Tag: #BipolarSupport

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Reframing for Real Life: How to Shift Your Thoughts Without Gaslighting Yourself

JoLeave a comment

AKA Why My Brain is Not the Boss of Me

Let’s be honest: brains can be drama queens. They catastrophize. They tell half-truths. They rerun that one embarrassing moment from seventh grade like it’s a Netflix Original. And when you live with chronic illness, ADHD, bipolar disorder, or you’re just a human being trying to function, those mental reruns can get extra spicy.

Enter: reframing. It’s a simple but powerful cognitive strategy that helps you shift how you view a situation or thought—without pretending everything is fine when it’s clearly not. This isn’t about toxic positivity. This is about mental judo.

What Is Reframing (And Why Should I Care?)

Reframing is the mental equivalent of turning the pillow over to the cool side. It’s rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and helps you challenge automatic negative thoughts by looking at things from a different (and often more helpful) perspective.

It’s not about lying to yourself. It’s about finding a version of the truth that doesn’t punch you in the gut.

How Reframing Works (Spoiler: Science Says It Does)

Research shows that reframing, also called “cognitive reappraisal,” can significantly reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress. Two studies worth name-dropping at your next emotionally intelligent brunch:

  1. Gross & John (2003) found that people who use reappraisal are more emotionally balanced and less likely to explode or implode emotionally.
  2. Jamieson et al. (2012) showed that people who reframed their stress (as the body preparing to rise to a challenge) performed better and felt less overwhelmed.
    • Citation: Jamieson, J. P., Nock, M. K., & Mendes, W. B. (2012). Mind over matter. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 141(3), 417–422.
      https://doi.org/10.1037/a0025719

How to Reframe Without Losing Your Edge

  1. Catch the Thought
    Example: “I’m lazy. I didn’t get anything done today.”
  2. Reality Check
    Ask: Is this a feeling or a fact? Would I say this to a friend?
  3. Flip It Gently
    Reframe: “My energy was low, and I did what I could. Resting isn’t lazy.”
  4. Add Sass or Compassion (Optional but Recommended)
    Try: “Okay, Brain. Thanks for your input. Now please go sit in the back with Anxiety and Guilt.”

Everyday Reframes That Save My Sanity

Unhelpful ThoughtReframed Thought
“I’m falling behind.”“I’m moving at my own pace, and that’s valid.”
“I should be doing more.”“I’m doing what I can, and that counts.”
“Everyone else has it together.”“They’re probably also crying in their car.”
“I’ll never get it right.”“Progress isn’t linear, and effort matters.”

Closing Thoughts (AKA Why You Deserve a Brain That Isn’t Mean)

You don’t need to have perfect mental health to practice reframing. You just need to notice when your thoughts are dragging you under and say, “Actually, no thanks.”

Reframing isn’t pretending life is great. It’s realizing you don’t have to believe every thought your brain throws at you. Especially the mean ones. Especially the hopeless ones.

You are allowed to talk back.

And you deserve to hear yourself say something kinder. Til next time guys. Take care of yourselves, and each other

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Finding Your Tribe: When Life’s Dealt You a Crappy Hand

JoLeave a comment

Let’s face it, parenting is hard enough without throwing mental health issues, chronic pain, or neurodivergence into the mix. It’s like trying to juggle flaming chainsaws while riding a unicycle – on a tightrope. Over a pit of hungry alligators.

First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: isolation. When you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia, ADHD, or raising a kid with autism, it can feel like you’re on a deserted island. A really shitty deserted island where the coconuts are actually grenades and the sand is made of Legos. But you’re not alone. There are tons of us out here, fumbling through life, trying not to fuck up too badly. Alot of us out here that feel like we are one mistake or misunderstanding away from being ostracized by everyone we love if we say anything thats even remotely negative, and stuff it down, way down to our toes but every day theres more and more… Oh is that just me? If you relate to any of this, all of this, you are among friends.

But maybe you’re old school and want to see actual human faces. Local support groups can be a godsend. Picture this: a room full of people who don’t bat an eye when you say you forgot to pack your kid’s lunch because a depressive episode hit you like a freight train. No judgment, just understanding nods and maybe someone offering to carpool next time. It’s fucking beautiful.

Here’s a fun fact for you: Studies show that people with chronic conditions who participate in support groups report lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. It’s like group therapy, but without the hefty price tag and with more swearing.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “But what if I’m too anxious to meet new people?” or “What if my fibro flares (as its known to do especially when we get nervous, so that starts its own self destructive doom cycle) and I can’t make it?” Listen, we’ve all been there. The beauty of our fucked-up little community is that we get it. Can’t make it to the meetup because your body decided today was a good day to feel like you’ve been hit by a truck? Send a message. Chances are, someone else is in the same boat and you can commiserate virtually.

