Tag: holidays

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The Quiet Depression No One Warns You About After the Holidays

JoLeave a comment

The holidays end, and everyone else seems to bounce back into life like it was all just a brief inconvenience. Decorations come down. Resolutions go up. People start talking about productivity and “fresh starts.”

There’s a strange sadness that settles in after the holidays — not dramatic, not loud, just heavy. The excitement is gone, the lights are packed away, and spring feels like a rumor someone made up to be polite.

Meanwhile, I’m standing in my kitchen staring out the window at gray trees, wondering how many months it is until I can touch dirt again. The holidays were made for family so when you are missing part of your family, you begin to question ever feeling anything other than this ever. Some days the hardest part isn’t missing them — it’s wondering if the version of me who was their mom actually existed.

This stretch of time — from after the holidays until the world thaws out — hits a lot of people harder than we admit. Shorter days mean less sunlight, which affects serotonin and melatonin levels in the brain. That shift alone can mess with mood, energy, and sleep. It’s one of the reasons Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) tends to peak in late winter, not December when everyone expects it.

But even without a formal diagnosis, this season can still feel emotionally brutal.

It’s the letdown after months of buildup.
The loss of structure.
The quiet after forced togetherness.
The waiting.

Everyone talks about January as a reset, but for some of us it’s more like limbo. Not moving forward. Not moving back. Just stuck — watching other people carry on while we tread emotional water.

I’m not drifting, I’m not drowning — I’m stuck treading water, burning energy just to stay here.

What makes this season especially isolating is that it doesn’t look like depression the way people expect. You’re still functioning. Still showing up. Still doing what needs to be done. You just feel… dulled. Unmotivated. Sad without a clean reason.

And because nothing is technically wrong, it’s easy to tell yourself you should be fine.

But this isn’t a personal failure. It’s a seasonal one.

Human beings aren’t designed to thrive in months of darkness, cold, and waiting. We’re meant to move, to grow things, to be outside doing something that feels alive. When that gets taken away, it leaves a very real emotional gap.

So if you’re struggling right now, you’re not weak.
You’re not ungrateful.
You’re not broken.

You’re just in the long, quiet middle — the part no one puts on a calendar.

And sometimes the only goal isn’t happiness. It’s getting through this season gently enough to meet yourself again when the light comes back. This is the year I stop treading water, I will start swimming again. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other

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7 Small Wins That Totally Count as Achievements in The Holiday Season

JoLeave a comment

Listen… December is basically the season finale of the year, and my brain is running on whatever scraps of battery life it can find between the couch cushions. So instead of pretending I’m a fully optimized human being, I’m embracing the tiny victories — the ones that actually count.

Because if December can be dramatic?
I can be delusional in a way that helps my self-esteem.

We all know (and we’ve talked about) December is an energy zapper so here are 7 small wins that absolutely deserve applause, confetti, or at least a slow clap from someone who isn’t judging your life choices:

1. Getting dressed in something that isn’t your “I Give Up” sweatpants

Bonus points if the outfit has textures like velvet and lace, because then you’re basically cosplaying as an enchanted woodland witch who is absolutely doing her best. I’m a cross between Stevie Nicks and a victorian ghost as far as style goes. I want people to see me and feel the energy shift because I am all about delivering the good vibes.

2. Remembering one (1) single appointment

In December? That’s Nobel Prize-level discipline. Congratulations on defeating the Calendar Boss. The other appointments are jealous but hey, you crushed that lunch date.

3. Feeding yourself something other than peppermint bark

Double win if it was an actual meal. Triple win if you didn’t eat it standing in the kitchen like a tired Victorian ghost. I want people to know I am absolutely not going to be a quiet ghost. No slipping in or out of places unnoticed. I’m going to be LOUD, think of my entrances and exits to resemble Kramer’s from Seinfeld.

4. Wrapping at least one gift without crying

Or using a gift bag instead of trying to precision-fold paper like Martha Stewart with a migraine. Embrace the bag. The bag is your friend. I havent wrapped a gift in forever, the muscle memory is gone.

5. Making it through a school concert, holiday party, or work event

Even if your soul left your body three minutes in, you showed up. Gold star. I make disassociating an Olympics level sport. If you see me at an event, think of that as a premeeting and I’ll be asking all my follow up questions when I see you next and might lag on a convo or two while my brain is processing.

