Tag: life

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Its not all sunshine and happy pills…

JoLeave a comment

I have a lot of other things I want to talk about but Fibromyalgia is so weird and varied from one person to the next and since the diagnosis tends to come after ruling out all the other causes for the symptoms being experienced and we’ve been talking about the symptoms, lets take a look at some common practices and life style changes recommended to us to help reduce the severity of the symptoms we are experiencing.

Not everyone experiences everything all at once or at all ever, fibro patients are a lot like fibro itself, all over the place. So I picked the solutions I have heard in MY past the most, but we are all different and some of this worked until it didnt, some never worked, and maybe some won’t work on ME because of my comorbidities but might make you feel tiptop. I can only write about the ones I’m familiar with and these are the holistic treatment of the symptoms, not the actual illness. You might need meds, or treatment other than what I’m going to outline. This isnt a rule book, its not a guidebook, its not even a book, I’d say at most its a ‘bo-‘ lol but if any of these are practical, talk to your doc about them, talk to family and friends, talk to other chronic pain sufferers, do your due diligence I guess I am saying.

Now, for those seeking an adventure beyond pill popping, behold the wonders of holistic treatments! Brace yourselves for a journey through the mystical realms of self-care:

Behold the ancient art of “EXERCISE“! Marvel as you engage in low-impact activities like walking, swimming, or biking, all while pretending to enjoy it. Stretching and yoga are also on the menu, promising flexibility and less stiffness, if you can bend that far without groaning. This can be gentle movements on the bad days that you already feel like you’ve gone 10 rounds with the undefeated world champ, or more intense heart rate elevating exercises for the days you don’t feel sore and achey and just kind of miss it lol.


Enter the realm of “healthy diet“! Feast upon the bounty of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, and bid adieu to caffeine and trigger foods… or risk awakening the mighty fibromyalgia beast from its slumber. Now I know that can seem daunting, especially to those with current or former eating disorders, this is one you need to work super close with a doctor or nutritionist on. If nothing else, try to slowly ease the foods that are known triggers from the equation. Give it a month or two at least after any changes and reassess. And don’t beat yourself up over a small screw up, no reason to trash it all or start over, you stumbled, just right yourself and continue on, its not an all or its not worth it scenario, each change is helpful and will have cumulative effects.

Prepare for battle against the nefarious stress! Arm yourself with mindfulness meditation, deep breathing, and other relaxation techniques, and perhaps you’ll emerge victorious against the stress monsters lurking within.

Embark on the quest for quality sleep! Equip yourself with the finest sleep hygiene practices, banish caffeine and screens from your bedside, and venture forth into the land of dreams, where fatigue dares not tread.

Pacing Activities: Learning to balance activity and rest is essential for managing fibromyalgia symptoms. Pacing oneself and avoiding overexertion can help prevent flare-ups and conserve energy for activities that matter most.

Heat and Cold Therapy: Applying heat packs or taking warm baths can help alleviate muscle pain and stiffness, while cold packs can help reduce inflammation and numb painful areas.

Massage Therapy: Massage therapy can help reduce muscle tension, improve circulation, and promote relaxation, which may provide relief from fibromyalgia symptoms.

Supportive Therapies: Engaging in supportive therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or counseling can help individuals cope with the emotional challenges of living with fibromyalgia and develop effective strategies for managing symptoms.

It’s important for us to work closely with healthcare providers to develop a personalized treatment plan that addresses our specific needs and preferences. Integrating holistic approaches with conventional medical treatments can often lead to better symptom management and overall quality of life.

