe in alternative memories that contradict factual evidence.

Psychologists and researchers attribute the Mandela Effect to a variety of factors, including false memories influenced by social reinforcement, misinformation, suggestion, and the brain’s reconstructive nature when recalling memories. It’s a fascinating example of how collective memory can be influenced and distorted over time.

I can personally attest to memories being unreliable. I have the most vivid memory; it was a recurring dream that I still have sometimes. My Dad, who died when I was 15, would get up EARLY for work. I have always been an early riser, but I had the bedroom off the kitchen, and I would sometimes hear him in the morning as he got ready for work and chat with him – nothing life-altering, just mundane stuff. I remember hearing him boil water for tea, get the milk out to put in it, hear the spoon clink the mug as he stirred it, then he’d slide it across the counter, silent as he drained his cup. Then I’d hear him push his stool back under the counter and put his mug in the sink, and I’d hear his chain of keys slide across the counter. Then, downstairs, I’d hear the door shut, the truck start, all of it. Still, sometimes I hear it in my dreams and wake up excited to talk to him, 30 years later. One problem: no one else remembers this. In fact, I’ve been told I have remembered nearly every part of it wrong. Apparently, we had a coffee maker, and Dad didn’t drink tea but drank coffee black. So, there is a significant discrepancy in my memory, and I’m clearly mistaken, but to me, it is incredibly real. But it’s not – I’m remembering something that is very loosely based in reality (I did have a bedroom off the kitchen and I DO FOR SURE remember going out in the morning and talking to him; he did for sure have a long chain his keys were on, etc).

You know how sometimes you and your friend remember the same event totally differently? Well, there’s a pretty cool reason for that. Our emotions act like filters for our memories, shaping our experiences. When we’re in a great mood, even ordinary things seem awesome because our happy emotions influence our perception. Conversely, feeling anxious or distracted can make us miss out on the good things around us. For example, at a party, a great time will result in fond memories, while feeling out of place may lead to recalling mostly awkward moments or forgetting most of it. It’s not about one person’s memory being right and the other’s wrong; it’s about how our emotions at the time affect the way we process and store memories. Our brains essentially create personalized highlight reels based on our emotions in the moment.

Now, throw in your personal baggage (we’ve all got it, don’t pretend). Our upbringing, cultural background, past traumas, and even current circumstances all contribute to our cognitive frameworks. Maybe you grew up in a house where yelling meant “I love you,” while your friend’s family communicated exclusively through passive-aggressive Post-it notes. Fast forward to adulthood, and suddenly you’re wondering why they’re freaking out over what you consider a “spirited debate” about pineapple on pizza.

Our brains are as unique as snowflakes, if snowflakes were really into overthinking and occasional existential crises. Neuroscientists have discovered that individuals can have varying levels of activation in brain regions responsible for memory formation and emotional processing. This variability can influence the vividness, detail, and emotional tone of memories, contributing further to differences in recollection between individuals who experience the same event. Some of us have memory centers that work overtime, while others… well, let’s just say they’re more “big picture” thinkers.

And here’s the kicker: every time you remember something, your brain basically plays a game of telephone with itself. Memories are not snapshots but rather dynamic constructs that are reconstructed each time we recall them. During this process, our brains may fill in gaps, emphasize certain details, or alter the emotional tone based on our current mindset and understanding. This phenomenon, known as memory reconsolidation, means that memories can evolve over time, becoming increasingly shaped by subsequent experiences and interpretations. By the time you’re recounting that hilarious story for the hundredth time, it’s probably evolved more than a Pokémon.

So, what’s the takeaway from this neurological circus? First, cut yourself some slack. Your memories are about as reliable as a weather forecast, but that’s okay. Second, maybe ease up on insisting your version of events is the gospel truth. Recognizing that someone’s memory of an event may differ from our own does not invalidate their experience; rather, it underscores the richness and subjectivity of human perception. Empathy, therefore, becomes essential in bridging these differences, allowing us to appreciate diverse perspectives and deepen our connections with others. And finally, next time your friend swears that karaoke night was a smashing success while you’re still trying to forget your off-key rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” remember: you’re both right, in your own beautifully flawed, human way.

Why do I have this sudden urge to bombard you with a bunch of random facts? Fibromyalgia, bipolar disorder, ADHD—yeah, these guys can really mess with your memory, and not in a fun way. Understanding how these troublemakers affect memory can give us some hilarious insights into the chaos they cause in our daily lives.

In the end, our differing memories aren’t just fodder for heated debates; they’re a reminder of how wonderfully weird and complex we all are. So embrace the chaos, laugh at the inconsistencies, and maybe, just maybe, listen to your friend’s version of events with an open mind. Who knows? Their rose-colored recollection might just brighten up your day. Maybe they have a spare pair of pretty glasses to share, maybe looking at the memory from their perspective would open your mind.
And remember, if all else fails, there’s always security camera footage.
Just kidding.
Maybe.
Take care of yourself, and each other (and happy Heavenly Birthday Daddy, love and miss you always)