Tag: bipolar mania

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Welcome to “Bipolar Disorder: The Emotional Rollercoaster You Never Bought a Ticket For”

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Alright gang we’re about to dive into the wild world of Bipolar Disorder – it’s like a mood ring on steroids, but way less fun and a lot more “What the fuck is happening to me? Let’s get one thing straight: Bipolar Disorder isn’t just feeling a bit up and down. Oh no, that would be too simple. It’s more like your emotions decided to throw a rave in your brain, and everyone’s invited – from the life of the party (mania) to that one friend who always cries in the bathroom (depression).

Imagine a color spectrum, but instead of pretty rainbow colors, it’s various intensities of “Holy shit, what am I feeling?” On one end, we’ve got: Mania: The ultimate “hold my beer” moment. You’re invincible, you’re a genius, and sleep is for the weak.
Example: Sarah decides to redecorate her entire house at 3 AM while simultaneously learning Mandarin and starting an online business. Because why the fuck not? Side note: I wanted to give a random example here with some off the wall stuff, but my moment of clarity and getting myself help was during a mania episode, I was up alone at 3 am, both (only two at the time) kids were curled up in my bed but I couldnt shut my brain off so I decided that would be the best time to SCRUB THE KITCHEN FLOOR WITH A TOOTH BRUSH. I didn’t remember the thought process, only that I can see clear as day in my mind the look up at the clock. The look down at the red toothbrush. The feeling like ‘I don’t think this is what normal people do AT ALL’. It was the catalyst to so much in my life, but thats not relevant here.

Hypomania: Mania’s slightly less unhinged cousin. You’re productive, creative, and feeling great! Until you’re not. Example: Mark starts a new business venture and is convinced he’ll be the next Elon Musk. Spoiler alert: He won’t be.

On the other end, we’ve got:

Depression: When your bed becomes your best friend and showering feels like climbing Mount Everest. Example: Emily can’t remember the last time she changed her underwear, and at this point, she’s too afraid to check.
But wait, there’s more! Because Bipolar Disorder loves to keep us on our toes, it throws in a fun little twist called:

Mixed Episodes: When Your Brain Can’t Decide Which Flavor of Crazy to Be
Imagine having all the energy of George on espresso but with the mood of a wet cat. That’s a mixed episode for you. It’s like your brain is playing ping pong with your emotions, and you’re the ball.You might feel:

  • Like you could run a marathon, but also like you want to cry while doing it.
  • Full of brilliant ideas, but too exhausted to even write them down.
  • Ready to take on the world, but also like the world is out to get you.

It’s a special kind of hell where you’re simultaneously too much and not enough.

Coping with this Shitshow
So, how do we deal with this emotional dumpster fire? Here are some ideas that might help (no promises, though):

  1. Meds: Because sometimes your brain needs a chemical babysitter.
  2. Therapy: For when you need to vent to someone who’s legally obligated to listen.
  3. Support Network: Find your tribe of fellow chaos enthusiasts who get it.

Remember gang, Bipolar Disorder is different for everyone. It’s like a fingerprint, but instead of being useful for identification, it just makes your life interesting in ways you never asked for. It’s like being on an emotional rollercoaster designed by Salvador Dali. It’s complex, it’s challenging, and it’s uniquely yours.

Now go forth, you spectacular screw-ups, and embrace your personal brand of beautiful chaos. Because in the end, we’re all just trying to navigate this wild ride called life – some of us just have more frequent and intense side quests. Take care of yourself, and each other.

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Quiet Mindfulness for the Chronically Unquiet Mind

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 If you are anything like me, you are tired of your brain performing a never-ending karaoke of that one lyric you know from the song that topped the charts before you were born on constant repeat (I swear I hit shuffle, the button must be stuck!) Sick of your mind treating bedtime like it’s an all-night rave? Well, folks, step right up to the Insomniac’s Club, where fibromyalgia, ADHD, and bipolar mixed episodes collide in a spectacular display of sleeplessness!