As you can see, even if you are resistant to taking meds, there are options available, we can’t make it go away but we can beat it into submission with a few of these tips in our arsenal. Are there any tricks you’ve found to be helpful? We love it if you’d share with the class lol
Til next time guys, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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Fibro never comes to the party alone…

JoLeave a comment

I thought it was time we talked about the elephant in the room, or more accurately the elephant on our chests. I’ve been long time friends with depression and anxiety starting way back before I knew Fibro existed. My Bipolar already had me familiar with both but it intensified in recent years as the pain from fibro and other life events try to confuse and confound me, the endless cycle with one thing triggering the other until I reach the point where I just sit paralyzed with so much to do but no idea where to get started, so I just don’t. Which of course makes it worse. *sigh*

Ah, the delightful dance of depression and anxiety with fibromyalgia symptoms, like a twisted tango of torment! Imagine this: You wake up feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck, which, by the way, you suspect would be less painful. Your body is screaming, “Hello, pain!” and your brain is like, “Ah, another fabulous day in Fibro-land.”

So, you drag yourself out of bed, shuffle to the kitchen, and attempt to make breakfast. But wait, what was I doing again? Ah, yes, eggs. Suddenly, your brain decides it’s on vacation and leaves you with a fog thicker than pea soup. You burn the eggs, set off the smoke alarm, and now you’re both in pain and feeling like a culinary failure.

Meanwhile, anxiety’s tapping its foot impatiently in the corner, like, “Come on, can we panic now?” It sees your pain and raises you a healthy dose of worry about the day ahead. “What if I can’t handle work today? What if people notice I’m not okay? What if…what if…what if?” It’s like having a hyperactive squirrel in your brain, constantly running on its little anxiety wheel.

And depression? Oh, depression’s the life of the party! It’s like that one friend who shows up uninvited, crashes on your couch, and refuses to leave. “Why bother getting out of bed? Everything sucks anyway,” it whispers in your ear, while you try to muster the energy to brush your teeth.

But here’s the kicker: depression and anxiety aren’t just content with their own shenanigans; they love to stir the pot of fibromyalgia symptoms. The more you hurt, the more anxious you get about the pain never ending. The more anxious you get, the more your muscles tense up, the more depressed you feel about never being able to escape this merry-go-round of misery.

So, there you have it, the delightful trifecta of fibromyalgia symptoms, depression, and anxiety, all wrapped up in a package of pain and panic. It’s like a rollercoaster ride through Dante’s Inferno, with extra fog and fewer laughs. Ah, the joys of chronic illness!

We will talk more in depth about what to do with these feelings, trying to stop yourself from being anxious and depressed, easier said than done yes, but its going to be the best way to cut off this cycle. I want to hear strategies people! Even little ones, what helps when your so anxious you feel like your insides are itching and clawing their way out? Share with the class if you have any tips or trick to share. Sleep is important too gang, so I’m going to crash, goodnight all, stay kind to yourselves and each other!

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Doctors who are helpful with Fibro, thats the real treasure to find…

JoLeave a comment


Hi gang! I have some stuff to say about other topics but since its Fibromyalgia Awareness Month lets try and keep the Fibro convo going. Fibro’s a tough nut to crack when it comes to diagnosis because there’s no one-size-fits-all test that gives you a clear-cut answer. I totally get the frustration there. It’s crucial to team up with a doc who really knows their fibro stuff, one who listens to what you’re going through and doesn’t just slap everything under the fibro label. Sure, fatigue might be tied to fibro, but it could also signal something else lurking in the shadows. What if it’s a whole other issue that can be managed? It’s worth digging into. If your doc brushes off any of your worries, it’s time to find someone who takes you seriously. Seriously, advocate for yourself! Start by getting clued up on what you’re dealing with, arm yourself with info on what treatments are out there, what to watch out for, what might be red flags for other conditions. Sure, docs should be up to speed on all this stuff, but they’ve got a million and one things on their plate. You knowing your stuff gives you a leg up, at least you can point them in the right direction. Bring along logs of your symptoms, stuff you’ve tried, and hey, if you’ve found some golden nuggets of wisdom online, make sure they’re from a legit source. Doctors ain’t gonna take your brother’s buddy’s Facebook rant as gospel, and it just makes it tougher for the rest of us.

