Tag: meditation

Uncategorized

Your Body Thinks You’re Being Chased by a Bear (Spoiler: You’re Not)

JoLeave a comment

So here’s a fun thing that’s been happening: my body has apparently decided that normal life is a constant threat and has responded by keeping me in a perpetual state of “OH GOD OH GOD WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE” even though I’m literally just sitting at my desk trying to answer emails.

Welcome to chronic sympathetic nervous system activation, or as I like to call it, “why I can’t relax even when I’ve been scheduling rest and also why am I clenching my jaw right now?”

If you’re reading this and thinking “wait, is that why my shoulders are permanently attached to my ears?” – yeah, probably. Let’s talk about it.

What Fresh Hell Is This?

Your nervous system has two settings: “EVERYTHING IS FINE” (parasympathetic) and “NOTHING IS FINE PREPARE FOR BATTLE” (sympathetic). The sympathetic system is supposed to kick in when you’re actually in danger – like if a bear shows up or you’re about to miss a deadline or someone says “we need to talk.”

It’s supposed to turn on, help you deal with the thing, then turn OFF.

Except sometimes it just… doesn’t turn off. It’s like that friend who came over for dinner three months ago and is still on your couch. Your nervous system has overstayed its welcome in fight-or-flight mode, and now you’re stuck with elevated heart rate, tense muscles, and the general vibe of someone who’s been drinking espresso for 72 hours straight even though you haven’t.

The Fancy Medical Terms (In Case You Want to Sound Smart)

Doctors and wellness people might call this:

  • Sympathetic dominance (sounds like a kink, isn’t)
  • Hyperarousal (also sounds like a kink, still isn’t)
  • Autonomic dysregulation (absolutely does not sound like a kink)
  • Chronic stress response (boring but accurate)
  • Low vagal tone (your vagus nerve has given up)
  • High allostatic load (fancy way of saying “you’re worn the hell out”)

Pick your favorite. I personally enjoy “sympathetic dominance” because it makes it sound like my nervous system is being bossy, which honestly tracks.

What This Nightmare Actually Looks Like

Physical symptoms (aka your body’s way of saying “I hate it here”):

  • Heart doing gymnastics for no reason
  • Muscles so tight you could bounce a quarter off them
  • Digestive system on strike (nausea, IBS, the works)
  • Sleep? Don’t know her
  • Exhausted but also weirdly wired (tired and wired, the worst combo)
  • Headaches that won’t quit
  • Getting every cold that walks by
  • Hands shaking like you’ve had six cups of coffee (you’ve had zero)

Mental/emotional symptoms (aka your brain being a jerk):

  • On edge like you’re waiting for bad news that never comes
  • Brain fog thicker than London on a bad day
  • Irritable about literally everything (yes, even that)
  • Cannot. Sit. Still.
  • Hypervigilance (constantly scanning for threats like a meerkat)
  • Feeling nothing and everything at the same time
  • Anxiety that laughs at your attempts to meditate

Why Your Body Has Betrayed You Like This

Short answer: sustained stress that your nervous system couldn’t process properly.

Long answer: Maybe it was work stress, or caregiving, or financial pressure, or relationship drama, or past trauma, or chronic illness, or just living through the general dumpster fire that is modern existence. Your nervous system was like “okay, we need to be alert right now” and then just never got the memo that the crisis ended.

It’s not your fault. Your nervous system was trying to protect you. It’s just really bad at knowing when to clock out.

How to Convince Your Body That the Bear Has Left

Alright, here’s the part where I actually try to be helpful instead of just complaining (revolutionary, I know).

Vagus Nerve Stimulation (or: Push the “Calm Down” Button)

Your vagus nerve is basically the brake pedal for your sympathetic system. Here’s how to use it:

  • Breathe like you mean it – Longer exhales than inhales. Your body can’t panic and breathe slowly at the same time, so you’re basically hacking the system
  • Cold water to the face – Splash it, shower in it, or just hold ice. Your body goes “oh we’re doing survival mode differently now”
  • Hum, sing, or gargle – Yes, really. Yes, you’ll look weird. Do it anyway
  • Gentle yoga – Not the “let’s pretzel ourselves into oblivion” kind, the “we’re just stretching and breathing” kind

Daily “Please Chill” Practices

  • Sleep schedule – I know, I know. But your nervous system needs the routine like a toddler needs naptime
  • Move your body – But maybe don’t go run a marathon if you’re already exhausted? Shocking concept, I know
  • Go outside – Nature is basically free therapy and your nervous system knows it
  • Reduce caffeine – I’m sorry. I know. But coffee might be part of the problem
  • Eat actual food – Omega-3s, magnesium, B vitamins. Your nervous system needs fuel that isn’t anxiety and spite

The Woo-Woo Stuff (That Actually Works, Dammit)

  • Progressive muscle relaxation – Tense and release muscle groups. It’s boring but effective
  • Meditation – Even 5 minutes. No, you don’t have to empty your mind. That’s not how it works
  • Somatic practices – Basically any movement that helps you actually feel your body instead of just inhabiting it like a haunted house
  • Heart rate variability training – Apps exist for this and they’re legitimately helpful
  • Massage/bodywork – Yes, you deserve it. No, it’s not frivolous