But wait, there’s more! Call now, and we’ll throw in a complimentary course on “Quiet Mindfulness for the Chronically Unquiet Mind”! Yes, you heard that right! For the low, low price of your sanity, you too can learn how to navigate the treacherous waters of pain, restlessness, and mood swings while desperately trying to catch some Z’s.


Order in the next 10 minutes, and we’ll even include our patented “Emotional Roller Coaster Survival Kit”! Don’t delay – supplies are limited, but unfortunately, your symptoms aren’t!


(Disclaimer: Side effects may include sarcasm, eye-rolling, and the sudden urge to laugh hysterically at 4 AM. Quiet mindfulness not guaranteed. Actual sleep sold separately.)

  • Start Small: Begin with 5-10 minutes of deep breathing. It’s like dipping your toe in the mindfulness pool before cannonballing into the deep end of enlightenment.
  • Guided Meditation: Find a meditation guide who sounds less like a soothing forest nymph and more like a drill sergeant for your attention span.
  • Breath Awareness: Count your breaths. Lose count. Start over. Repeat until you either achieve nirvana or fall asleep trying. Or pass out. There are multiple options.

  • Create a Routine: Make mindfulness as routine as your morning coffee. Maybe you’ll remember to do it as often as you forget where you put your keys.
  • Grounding Techniques: When your mind’s doing the Macarena, focus on physical sensations. Like how your butt’s falling asleep from sitting still for so long.
  • Mindful Movement: Try yoga or tai chi. Because nothing says “inner peace” like pretzel-twisting yourself while trying not to fall over.
  • Set Realistic Goals: Celebrate small wins. Did you meditate for a whole minute without planning your grocery list? Gold star for you!

  • Use Technology: Download mindfulness apps. Now you have one more thing to distract you from actually being mindful. Irony, thy name is ADHD.
  • Seek Professional Help: Find a therapist who specializes in herding cats… I mean, focusing ADHD and bipolar minds.
  • Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself when you inevitably get distracted by a squirrel outside your window. Or was that just me?

Remember, finding quiet mindfulness with ADHD and bipolar is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree – messy, frustrating, but potentially hilarious. Keep at it, you beautiful chaos machines. Who knows? You might just stumble into enlightenment while looking for your lost shoe. If you find it though, send up a bat signal or something, trail of breadcrumbs so the rest of us can find our way too. Til next time gang, take care of yourself, and each other!

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Roller Coaster of Rejection: Navigating RSD with ADHD

JoLeave a comment

Alright, you beautiful disasters, strap in for a wild ride through the shit show that is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) with ADHD. RSD refers to an intense emotional response or pain triggered by feelings of perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. It is commonly associated with conditions like ADHD and is characterized by an extreme sensitivity to perceived interpersonal rejection or negative feedback. This emotional response can be disproportionate to the situation and may manifest as feelings of deep hurt, sadness, anger, or even physical discomfort in response to what others might consider minor or routine interactions. It’s like emotional Russian roulette, but instead of a bullet, it’s loaded with crippling self-doubt and the overwhelming urge to crawl into a hole and die. I think to a degree we all fall somewhere in the grey area on RSD, none of us are exactly overjoyed with criticism, but for people with RSD, that critique doesn’t just glance off the ego like a missed catch, it bowls us over like a cannon ball to the gut.

Picture this: You’re strutting through life, feeling like hot shit, when BAM! Someone doesn’t immediately want to be your best friend, and suddenly you’re spiraling faster than a drunk squirrel on a merry-go-round. Welcome to the fucked-up world of RSD, where every minor setback feels like the universe is personally telling you to go fuck yourself. (This is George’s girlfriend Gracie. She likes to get a little bit tipsy)

RSD, or as I lovingly call it, the “Why Does Everyone Hate Me?” syndrome, is like having a superpower you never asked for and definitely don’t want. It’s not just feeling a bit bummed when things don’t go your way. Oh no, it’s a full-on emotional tsunami that leaves you wondering if you should just say “fuck it” and become a hermit in the woods.

The experts (bless their hearts for trying to understand our chaos) reckon RSD is our brain’s way of saying, “Hey, let’s make this bitch suffer!” It’s often found partying hard with its BFF, ADHD, like two drunk frat boys wreaking havoc on your emotional stability. Why? Because apparently, our brains are wired to be drama queens. So next time you’re ugly crying because your cat looked at you funny, remember – it’s not you, it’s your fucked-up neural pathways!