Ah, fibromyalgia, the mystical unicorn of medical conundrums, where symptoms are as clear as mud and diagnosing it feels like playing a round of medical bingo. Let’s paint the picture, you stroll into your doctor’s office armed with a laundry list of symptoms that could make even the most seasoned hypochondriac turn green with envy. But instead of the understanding you anticipated, you’re greeted with the classic eye-roll and the timeless response: ‘It’s probably just Fibro.’ Making you feel like its normal to hurt this way and you should just buck up and take it. You must be weak if you can’t handle it. Because, of course, who needs medical expertise when you’ve got stress to conveniently blame for every twinge and throb, am I right?

And when your doc finally has enough of your complaints they do the next predictable thing, referral so you are no longer their problem. The notorious medical dance – you know, where you hop from one specialist to another like a pinball in a machine, each one looking more perplexed than the last. “It’s just in your head,” they proclaim, as if that magically diminishes your pain, making it more… ethereal? Because obviously, feeling like you’ve been steamrolled by a freight train is just a whimsical creation of your imagination, not a serious condition worthy of genuine concern.

But fear not, dear patient, for there’s always the ever-popular misdiagnosis game to keep things interesting. Is it chronic fatigue syndrome? Is it rheumatoid arthritis? Is it just your body’s way of telling you that it’s time to invest in a better mattress? Who knows! It’s like playing medical roulette, except instead of winning a jackpot, you get a lifetime supply of confusion and frustration.

So, here’s to you, fibromyalgia warriors, bravely battling through the medical maze armed with nothing but your pain and a healthy dose of sarcasm. After all, if laughter is the best medicine, then you’re practically immortal.
Til next time gang, take care of yourself, and each other!

I forgot to add, George says ‘hey whats up?’ He’s off tearing shit up at the moment but he’s not going away lol.

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Tender Point Tango…

JoLeave a comment

Ah, fibromyalgia, the notorious party crasher of the nervous system. If you think of your body as a bustling metropolis, with nerves running around like frantic commuters during rush hour and sprinkle in some miscommunication among these nerves, and ta-da, you’ve got yourself a fibromyalgia flare-up – an event no one signed up for.

Living with fibromyalgia is a bit like playing a twisted game of “Guess That Pain.” You wake up each day, take stock of your aches and pains, and try to play detective to figure out which ailment is causing today’s particular brand of discomfort. Will it be a symphony of soreness or a relentless drumbeat of dull aches? The suspense is killing me…oh wait, no, it’s just the pain.

But there’s a secret component: the tender points. They’re like hidden treasure spots on a map of your body, except instead of gold, you find pure unadulterated pain. Seriously digging on these x’s are not going to find anything remotely rewarding. Prodding them is like poking a bear—you know it’s a terrible idea, yet you can’t resist the temptation to see if it’s still there, waiting to pounce.

Tender points in fibromyalgia are like little pressure-sensitive landmines scattered throughout the body’s landscape. Picture them as tiny protest sites where your nerves have decided to stage a full-blown rebellion against anything remotely resembling comfort.

These tender points aren’t just your run-of-the-mill sore spots and they arent there for decoration; they’re hyper-reactive areas where even the gentlest touch can trigger a symphony of pain signals that reverberate throughout your entire nervous system. While anyone can experience tenderness in various parts of their body, those with fibromyalgia have a specific set of tender points identified by the American College of Rheumatology.

Traditionally, there are 18 designated tender points, symmetrically distributed across the body, ranging from the base of the skull to the inner knee. Pressing on these points feels less like a gentle poke and more like poking a hornet’s nest—you’re bound to get stung.

The role these tender points play in fibromyalgia is twofold. First and foremost, they serve as diagnostic landmarks, helping healthcare professionals differentiate between fibromyalgia and other conditions that may mimic its symptoms. If you wince in agony at the mere mention of pressing on these tender points, congratulations, you’ve just earned yourself a potential fibromyalgia diagnosis.