6. Saying “no” to something your body and brain didn’t have the spoons for

This is Advanced Seasonal Adulting™. Look at you, protecting your peace like a tiny holiday dragon guarding its hoard. I will protect my peace, because I have to listen to me when everything is quiet.

7. Remembering joy is allowed to be small right now

A quiet night. A cup of cocoa. A silly ornament. Five minutes under a blanket with the lights off. Its unreal how long I could sit and watch the tree change color while memories play like a slideshow in my head.
Tiny joy counts — especially when December tries to steamroll you.

If you’ve done even one of these things?
You’re winning. Seriously. December doesn’t want us to succeed, and yet here we are — thriving at a very reasonable, spoon-conscious pace. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other. Holiday greetings from George!)

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Small Joys That Keep Me (Barely) Functioning During the Holidays

JoLeave a comment
Look, every year someone says, “The holidays are magical!” and every year I look around like… For who?
Because for me, the season is a chaotic blend of twinkle lights, fatigue, sentimental panic, and 47 attempts at making the house smell like cinnamon instead of “I have cats.”

But I’ll give the holidays this much: for all the overwhelm, they also come with these tiny, perfect moments of joy that make me feel a little more alive, a little more grounded, and a little less like I’m being held together solely by caffeine and willpower.

So here are 10 small joys that genuinely keep me going this time of year — and yes, some of them sparkle.

1. The First Cup of Hot Coffee That Actually Stays Hot

A Christmas miracle. I guard it like it’s the last cookie at a family gathering and someone’s aggressive aunt is eyeing it.
When that steam hits my face, I swear my soul reboots and loads the “functional adult” software… well, the demo version.

2. Lights Everywhere

String lights make everything feel magical. Even the laundry basket. Even me at 2 a.m. wandering around like a caffeinated raccoon.
And honestly? The sparkle and soft colors genuinely lift my mood. Everything looks a little softer, a little gentler, like my house is wrapped in a sweet, glowy filter that kindly ignores the chaos.

3. A Candle That Smells Like “I Tried”

Anything labeled “Winter Forest,” “Holiday Hearth,” or “Doing My Best, Okay?” works.
One sniff and suddenly I’m imagining myself as a cozy cottage witch who has her life together… please do NOT break the spell by looking at the sink.

4. When One Gift Arrives Early and Makes You Feel ‘Ahead’

Do I use this false sense of competence to procrastinate everything else? Absolutely.
But for those few days, that single wrapped present on the counter is my trophy for “Attempted Adulthood.” I bask in it like a lizard under a heat lamp. The probably I encounter is I DO buy early…. but then either completely forget I did and rebuy the same item OR I find deals I can’t pass up because I don’t remember I have already done that dance lol.

5. That One Holiday Playlist That Lives Rent-Free in Your Brain

Mariah Carey has officially defrosted, and the world trembles.
Meanwhile, I’m badly harmonizing to “Last Christmas” like I’m auditioning for a musical no one invited me to. Still—serotonin is serotonin. George Michael melts my heart and always will. Wham for life lol.

6. A Cozy Blanket That Doubles as Emotional Armor

This blanket sees all. It absorbs tears, crumbs, and existential crises without judgment.
I wear it around like a cloak of comfort, a soft little shield against the overstimulation of December. Protection against any threat to my happiness and holiday warmth. I’m in my cocoon.

7. A Clean-ish Corner of the House

NOT the whole house — let’s stay realistic.
Just a single corner where I can take photos and pretend everything is under control. My personal “illusion of competence” corner. Everyone should have one. Family pics are problematic. Who cares if the blank wall make it looks like a hostage video, they are fine I promise LOL.

8. Snacks You Don’t Have to Share

Especially the good holiday snacks. These are mine, and I will defend them with dragon-level energy.
Peppermint bark? Hidden. Cinnamon rolls? Protected by divine right. Gingerbread cookies? You didn’t even see them.

9. A Hobby That Makes You Feel Like a Person

Whatever sparks joy — baking, knitting, reorganizing the spice cabinet alphabetically at 3 a.m., doomscrolling.
For me, having a little project or creative moment reminds me I’m an actual human being, not just a walking to-do list with feelings.

