So I thought about what to share here (besides all the love in my heart lol) and from the reading I’ve done, proper rest is the best best BEST but if you can’t, theres always a GOOD power nap. I wanted to share my secrets but its not a secret, if I need a nap I try and wait til afternoon to take one, I am aided by a bit of the indica, and most of the time my sugar tanks and I go take a nap with just enough time for me to tell hubby that I’m gonna crash for a bit. If I’m sick, not feeling well, high pain low spoon kind of day these are the things I’ve found after researching it (just poked around google because I’m always curious) that might help or at least give you some guardrails to start with or from because napping isnt a luxury for people like us, its a necessity – it’s a survival strategy.
The Napping Commandments
First things first, let’s talk nap science. The perfect nap is like a precision-engineered weapon against fatigue:
Timing is Everything: Aim for that sweet spot between 2-3 PM. This is your body’s natural “low energy” zone. Think of it as your daily reset button.
Size Matters: Keep it short and sweet – 15-30 minutes is the magic window. Any longer, and you’ll wake up feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck of grogginess. There are the really bad days though that I end up down for longer but if we go past the hour-ish sweet spot that my body seems to respond to, I’ll wake up and not know the date and time and all that lol. Listen to your body’s cues, most people only do that when their body starts to loudly protest. Train yourself to hear it before middle age and you’re future you will thank you.
Creating Your Nap Sanctuary
Pro tip: Your napping environment is more important than your dating profile. Here’s how to create the ultimate nap zone:
Minimal light (but not complete darkness)
Quiet space
Turn off those darn screens
Comfortable temperature
Optional: Cozy blanket that feels like a hug from the universe
Nap Justification 101
For those judgmental friends and family who don’t understand the sacred art of napping, here are some scientifically-backed comebacks:
“I’m not napping, I’m managing my chronic condition”
“This is medical self-care, not laziness”
“Studies show napping can help manage inflammation and pain”
A Serious Note (But Still Funny)
If you’re finding yourself needing excessive naps, it might be worth chatting with your healthcare provider. Sometimes constant fatigue can be a sign of underlying issues. But also, sometimes it’s just your body saying, “Girl, we need a break!”Pro Chronic Illness Warrior Tip: Napping is not a sign of weakness. It’s a strategic recovery mission. You’re not avoiding life; you’re recharging your batteries so you can kick ass later. Remember, in the Olympics of Chronic Illness Survival, napping is your gold medal event. Embrace it, own it, and maybe invest in some really cute pajamas (I’m queen of comfy pjs) while you’re at it! Nap on, warriors. Nap on. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Let’s talk about something as tough as politics at a holiday dinner: dealing with questions about your estranged child at festive gatherings. It’s like navigating an emotional minefield while balancing sugar cookies and a glass of eggnog. Here’s the deal, people are going to ask. They’ll ask because they care, or because they’re nosy, or because they forgot that small talk can sometimes be big talk. When they do, it’s like someone blasting “All I Want for Christmas Is You” right in your face – jarring and overwhelming.
But here’s the thing: you don’t owe anyone your full story. You’re allowed to protect your heart, even if Aunt Mildred thinks she’s entitled to the details. So, for the sake of your sanity (and to avoid ugly-crying into the punch bowl), it’s a good idea to have a few responses ready. Think of them as emotional armor or your invisibility cloak at the holiday party of life. These responses aren’t deflections; they’re self-care. They allow you to acknowledge the situation without turning the evening into a therapy session. Because, let’s be real, the only professional help we need during the holidays is from a chef or bartender.
Here are 10 responses that google thinks are easier to digest than dinner and won’t give you emotional indigestion, along with my opinion of each They are not lies or anything negative, just a subtle change of direction to avoid awkwardness and not be sitting there talking trash or anything but make you feel more prepared.:
“It’s been a year of changes. I’m learning to embrace the present moment. How are you handling the holiday bustle?
” This is fairly broad and could even be mundane, I like this for a more formal affairs.
“They’re on their own journey right now. How about you? How’s your family doing?”
I like this one for my extended family I think, it sounds more hippie live and let live man vibe that I try and live my life by
“We’re giving each other some space at the moment. I’d rather focus on the festivities today.”
Great to talk about whatever thing you are currently thinging lol either a celebration or something like other parents at other kids plays, concerts, choir whatever your children are a part of (also does anyone besides me get a little annoyed that choir is not spelled like it sounds ‘io, oi is different, I-OR? Just me?)’
“It’s a complicated situation, but I’m working on finding joy in other aspects of life. How are you enjoying the party?”
This is really cold I think, definitely suitable for a work gathering or something
“They couldn’t make it this year. I’m grateful for the loved ones who are here. Have you tried the appetizers?”
This is definitely for a family and its a good diversion, who doesnt love food lol, the only hesitation I would have is its kind of a lie, so not my favorite
“We’re navigating some challenges. I appreciate your concern, but I’d prefer not to discuss it today.”