But beyond their diagnostic significance, tender points are also notorious troublemakers in the world of fibromyalgia management. They’re like stubborn guests at a party who refuse to leave, no matter how many hints you drop. You may try to ignore them, but they’ll make their presence known with a vengeance, sabotaging your attempts at relaxation and hijacking your sleep.

Moreover, these tender points often team up with their cohorts—muscle stiffness, fatigue, and sleep disturbances—to form a formidable alliance against your well-being. They thrive on chaos, exacerbating each other’s effects and leaving you feeling like you’ve been hit by a proverbial pain train.

But fear not, brave fibromyalgia warrior, for knowledge is power. By understanding the role of tender points in your condition, you can arm yourself with strategies to manage their mischief. From gentle stretching and low-impact exercise to stress management techniques and medications, there’s a plethora of tools at your disposal to tame the tender point beast and reclaim control of your life. So the next time those tender points come knocking, show them who’s boss with a steely gaze and a well-aimed dose of self-care.

So here’s to the fibro warriors, bravely battling your own body through each day armed with a healthy dose of humor and a stubborn refusal to let pain steal their joy. After all, if life gives you fibromyalgia, you might as well make jokes about it. Until next time guys, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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We’re only a third of the way through the month…

JoLeave a comment

Hi All! In honor of it being Fibro Awareness month, I felt like laying some facts about fibromyalgia and gaslighting. More common than you think and even the smart ones fall for our brains tricks.

First off, fibromyalgia is like the ninja of chronic illnesses—it’s stealthy, it’s everywhere, and it hits you when you out of the blue. One day you’re fine, and the next, you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck made of exhaustion and pain.

Oh, and let’s talk about the diagnosis game. Picture yourself as a contestant on a really crappy game show where the prize is knowing why your body hates you. Your doctor throws every test in the book at you, from blood work to MRIs, all while you’re sitting there thinking, “Can we speed this up? My body feels like it’s been through a wood chipper.” Every new med comes with a side effect that you have to chase with another pill, its a cycle.

And here’s a fun fact: fibromyalgia isn’t just about pain. Nope, it’s a whole package deal. You get fatigue that makes you feel like you’ve run a marathon on zero sleep, brain fog descends to wreak havoc, and sleep problems that make you envy a cat’s ability to nap anywhere, anytime.

But wait, there’s more! Fibromyalgia loves company. It’s best buds with conditions like irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), migraines, and depression, because why deal with one pain in the butt when you can have a whole party of them?

Picture this: you’re dealing with this condition called fibromyalgia, where you’re in pain all over, tired as hell, and your brain feels like it’s stuck in a fog. But here’s the kicker: there’s no fancy test that says, “Yep, you’ve got fibromyalgia!” So, you’re left playing a guessing game with your doctor, ruling out everything else under the sun.

Now, imagine dealing with all that uncertainty. You start wondering, “Am I just making this up? Is my body punking me?” Do you know how many times in a day I try and tell myself that I don’t hurt? It’s like gaslighting yourself—convincing yourself that maybe the pain is all in your head because there’s no lab result to back it up.

And let’s not forget the joy of visiting the doctor’s office. You pour your heart out about how much you hurt, how tired you are, and how your brain feels like it’s on vacation. You bring witnesses, you show how you’ve logged all the symptoms. But instead of a pat on the back, you get a shrug and a “Well, your tests look fine.” or ‘Well that’s a common symptom of Fibro’

So, yeah, it’s a real treat trying to convince yourself and others that what you’re going through is legit when there’s no shiny test result to prove it. Its why they call it an invisible illness. But fibromyalgia is as real as it gets, even if the medical world hasn’t quite caught up yet.
Thats it for tonight guys, take care of yourself and each other

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Fibromyalgia, Bipolar, and me…

JoLeave a comment

Hi Guys!
I’m actually writing this out before hand because my endless streams of consciousness get confusing and I wanted to give you all some facts with your funny today (or MY funny, I’m not going to presume to know how you feel about things). As I’ve talked about in detail, I suffer from both Bipolar and Fibro among some other alphabet disorders and such. Part of the challenge when you suffer from multiple illnesses is difficulty TREATING the illness has a whole because you are so busy trying to battle symptoms
Ah, the overlap symptoms, where Fibromyalgia and Bipolar Disorder play their favorite game of “Fibro, flare, bipolar or unidentifiable illness?” Let’s dive into this delightful pool of confusion, shall we?