Living with RSD is like trying to navigate a minefield while drunk and blindfolded. You never know when some innocent comment will trigger a meltdown that makes soap opera stars look emotionally stable. But don’t worry, there are coping strategies! Take a deep breath (or chug a glass of wine, no judgment here), remind yourself that not everyone is plotting your demise, and maybe invest in a punching bag for those moments when you need to physically beat the shit out of your feelings.
In conclusion, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is the uninvited asshole at your emotional party – it shows up unannounced, drinks all your booze, and leaves you questioning your life choices. But hey, it’s a reminder that our brains are wonderfully fucked up, even if they sometimes make us feel like we’re starring in our own personal tragicomedy.So, the next time RSD comes knocking, tell it to fuck right off, grab some popcorn (or tequila), and enjoy the shitshow. Remember, you’re not alone on this batshit crazy roller coaster of rejection. We’re all in this together, you magnificent train wrecks!And that’s a fucking wrap! Til next time gang, take care of yourself, and each other! (BTW George asked if you’d keep an eye out for Gracie, he lost track of her after she put the lamp shade on her head and started singing Milkshake!)

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More Brain Battles

JoLeave a comment

Folks tonight, in the ‘if I don’t laugh I’ll cry category, welcome to ‘My brain is a sieve and I can’t remember shit’. I know you guys get it, it happens to all of us as we get older, but man you add fibro fog, mania, and ADHD and you’ve got a special kind of mush don’t you? Welcome to the club, where we’re all annoying as hell, but no one’s more pissed off about it than we are!

Let’s start with the classic “I Know Things But Can’t Remember Them When I Need To” syndrome. You know, that delightful phenomenon where your brain is like a squirrel hoarding nuts, except instead of nuts it’s random facts, and instead of finding them when winter comes, they’re lost in the abyss of your mind. It’s like having a library where all the books are constantly rearranging themselves. Fun times! Or how about when you sit straight up in bed some random Thursday at 1:25 in the morning and suddenly someone let the tap that keeps the fun facts all neat and tidy loose and you remember your 4th grade best friend’s dog’s name. Not at all needed or wanted info, but you’ve got that shit at the ready should it ever prove useful.

Then there’s the “I Just Met You And I’ve Already Forgotten Your Name” dance. Oh, the joys of introducing yourself to someone, having a whole conversation, and then realizing you have no clue who the hell they are five minutes later. It’s like your brain has a “delete recent history” button that gets hit every time you meet someone new. Sorry, not sorry, Karen… or was it Susan? Is it awkward to ask the name of someone? How about mid convo? How about for the fourth time? How about when you are so focused on remembering their name that you don’t listen to anything they said because you were too busy committing the name to memory? See? Annoying, well aware, but any way you look at it its going to be awkward so you just gotta pick your awkward lol.

This segues perfectly into our next category “Words Go In But Understanding Takes A Vacation” experience. You know, when someone’s talking to you and you’re nodding along like one of those bobblehead dogs, but your brain is still buffering like a 90s internet connection. By the time you’ve processed what they’ve said, they’re three topics ahead and you’re left wondering if you accidentally time-traveled.

Now, I don’t know the fancy scientific terms for these delightful quirks of cognition. Maybe it’s some flavor of ADHD, a dash of anxiety, or just good old-fashioned “my brain likes to fuck with me” syndrome. Whatever it is, it’s about as welcome as a porcupine in a balloon factory.

The real kicker? We know we’re annoying people. We see the eye rolls, the sighs, the “I just told you this five minutes ago” looks. But trust me, no one is more annoyed than we are. It’s like being trapped in a sitcom where you’re both the bumbling character AND the frustrated audience.

So, to all my fellow memory-challenged, slow-processing, name-forgetting comrades out there, I salute you. We may be annoying as hell, but at least we’re consistent about it. And hey, if people get too fed up with us, chances are we’ll forget about it anyway!

