#HipReplacementJourney – WannaBeNormal

Recovering from hip replacement surgery sounds daunting, so why not make the most of your downtime? I’m a week out and I’m SO bored. I’ll probably knock out at least five of these this week. If you guys have ideas let me know EDITED TO ADD: Mother in law sent me a message letting me know that when her hubby had a hip replacement he built models and thats how she ended up with a curio case full lol. I hadn’t thought of them until she reminded me of Grandpa Greg’s recovery but thats also something tangible so I’d absolutely work on that. Legos too after I thought about it.

1. Binge Watch TV Shows Until You Forget What Day It Is

HBO, Netflix, Hulu… I feel like this one goes without saying… summon the entertainment gods! Start a show so long you’ll still be watching it when you can finally walk without looking like a baby giraffe. I’m planning to re watch this season’s Law and Orders, and Greys, and all the Chicago shows. Then I’ll branch out to see if there are any finished shows, or finished seasons of shows that I have on my to watch list.

2. Perfect the Art of Asking for Everything

This is your time to shine as the supreme monarch of laziness. Channel your inner diva and ask others to fetch you water, snacks, blankets, and everything else. I’ve started calling my husband into the room to do little things once I lay down. I start by justifying it as he’s walking in the room he’s like ‘just tell me, I know you’d do it if you could’. But half the fun is making up the justifying stuff. Make an argument they can’t say no to

3. Assemble a Throne of Pillows

You’re going to be sitting a lot, so why not create the most luxurious pillow fort for your recovery? Bonus points if you make people call you the Pillow Queen. I don’t just want a pillow throne, I want a pillow empire that I may sit atop and be fanned and fed grapes LOL

4. Write a Memoir Called “Titanium and Tantrums”

Chronicle your hip replacement journey in all its glory—include your emotional highs, your many Netflix binges, and the awkward moment you dropped a crutch down the stairs. Kidding, steer clear of stairs for the duration of your recovery. I didnt do crutches, I did a combo of walker and cane but it sucks to drop your cane. I have a grabber that I also drop, so I play pick up sticks with my toes lol. My memoir would be boring, mostly about how I try doing things myself, fail, then wait for someone to *gulp* help.

5. Invent an Alter Ego for Your New Hip

Name your new hip something badass like “T-800” or “Iron Justice.” Refer to it exclusively in the third person. “Iron Justice doesn’t approve of stairs today.” LOL I havent named mine yet, but I did notice I didnt have any bionic powers yet. Super Speed???? Maybe but I wont find that out til its magically activated and I am summoned to my rightful place instead of seated here atop my pillow throne.

6. Train Your Pets to Assist You

Turn your dog into a furry nurse or your cat into a reluctant butler. Teach them to fetch your slippers, deliver snacks, or at least sit next to you and look cute. I’ve been working SO HARD at this one, so far I have gotten two of the four to sit in my vicinity and grace me with their presence, I’ll continue working at it, it will be slow going but I’ve got time.

7. Learn to Swear in Different Languages

You’ll need new words for when physical therapy makes you want to throw something. Imagine shouting “Merde!” or “Scheisse!” to spice up your frustrations. I should look into the swear words, I don’t think they have a section for it in Duolingo lol, but I’ve been doing Duolingo more. Make yourself fluent in a language of your choosing. Thats using your time constructively

8. Create a Playlist Called ‘My Hip Don’t Lie’

LOL You knew a playlist had to be on the list somewhere! Honestly my soundtrack has been senate hearings and stand up comedy, but now that I’m feeling good enough not to sit on my ass today it’s Shakira time. Include other bangers like “Can’t Stop This Feeling” and “Walk This Way.” Dance from the couch (or gently sway if you’re not quite there yet).

9. Become a Professional Napper

If naps were an Olympic sport, you’d be going for gold. Nap at odd hours. Nap mid-conversation. Nap just because you’re bored. Recovery requires rest, after all. I seriously love me a good nap. I havent been sleeping well because I have to elevate my hip and I’m uncomfortable on that side, so if I’m in my chair and the moment calls for it I can be sound asleep in under 3 minutes.

10. Plan Your Post-Recovery Dance Routine

Once your new hip is ready, you’ll obviously want to celebrate with a victory dance. Sketch it out now: a little cha-cha, a hip thrust (carefully), and a triumphant lean. I have actually thought about this a fair amount, I love to dance. I love to move, I hate sitting still so its driving me crazy, but I know I’ll be able to dance soon and feel much better while doing it, so thats what I’m holding on to.

Final Thoughts:

Recovery is hard, but humor makes it bearable. Whether you’re inventing alter egos for your hip or perfecting your dramatic limping skills, the key is to stay entertained and keep smiling (or rolling your eyes). You’ve got this—Iron Justice (or Titanium Tina ooohhh, I like that one) will be back on the dance floor in no time. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Gather ’round fellow sufferers, for a tale of bodily betrayal that’ll make you laugh, cry, or maybe both – because let’s face it, sometimes that’s all we can do when our parts start throwing in the towel! Welcome to your 40s, folks – that magical decade when your body parts start sending out retirement notices faster than you can say “midlife crisis.” It’s like they all got together for a secret meeting (probably while I was napping – thanks, fibro!) and decided, “Hey, we’ve been busting our butts for decades. Time to clock out and let the young’uns take over.”
Now, I’m no stranger to the ol’ body part eviction notice. My colorful past has led to more parts being removed than I care to count. I’m basically a walking “Lost and Found” box at this point. But just when I thought I was done playing Operation with my own body, my hip decides to join the exodus.