Abrupt and kind of rude, so use this on someone who is persistent dogged in their pursuit of tea to spill
“They’re taking time for themselves this holiday. Speaking of which, do you have any exciting plans for the season?”
I don’t really like this one as it could be true or not but its not why they arent there and will probably just make more questions.
“It’s a sensitive topic for me right now. I hope you understand if I’d rather talk about something else.”
Most will take this subtle hint (more like knock on the head with a hammer) but the convo might sputter out quick because of the awkwardness, the other person probably reaching in their brain for a question that WOULDN’T involve , so use this if you want the person to become disinterested and walk away.
“We’re in a period of transition. But enough about that – how have you been?”
Just saying enough about that may lead them to think you are being modest or something and try and dig deeper. Best to avoid this one
“They’re finding their own way this year. I’m focusing on creating new traditions. What’s your favorite holiday tradition?”
I mean, finding their own way sounds like you were just mean and said find it yourself, or it sounds that way to me anyway
Using these doesn’t mean you’re in denial or don’t care—it means you’re choosing self-preservation. And if someone pushes for more info, feel free to disappear to the bathroom or suddenly become fascinated by the nearest houseplant. You’ve got this, holiday warriors. May your responses be smooth, your boundaries strong, and may there always be a distraction when you need one. Until next time guys, take care of yourselves, and each other
So you are here. If you are here, logic dictates you share similar issues as mine, and while I’ve got a ton to say about all of the things I struggle with daily, and make no mistake, I struggle, but if I had to pick ONE thing that creeps in the longest strongest and loudest to my everyday, its hands down (then up cuz ew?) ANXIETY! And folks I know the WHY of why I struggle with every minute of every hour of everyday, I think there’s never a second of my life that isnt in some way shape or form exhibiting one of these things. Sometimes we don’t know how to solve the problem that we already have the answer for tucked up in the corner of our brains, out of the way just like memories of our favorite trip on the boat when we were kids, or our very first phone numbers. And THAT my friends, reminds me of the time that my mother changed our phone number and didnt tell me, OR THE SCHOOL what that number was, initially refusing to do so. Ah, fun times. Most of us just don’t suck at giving life the answers and a compassionate ear. But we’ve not been given us the tools one needs to complete a task successfully or one ounce of ability to convey what we learned. We do learn lessons even in failure and defeat. anyway that was unrelated but you’d be surprised at all the systems impacted by our anxiety, both justified and not (I am queen of worrying about shit I can’t do anything about) or at least I was surprised, so let me lay out what I learned:
Let’s face it, folks – when anxiety decides to set up shop in your brain long-term, it’s not just messing with your mind. This unwelcome guest can wreak havoc on your whole body. Here’s the lowdown on what chronic anxiety can do to you:
Physical Toll:
Your immune system takes a nosedive, leaving you open to every bug out there. Chronic anxiety can weaken your immune system, making it less effective at defending your body against infections and illnesses. This leaves you more vulnerable to catching colds, viruses, and other health issues, so even though anxiety itself doesnt exhibit symptoms, your immune system always in flight mode isnt doing you any favors, wearing you down physically.
Your ticker might start acting up (hello, heart problems!) – like you know, it stopping or something, I might know a little about that lol Anxiety triggers the “fight or flight” response, increasing heart rate and blood pressure, which can strain the heart and blood vessels, contributing to heart disease over time.
Muscle tension, especially in the neck, shoulders, and back, can lead to chronic pain, headaches, and jaw clenching or teeth grinding. Even if you don’t mean to, words thoughts or actions have a polarizing effect on your body and without adequate self care those affects could become permanent
Say goodbye to peaceful digestion (stomach issues, anyone?) I mean, IBS is ugly to talk about but we all suffer from it from time to time, but anxiety makes it a permanent addition to your alphabet of issues
Constant tension headaches become your new normal – Migraines CAN be caused by tension, or maybe you are tense BECAUSE you have a migraine. They can be caused by something else and made WORSE by a migraine but its never a question vice versa because migraines are never ever a good time..
Mental Mayhem:
Depression might join the party (as if anxiety wasn’t enough) I love it when I get depressed BECAUSE I’m anxious, then somewhere I flip the script and get anxious about always being depressed.
Your memory starts playing hide and seek – I’ve also been told menopause can cause you to forget things, and also menopause can make you for- wait, what was my point? Yes, a joke? but memory loss is one of the worst things and I get so anxious about my memory because I know I KNOW I’ll forget stuff then I wind up trying so hard to not forget something that I forget something else, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy, never ends.
Concentrating becomes as hard as nailing jelly to a wall. Concentrate? LOL I can’t keep something on my brain long enough to concentrate on it lol
Sleep? What’s that? Insomnia becomes your midnight companion. This has affected me in the past but I’ll tell you I honestly fall asleep at the drop of a hat these days. I’m in a legal weed state, draw your own conclusions
Bottom line: Chronic anxiety isn’t just about feeling worried all the time. It’s a whole-body experience that can seriously mess with your health if left unchecked. So if you’re battling this beast, don’t tough it out alone – reaching out for help is the smartest move you can make. We truly are all ‘in it’ together and it would be great if we could work with each other and not against each other. Always remember, kindness is free and highly contagious. Not going to promise because if I’m up to it we’ll be putting the tree up but next week we’ll dig in to what can be done about anxiety (without throwing copious amounts of drugs at it. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves and each other.