The Practical Stuff Nobody Wants to Hear

  • Set boundaries – Saying no is self-care, actually
  • Reduce stressors – I know this is easier said than done, but where you can, do
  • Get professional help – Therapy is great. Medication is sometimes necessary. Both are fine
  • Actually rest – Not “scroll on your phone” rest. Actual, doing-nothing rest
  • Connect with humans – Safe relationships help regulate your nervous system (unfortunately we do need other people)

Real Talk

This doesn’t get fixed overnight. Your nervous system didn’t get stuck in panic mode in a day, and it won’t unstick in a day either. Some days you’ll feel better. Some days you’ll feel like garbage. Both are normal.

You’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’re having a completely normal response to stress that lasted too long. Your nervous system is just trying to keep you safe – it’s just really, really bad at its job right now.

Also, if this is seriously impacting your life, please talk to actual medical professionals. I’m just some person on the internet who’s been through this. Doctors and therapists have actual training and sometimes you need the real help.

The Point

You deserve to feel safe in your own body. You deserve to not feel like you’re perpetually being chased by something you can’t see. You deserve to actually rest without your nervous system screaming “BUT WHAT IF—” at you.

Start small. Pick one thing. Give it time. Be patient with yourself (I know, gross). And know that it does get better.

Your nervous system will eventually get the memo that the bear is gone. It’s just taking the long way around. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Uncategorized

5 Weirdly Effective Ways to Feel Better Fast (Backed by Science, Not Just TikTok)

JoLeave a comment

Ever feel like your brain’s stuck in dial-up mode while the rest of the world’s running on fiber optic? Been there, ordered the T-shirt, wore it for three days straight. When you’re fried, frazzled, or just feeling emotionally soggy, you don’t always have the bandwidth for a full mental health makeover. The good news? Science has your back—and it doesn’t require a prescription or a bank loan. Here are five surprisingly effective, science-backed ways to feel better fast—without leaving your couch (probably).

1. Deep Breathing: A Free Spa Day for Your Nervous System

Let’s be real: when someone tells you to “just breathe,” it’s usually right before you snap like a glow stick. But hear me out—breathwork is basically a nervous system cheat code.

🔬 Science says: Deep, controlled breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system (aka the “rest and digest” mode), reducing cortisol and lowering heart rate. One study in Frontiers in Psychology (Zaccaro et al., 2018) found that slow breathing significantly improves mood and lowers anxiety.

🌀 Try this: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4 (aka box breathing). Bonus points if you close your eyes and pretend you’re somewhere tropical and not just hiding from your responsibilities.

I don’t like to recommend anything I don’t do, so rest assured I do this, though I switch up the rhythms, and I would recommend you do the same because so long as you’re breathing, it works doesnt matter how pretty it is.

2. Laughter Therapy: Better Than an Espresso Shot

Who knew memes could double as mental health tools? Turns out, watching something funny isn’t just procrastination—it’s therapy with a punchline.

🔬 Science says: Laughter triggers the release of endorphins and lowers stress hormones. A study in The Journal of Neuroscience (Dunbar et al., 2012) shows that laughter increases pain tolerance and boosts social bonding.

📺 Try this: Watch a short stand-up set, blooper reel, or the 7,000th rerun of your favorite sitcom. Whatever tickles your funny bone.

👉 Real-life moment: You know what I’ve heard? I laugh too much. I’m too loud. I shouldn’t make everything a joke. You know what? I’m beyond caring. You know that whole near death thing? It showed me life was FAR TOO SHORT to waste time on the vast amount of unpleasantness one generally has to put up with. If you can’t laugh did you even enjoy it? I listen to last nights late night monologues or stand up while I’m doing my duolingo in the mornings (take care of your brain folks, no joke, you’ll miss it when it starts to go LMAO) and on mornings that I can’t I find the rest of the day I can be kind of an asshole. I mean, I’m always sorry, but I’m going to be honest with you guys about it LOL

3. Gardening or Nature Exposure: Green = Good Vibes

No yard? No problem. Even a houseplant counts as emotional support foliage. Nature doesn’t judge your outfit or ask how many hours of sleep you got.

🔬 Science says: Time in nature reduces stress and improves mood. The Japanese practice of shinrin-yoku (forest bathing) has been studied extensively; one study in Environmental Health and Preventive Medicine (Park et al., 2010) showed it significantly lowers cortisol.

🌱 Try this: Step outside and touch a tree (yes, really), water your plants, or sit near a window. Even watching nature videos has calming effects.

I am plant killer number one around here. I wouldnt be surprised if my mug shot is hanging in the break room for plants like shoplifters mugshots are at Walmart LOL. That being said, the WORST thing the hip replacement has stolen is my weekly or biweekly mowing the yard. I love it, we have an electric mower so I get a good one hour out of it, bopping alone to some music, its just mindless outdoor sun time. Then stick it on the charger and hit it the next day. I have a hard time sitting in the sun even when I know its good for me and outside I wouldnt last long before getting bored.