Remember (ha!), you’re not alone in this cognitive clusterfuck. We’re all just doing our best to navigate a world that expects us to remember things, process information quickly, and not look like a deer in headlights during casual conversation. So cut yourself some slack, embrace the chaos, and maybe invest in some name tags.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go figure out who the hell I was talking to earlier and why I have a reminder on my phone that just says “purple elephant banana split.” Notes only work if they make sense people lol. Wish me luck! Til next time, take care of yourself, and each other!

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The Intersection of ALL My Illnesses… Yay…

JoLeave a comment

Buckle up, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the batshit crazy world of navigating bipolar mania, fibromyalgia, and ADHD all at once. It’s a three-ring circus of creativity, pain, and squirrel-like attention spans that’ll make your head spin faster than a fucking top.

Way Down We Go is right!

Let’s start with the highs of bipolar mania, shall we? Imagine your brain as a pinball machine on steroids, ricocheting from one grandiose idea to the next with the force of a supernova. Every neuron is firing PURE GOLD, you’re a veritable fountain of creativity, spewing out ambitious plans and innovative concepts like a deranged Dr. Seuss on crack. The energy is intoxicating, the possibilities endless, and you’re ready to conquer the world with your sheer force of will (and maybe a touch of delusion).

But just as you’re revving up to change the course of human history, fibromyalgia comes crashing in like a drunk party guest, often giving you the coordination of one as well. Suddenly, every movement feels like you’re being stabbed by a thousand tiny knives, and even the simple act of getting out of bed becomes a Herculean feat of endurance. It’s like your body is actively sabotaging your mind’s grand schemes, leaving you to navigate the treacherous waters of creativity while battling a constant companion of pain and fatigue.

And just when you thought things couldn’t get any more chaotic, ADHD decides to join the party, bringing its own special brand of chaos to the mix. Suddenly, your pinball brain is not only ricocheting from one idea to the next but also careening off in a million different directions at once. Focusing on a single task becomes a Sisyphean struggle, as your attention span rivals that of a caffeinated toddler on a sugar high. (I’m really pleased with how that graphic came out. Thats right folks, I pick something for each paragraph and find and customize it myself, I’m a nerd lol)

But fear not, my fellow warriors, for we are nothing if not resilient AF. We may be a hot mess of contradictions, but we’re also a force to be reckoned with when it comes to navigating this twisted labyrinth of creativity and challenges.

First and foremost, self-awareness is key. We’ve got to learn to recognize the signs and symptoms of each condition, so we can manage them like the badass bosses we are. When the mania starts veering towards impulsivity, it’s time to rein that shit in. When the fibromyalgia pain is threatening to derail our productivity, we adapt and conquer.

Next up, we’ve got to embrace our creative outlets while setting some damn boundaries. Sure, we’re bursting with ideas and ambitions, but we’ve also got to break that shit down into manageable steps. Bite-sized chunks of creativity, if you will, that our ADHD brains can actually focus on without getting distracted by the next shiny object that catches our eye.

And let’s not forget the importance of taking care of our physical and mental health, shall we? Proper rest, nutrition, and exercise can work wonders in mitigating the symptoms of both fibromyalgia and ADHD. Throw in some mindfulness practices like meditation and yoga, and we might just achieve a semblance of inner peace amidst the chaos.

But let’s be real, we can’t do this shit alone. That’s why we’ve got to enlist the help of professionals – therapists, specialists, and anyone else who can help us navigate this twisted labyrinth of conditions. They’re like our own personal Sherpas, guiding us through the treacherous terrain of our own minds and bodies.

At the end of the day, living with bipolar mania, fibromyalgia, and ADHD is a fucking testament to our resilience and strength. We’re a bunch of creative badasses who refuse to let our challenges define us. Sure, it’s a wild ride filled with ups, downs, and more twists and turns than a soap opera plot line, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. So let’s embrace the complexity, embody the resilience, and keep on creating our own unique brand of chaos – one delightfully twisted day at a time. Til next time gang, take care of yourself, and each other!