Let’s face it: socializing can feel like a Herculean task for us introverts. The thought of mingling with a crowd can send us into a spiral of anxiety faster than you can say “awkward small talk.” But fear not! With a few practical tips and a sprinkle of humor, you can navigate the social scene without sacrificing your sanity—or your beloved Netflix binge-watching sessions.
Prep like you’re going into battle: Before any social event, clear your schedule for some sweet, sweet alone time. It’s like carbo-loading, but for your soul. I usually like to do this a full day in advance, nice hot shower, five minutes listening to your favorite songs, any and every little bit helps.
Have an escape plan: Know where the exits are, and don’t be afraid to use them. A quick “bathroom break” can be your secret weapon for recharging mid-event. I’ve been known to dip into a bedroom and pet a cat. I find their purrs ground me.
Quality over quantity, people: Choose events that actually interest you. Life’s too short for small talk about the weather with Karen from accounting. You don’t have to go to everything you’re invited to and you shouldnt be made to feel bad about prioritizing your sanity over a meal and a show or something.
Bring your extrovert shield: Got a chatty friend? Use them as your social buffer. They get to talk, you get to nod and smile. Win-win. Lol most of the time I’m the chatty one because I ramble when I’m anxious. I hate that about me
Embrace the power of curiosity: People love talking about themselves. Ask questions and let them do the heavy lifting in the conversation. I could be an interrogator when I meet new people and even moreso if its new people talking about something thats new to me.
Small groups are your friend: Intimate gatherings mean deeper conversations and less energy drain. Plus, easier escape routes. Make sure at least one person knows when you are overwhelmed you need help
Recharge like it’s your job: After socializing, indulge in your favorite introvert activities. It’s not lazy, it’s self-care. I like to reward myself with chocolate or something when I have to go out into the world.
Digital socializing counts: Sometimes, a good text conversation is all the human interaction you need. Thank goodness for this rule since I talk to people like vocally lol sometimes I forget what I sound like.
Let extroverts be your social curators: Have an outgoing friend? Let them pick the events worth attending. It’s like having a personal social secretary, or a blocker for a quarterback if thats an easier reference for you.
Reframe small talk as a mission: Approach conversations like you’re a secret agent trying to uncover interesting facts. It makes boring chats way more fun. Ok thats silly but I do in my mind make myself pass little tests or like ‘if I get this and this done, I can do nothing tomorrow’.
Remember, being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re broken, it just means you process the world differently. So go forth and socialize… in small doses, with plenty of Netflix breaks in between! Til next time guys. Take care of yourself and each other.
Sorry for my absence, I can’t think past the dark place, it swallows all rational thinking so I would be careful taking advice from me, but hey I’m honest. I’m trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other because as people, its just what we have to do, but every day seems like I’m sliding down deeper into the darkness. So I’ve been trying to be more than I am, but it hurts more every day. If you ever feel like that, like your best is never going to cut it, now or ever in the past or the future, just know you arent alone and its ok to sometimes not be ok. Drop me an email or message and I’ll absolutely sit in the dark with you. Since I’ve been feeling so shitty, I can’t help but think back on all the ways Ding impacted my life and what I learned from her and her brothers and sisters who went before her.
Be Present in the Moment Cats are masters of living in the now. Whether they’re basking in a sunbeam or pouncing on a toy, they fully immerse themselves in the experience. Ding absolutely was present in the moment, especially in her old age lol she forgot things faster than a goldfish. I tried to put her in the sunbeam on her last day with us, that was her thing, when she didnt perk up I know the end was upon us.
Embrace Naps as Self-Care Your cat knows the importance of rest. When she curls up for a nap, it’s a reminder that self-care is essential. This new kitten, I swear he’s got a form of kitty narcolepsy, he passes out in the strangest places and positions, like he can be mid movement and lay close his eyes and just be OUT lol. His predecessor Bonkers who looked nearly identical did the same thing, but this one’s favorite spot appears to be crawled up on me and bury himself under my neck into my hair.
Savor Your Food Cats take their time when eating, savoring each bite. They remind us to slow down and appreciate our meals rather than rushing through them. Ding certainly embodied this lesson. For the last year, she had a spot we were pretty sure was cancer, as old as she was I wasnt going to put her through anything traumatic, but she stopped eating regular food more than a year ago. For a full year, she sat in her bed, at my elbow, which she’d yell at me so I got her eating cat TREATS instead of food and she liked it so much we just kept feeding her handfuls. Of course it also meant one of us always had to be here so we had to take separate family trips last year, not just Ding actually Dorian and Isaac couldnt eat regular food and needed to be medicated a few times a day. I’m hopeful that we have gotten them past the worst of it.
