Tag: executive function

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The Circus In My Head… A Manic Shitshow of Thoughts…

JoLeave a comment

I don’t hide where I’m at, smack dab in the middle of a mixed episode and HATING my brain SO MUCH. My mania is making me feel like I don’t have a brain in my head, I can’t retain anything. Imagine your brain is a circus, and the clowns are on a fucking bender. That’s what it’s like living with this bipolar bullshit, especially during these delightful episodes. My mind goes into hyperdrive, spewing out ideas faster than a fucking fire hose. It’s a shitshow, I tell ya.

When the mania hits, it’s like someone cracked open a can of crazy in my skull. Thoughts come barreling in like a herd of rabid elephants, trampling over any semblance of sanity. Business plans, artistic endeavors, get-rich-quick schemes—you name it, my brain vomits it out in rapid-fire succession. It’s a damn three-ring fuckery of creativity and chaos.

The ideas keep coming, faster than I can process them. It’s like trying to catch a swarm of angry bees with a butterfly net. By the time I’ve grasped one brilliant concept, ten more have already buzzed off into the ether. Some are pure gold, others are just steaming piles of shit, but who has the time to sort it all out?

In the midst of this mental maelstrom, I inevitably drop the ball. Brilliant ideas slip through the cracks, overshadowed by the constant barrage of thoughts. It’s like trying to pick out a needle in a haystack made of needles. Frustrating as hell, let me tell ya.
Sometimes, I’ll have a moment of clarity, a flash of pure genius that could change the world. But by the time I’ve finished patting myself on the back, that stroke of brilliance has already been flushed down the toilet of my mind, lost forever in the swirling vortex of mania.

So, how do I deal with this shitstorm of thoughts? Well, I’ve tried journaling, but half the time, I can’t even read my own damn handwriting. Routines and schedules? Yeah, right, like that’s gonna tame this wild beast of a brain. Nah, my coping strategy is simple: embrace the chaos, ride the wave of insanity, and hope I don’t drown in the process.

Look, living with bipolar disorder is a fucking rollercoaster ride through the depths of hell and the heights of mania. The racing thoughts are just one twisted loop in this crazy-ass journey. But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, it’s a shitshow, but it’s my shitshow, and I’m gonna own it with all the creative, energetic moxy and humor I can muster.
So, buckle up, folks, and get ready for the ride of your life. It’s gonna be a wild one, but at least we’ll have a few laughs along the way. And who knows? Maybe amidst all the chaos, I’ll stumble upon the next million-dollar idea. Or maybe I’ll just end up talking to myself in a padded room. Either way, it’s gonna be one hell of a fucking adventure. Buckle up! Til next time gang, take care of yourself, and each other.

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Is it blindness if we choose not to see it?

JoLeave a comment

Tonight lets talk about something SUPER fun for people who are NORMAL procrastinators, or people who are just chronically punctual, this shit makes my eye twitch. I want to be on time, but I am ALWAYS either embarrassingly early or unforgivably late, I just can’t find a way to strike a happy medium. I was surprised to learn of the other ways time blindness presents itself in my life, its not just about not being on time. So lets dive into the wild world of time blindness. You know, that delightful phenomenon where your brain treats the concept of time like a cruel joke? Yeah, for those of us with autism or ADHD, keeping track of the chronological flow of existence is about as easy as herding cats on meth.

Let’s start with our autistic homies. For them, time blindness can manifest in a few gloriously confusing ways:
First up, we’ve got the struggle to grasp the very concept of past, present, and future. It’s like the abstract notion of time is an ancient language only understood by neurotypical scholars. “What do you mean, this moment won’t last forever? Blasphemy!”

Then there’s the complete obliviousness to how much damn time has passed. You could be happily stimming away, lost in your own little world, only to emerge hours later wondering where the hell the day went. Time? What’s that? A construct created by the neurotypical elite to oppress us?

And let’s not forget the sacred routines. Stray from the schedule even a smidgen, and it’s like the world is ending. Spontaneity? Never heard of her. Rigidity and predictability are our jam, thank you very much.

But wait, there’s more! Our ADHD brethren also get to experience the joys of time blindness in their own unique ways:

Impulsivity and time management? What a delightful oxymoron! Thinking ahead and considering consequences is for the weak. We prefer to live life on the edge, making split-second decisions without a care for that pesky thing called “time.”

Procrastination is our middle name. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow, next week, or maybe even next year? Prioritizing tasks and meeting deadlines is so overrated when you could be hyperfocusing on reorganizing your sock drawer instead.

Speaking of hyperfocus, that’s another fun ADHD party trick. One minute you’re trying to be a productive member of society, the next you’re utterly consumed by whatever random interest has captured your brain’s fleeting attention. Time? What’s that again?

At the end of the day, both autism and ADHD involve executive function challenges that make time management about as easy as walking a tightrope while juggling chainsaws. But hey, at least we’re keeping things interesting, right?So embrace the time blindness, folks. Lean into the chaos and confusion. After all, who needs to follow the neurotypical construct of time when you can march to the beat of your own delightfully disordered drum? Til next time gang, take care of yourself, and each other!