Tag: #MentalHealthMatters

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Can You Hear Me Now? Because the System Sure Doesn’t

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Let’s just get one thing out of the way: when we say we’re tired, we don’t mean “I could use a nap” tired. We mean, “it feels like my bones are made of lead and I’m dragging them through emotional quicksand” tired. Welcome to chronic illness fatigue — where the real game is not getting things done, but feeling guilty about the things we couldn’t do.

Invisible Illness Fatigue: A Sneaky Beast

When you live with something like fibromyalgia, ADHD, or bipolar disorder (or the full trifecta, if you’re really winning like I am), fatigue doesn’t show up like it does after a long day. It’s not solved with sleep. It’s a permanent roommate that throws a tantrum when you so much as think about productivity.

We don’t just skip tasks. We skip tasks, then feel like a failure for skipping them, then try to explain why, then realize we’re exhausted from the explaining. And even when people say they understand, there’s that unspoken “but everyone’s tired” hanging in the air. Sure, Karen, but not everyone needs to lie down after a shower.

The Gaslight of the Medical Maze

Now let’s sprinkle in a bit of medical neglect for flavor. ​According to the National Council for Mental Wellbeing, it takes an average of 48 days to get an appointment with a behavioral health provider in the U.S. — and that’s after you’ve made contact.​ Because what’s chronic illness without fighting the very system meant to help us? I spent this week trying to schedule a psych appointment for my teenager. I called seventeen times. Seventeen. Not metaphorically. SEVENTEEN. I left messages. I waited. I got bounced from voicemail to nowhere.​ Their voicemail message says ‘someone will get back to you within 24 hrs.’ Never not once called.
📌 Cold, Hard Reality Check:
According to the National Council for Mental Wellbeing, the average wait time for behavioral health services in the U.S. is a staggering 48 days. That’s nearly seven weeks of waiting in limbo—waiting for care that should come sooner.

And when I finally got through — a moment of hard-earned triumph — I did what any burnt-out, panic-caffeinated, mom-on-the-edge might do: I scheduled it ​first available for the one day I absolutely can’t do it. Face palm? No. Face ground. But the idea of calling again, of pushing through the labyrinth of dead-end prompts and receptionist roulette? I physically can’t do it. I’ll move my own mountain that day instead.

This is what they don’t see. The victories that come covered in emotional tax. The way we ​beat ourselves up over accidents because we’re so used to feeling like we’re failing. Even our wins taste like stress.

The Never-Ending Ask for Help (That Goes Nowhere)

Everyone tells you to ask for help. But they don’t tell you what to do when that help turns out to be a ghost. Or a voicemail. Or an email that never gets answered. Or a friend who says, “Let me know if you need anything” but quietly disappears when you say, “Actually, I do.”

When you do speak up, you risk being labeled as dramatic or dependent. When you don’t, you’re “not taking care of yourself.” It’s a rigged game. The buck never stops. It just circles the drain while we’re clinging to the rim.

And yes, it gets to us. All the time. We internalize it. We feel like a burden. Like we have to keep apologizing for being sick. Like if we were just stronger, more organized, less emotional, less needy… we could pull off the impossible. You can gaslight yourself into silence before a single word leaves your mouth.

So Why Share This?

Because I know I’m not the only one. And if you’ve been spiraling, crying in between productivity guilt sessions, or clenching your teeth while listening to elevator hold music for the fifth time this week — you’re not alone.

This isn’t a cry for pity. It’s a call for reality. Let’s be honest about what it really feels like to be chronically ill, overwhelmed, and stuck inside a system that expects perfect performance from broken parts.

Let’s remind each other that doing our best sometimes looks like barely functioning — and that’s still valid. Let’s talk about how asking for help shouldn’t feel like rolling a boulder uphill.

Let’s be soft with ourselves.

You are not failing. You are carrying more than most people even know exists. And you’re still here, still trying. That’s resilience. That’s strength. That’s you. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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Grounded Spirit, Chaotic Body: Spoonie Grounding Tricks That Actually Work

JoLeave a comment

So your brain is playing musical chairs, your body feels like a poorly-updated weather app, and you’re trying not to scream into the void. Welcome to Tuesday.

Let’s talk grounding. No, not like punishment (though if my body had a curfew, it’d definitely be in trouble. Or WAIT, better yet what if I could ground myself? I have had a bit of an attitude lately lol). I mean the kind of grounding that keeps your head tethered to Earth when the world starts to spin—literally or metaphorically.