Play Like Nobody’s Watching Cats can turn anything into a toy and find joy in playtime. They teach us to let go of inhibitions and have fun, even as adults. Ding was like a kitten when catnip or the dot broke out, I can generally get all of them to chase it, she’d go so hard at it lol, that was HER dot until maybe six months ago when she stopped playing, well into when we knew she didnt have much time left, she played. My cats before her usually had a particular thing they’d always play with. I remember Carmen, hubby’s cat for about as long as I had Ding, was old and cranky but if I was making the bed, she was there as I smoothed the sheet out. Ding highly recommended the dot (laser pointer) I used to let her get it sometimes and the look she’d give me lol like she was saying ‘yeah I know you are letting me get it and I don’t care’ lol.
Stretch It Out Cats are champions of stretching, and they remind us to listen to our bodies and take care of our physical health. I don’t know that I FIRST learned it from cats, back in my younger days I did gymnastics, but a few years ago I was trying to lose weight and whenever I’d get down on the floor to do some basic stretches or yoga she’d flop down beside me. She would lay on her back while I did sit-ups or my leg stretches. We stretched together and it felt great, especially when we went and found a window so we could do it in the sunlight. I remember how much she loved that warmth and it makes it hurt a bit less.
Set Boundaries When your cat wants space, she makes it clear. She teaches us the importance of setting boundaries for our mental well-being. Ding was the boss bitch, but really it was Myra I think of when I think about setting boundaries. Theres a reason we affectionately called her bitchface, man woman dog or cat if you crossed a boundary she’d let you know. She had her ways and lived by her own rules. Slept on my head lol she claimed me as hers in a thousand ways.
Find Comfort in Routine Cats thrive on routine, whether it’s mealtime or cuddle time. This consistency helps them feel secure, reminding us to create routines that ground us. I’ll be honest, this is initially inspired by Monkey but we’ve found the cats need routine as well. When Ding was sick hubby and monkey went on a trip leaving me with three sick cats, two of whom were on meds, and one of them needed meds 3 times a day. And his food needed to be blended, the process was a good half hour time suck. They’ve gotten better and yo-yo’d and now our middle two guys need to be begged and pleaded with to eat.
Explore with Curiosity Cats are naturally curious creatures, exploring every nook and cranny of their environment. They inspire us to approach life with curiosity and wonder. Ding was an explorer of all things three feet and lower LOL. I swear I never dropped her but she had a deep rooted fear of falling so did not enjoy being picked up or held, even by me. Whats funny is we also had Simon, who was an explorer of everything higher because he wouldnt touch the floor (for real, we carried him to the litterbox otherwise he basically lived on my desk and we fed him there too), he’d do all manner of twists and curls to not have to touch the floor, I used to say he was my floor is lava kitty. Also was funny to think I dont know if either of them knew the other existed lol. Which is also a reminder that people see the same thing sometimes differently, we only look at things through our own unique lens tinted by past experience and expectations
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff Cats seem unbothered by minor inconveniences; they roll with the punches and move on quickly. They remind us not to get hung up on trivial matters. Ding didnt let the little stuff get to her, even as it got increasingly difficult for her to get around, she’d still frequently leave my room to yell at one of the boys or sometimes to yell at hubby, or to find me when she forgot that I left the room lol but me and her bed and her brush were all she needed to be a happy kitty.
Show Affection Freely When cats want love, they seek it out without hesitation. They teach us the value of expressing affection and connecting with those we care about. Ding hated every animal and most humans, but for some reason she liked me and I am tremendously grateful and I will miss her yelling until I breathe my last breath, but I can tell you, without a doubt I know that cat loved me, because she showed her affection by her over protectiveness and how she’d seek me out, I took that for what it was, an I love you in Ding language. Our big guy does head bops. Every day thats how he says I love you, he’ll touch foreheads if cats have those. He’ll stare at you until you put your head close enough for him to bop it. The new guy? He snuggles, guys he burrows in my hair lol but it feel like his version of kisses. Dorian shows his belly, thats his I trust you enough to sleep soundly while you pet me and if I’m out enough you’ll get a Blep. Its the cutest. Isaac does the cuddle and slow blink, plus if he really likes you he’ll pet your face affectionately. Its the cutest.
They are all the cutest, we don’t deserve them, but I am grateful for every minute with mine and every single lesson they taught me. So go forth friends, hug your fur babies and enjoy the unconditional love and blind trust that they entrust you as their human with. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Listen up, you beautiful disasters! If you’re like me—juggling ADHD, bipolar disorder, fibromyagia, and a kid on the autism spectrum—you probably feel like you’re one meltdown away from joining the circus. Well, grab a seat and a drink (coffee, wine, whatever floats your boat), because I’m about to drop some truth bombs about mindfulness for parents who don’t have time to om their way to nirvana. As if life isnt stressful enough we have elections and questionable economics time. Seriously guys if I think about it too long I cry. So, the answers? I don’t have any, but we’re in it together, so lets get more mindful and attentive and lets be present.