  • Fatigue Fiesta: Is it the fibro fog or the bipolar brain drain? Who knows! One day you’re bouncing off the walls with energy, the next you’re contemplating the physics of whether it’s possible to sleep while standing up. I’m talented enough to get both in the same day. I know, don’t be jealous lol Why choose between chronic fatigue and mood-induced exhaustion when you can have both, right? When you are dealing with this fatigue, it touches so many other parts of your life, and being tired all the time ruins your quality of life.
  • Pain Parade: Is it fibro spreading its discomfort like peanut butter on toast, or just your bipolar mood swings throwing a tantrum in the form of physical agony? Who needs targeted discomfort when you’ve got a buffet of sensations to keep you guessing? Every new ache becomes a game of medical Clue: “Was it Colonel Fibro in the living room with the pain stick, or Professor Bipolar in the kitchen with the mood swing?” It’s like living in a mystery novel, except the plot twists are your own nerve endings.
  • Gaslighting: Oh, don’t even get me started. Before you can say “It’s all in your head,” we’ve already played that mind game with ourselves a hundred times over. And when someone finally agrees with the doubts we’ve been wrestling with, it’s like a twisted validation that only makes things worse.
  • Take my cardiac arrest saga, for example. My heart decided to play hopscotch with its rhythm, and each fluttery beat had me convinced it was just another fibro flare-up. So, I shrugged it off, attributing it to the usual suspects. Turns out, it was a serious problem hiding in plain sight, but hey, who needs hindsight when you’ve got a PhD in self-gaslighting, right?
  • So, here’s to the dangers of doubting your own symptoms and the perils of playing doctor with Dr. Google. Because when it comes to your health, it’s better to be safe than sorry – even if it means admitting that sometimes, you don’t have all the answers.
  • Sleepless Slumber Party: Can’t sleep? Welcome to the club! With both fibro and bipolar on the guest list, your nights are a delightful mix of tossing, turning, and contemplating the meaning of life at 3 AM. Is it the fibro’s fault for making your bed feel like a bed of nails, or is it the bipolar’s insistence on turning your brain into a 24/7 circus of thoughts? Sleep is overrated anyway, right? That’s why sticking to a routine is essential. I sleep ok finally, but I had to change a lot, I’m in bed by 9pm 90% of the time because I changed my routine to what fit me best. For the life of me I CANNOT sleep past 4 am so I have to adjust my bedtime accordingly. As I said, listen to the natural rhythm of your body as much as you can
  • Mood Swing Shindig: Ah, the pièce de résistance of symptom overlap! One minute you’re as giddy as a kid in a candy store, the next you’re contemplating whether it’s socially acceptable to cry into your cereal. Is it the fibro fog clouding your emotions, or is it the bipolar rollercoaster taking you on a wild ride through the valleys of despair and the peaks of mania? Who needs emotional stability when you can have a mood swing buffet? Being in a mixed episode for a prolonged period of time, I can’t hold on to the ride and bouncing between the highs and lows is leaving me bruised and bewildered
  • So, dear patient, welcome to the wonderful world where fibro and bipolar team up to keep you guessing and your doctors scratching their heads. Who needs clarity when you can have a medical mystery novel written by the masters of chaos themselves? Enjoy the ride!

Be kind to yourselves, and each other!

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A bit about sarcasm and the role of sardonic wit in our self care tool kit…

JoLeave a comment

I was planning on a different topic for today but guys, I HURT. I was very dumb. Went to the little one’s track meet and applied sunscreen in the car. We’d been there about two hours when I started getting UNCOMFORTABLY hot on my legs. About an hour after that, I tell hubby I think I am burning and we get to the shade but damage was done and I’m so red, and SWOLLEN! I even took Ibu (not cool with the CKD but sporadic use should be ok.) So I needed to research laughing, to remind myself of its existence and that it wont hurt like this forever lol.

