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In My Broken Era…

Gather ’round fellow sufferers, for a tale of bodily betrayal that’ll make you laugh, cry, or maybe both – because let’s face it, sometimes that’s all we can do when our parts start throwing in the towel! Welcome to your 40s, folks – that magical decade when your body parts start sending out retirement notices faster than you can say “midlife crisis.” It’s like they all got together for a secret meeting (probably while I was napping – thanks, fibro!) and decided, “Hey, we’ve been busting our butts for decades. Time to clock out and let the young’uns take over.”
Now, I’m no stranger to the ol’ body part eviction notice. My colorful past has led to more parts being removed than I care to count. I’m basically a walking “Lost and Found” box at this point. But just when I thought I was done playing Operation with my own body, my hip decides to join the exodus.

There I am, minding my own business (okay, probably complaining about something else hurting, cuz fibro), when BAM! My hip sends in its resignation letter. It’s done. Finito. Sayonara. My hip’s basically like, “Listen, lady, I’ve put in my hours. I’ve carried your sorry ass around for 40+ years. It’s time for me to hang up my hat and enjoy some R&R. Maybe take up golfing or start a hip-hop career. Get it? Hip-hop?”

This trusty joint of mine has been putting in some serious overtime, and let me tell you, it’s been doing it without so much as a coffee break or a “Hip of the Month” plaque. For years, it’s been the unsung hero of my body’s workforce, carrying me through my fibro flare-ups, cat-chasing adventures, and those days when getting out of bed felt like scaling Mount Everest.But somewhere between the thousandth grocery bag lift and the millionth “I swear I’m not limping, I’m just walking with style” stride, my hip started getting a bit… well, hip-ster. It began demanding things like “rest” and “proper alignment” – the nerve! It’s like it suddenly remembered it had rights or something

When it started troubling me I faced the obstacles that are sadly all too familiar to my fellow warriors, I take this new concern to the doctor, it was initially just brushed off with ‘yes fibro is chronic pain’. Then two years after that, with me consistently saying it hurt DIFFERENT than the fibro, she ordered an x-ray since it was such a weird but steadily getting worse pain and the scan showed moderate osteoarthritis. Not curable and one of those ‘just gonna hurt’ pains. Fast forward three years, finaly got another x-ray that reclassified my OA status is severe and severe enough to put me on the hip replacement list. Color me terrified.

Not every pain we have is fibro related. I understand how easy it can be to dismiss our symptoms as ‘just fibro’ or ‘just stress.’ But we know our bodies, and sometimes what feels like one condition is actually something more. Don’t let anyone invalidate your experience. If you feel something isn’t right, advocate for yourself and push for the care you deserve. Our voices matter, and we deserve to be heard when it comes to our health.

So here I am, facing down a hip replacement way too young thanks to fibro, and thanks to the car hitting me when I was walking. Because apparently, I’m an overachiever even when it comes to falling apart. But hey, look on the bright side – at least I’ll have a shiny new bionic part to add to my collection. Maybe I’ll even get a punch card: “10 surgeries and the next one’s free!” I’m probably up to that by now LOL.

The Moment of Truth: Cysts and No Hope for Fixing It

So, what happened next? Oh, just a little something called “The Moment of Truth: Cysts and No Hope for Fixing It

So, what happened next? Oh, just a little something called “subchondral cysts otherwise known as bone cysts.” Because apparently, my body wasn’t just aging gracefully—it decided to throw in some uninvited guests to make things extra fun. The cysts basically sealed the deal. My hip wasn’t just aging out; it was actively failing on me. After an x-ray, my ortho looked at me and said, “Oh honey, this is severe. There’s no saving this one.”

That was it. No shots, (and I had been putting off getting shots for the pain actually, was finally strong enough in my belief that I could do it and I had no more options since I won’t take narcotics) no pills, no more easy fixes. It was time for major surgery—a hip replacement. And honestly? It felt like a bit of a gut punch, but also a relief. I mean, I’d been working with a hip that was basically clocking out without telling me, so now it was time to send it into official retirement.”

Retirement Offer: The Hip Replacement Option

This is where things got real. I thought I could push through, maybe try some shots or other treatments, but nope, that wasn’t going to be enough. The hip sent a strong message that no amount of cortisone was going to keep it in the game any longer. And after consulting with my ortho, we discovered that my old hip wasn’t just tired—it was severe. So, we started the paperwork. A hip replacement is on the horizon.