The “Oh Shit” Breath When life’s going to hell in a handbasket, take five seconds to breathe like you mean it. It’s not meditation, it’s survival.
Actually Listen to Your Kid (Revolutionary, I Know) Put down your phone and pretend your kid’s the most interesting person in the world. Bonus: You might actually learn something.
Body Scan for the Chronically Pained From your toes to your “I need coffee” headache, check in with your body. It’s like playing “Where’s Waldo?” but with pain.
One Damn Thing at a Time ADHD brain wants to do all the things? Tough shit. Pick one task and stick to it like your sanity depends on it (because it does).
Mindful Eating (Or Inhaling, Let’s Be Real) Take a hot second to actually taste that cold pizza you’re scarfing down between crises. Your taste buds will thank you.
Savor the Silence (All 3 Seconds of It) Find a quiet moment and cling to it like it’s the last lifeboat on the Titanic. Even if it’s just hiding in the bathroom.
Gratitude: Not Just for Hippies When your brain’s being a jerk, list three things you’re grateful for. Even if it’s “I’m grateful I haven’t lost my mind… yet.”
Transition Without Tantrums (You, Not the Kids) Take a breath before switching gears. It’s like hitting the mental reset button, but without the IT guy.
Self-Compassion for the Self-Loathing On days when you feel like the world’s worst parent, remind yourself: “I haven’t sold the kids to the circus yet, so I’m winning.”
Mindful Moments for the Time-Strapped Use those in-between moments to check in with yourself. Waiting in line? Perfect time for a mental health check instead of doom-scrolling.
Look, I know mindfulness sounds like something for people who have their shit together. But trust me, it’s for us mess-makers too. These aren’t fancy techniques; they’re survival skills for parents on the brink. So the next time you’re about to lose it, try one of these. And remember, we’re all in this chaotic, beautiful clusterfuck together. Now go forth and half-ass your way to mindfulness, you amazing people and take care of yourselves, and each other
Well, fuck me sideways, it’s happening again. You know that moment when life decides to throw everything at you at once, like some cosmic game of dodgeball? Yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. It’s like my brain suddenly turned into a washing machine on spin cycle, thoughts tumbling over each other in a chaotic mess. Bills, deadlines, family drama, health issues – they’re all doing the conga line in my head, and I’m just standing here like a deer in headlights, completely frozen.
Probably the biggest thing of note, my cat, MY old lady cat Ding (or D or Dingers, depends on who was calling her) we had to have her put down last week. She’d been sick and for the last week she’d stopped eating, and every day I thought I’d wake up to find her passed away in her sleep, but I knew after she quit eating it was HER choice and she chose, she’d had cancer and had started only eating cat treats by the handful. For this reason, she was always ALWAYS by my right hand. She’d been sticking close by me the last few years, if I left her sight she’d come out and LOUDLY inform me that I needed to return post haste. I can’t tell you how many times since we had her put down that I’ve reached for her. I don’t think I’ll ever stop reaching.
The chaos wasnt ALL terrible. Everyone who knows me knows my love of animals, and Correy is just as bad. One day a week monkey goes to school early and Correy was getting out of the car when he heard crying. I thought he was taking a long time as I’d seen him pull up and hadnt come inside yet. He was out of the car just listening. So I listened too and encouraged him to go find the source of the crying. He hopped across the street just on a courtesy glance and lo and behold. This brought a new member into our family then and there. He was maybe 6-8 weeks old and as I’m whisper yelling, WHAT IS IT? And he turned around with that little ball of fluff was in his hands and he looks nearly identical to a cat we used to have that I miss terribly. But I have taken control of him mostly because he can hide in my room, not that he hides, he is the cattiest cat we’ve had in a while very playful, but got sick last week, with what I think Ding had, so he’s been to the vet several times already,was all alone on the sidewalk just screaming for us to save him, and we did, his name is Fryday.
You’d think with all this shit going on, I’d be a whirlwind of activity, tackling problems left and right. But nope, my brain’s brilliant response is to just… stop. It’s like my mental gears have ground to a halt, leaving me staring into space like I’m trying to decode the mysteries of the universe in my bed room wall.
Nope, still havent found an ideal plan but I came up with a number of new recipe ideas!
I know it’s just my brain’s fucked up way of dealing with overload. When there’s too much input, it decides the best course of action is to do absolutely nothing. Thanks, brain. Real helpful. So here I am, caught in this ever-circling pit of despair, where thinking about any one problem feels like trying to catch a greased pig. All I can do is breathe and wait for my brain to reboot like some outdated Windows PC.