So, in the wild ride of managing fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder, self-care isn’t just a luxury—it’s a necessity. However,as with most of the challenges we face as chronic illness patients, our solution isnt going to look like everyone’s solution. We have to take each self care tip and tweak it, bend it like we’re working clay, shape it into a mold that fits our goals and our realistic expectations This is where the unexpected hero, sarcasm, comes into play.

Research has shown that humor, including sarcasm which is a personal favorite of mine, can be a powerful coping mechanism for individuals navigating the complexities of chronic conditions like fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder. Studies indicate that humor can provide numerous psychological and physiological benefits, from reducing stress and anxiety to boosting mood and resilience. It’s not just about sharing a laugh; it’s about finding moments of levity amidst the pain and chaos, reclaiming a sense of control in a situation that often feels overwhelming. Laughing has a very unique way of replenishing my spoons. I’ll be just DONE and something so absurd or silly happens and I find myself getting the energy to handle my shit.

For many of us, sarcasm isn’t just a form of humor—it’s a language of survival. It’s the witty retort we offer when faced with yet another flare-up or mood swing. It’s the ironic commentary we make to cope with the absurdity of our circumstances. Like truly ‘if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry’ moments. Sarcasm becomes a tool for self-expression, a way to assert our identity and reclaim power in moments when it feels like our bodies and minds are betraying us. Making someone laugh is a balm for me, maybe I CAN’T laugh, when I make someone else laugh I can’t help but to join in no matter how much I hurt.

Personally, I’ve found that incorporating sarcasm into my self-care routine has been both liberating and empowering. When the pain flares up and the depressive fog descends, sarcasm becomes my armor, shielding me from the weight of my symptoms. My friends and family think I’m having a good day, when in reality I feel like I’m coming out of my skin. Its only acceptable to hide from the world and cry under your desk in the fetal position for a limited amount of time. It’s not about denying the reality of my conditions; it’s about refusing to let them define me entirely.

You know, one of the coolest things about sarcasm is how it can turn the most ordinary moments into chances to crack up and bond. Like, picture this: you’re swapping sarcastic memes with other spoonies, or you’re joking about the utter ridiculousness of dealing with medical red tape. It’s like this secret language we share, right? It brings us together, helps us feel less alone in the chaos of chronic illness. It’s like saying, “Hey, I get it, and I’m right there with you.

Of course, sarcasm isn’t a cure all, and there are times when a good laugh won’t magically erase the pain or stabilize my mood. But by integrating sarcasm into my self-care toolkit, I’ve learned to embrace the messy, imperfect journey of living with chronic illness. It’s about finding joy amidst the pain, reclaiming my power in a world that often feels beyond my control. So, here’s to the healing power of sarcasm—may we always find reasons to laugh, even when the odds are stacked against us.
Til next time gang, be kind to yourself and each other

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Ok, so we’ll try…

JoLeave a comment

Ok, its three and I want to write, lets see how this works out lol.
I said we were going to talk about Mania today, and in a way we will. Its also like talking about the way our brains lie.


I’m manic. I know that. Its a proven fact. But for anyone who thinks of mania as happy, I respectfully disagree.

So what is mania to ME (everyone’s body chemistry is different and mania might look different on you, I’m only speaking about my own experiences).

Mania is my brain on overload. This will make someones eye twitch but I have three screens up. One I’m typing this on, next to me youtube is open on a video I was dancing to a few minutes ago. Its paused so I can continue dancing to it (Too Sweet by Hozier if you are wondering) when I’m done or at 3:50 so I can get my steps in. My top monitor is discord, my kindle is directly next to my hand open to the book I’m reading. And beyond that the tv is on and its an episode I haven’t seen before. Drives hubby crazy when I do this but I can pay enough attention to get the gist of it, and I periodically stop and stare at it forgetting everything else I am doing. And I just did it again, I did my steps watched SVU then sat back down now I need to get back into story telling mode. George has the damn zoomies today I swear.