These tricks aren’t cures. They’re sanity-saving, meltdown-preventing hacks from a fibro-fueled, ADHD-spicy, anxiety-sparked brain that’s been there. A lot.

1. 5-4-3-2-1 Technique
Engage all your senses:

  • 5 things you can see
  • 4 things you can touch
  • 3 things you can hear
  • 2 things you can smell
  • 1 thing you can taste (coffee counts. So does chocolate.)

*This works great when your brain is running full-speed in five directions and not one of them is “calm.”

2. Cold Water, Meet Overheated Brain
Grab a frozen veggie bag, cold can of soda, or run cold water over your wrists.

It’s a little jolt to your system that says: Hey, still alive. Chill out (literally).

3. Root Down (With or Without a Tree)
Press your feet into the ground. Feel the floor. Imagine roots growing into the Earth.
Bonus if you’re outside and can touch actual grass—unless you’re allergic. Then, uh… maybe stick to carpet.

4. Texture Check
Have a fidget, squish, or tactile object you like the feel of? Use it.

I include a small sensory item with every tray I sell because I know how hard it is to find something that doesn’t scream “kid toy” but still gets the job done.

5. Pick a Word, Repeat It Like a Mantra
Mine is “magic” today. Because even in the chaos, there’s some weird alchemy that happens when you survive anyway. Choose yours.

Speaking of grounding (see what I did there?), I made a tray that says “Grounded Spirit” because some days I need that reminder sitting right next to me—especially when my brain wants to float away and my pain wants to knock me down.

But this post isn’t about the tray.

It’s about remembering that you deserve tools that help you stay rooted when everything feels like it’s spinning.

Try one, try them all. Add your own. Tape them to your fridge. And if you fall apart a little later? That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re trying.

And that’s more than enough today. Do you have any tips others could benefit from? I’m always looking for new ways to ground myself, email me at wannabenormal@gmail.com or contact me through the contact form. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

PS.
Because Apparently I’m Not the First Genius to Try Grounding

Look, I’d love to say I invented these grounding techniques while dramatically staring into the void, but some actual professionals with degrees and peer-reviewed studies beat me to it. If you want to nerd out—or just need proof to show your skeptical co-worker—here’s where the science lives:

SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
Trauma-informed care guidelines include grounding as a legit tool for managing anxiety and dissociation.
👉 samhsa.gov

Anxiety Canada: 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding
This popular CBT/DBT trick is clinically recognized for calming panic and reorienting during sensory overload.
👉 anxietycanada.com/articles/grounding-techniques

National Library of Medicine
Peer-reviewed proof that sensory-based grounding techniques actually help regulate stress and pain.
👉 ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

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The ADHD Energy Crash: Why It Happens and How to Navigate It

JoLeave a comment

If you live with ADHD, you’re likely familiar with the phenomenon of feeling mentally and physically drained by mid-afternoon. This isn’t just about being tired; it’s a distinct experience tied to the unique ways ADHD affects energy regulation.

🔍 Understanding the ADHD Energy Crash

ADHD is characterized by challenges in executive functioning, which means tasks that require planning, focus, and organization demand more cognitive effort. This heightened effort can lead to quicker depletion of mental energy. Additionally, individuals with ADHD often struggle with interoception—the ability to recognize internal bodily cues—making it harder to notice signs of fatigue until they’re overwhelming.

✅ Practical Strategies to Combat the Crash

Here are several evidence-based strategies to help manage and mitigate the afternoon energy slump:

  1. Incorporate Regular Physical Activity: Engaging in physical exercise can boost energy levels and improve focus. Even short walks or light stretching during breaks can make a significant difference. If you have a fitbit, the get up once an hour and do 250 steps setting, turn it on and stick to it.
  2. Prioritize a Protein-Rich Breakfast: Starting your day with a meal high in protein can stabilize blood sugar levels and provide sustained energy, reducing the likelihood of an early crash. Breakfast isnt a great meal on the go but if nothing else have a protein shake.
  3. Utilize Power Naps Wisely: Short naps, ideally between 10–20 minutes, taken in the early afternoon, can rejuvenate your mind without affecting nighttime sleep. This is a rule of thumb but not one I follow. I found my best nap is between 30 minutes to an hour, it gives me the perfect alertness when I get up. Experiment on your own and listen to your body.
  4. Practice Energy Pacing: Monitor your energy levels throughout the day and plan tasks accordingly. Scheduling demanding activities during peak energy times and allowing for rest during low-energy periods can enhance productivity. I tell people after dinner don’t ask me shit because once the last dish is done I am off the clock lol
  5. Engage in Body Doubling: Working alongside someone else, either in person or virtually, can increase accountability and focus, making tasks feel less daunting. This is seriously magic I don’t get why it works but it does.
  6. Stay Hydrated and Eat Balanced Meals: Dehydration and poor nutrition can exacerbate fatigue. Ensure you’re drinking enough water and consuming meals that balance carbohydrates, proteins, and healthy fats. Water water water. I hate it but it affects more than you’d think.
  7. Maintain Consistent Sleep Patterns: Establishing a regular sleep schedule helps regulate your body’s internal clock, leading to improved energy levels during the day. I’m up at 3. It was upsetting as I tried to change and mold it to conform with the usual hours, when I accepted that my body wanted to set its own schedule and started planning my days around that I was a great deal happier.
  8. Limit Caffeine Intake: While caffeine can provide a temporary boost, excessive consumption may lead to energy crashes later in the day. Moderation is key. HAHAHA! I can hear everyone who knows me heads whipping around. I’m a coca-cola girl, and maybe you arent overly sensitive to caffeine but thats where I’d make adjustments first.
  9. Create a Stimulating Work Environment: Incorporate elements that keep you engaged, such as background music or varying your workspace, to maintain interest and energy. They sell fidget mats that have all these things but your better off getting a fidget spinner, those are portable.
  10. Seek Professional Support: If energy crashes are significantly impacting your daily life, consider consulting a healthcare professional for personalized strategies and potential treatment options. Theres no shame in asking for help.

By understanding the underlying factors contributing to the ADHD energy crash and implementing these strategies, you can better manage your energy levels and maintain productivity throughout the day. Remember, it’s about finding what works best for you and being compassionate with yourself in the process. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves and each other.

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Flaky Doesn’t Mean Faithless: Chronic Illness and Friendship Guilt

JoLeave a comment

🧠 The Truth About Being a ‘Flaky’ Friend

People with chronic illness or neurodivergence often carry a ton of guilt about canceling plans, going silent, or not showing up “like we used to.” We’ve internalized the idea that not being physically or emotionally available = not being a good friend.

But here’s the reality:
➡️ According to a 2019 survey by the NIH, over 60% of chronically ill individuals reported losing friendships due to symptoms like fatigue, pain, or mental health swings.
➡️ A 2022 study on social isolation in disability populations found that many people with invisible conditions felt “socially unreliable” — not because they didn’t care, but because their bodies were unpredictable.

I don’t make plans anymore. I can’t remember exact situations where I flaked due to hurting but I do remember the fun others had without me and who wants that?

💬 You’re Not Letting People Down — You’re Living with Limits

Chronic illness isn’t convenient. ADHD isn’t on a timer. Fibro flares don’t RSVP.
Being “flaky” is often just a side effect of surviving something the world wasn’t built to accommodate.

That doesn’t make you unreliable.
That makes you human.

I’ve certainly had others call and cancel for short notice, so intellectually I know I’m not the only one, but shit every time I can’t do something I feel like someone is shining a spotlight on me.

🧷 What Real Friendship Looks Like

True friendship isn’t measured by how often you show up, but how real you are when you do.
Some friends won’t get it—and that hurts. But the right people? The ones who stay? They see your effort, not your absence.

And let’s be honest, sometimes we don’t show up for others because we can’t even show up for ourselves. That’s not selfish. That’s self-preservation.

✅ What You Can Do Instead of Guilt-Looping

  • Send a quick check-in text even if you can’t talk: “Hey, not up for chatting, but I’m thinking of you.”
  • Leave room for honest updates, not excuses: “I wish I had more spoons today. I hate canceling.”
  • Say thank you to the people who stay without making you feel bad.

To the select few who love me regardless and pick up where we left off no matter how much time passed, I appreciate and love you.

❤️ Final Thought

You’re not a bad friend. You’re just living in a body that asks a lot of you. If people mistake that for being faithless, they were never seeing you clearly to begin with.

Give yourself the grace you’d give anyone else struggling.

You don’t owe anyone more than what you’ve got to give. And what you do give—your honesty, your love, your truth—is enough. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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Parenting Through the Fog: ADHD, Fibromyalgia, and Showing Up Anyway

JoLeave a comment

Some mornings, the win is just getting pants on. Other mornings, it’s breakfast made, meds taken, laundry halfway done before noon, and a gold star for basic humaning. But when you live with both Bipolar and fibromyalgia, (with a little ADHD thrown in for good measure) parenting becomes less of a schedule and more of a survival sport.