Seriously guys, I lose whole days to this, I just sit there thinking of all I have to do, then I’ll turn to look something up, forget what I’m looking up and start down a rabbit hole about the new Reba show and if its the same blonde woman as the sassy friend as was in the last show Reba had and its time for monkey to get off the bus. I’ve lost the day with nothing to show for it except for some anger and frustration at my own damn brain’s rebellion like a teenager with a bad attitude ‘I DON’T WANNA’. Oh today we have to call the vet and do two loads of laundry and dinner, a light easy day, until I can’t talk on the phone because the words I am looking for won’t come to me so I say ok, well I can do that later, I should start the laundry. Well ok, I’ll do that at the next commercial. Hey that dude in the commercial looked familiar, I’ll google it. Oh shit my shows back on, I’ll go at the next commercial’
TWO HOURS LATER
Oh shit I havent started dinner. I wanted to use up the left over chicken with home made lemon glazed fancy pants thing thats super complicated but googled while high. Well we can’t do the brine today so fuck it, time for pizza..
20 minutes later
Still in paralysis in front of the computer refreshing The kicker? I know this is temporary. I know that eventually, my brain will decide to come back online, and I’ll be able to start tackling this mountain of crap one pebble at a time. But in the moment? It feels like I’m stuck in mental quicksand with no way out. If you’re reading this and nodding along, congrats! You’re part of the “My Brain Likes to Fuck with Me” club. We meet every time life decides to go batshit crazy. Membership is free, but the emotional toll is pretty steep.
So here’s to all of us stuck in the freeze zone. May our brains eventually decide to cooperate, and may we find a way to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Because sometimes, when everything is going to hell in a handbasket, all you can do is take a deep breath, say “fuck it,” and wait for the storm to pass.
I have no coping strategies or advice, I wish I had the answers. I try and keep my brain busy. I’m learning Spanish. I’ll binge a show until my brain go fuzzy, or I’ll put both ear buds in and dance like no one is watching (because no one is lol)I’m writing when I can, slowly easing back into school routine. I’m going to work more on the site this week. I have two or three ideas that I’ve come up with my petting and spoiling D in her final days. I know life goes on. I’ve tried to not ask for help getting through it, I’ve tried to sit with my sad all contained but some days it ends spilling from my eyes so I’ve hid away, plus getting to know the new guy. But lets do this, I’m back and I’m going to try to promise to report here once a week even if its just ‘this sucks, can’t wait til this part is over’. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Let’s face it, parenting is hard enough without throwing mental health issues, chronic pain, or neurodivergence into the mix. It’s like trying to juggle flaming chainsaws while riding a unicycle – on a tightrope. Over a pit of hungry alligators.
First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: isolation. When you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia, ADHD, or raising a kid with autism, it can feel like you’re on a deserted island. A really shitty deserted island where the coconuts are actually grenades and the sand is made of Legos. But you’re not alone. There are tons of us out here, fumbling through life, trying not to fuck up too badly. Alot of us out here that feel like we are one mistake or misunderstanding away from being ostracized by everyone we love if we say anything thats even remotely negative, and stuff it down, way down to our toes but every day theres more and more… Oh is that just me? If you relate to any of this, all of this, you are among friends.
But maybe you’re old school and want to see actual human faces. Local support groups can be a godsend. Picture this: a room full of people who don’t bat an eye when you say you forgot to pack your kid’s lunch because a depressive episode hit you like a freight train. No judgment, just understanding nods and maybe someone offering to carpool next time. It’s fucking beautiful.
Here’s a fun fact for you: Studies show that people with chronic conditions who participate in support groups report lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. It’s like group therapy, but without the hefty price tag and with more swearing.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “But what if I’m too anxious to meet new people?” or “What if my fibro flares (as its known to do especially when we get nervous, so that starts its own self destructive doom cycle) and I can’t make it?” Listen, we’ve all been there. The beauty of our fucked-up little community is that we get it. Can’t make it to the meetup because your body decided today was a good day to feel like you’ve been hit by a truck? Send a message. Chances are, someone else is in the same boat and you can commiserate virtually.
Remember, building connections takes time. It’s not like those cheesy rom-coms where you meet your best friend in a quirky coffee shop and suddenly you’re inseparable. It’s more like dating – awkward at first, with a lot of trial and error. But when you find your people, it’s worth all the cringe-worthy small talk and anxiety-induced sweating. I started my online fibro journey 20 years ago and am proud to say I have friends from a few countries and sometimes that is super helpful perspective wise. I like to think of it like a marathon. Only we arent racing, its not a sprint. There are people who will pull ahead or fall behind, theres some that will keep pace with you for a time its all welcome, you learn from every encounter, just trust and be open to the blessings and gifts and messages buried in pain, good or bad, there are always lessons to be learned.
So, here’s your homework, you beautiful dears: Reach out. Join a group. Send a message. Hell, start your own support group if you can’t find one that fits. Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this together. We’re all just trying to keep our heads above water while making this whole world spin. And remember, on those days when everything feels like too much, when you’re convinced you’re the worst person in the world, there’s a whole community out here ready to remind you that you’re doing just fine. We’ve got your back, even if we’re all a bit of a hot mess ourselves. Just do your best and we’ll pull each other up, one rung of the ladder at a time. Til next time gang,take care of yourselves and look out for each other. And George, look out for George he’s a shady little fucker …
Hey guys today lets talk about: When Chronic Pain, Depression, and Anxiety Decide to Have a Fucking Party.” It’s like the worst reunion ever, and guess what? You’re the unwilling host.