Remember, building connections takes time. It’s not like those cheesy rom-coms where you meet your best friend in a quirky coffee shop and suddenly you’re inseparable. It’s more like dating – awkward at first, with a lot of trial and error. But when you find your people, it’s worth all the cringe-worthy small talk and anxiety-induced sweating. I started my online fibro journey 20 years ago and am proud to say I have friends from a few countries and sometimes that is super helpful perspective wise. I like to think of it like a marathon. Only we arent racing, its not a sprint. There are people who will pull ahead or fall behind, theres some that will keep pace with you for a time its all welcome, you learn from every encounter, just trust and be open to the blessings and gifts and messages buried in pain, good or bad, there are always lessons to be learned.

So, here’s your homework, you beautiful dears: Reach out. Join a group. Send a message. Hell, start your own support group if you can’t find one that fits. Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this together. We’re all just trying to keep our heads above water while making this whole world spin. And remember, on those days when everything feels like too much, when you’re convinced you’re the worst person in the world, there’s a whole community out here ready to remind you that you’re doing just fine. We’ve got your back, even if we’re all a bit of a hot mess ourselves. Just do your best and we’ll pull each other up, one rung of the ladder at a time. Til next time gang,take care of yourselves and look out for each other. And George, look out for George he’s a shady little fucker …

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Leaning Into It

JoLeave a comment

OK guys, I’m struggling with some things and guys, little secret, I SUCK at advice to myself, I was given a lesson today to act with intention, so lets reach out, help make ONE PERSON smile while then I feel it was a complete day. I feel like I’m 20 different people in a one person body and they are all moving at different speeds and opposite directions. So let’s dive into the chaos fest that IS feeling like a worthless pile of crap while drowning in a sea of half-finished projects. If you’re riding the rollercoaster lets talk about how to about to embrace this mess like it’s our job. Yes I feel like we have dealt with these themes, but I can only write what I know, and unfortunately pain is what I know. Its my shadow and my security blanket at the same time. I’m having trouble seeing the light but I know its there somewhere.

  1. Feelings We All Have Them: Acknowledge Them, But Don’t Let Them Define You
    Look, feeling unloved or worthless sucks donkey balls. But here’s the kicker: feelings are just feelings. They’re not facts, no matter how much your brain tries to convince you otherwise. So, next time your brain tells you you’re worthless, tell it to fuck right off. Sorry for liberally using the word fuck, but I’m serious, you have worth even on your worst days. It SUCKS that our brains root against us sometimes.

  1. Self-Compassion: Because Being an Asshole to Yourself Isn’t Helping
    On days when getting out of bed feels like climbing Everest, cut yourself some slack. Instead of beating yourself up over unfinished projects, celebrate the fact that you managed to put on pants. Or even that you managed to locate clean ones lol Progress is progress, even if it’s at a snail’s pace.
  1. Routines: Flexible Is Best
    Structure is great, but let’s be real – our conditions are about as predictable as a cat on catnip. Create a routine that bends like a rubber band, not snaps like a twig. And if your day goes to hell in a handbasket? There’s always tomorrow. I also find that you can define a task two ways, if you set yourself a start time and an end time, whether its finished or not, you tuck it away, but what if its a task you can’t just drop because its cooking or something? So I can see the pluses or minues each way. I find blocks of time work best FOR ME, but its super subjective so if you think the other way is better let me know how it works.
  1. Project Management: One Tiny Step at a Time, You Overachiever
    Got a hundred unfinished projects? I hear ya! I have in my brain that are all excited and ready to go the instant I put one to the side lol. Instead of trying to tackle them all at once like some kind of superhero, break them down into baby steps, pretty sure I told you guys, baby steps are my jam and the only way I ever accomplish anything. Its literally been ‘ok, if you can make it 15 minutes…’ whatever you are facing, ask yourself, can it wait 15 minutes? It sucks and its hard but can you just keep moving forward for 15 more minutes? Can you hang on 5 more minutes, can you hold this pain, this need to do or not do something? S. Completed one tiny task? Fuck yeah, you’re killing it!
  1. Reach Out: Because Misery Loves Company (In a Good Way)
    You’re not alone in this clusterfuck, so don’t act like you are. Reach out to your people – the ones who get it. Sometimes, just knowing someone else is in the same boat can make you feel less like you’re drowning.
  1. Mindfulness: Because Your Brain Needs a Time-Out
    When your thoughts are spinning faster than a hamster on Red Bull, it’s time for some mindfulness. Take a few deep breaths, focus on the present, or try meditation. It’s like hitting the pause button on your brain’s chaos. It helps me even if its just a quick five minutes in the quiet before everyone gets up.

  1. Embrace the Mess: Because Perfect is Boring AF
    Life with chronic conditions is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes downright shitty. But you know what? It’s also uniquely yours. Embrace the chaos, celebrate the small wins, and remember that your worth isn’t measured by your productivity or how many projects you finish. You keep being you, you keep showing up

Remember, you magnificent mess, you’re doing the best you can with the hand you’ve been dealt. And that hand might be full of jokers, but you’re still in the game. So be kind to yourself, embrace the messiness, and know that you’re worthy of love and respect, even on your worst days. Now go forth and conquer, you beautiful, chaotic souls. You’ve got this. Take care of yourselves, and each other.