4. Listening to Classical Music: Your Brain’s Chill Pill

Before you roll your eyes, no, it doesn’t have to be Mozart. But slower, instrumental music can work some serious emotional sorcery.

🔬 Science says: A study in PLOS ONE (Thoma et al., 2013) found that listening to classical music after a stressor reduced cortisol levels more effectively than silence or other genres.

🎵 Try this: Play something instrumental (piano, strings, lo-fi beats) for 5-10 minutes. Even better? Lie down and do nothing while it plays. Yes, doing nothing is productive sometimes.

I love all music. Classical is not a fave but I will put on some really low volume piano pieces when I need it. Generally its just pop from the 80s though. But try Chopin first lol who knows, it could be your new favorite.

5. Social Connection: Text That One Person (Yes, Them)

When you’re down, your brain might tell you to retreat like a wounded raccoon. But reaching out—even just a little—can flip the script fast.

🔬 Science says: Human connection boosts oxytocin, lowers anxiety, and increases resilience. A study from American Journal of Psychiatry (Ozbay et al., 2007) highlights social support as one of the most powerful buffers against stress.

📱 Try this: Send a funny meme to a friend, voice note someone who “gets it,” or even comment on someone’s post meaningfully.

👉 Its so hard guys. The phone is like there…. And like, sometimes, sometimes it even *gulping loudly*…. RINGS!!! TERRIFYING! I know guys, see, I get it, but how about a text? A text connects you like a ‘sup’ nod between bros, but without the whole sense of the ‘sup’ reply. I bake that shit right into my texts too, I say ‘hey, let me know how you are when you get a minute’. No rush. I’m chill man. Or even ‘just sayin hey and wanted you to know I’m thinking of you’ totally not giving them ANY obligation, because like why would I bum anyone I love out like that?

Closing: Feeling better doesn’t always need to be a full-blown self-care summit. Sometimes, it’s in the little things: a breath, a laugh, a leaf, a lyric, a message. Try one. Try them all. You deserve moments of ease—even when life’s handing out chaos like Halloween candy. Til next time gang. Take care of yourselves, and each other!

Uncategorized

Quiet Mindfulness for the Chronically Unquiet Mind

JoLeave a comment

 If you are anything like me, you are tired of your brain performing a never-ending karaoke of that one lyric you know from the song that topped the charts before you were born on constant repeat (I swear I hit shuffle, the button must be stuck!) Sick of your mind treating bedtime like it’s an all-night rave? Well, folks, step right up to the Insomniac’s Club, where fibromyalgia, ADHD, and bipolar mixed episodes collide in a spectacular display of sleeplessness!

But wait, there’s more! Call now, and we’ll throw in a complimentary course on “Quiet Mindfulness for the Chronically Unquiet Mind”! Yes, you heard that right! For the low, low price of your sanity, you too can learn how to navigate the treacherous waters of pain, restlessness, and mood swings while desperately trying to catch some Z’s.


Order in the next 10 minutes, and we’ll even include our patented “Emotional Roller Coaster Survival Kit”! Don’t delay – supplies are limited, but unfortunately, your symptoms aren’t!


(Disclaimer: Side effects may include sarcasm, eye-rolling, and the sudden urge to laugh hysterically at 4 AM. Quiet mindfulness not guaranteed. Actual sleep sold separately.)

  • Start Small: Begin with 5-10 minutes of deep breathing. It’s like dipping your toe in the mindfulness pool before cannonballing into the deep end of enlightenment.
  • Guided Meditation: Find a meditation guide who sounds less like a soothing forest nymph and more like a drill sergeant for your attention span.
  • Breath Awareness: Count your breaths. Lose count. Start over. Repeat until you either achieve nirvana or fall asleep trying. Or pass out. There are multiple options.

  • Create a Routine: Make mindfulness as routine as your morning coffee. Maybe you’ll remember to do it as often as you forget where you put your keys.
  • Grounding Techniques: When your mind’s doing the Macarena, focus on physical sensations. Like how your butt’s falling asleep from sitting still for so long.
  • Mindful Movement: Try yoga or tai chi. Because nothing says “inner peace” like pretzel-twisting yourself while trying not to fall over.
  • Set Realistic Goals: Celebrate small wins. Did you meditate for a whole minute without planning your grocery list? Gold star for you!

  • Use Technology: Download mindfulness apps. Now you have one more thing to distract you from actually being mindful. Irony, thy name is ADHD.
  • Seek Professional Help: Find a therapist who specializes in herding cats… I mean, focusing ADHD and bipolar minds.
  • Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself when you inevitably get distracted by a squirrel outside your window. Or was that just me?

Remember, finding quiet mindfulness with ADHD and bipolar is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree – messy, frustrating, but potentially hilarious. Keep at it, you beautiful chaos machines. Who knows? You might just stumble into enlightenment while looking for your lost shoe. If you find it though, send up a bat signal or something, trail of breadcrumbs so the rest of us can find our way too. Til next time gang, take care of yourself, and each other!