Let’s start with the guest of honor: Chronic Pain. This persistent bastard doesn’t know when to leave the party. It’s like that drunk person who keeps telling the same story over and over, except instead of boring you, it’s literally torturing you. Studies show that about 50 million U.S. adults suffer from chronic pain in some form or fashion. That’s a lot of people dealing with this uninvited guest.
Its been said that fibro is like muscle cramps. I don’t even acknowledge that uninformed opinion.There are days that I can mow the yard (I’m the lesser emergent heart concerns in the home) And there are days that I’m in paralyzing pain, the kind of pain that has you locked into one pose for hours on end just because it hurts a tensy bit less and right now you’ll take any relief, what ever strength form or shape it arrives in. I understand how it could appear to others that I’m a normal person with normal persons aches and pains. I am 100% positive that is a good deal of my pain, but I don’t think I begin at the same point as others. Its not that I’m special or different other than being a bit more sensitive, its a condition I have and currently just have to live with as best I can. Thats all any of us can do, even on the days all we do is get up to pee and hydrate.
Enter Depression, the party pooper that turns everything into a black hole of misery. It’s not content with just making you feel like shit; it actually amplifies your pain. Research suggests that people with chronic pain are four times more likely to have depression or anxiety than those who are pain-free
It’s like Depression and Chronic Pain are in cahoots, tag-teaming your ass into oblivion. The cycle just repeats, you hurt so you can’t be active even though you have things you want to do. What happens when we want to do something badly? We tense up, normal human reaction, but that just hurts worse so you don’t get up and you get mad at yourself for not getting up to do ANYTHING, and when you start negative self talking thats when your system shuts down, you go on autopilot eating sleeping and breathing and SOMETIMES when the water isnt too hard you scrape yourself up for a shower. Even if you KNOW once you are out you will feel soft warm and clean.
And just when you think it can’t get any worse, Anxiety crashes the party. This jittery mess of a guest is always convinced the worst is about to happen. It’s like having a paranoid squirrel on cocaine running around in your brain. Anxiety disorders affect about 20% of adults with chronic pain (I’d actually expected much more than that) turning your mind into a non-stop horror movie of “what-ifs” and worst-case scenarios. Usually these leave me feeling fearful of my future and everyone around me honestly. And I HATE IT! If I could change one thing, like after all of the other wishes for my family and friends I’d wish to NOT suffer from everything but if we are talking about the first thing I’d get rid of, its actual the Anxiety, the fearfulness that makes me hate myself and keeps me frozen, or at best on autopilot. I’d sell an organ or answer the trolls riddles three if it meant not actively hating every single thought in my head.
Now, here’s where it gets really fucked up. These three assholes feed off each other like some kind of dysfunctional symbiotic relationship. Chronic pain makes you depressed, depression amplifies your pain, anxiety makes you tense up which – you guessed it – causes more pain. It’s a vicious cycle that would make even the most sadistic carnival ride designer say, “Whoa, that’s a bit much.”
But wait, there’s more! This unholy trinity doesn’t just mess with your head and body; it fucks with your entire life. Work, relationships, sleep – nothing is safe. A study found that people with chronic pain and depression are more likely to have work-related disabilities and unemployment .
I.t’s like these three decided to team up and play a game of “How can we ruin this person’s life today?” I have had the majority of this written four or five days ago, a number of unrelated problems popped up that have me so unbelievably confused and stressed, I have sat here, for large chunks of time, I knew I couldnt do what I wanted, even though it wasnt anything that would prevent me from typing this, so I sat and stared into space. Like for real, the tv was on but I couldnt tell you what I was watching, just completely blank, so I’m pissed as shit at myself, which makes for a lot of negative self talk, so I’ve basically sitting, in my room, alone, with the tv on, sometimes pen in hand, half written notes and ideas scattered everywhere. It makes me so mad, then depressed, then the day would be gone so mad at myself, make up some super ambitious goals that I’m setting myself up for failure, that cycle repeats ALL DAY. For weeks on end. Endless loop.
So, what’s the solution? How do we kick these party crashers to the curb? Well, it’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either. Integrated treatment approaches that address both the physical and mental aspects have shown promise. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, mindfulness practices, and certain medications can help manage this clusterfuck of symptoms. Speak up, be honest with your doc, 9 out of 10 times you are better off getting a referral. Its manageable guys, and I’m saying that as someone who is currently drowning in the sorrow sea right now lol. Just hang on better than Jack. (Some of you will get that but its not imperative to the weight of my story). I’m of the belief that you have to find your own combo and fine tune it, as I have been since the age of fifteen. Clearly I’ve not found the perfect mix but I’ll try anything and I remain hopeful. Thats why I feel such a need to fill this space with friends and others who can share and grow and learn.