So now its 3:30. But I’m focused.

Ok so mania to me is, I can’t stop. My brain is already four sentences ahead of me. That’s not always terrible. Annoying, but not always terrible. I think it gives me golden retriever energy (think, comin’ at you with happy but persistent love. smothering you with it). Filling the silence with my own voice, and I HATE my own voice, so I try and drown it out with all kinds of STUFF, from writing here, to catching up on shows and books to chatting, I try and keep at least two things going on inside my brain.

Why? Why not let the thoughts come you may ask. Its a fair question. My answer is that nine out of ten times those thoughts are negative and destructive. They are intrusive and while I used to take in all those bad thoughts, sit with them, probe them, scratch at them, chew on them until I could decide why I felt the way I felt and where the thoughts were spawning from. I can’t do that any more. No one can hate me more than I hate my past self, but that’s where I have to stop. Hating myself for my past mistakes gets me nowhere. Until a Delorean pulls up in front of my home and tells me to hop in, I’m stuck living with what my past self did and how she was. That’s not sustainable. I can’t live in the past. So I fumble and forge ahead with all the grace of a lumbering elephant.


So the multiple screens and such to keep my brain busy so I don’t get any of the REAL BAD intrusive thoughts. These I’m sure many are familiar with. I’m a truly terrible person for what I said to this person that day. Irredeemable who cares its been 15 years, I am a bad person, I deserve to feel this alone, why would ANYONE put up with my quirks, who do I think I am? What purpose do I serve? Am I worth the air I breathe? I’m useless and I’m taking up space/attention/time of someone who has much better things to do.


Do I need to go on? Frankly even just saying that the thoughts are in there is like a little win. I know my heart is good. I know (intellectually) that I am loved. But you see how they attack like that? Like I’ll just be sitting here and forget something and the inner voice comes out ‘you’re so dumb bitch you were JUST thinking a thought, its not important just like you’re not’ then I hear that inner monologue and its like WHOA HARSH! PIPE YOUR LITTLE SELF DOWN RIGHT NOW MISSY! HERE SING NOVEMBER RAIN WHILE I DIG UP A MEMORY FROM 1998 THAT YOU CAN RELIVE AND ANALYZE THE SHIT OUT OF. That ought to keep you busy.

Even when I don’t THINK I’m having them I have them, if someone doesn’t answer a call or a text within like 2 hrs my brain starts analyzing every single interaction wondering what I said or did wrong.

I wish I had the drive and focus to do half the ideas that float by my brain when I’m like this, and I say float because that’s what happens, float, hover, kiss but never really fully fleshing out an idea in my head. Now I have some awesome ‘i’s, and some amazing ‘id’s on occasion but not the real full ‘IDEAS‘, I can’t hold it in my brain long enough to think about them or I bet they would be some doozies that would change the world.

Part of the time I even know its going to happen, I know I can’t change it, so I hold on for the ride. I can be talking to you, looking at you, full on engaged in the conversation I probably even initiated, and my brains like OOPS WE ARE FULL NO MORE ROOM AT THE INN, TRY ME AGAIN AFTER NAP TIME.

It happens so many times hubby says he can see it in my eyes lol now.

I hate that I feel this way, its like an itch just under my skin that I can’t get to. Thing is, I SEE EXACTLY why I am ‘too much’ for others, half the time I’m too much for myself, so I don’t blame people for not liking me. Still hurts but I see their point.

Anyway, that’s just my experience with mania and intrusive thoughts, I’d love to hear about yours, and how you shut up the voice constantly telling you that you suck. You are amazing and I’m glad you are not listening to them, you are cared for and loved and we need you here to anyone who needed to hear it. Til tomorrow guys, be kind to yourself and each other.