10. Cute Little Decorations That Make the Season Bright

Tiny things that glow or shimmer give me the same serotonin burst as finding money in an old coat pocket.
(And yes, this is where I casually mention I made some minimalist 3D printed ornaments that absolutely sparkle when the tree lights hit them — because even in chaos, a little shimmer helps.)

So yeah, the holidays are a lot. A lot a lot. But in between the exhaustion, the sensory overload, and the “why did I say yes to this?” moments, there are these small yet wildly comforting bits of magic that make the season feel survivable — sometimes even beautiful.

And if you’re someone who’s also living off tiny joys, caffeine, and chaos? Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

(P.S. If you want to peek at the ornaments I mentioned, they’re right here — but no pressure. They just happen to look ridiculously pretty on a tree.)

Ornaments

https://www.etsy.com/listing/4410045095/minimalist-christmas-ornament

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The Spoonie Survival Guide to December: Manage the Joy Without the Meltdown (Ok SOME meltdowns, but minimal)

JoLeave a comment

Ah, December.
The month where everyone else seems to be powered by peppermint and holiday magic… and I’m over here running on fumes, stubbornness, and one functioning spoon. Maybe two if I slept weird and accidentally charged myself.

But here’s the thing: December doesn’t have to eat us alive.
We can enjoy the cute twinkle lights, the cozy vibes, the nostalgia — without sacrificing our last working nerve.

So here are my tried-and-true, spoonie-approved tips for making it through the season with your sanity (mostly) intact.

1. Lower the Bar. Then Lower It Again.

Holiday movies lied.
No one needs matching pajamas, a handmade wreath, and a three-course dinner.
Pick the bare minimum that still feels like joy — the rest can sit in the corner and think about what it’s done. Matching PJs? Nope, I get everyone a shirt and call it good.

2. Build Your “Nope List” Early

These are the things you’re not doing.
Not even considering.
Not even thinking about reconsidering.

Mine includes:

  • Wrapping gifts like a Pinterest mom
  • Baking anything that requires more than one bowl
  • Going to three events in one weekend (laughable)

Write it down. Honor it like a boundary carved in stone. I will NOT be guilted into something I physically am unable to do.

3. Embrace the Lazy-Girl Gift Strategy

If it can be ordered, mailed, or printed without me putting on real pants?
It’s fair game.

Digital gifts, Etsy finds, consumables… honestly, the best gifts don’t come from a craft room meltdown. Pants arent really the enemy but shoes and a bra always seem to take more spoons than I have.

4. Schedule Recovery Time Like It’s a Medical Appointment

Events = exhaustion.
Fun = exhaustion.
Walking from the couch to the door to sign for a package = sometimes also exhaustion.

So plan buffer days around anything that drains you. No guilt.

Your energy is a budget — spend wisely. I try to not plan anything for the whole month of December because things come up.

5. Keep One “Emergency Joy” Thing Nearby

A candle.
A smashbook.
Your comfort show.
A snack that makes you feel alive.

Something tiny that sparks joy when your spoon count hits “Windows XP crashing” mode.

6. Delegate Like a CEO on a Deadline

Kids can help.
Partners can help.
DoorDash exists for a reason.

Being a spoonie in December means becoming a master delegator with zero apologies.

7. Create a Bare-Minimum Holiday Tradition

One thing.
Just one.

A movie you always watch.
A hot cocoa night.
A drive to see lights.

Consistency beats intensity every time. I’ve got little things I add each year, with trimming the tree (daughter does under my supervision.) We TRY and watch a movie with a holiday theme. Hot chocolate. Little things.

8. Let Go of the Ghost of December Past

Maybe old you did more.
Maybe old you hosted dinners or ran around like a festive tornado.

New you deserves grace — not comparison. What sucks is there is ten years between middle and last child. I could do WAY more when the older two were prime Christmas ages! Theres not even a comparison.

9. Pick the Memories Over the Motion

If something makes a good memory but doesn’t drain you?
That’s the sweet spot.

We’re not chasing “perfect.”
We’re chasing “present.” There’s a lot of moments you can be ‘present’ for once you take shortcuts on the things that matter less.

