(AKA: This body is glitchy, but the kids still need lunch.)
Most days, I’m parenting from a horizontal position — on the couch, in the bed, or emotionally face-down in a bowl of cereal. And no, it’s not because I’m lazy. It’s because my body and brain don’t always play nice. Parenting with chronic illness (and some extra mental health sprinkles) isn’t just a different experience — it’s an entirely different reality.
But unless you’re in it, it’s hard to truly understand. So let’s talk about it.
First of all, let’s acknowledge the facts.
- Parenting is exhausting for anyone, but for people with chronic illnesses like fibromyalgia, arthritis, lupus, or conditions like bipolar disorder and ADHD, it’s a next-level endurance test.
- A 2019 study published in Health Psychology Open found that parents with chronic pain often experience higher levels of stress, fatigue, and feelings of guilt, especially when they can’t physically engage the way they want to.
- Many of us deal with “invisible disabilities”, which means the world still expects us to perform like we’re running at 100%… when we’re often at 37% and glitching.
Here’s what chronic parenting really looks like:
- I’ve prepped lunch while sitting on a stool, with my heating pad strapped to my back and a migraine drilling behind my eyes.
- I’ve cheered from the car at events because walking across a field was out of the question that day.
- I’ve been too tired to parent, but parented anyway because these tiny humans don’t come with a pause button.
My kids not only did school things, they did extra curricular things that I’d try and cheer them on for, and maybe the hardest part of that was to remember even in my discomfort my kids are forming memories and I really feel like the most important thing is showing up. The kids see your effort (or they will at some point) and I think its also a good lesson to teach them if its important, you find a way.
🧰 The skill set no one talks about
Sure, I can’t chase my kid around the park like some parents, but I’ve got other skills that are just as powerful:
- Empathy: I notice when my kid is struggling, even when they don’t say it. That’s the emotional fluency that comes from living in survival mode.
- Creative problem solving: If you’ve ever turned a laundry basket into a mobile toy bin so you don’t have to get up? You qualify. Incidentally get a grabber. I didnt have one until I had to be creative after my hip replacement, the grabber is a life saver for so simple it was honestly life changing lol.
- Prioritizing rest over perfection: I’ve learned that being present matters more than doing it all. Show up even if it means napping.
- Teaching independence: Out of necessity, my kids know how to microwave their snacks and fold their laundry. That’s not failure — it’s life skills.
I’ve learned even in not being able to do things I’m teaching them to try, when faced with a choice of giving up or maybe altering something just enough to make it the right fit for you.
😞 The guilt is real. So is the resilience.
It hurts when I have to say no because my joints are angry or my brain is on fire. I hate the days when I feel like a spectator instead of a participant. And sometimes I worry about the memories my kids will hold — will they remember the things I couldn’t do?
But then they crawl into bed with me and asking ‘snuggle me in?’ and I realize they don’t see my limits the way I do. They see love, even on the hard days. Or the youngest one does, I don’t speak for the older two. There were days I didnt show up for them and I regret it. That being said, life only goes in one direction. You’ve got to keep walking with it adjusting as you go.
💬 What I want you to know
If you’re not parenting through chronic illness, here’s what helps:
- Don’t offer unsolicited advice unless you’re also offering childcare or dinner.
- Don’t assume we’re fine because we look okay for five minutes.
- Ask how we’re really doing, and mean it.
- Celebrate the small wins with us — like getting everyone dressed and vaguely fed before noon.
💛 And if you are one of us…
Parenting with a glitchy body, a misfiring brain, or both? You’re not alone. You’re not broken. And your kids don’t need perfect — they need you.
Even if today’s victory is frozen waffles and letting the screen time run wild while you rest? That counts.
You’re doing enough. More than enough.
Want to connect with more parents who get it?
👉 https://www.pinterest.com/wannabenormal/
or visit my etsy shop https://www.etsy.com/shop/JoknowsCreations
📌 Share this post to remind another spoonie mama she’s not alone.
Til next time gang. Take care of yourselves, and each other!!!
WannaBeNormal 