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The Circus In My Head… A Manic Shitshow of Thoughts…

JoLeave a comment

I don’t hide where I’m at, smack dab in the middle of a mixed episode and HATING my brain SO MUCH. My mania is making me feel like I don’t have a brain in my head, I can’t retain anything. Imagine your brain is a circus, and the clowns are on a fucking bender. That’s what it’s like living with this bipolar bullshit, especially during these delightful episodes. My mind goes into hyperdrive, spewing out ideas faster than a fucking fire hose. It’s a shitshow, I tell ya.

When the mania hits, it’s like someone cracked open a can of crazy in my skull. Thoughts come barreling in like a herd of rabid elephants, trampling over any semblance of sanity. Business plans, artistic endeavors, get-rich-quick schemes—you name it, my brain vomits it out in rapid-fire succession. It’s a damn three-ring fuckery of creativity and chaos.

The ideas keep coming, faster than I can process them. It’s like trying to catch a swarm of angry bees with a butterfly net. By the time I’ve grasped one brilliant concept, ten more have already buzzed off into the ether. Some are pure gold, others are just steaming piles of shit, but who has the time to sort it all out?

In the midst of this mental maelstrom, I inevitably drop the ball. Brilliant ideas slip through the cracks, overshadowed by the constant barrage of thoughts. It’s like trying to pick out a needle in a haystack made of needles. Frustrating as hell, let me tell ya.
Sometimes, I’ll have a moment of clarity, a flash of pure genius that could change the world. But by the time I’ve finished patting myself on the back, that stroke of brilliance has already been flushed down the toilet of my mind, lost forever in the swirling vortex of mania.

So, how do I deal with this shitstorm of thoughts? Well, I’ve tried journaling, but half the time, I can’t even read my own damn handwriting. Routines and schedules? Yeah, right, like that’s gonna tame this wild beast of a brain. Nah, my coping strategy is simple: embrace the chaos, ride the wave of insanity, and hope I don’t drown in the process.

Look, living with bipolar disorder is a fucking rollercoaster ride through the depths of hell and the heights of mania. The racing thoughts are just one twisted loop in this crazy-ass journey. But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, it’s a shitshow, but it’s my shitshow, and I’m gonna own it with all the creative, energetic moxy and humor I can muster.
So, buckle up, folks, and get ready for the ride of your life. It’s gonna be a wild one, but at least we’ll have a few laughs along the way. And who knows? Maybe amidst all the chaos, I’ll stumble upon the next million-dollar idea. Or maybe I’ll just end up talking to myself in a padded room. Either way, it’s gonna be one hell of a fucking adventure. Buckle up! Til next time gang, take care of yourself, and each other.

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Anything executive does NOT sound like something I’d say… though the DYSfunction, yeah that tracks…

JoLeave a comment

Tonight lets talk about something that affects me in each one of my health issues, and many others, chances are if you are reading this it will resonate with you deep down, and all I can say is ‘I feel ya’.

Executive dysfunction refers to the brain’s delightful way of screwing up the cognitive processes that let you plan, focus, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks without losing your mind. These processes are crucial for, you know, actually getting stuff done and functioning like a semi-competent human being. When executive dysfunction kicks in, it can manifest in all sorts of fun ways, like having the working memory of a goldfish, the cognitive flexibility of a brick, the inhibitory control of a toddler, and the decision-making skills of a squirrel on caffeine.

(I know, I’m sorry George, just trying to make other people understand what its like to be you. I know you are a good boy and stay away from caffeine)

Fibromyalgia patients often get the short end of the stick with executive dysfunction, which can royally fuck up their daily lives. Studies show that folks with fibromyalgia perform about as well as a drunk turtle on tasks that measure executive functions like updating, shifting, inhibition, decision-making, and planning. Imagine trying to switch between different sets of rules or stop automatic responses when your brain feels like it’s been run over by a truck. This cognitive impairment is often linked to the severity of pain, psychiatric comorbidities, and other delightful variables like body mass index (BMI) and sleep disturbances. Basically, the brain areas involved in both pain processing and executive functions decide to throw a party, but forget to invite cognitive resources.

Individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) also get to enjoy the rollercoaster of executive dysfunction. This can show up as difficulties with planning, flexibility, and inhibitory control. Picture an autistic person trying to switch tasks or adapt to new routines—it’s like asking a cat to take a bath. They might also struggle with organizing their thoughts and actions, which can turn completing tasks into a Herculean effort. Executive dysfunction in autism can add a lovely layer of complexity to the social and communication difficulties that are already part of the package, making it even harder to understand and respond to social cues.

Executive dysfunction is basically the middle name of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Individuals with ADHD often have the working memory of a sieve, the inhibitory control of a sugar-high kid, and the cognitive flexibility of a rusty hinge. This can lead to a spectacular mess of disorganized tasks, half-finished projects, and impulsive decisions that make you wonder if they have a death wish. For instance, someone with ADHD might start a dozen projects but finish none, or act on a whim without considering the fallout. These executive function deficits can turn academic, occupational, and social functioning into a daily struggle, making it a challenge to meet the demands of life without constant chaos.

During manic episodes, individuals with bipolar disorder can experience executive dysfunction on steroids. This might include making decisions that are about as well-thought-out as a drunk text, poor impulse control, and planning skills that make you question their sanity. For example, someone in a manic state might blow their life savings on a whim or engage in risky behaviors without a second thought. They may also have the attention span of a gnat, making it impossible to focus on tasks or follow through with plans. These executive function impairments can turn managing bipolar disorder into a circus act, with stability being the elusive tightrope walker.

Executive dysfunction is the brain’s way of throwing a wrench into the lives of those with fibromyalgia, autism, ADHD, and bipolar disorder. It screws with their ability to plan, organize, and execute tasks, leading to a daily struggle to function. Understanding the specific ways executive dysfunction manifests in these conditions can help in developing targeted interventions to improve cognitive functioning and overall quality of life. Because let’s face it, everyone deserves a fighting chance to get their shit together. We need to help each other out, especially reach out if you are struggling, we’re all swimming against the current. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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New month new problems…

JoLeave a comment

Well not new, but now that fibro awareness month has passed and I’ve given you all a month of details about how shitty that is, lets talk about something else for a few days, its cool guys I have PLENTY of topics to discuss, today lets talk a bit about Bipolar. I’ve had Bipolar for longer than I’ve had fibro, but it always takes the backseat until it hits an extreme. I’m currently in the wild throes of a mixed episode, which means I’m as unpredictable as a bucking bronco at the rodeo after chugging a case of Red Bull. One second I’m crying hysterically, the next I’m trying to lasso and ride the ceiling fan.


My bipolar is like a pinball machine from hell – my brain is the shiny silver ball, ricocheting around at breakneck speeds. The flashing lights are my manic episodes, when I go careening off the paddles of mania, bouncing erratically with frenetic energy. Those paddles smash me from one extreme to the other, never letting me settle.

During the depressive lows, it’s like I get trapped in those draining holes and alleys at the bottom of the machine, the ball stuck in a dark void. I’ll roll listlessly for a while until the mania kicks back in, launching me back into the neon chaos. Thwack! There I go, pinging off the bumpers of delusion and grandiosity. Boing! Now I’m ricocheting off the impulse control ramp straight into a high-risk bender.

All the while, those bipolar mood swings work the flippers, smashing me back and forth between the extreme highs and lows. The tilt sensors are permanently triggered – one little nudge and I go wildly veering off course into an unstable episode. Half the time I’m draining down the hole of suicidal thoughts, the other half I’m smashing into the mania jackpot of reckless benders and bizarre schemes.

It’s a never-ending barrage of bright frantic mania, dark depressive corners, and jarring transitions in between. The only consistent thing is that I’m a pinball being beaten around my bipolar machine’s twisted playground of emotional extremes. The flippers are always primed to send me ricocheting in some manic new direction…until the game inevitably tilts into its next cycle. I go long periods of time in the dark, but I have to always remember there’s light on the other side of it at some point. Even if no one reads this, then 20 yrs from now its stumbled upon and one person feels just a little bit more understood and a little less alone, it’ll have been worth feeling it so I can for one second relate when someone feels their loneliest. Til next time guys, take care of yourselves, and each other.