10. Celebrate Your Way — Even If Your Way Is the Couch

Rest doesn’t make you less festive.
Joy doesn’t require performance.
You’re allowed to celebrate at the speed your body allows. Do things in advance to use when your spoons are empty, cook in bulk when you have everything out.

And honestly?
That’s where the real peace of the season lives.
December is not a test you have to pass.
It’s a month — messy, beautiful, loud, overwhelming — that you get to shape in the way that works for you.

You deserve moments of joy that don’t cost you your health.
You deserve ease.
You deserve gentleness.

So here’s to a season that meets us where we are — not where the world tells us we “should” be.Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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Strangers And Estrangement Questions

JoLeave a comment

Let’s talk about something as tough as politics at a holiday dinner: dealing with questions about your estranged child at festive gatherings. It’s like navigating an emotional minefield while balancing sugar cookies and a glass of eggnog. Here’s the deal, people are going to ask. They’ll ask because they care, or because they’re nosy, or because they forgot that small talk can sometimes be big talk. When they do, it’s like someone blasting “All I Want for Christmas Is You” right in your face – jarring and overwhelming.

But here’s the thing: you don’t owe anyone your full story. You’re allowed to protect your heart, even if Aunt Mildred thinks she’s entitled to the details. So, for the sake of your sanity (and to avoid ugly-crying into the punch bowl), it’s a good idea to have a few responses ready. Think of them as emotional armor or your invisibility cloak at the holiday party of life. These responses aren’t deflections; they’re self-care. They allow you to acknowledge the situation without turning the evening into a therapy session. Because, let’s be real, the only professional help we need during the holidays is from a chef or bartender.

Here are 10 responses that google thinks are easier to digest than dinner and won’t give you emotional indigestion, along with my opinion of each They are not lies or anything negative, just a subtle change of direction to avoid awkwardness and not be sitting there talking trash or anything but make you feel more prepared.:

“It’s been a year of changes. I’m learning to embrace the present moment. How are you handling the holiday bustle?

” This is fairly broad and could even be mundane, I like this for a more formal affairs.

“They’re on their own journey right now. How about you? How’s your family doing?”


I like this one for my extended family I think, it sounds more hippie live and let live man vibe that I try and live my life by

“We’re giving each other some space at the moment. I’d rather focus on the festivities today.”


Great to talk about whatever thing you are currently thinging lol either a celebration or something like other parents at other kids plays, concerts, choir whatever your children are a part of (also does anyone besides me get a little annoyed that choir is not spelled like it sounds ‘io, oi is different, I-OR? Just me?)’

“It’s a complicated situation, but I’m working on finding joy in other aspects of life. How are you enjoying the party?”


This is really cold I think, definitely suitable for a work gathering or something

“They couldn’t make it this year. I’m grateful for the loved ones who are here. Have you tried the appetizers?”

This is definitely for a family and its a good diversion, who doesnt love food lol, the only hesitation I would have is its kind of a lie, so not my favorite

“We’re navigating some challenges. I appreciate your concern, but I’d prefer not to discuss it today.”


Abrupt and kind of rude, so use this on someone who is persistent dogged in their pursuit of tea to spill

“They’re taking time for themselves this holiday. Speaking of which, do you have any exciting plans for the season?”


I don’t really like this one as it could be true or not but its not why they arent there and will probably just make more questions.

“It’s a sensitive topic for me right now. I hope you understand if I’d rather talk about something else.”


Most will take this subtle hint (more like knock on the head with a hammer) but the convo might sputter out quick because of the awkwardness, the other person probably reaching in their brain for a question that WOULDN’T involve , so use this if you want the person to become disinterested and walk away.

“We’re in a period of transition. But enough about that – how have you been?”


Just saying enough about that may lead them to think you are being modest or something and try and dig deeper. Best to avoid this one

“They’re finding their own way this year. I’m focusing on creating new traditions. What’s your favorite holiday tradition?”


I mean, finding their own way sounds like you were just mean and said find it yourself, or it sounds that way to me anyway

Using these doesn’t mean you’re in denial or don’t care—it means you’re choosing self-preservation. And if someone pushes for more info, feel free to disappear to the bathroom or suddenly become fascinated by the nearest houseplant. You’ve got this, holiday warriors. May your responses be smooth, your boundaries strong, and may there always be a distraction when you need one. Until next time guys, take care of yourselves, and each other