In conclusion, living with chronic pain, depression, and anxiety is like hosting the world’s worst party where you’re both the host and the unwilling guest of honor. It’s a relentless, exhausting experience that millions of people deal with every day. But remember, you’re not alone in this shit show. Reach out, seek help, and don’t let these assholes run the party. It’s your life, and you’ve got the right to enjoy it, even if these uninvited guests refuse to leave. Til next time guys, it won’t be as long, I’m going to beat this. Take care of yourselves, and each other.
Hey there! Life can sometimes feel like a whirlwind, especially when you’re juggling the ups and downs of mental health and family life. As a bipolar mama dealing with anxiety and ADHD and chronic pain, I totally get how tough it can be to spot joy amidst the chaos. But trust me, it’s those little moments that can help us cultivate gratitude and find some peace. So, let’s chat about how to invite joy into your everyday life, even when things get a bit bumpy.
Embrace the Power of Small Moments Joy often sneaks in through the little things—a warm cup of coffee, a quick chat with a friend, or a giggle with your kid. So, hit pause for a sec and soak it all in. Take a deep breath, be present, and notice the little details around you. Practicing mindfulness can help you stay anchored in the moment and make it easier to see the beauty hiding in plain sight.
Create a Joy Jar Here’s a fun idea: grab a jar and some slips of paper. Whenever something brings you joy or you feel grateful, jot it down and toss it in the jar. Over time, you’ll have a treasure trove of positive reminders to dig into whenever you need a little pick-me-up. It’s a great way to shift your focus from challenges to the bright spots that pop up throughout your day.
Celebrate Your Achievements Big or small, every win counts! Set some manageable goals—like finally tackling that mountain of laundry or taking a stroll outside—and give yourself a high-five when you achieve them. Celebrating these little victories helps build momentum and reinforces the idea that joy can come from everyday accomplishments. Try and limit the unpleasant activities to one each day, we can all stomach a lot more if we break it off into bite size chunks.
Cultivate Gratitude Gratitude is like magic for your perspective. Try keeping a gratitude journal where you jot down three things you’re thankful for each day. This simple practice helps shift your focus from what’s missing in your life to what you already have, nurturing a more positive mindset. If three sounds daunting, start with one. There is air in your lungs. Tomorrow it can be the baby that smiled at you in the check out lane. If you can’t find one thing to be grateful for, then be someone else’s reason to give thanks, then there will be two of you.
Connect with Nature Nature is like a big hug for your soul. Even a short walk around the block or spending some time with your plants can lift your spirits. Pay attention to the sounds, colors, and textures around you—engaging with nature can really help ground you and reconnect you with yourself. Sunlight, and I am one of those people that hisses when light touches me, but 20 minutes of open air sunlight exposure every day will connect you, ground you to your surroundings and give you vitamins and minerals that light bulbs can’t replace.
Engage in Creative Activities Get those creative juices flowing! Whether it’s painting, writing, gardening, or crafting, find something that sparks joy for you. Allow yourself to create without any judgment; just enjoy the process and let it be a source of happiness and self-discovery. A fifteen minute block of time with nothing but a piece of paper and a pen and just write or draw, whatever you feel.
Reach Out for Connection Feeling isolated can be tough when you’re navigating mental health challenges. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups—sharing your experiences can lighten the load and remind you that you’re not alone in this journey. I’ve found a lot of help and information in message boards. I’ve considered setting up a small message board here, not with any centralized theme I just want somewhere anyone can come to not feel alone.
Practice Self-Compassion We all have tough days; it’s part of being human! So, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a friend going through a rough patch. Remember that every step toward joy matters—even if it feels small. You don’t have to have it all together, you don’t have to have anything together and its ok to not be ok.
Make Room for Play As busy mamas, we often forget how important play is! Carve out time for activities that bring you joy—whether it’s playing games with your autistic teen or trying out a new hobby. Play helps relieve stress and reminds us of the simple joys in life. If you can share the hobbies you enjoy with the ones you love it will give you both reasons to smile.
Find Meaning in Challenges It might be hard, but try to find meaning in your struggles. Reflect on what you’ve learned from those experiences and how they’ve shaped you. This perspective can help build resilience and deepen your appreciation for the joy that follows tough times. Its lessons that shape us good or bad and its because of where we’ve been that we know where we ARE.
Conclusion
Finding joy in everyday life isn’t about pretending challenges don’t exist; it’s about embracing those small moments that light up our days. As someone navigating bipolar disorder, anxiety, and ADHD, I know how real the struggle is—but by cultivating gratitude and seeking out joy, we can tackle our journeys with more resilience and hope. Remember: it’s perfectly okay to seek support and take time for yourself. You deserve joy, and it’s often hiding in the simplest moments! Take care of yourselves, and each other!
WannaBeNormal 