There I am, minding my own business (okay, probably complaining about something else hurting, cuz fibro), when BAM! My hip sends in its resignation letter. It’s done. Finito. Sayonara. My hip’s basically like, “Listen, lady, I’ve put in my hours. I’ve carried your sorry ass around for 40+ years. It’s time for me to hang up my hat and enjoy some R&R. Maybe take up golfing or start a hip-hop career. Get it? Hip-hop?”

This trusty joint of mine has been putting in some serious overtime, and let me tell you, it’s been doing it without so much as a coffee break or a “Hip of the Month” plaque. For years, it’s been the unsung hero of my body’s workforce, carrying me through my fibro flare-ups, cat-chasing adventures, and those days when getting out of bed felt like scaling Mount Everest.But somewhere between the thousandth grocery bag lift and the millionth “I swear I’m not limping, I’m just walking with style” stride, my hip started getting a bit… well, hip-ster. It began demanding things like “rest” and “proper alignment” – the nerve! It’s like it suddenly remembered it had rights or something

When it started troubling me I faced the obstacles that are sadly all too familiar to my fellow warriors, I take this new concern to the doctor, it was initially just brushed off with ‘yes fibro is chronic pain’. Then two years after that, with me consistently saying it hurt DIFFERENT than the fibro, she ordered an x-ray since it was such a weird but steadily getting worse pain and the scan showed moderate osteoarthritis. Not curable and one of those ‘just gonna hurt’ pains. Fast forward three years, finaly got another x-ray that reclassified my OA status is severe and severe enough to put me on the hip replacement list. Color me terrified.

Not every pain we have is fibro related. I understand how easy it can be to dismiss our symptoms as ‘just fibro’ or ‘just stress.’ But we know our bodies, and sometimes what feels like one condition is actually something more. Don’t let anyone invalidate your experience. If you feel something isn’t right, advocate for yourself and push for the care you deserve. Our voices matter, and we deserve to be heard when it comes to our health.

So here I am, facing down a hip replacement way too young thanks to fibro, and thanks to the car hitting me when I was walking. Because apparently, I’m an overachiever even when it comes to falling apart. But hey, look on the bright side – at least I’ll have a shiny new bionic part to add to my collection. Maybe I’ll even get a punch card: “10 surgeries and the next one’s free!” I’m probably up to that by now LOL.

The Moment of Truth: Cysts and No Hope for Fixing It

So, what happened next? Oh, just a little something called “The Moment of Truth: Cysts and No Hope for Fixing It

So, what happened next? Oh, just a little something called “subchondral cysts otherwise known as bone cysts.” Because apparently, my body wasn’t just aging gracefully—it decided to throw in some uninvited guests to make things extra fun. The cysts basically sealed the deal. My hip wasn’t just aging out; it was actively failing on me. After an x-ray, my ortho looked at me and said, “Oh honey, this is severe. There’s no saving this one.”

That was it. No shots, (and I had been putting off getting shots for the pain actually, was finally strong enough in my belief that I could do it and I had no more options since I won’t take narcotics) no pills, no more easy fixes. It was time for major surgery—a hip replacement. And honestly? It felt like a bit of a gut punch, but also a relief. I mean, I’d been working with a hip that was basically clocking out without telling me, so now it was time to send it into official retirement.”

Retirement Offer: The Hip Replacement Option

This is where things got real. I thought I could push through, maybe try some shots or other treatments, but nope, that wasn’t going to be enough. The hip sent a strong message that no amount of cortisone was going to keep it in the game any longer. And after consulting with my ortho, we discovered that my old hip wasn’t just tired—it was severe. So, we started the paperwork. A hip replacement is on the horizon.

I look forward to the end of March, that will be near the official day that my hip clocks out for good, and a shiny new joint will step in to take its place.
So, What’s Next?

Aging might be inevitable, but a hip replacement can be a total game-changer. And while I’m not thrilled about the process (did I mention I almost passed out twice during the initial consult?), I’m ready to get that shiny new hip and hopefully say goodbye to some of this pain.

Here’s the thing: The body’s not like it used to be in your 20s and 30s when you could run full speed and wake up feeling like you just slept in a cloud. Nope, my body is now sending in its retirement applications early, and I’m here for it—with a little humor and a lot of prep work, of course.

In the upcoming posts, I’ll share more details about what the process actually looks like: from the pre-op checkups to the (probably highly entertaining) recovery phase. So, if you’re someone who’s looking down the barrel of your own hip replacement, or you just want to see how this unfolds (because who doesn’t love a good recovery journey?), stick around! Maybe my hip will send me a post card lol. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Tag: #HipReplacementJourney

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