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Well staying past your welcome is just plain disrespectful…

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I think you can judge by the title what kind of day its been. You probably don’t want or need to hear how the palms of my hands are burning, but I’m going to tell you anyway, because I don’t have to fake smile with you. You don’t need me to be strong. You don’t need me to make responsible decisions. I LIKE that about you so thank you to the one person skimming this with their cereal while doing the crossword, I appreciate you. (Is it raisin bran? You seem like a raising bran person. I am a raisin bran person so I can spot my fellow raisin fans. But I’m also feeling corn flakes and fruit loops and so there’s room for error LOL). We’ll get into that too, the scrolling while doing a crossword and eating cereal. I feel you, I have to keep myself busy too. Its neurodivergence and we will discuss it in great detail once I can form words. I really should write these in the morning before the brain fog machine starts cranking, but nothing has happened by then generally. I’d write about the previous day’s activities but my day gets blurry when I look back. There’s a sweet spot I’m sure I just haven’t found it yet.

So I didn’t do much, one load of laundry, vacuum, dinner, exercise that’s the extent of it. Lots of inside my own head and reflections and spent a bit with monkey just watching tv. Now sitting here I’m getting this weird pain in my chest scaring myself but I’m sure its nothing, I’m a hypochondriac. I know this about me so its likely just a panic attack and I’m perpetuating it worrying about what and why I’m worried about it, I’m telling you its a math riddle I’m not even sure I could do the math and I’m the one who wrote the problem lol.

Anyway, I am proud of myself for making it though the monotony. If nothing else I’m always proud of myself even for just getting up as well as incredibly grateful I’m blessed to be here and breathe this air today.
I wanted to see if I could talk for a minute about the pain I’m experiencing. Maybe one of you has something similar, they all suck so in no particular order
MY HIP: Ok so there is a clear hierarchy on the pain in my body and hip decided to take point on this one. It feels as if there are electrical wires as my nerve endings and every time I hit it just right BLINDING pain. Its been this way for a while and will have me on the floor in a second if that hits. Nothing helps. Its been happening for over a year and my doc just throws up her hands and shrugs and says ‘that’s fibro?’ I get it but having been having extreme symptoms for over a year, maybe we try something else? She talked about shots and I’d consider it but I’ve read some not great things about it and I’m only putting myself through that if a higher percent of cases are a lot better.
Burning in palms and soles of feet: So this one is fairly new. I don’t know how else to explain it other than it feels like those, are they called thistles? Like soft thin thorns under my skin. It burns like poison. I don’t know what they are, but I can’t help but think this and the electrical shock pains seem like they could be the results of a pinched nerve

“Road Fog” by Ksenia Kudelkina/ CC0 1.0


THE FOG: The never ending roll after roll of thought stealing mist that is blanketing my area. I don’t think I can explain it better than that and I think if you get it my analogy would work well describing it. Simple words I have been saying all my life won’t come to mind when I need them. Under this header you can also find ‘walking into a room and having no idea why I went in there so I start doing something else, stay busy all day, and only remember when I’m laying down to sleep that I never got the thing I went in there to get. Often several times. Also, losing total track of your point minutes in to a conversation, like as you are speaking, the words evaporate like Thanos snapping his fingers. I heard a comedian’s description once and it was spot on. My brain hears some things it can’t properly process and decides to go on a little walk about. Yup, my brain doesn’t understand what its hearing so it gives up, only a short time later it catches up and wants to say something but the convo is already on something totally different.
The exhaustion: Like enough said. But its not just feeling tired all the time, its feeling tired of this or that. A lackadaisical why bother kind of vibe. I’m just so over everything.
Wide spread tender points: they all suck. Also super sensitive to tastes, smells, noise.

That’s just the fibro. We’ll talk more about mania tomorrow. Maybe. We’ll see if it pisses me off

How about you guys? Anyone have anything to add to the list? It sucks and I am proud of you for getting up and battling it. I’m going to crash, take care of yourself and each other.