I look forward to the end of March, that will be near the official day that my hip clocks out for good, and a shiny new joint will step in to take its place.
So, What’s Next?

Aging might be inevitable, but a hip replacement can be a total game-changer. And while I’m not thrilled about the process (did I mention I almost passed out twice during the initial consult?), I’m ready to get that shiny new hip and hopefully say goodbye to some of this pain.

Here’s the thing: The body’s not like it used to be in your 20s and 30s when you could run full speed and wake up feeling like you just slept in a cloud. Nope, my body is now sending in its retirement applications early, and I’m here for it—with a little humor and a lot of prep work, of course.

In the upcoming posts, I’ll share more details about what the process actually looks like: from the pre-op checkups to the (probably highly entertaining) recovery phase. So, if you’re someone who’s looking down the barrel of your own hip replacement, or you just want to see how this unfolds (because who doesn’t love a good recovery journey?), stick around! Maybe my hip will send me a post card lol. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves. And each other.

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… And Tries To Shake You Lose

Can I tell you guys something just between us? I hate my brain. Like so much sometimes. When its not sending out signals that make me move all awkward and weird, its trying to convince me all coincidences or times when I may not get the clearest signals that everyone hates me and they all want me to drop dead. theres no middle ground. Convincing my mind and heart that I’m not as sad and lonely as they often believe feels like a daily negotiation. I remind myself that emotions can be deceptive, twisting reality into a shadowy landscape that weaves through the tapestry of my dreams, where I feel isolated and overwhelmed. In those moments, when I recognize the feelings creeping in, I consciously shift my focus to the small joys around me—the warmth of sunlight streaming through the window, the comforting purr of my cat (our old man cat has the cutest purr, I swear if I need surgery just give me him and I’m out like a light.), or the laughter of friends, even if it’s just through a screen. I practice gratitude, acknowledging the connections I do have, however distant they may seem. By challenging the narratives of sadness and loneliness with evidence of love and support in my life, I slowly but surely create a more balanced perspective. It’s a journey of self-compassion, where I learn to embrace my feelings without letting them define me, reminding myself that even in solitude, I am never truly alone. In my research, I learned that of chronic pain patients, 30%-50% also have anxiety. I won’t pretend to understand the science of it but the studies link chronic pain and anxiety and some show some heightened activity in the central nervous system, you know, where it all goes down lol. Chronic pain also has been shown to lead to altered brain chemistry. Of course that has a negative impact our ability to get shit done when 75% of our brain is trying to calm the anxiety that comes and knock us on our ass leaving us unable to handle MORE shit… its the endless cycle I’ve discussed but I know if your reading this you are already quite familiar. Here are some, not all but some of the tricks I use to try and get a handle on all the negative self talk.

  1. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Acknowledge that living with chronic illness is challenging, and it’s okay to have difficult days. When the spoons are in abundance sit down with a friend or loved one and talk about what you do when your anxiety gnaws at you, often times just verbalizing our worries helps us come up with solutions.
  2. Challenge negative self-talk: When you hear those “not good enough” thoughts, question their validity. Replace them with more balanced, realistic statements about your worth and abilities. Be honest, we all have strengths and weaknesses, always play to your strengths, and commit to working on the areas that arent so solid and strong.

  3. Seek support from understanding individuals: Surround yourself with people who validate your experiences. Consider joining support groups for those with chronic illnesses to connect with others who truly get it. My journey started in an online support group, and I don’t know if I’d have made it through everything that has tested me without that support.
  4. Engage in mindfulness techniques: Use meditation, deep breathing, or journaling to stay grounded in the present moment. This can help manage anxiety and negative thought patterns. I use journalling for meds and diet and all that fun stuff so I can spot pattern disruptors.
  5. Prioritize self-care activities: Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, even if they’re small. This could be reading, taking a bath, or listening to music – whatever helps you unwind and recharge

Remember, your worth isn’t determined by others’ opinions or your illness. Focus on what you can control and celebrate your resilience in facing daily challenges. Til next time gang, you’re not alone, reach out, take care of yourselves, and each other