And the thing no one tells you? Showing up imperfectly still counts.

The Day-to-Day: A Symphony of Chaos and Grit

On paper, it probably looks like we’re flaky. Late to the appointment, forgot the school form (again), still haven’t finished the laundry from last Tuesday. In reality, it’s brain fog, chronic pain, executive dysfunction, and a nervous system that acts like it’s sprinting from a bear… while we’re just trying to make dinner.

It’s the kind of exhaustion you can’t nap your way out of.

Some days you’re the mom who makes Halloween costumes from scratch. Other days you’re the mom who considers goldfish crackers and applesauce a win. You are both and neither — and you are enough.

💡 My Daily Routine (On a Good-ish Day):

I am up at 4. No reason for it, just can’t sleep any later ever since my heart when I was in the hospital, first thing they did was draw blood so I think I started getting up early to psych myself up for it lol/
I do my Duolingo (gotta get to exercising the brain) I ‘watch the news’, I listen to all the late night monologues and any interviews I wanted to catch, or just some music in my headphones when the news isnt interesting.
This is the quiet start to the day..
5:30 First attempt waking hubby
6 First attempt waking up monkey
Usually I watch the news or do my steps in between going room to room rousing people.
6:30 daughters not up start getting irritated.
7:40 I feed and medicate the furry children
8 I start on either post or making something.
10 I have to eat to take my meds
12 the cats get fed and medicated again
12-3 Always cleaning. Folding clothes, vacuuming and dishes usually round out my day.
4 I typically start either project or chat with daughter about her day, dinner
5:30 all my chores are done by now, or as I say to them ‘if it aint done it aint gettin done til tomorrow’
I watch tv til 8 and put myself into bed, usually falling asleep, when I don’t I get up and take a gummie, because I NEED sleep and no matter what time I go to bed I am up at 4, so might as well get some sleep you know?

This might be the hardest for me. Or it WAS, I’m finally letting go.

Spoonie-friendly routines. Simplify where you can. Wash days spaced out. Clothes that don’t need ironing. Outsource or automate what you can.
I have an every other day routine because I am honest with myself and I know I need a day to recover after a productive day LOL

Movement, but gentle. Stretching or chair yoga instead of pretending we’re still in our 20s with full cartilage and a pain-free morning.
Walking, so much walking lol

Let someone help. Even if it’s just asking your kid to throw their trash away. Micro-help still counts.
Stop feeling guilt, other people have hands and feet too!

Digital checklists or ADHD-friendly planners (visual, colorful, forgiving of missed days).
I might know somewhere to get them… LOL Seriously I love mine and feeling halfway organized.

The Numbers Behind the Fog

  • ADHD is underdiagnosed in women by huge margins. One study found girls are 50–75% less likely to be diagnosed than boys, often because they’re more “daydreamy” than disruptive.
  • Fibromyalgia affects 80–90% women, and often takes 5+ years to diagnose. Why? Because women’s pain is historically minimized or chalked up to anxiety.
  • Executive dysfunction isn’t laziness — it’s a brain-based difficulty in initiating, organizing, and following through on tasks. ADHD and fibro both contribute as does the Bipolar.
  • Bipolar disorder is frequently misdiagnosed in women, often as depression or borderline personality disorder. Studies show up to 69% of women with bipolar are initially misdiagnosed, and the average delay before an accurate diagnosis is 6 to 8 years.

So yeah… it’s not in your head. But even if it were, that would still be real.


You’re Not a Failure, You’re a Force

If all you did today was exist in your body and care about your kids, you’ve already done the hard part.

The parenting books didn’t cover flare days or mental fog. But we are writing the new manual: one honest, messy, beautiful chapter at a time.

You’re not alone, you’re not broken — and you don’t have to do this perfectly to be doing it well. Til next time guys, take care of yourselves, and each other

🔍 Sources to Back It All Up

  1. ADHD underdiagnosed in girls/women
  2. Fibromyalgia affects mostly women & takes years to diagnose
  3. Bipolar misdiagnosis in women
  4. Executive dysfunction is real (not laziness!)
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Understanding the Aftermath of Hypomania (aka: When the Glitter Settles)

JoLeave a comment

There’s something almost intoxicating about hypomania. Your brain buzzes, ideas come faster than you can write them down, and suddenly everything feels possible. You’re cleaning the garage, starting a new project, texting friends back after weeks of silence, and maybe even feeling like you’ve finally “figured it out.”

But here’s the part people don’t talk about enough: what happens after.

When the sparkle fades and your energy crashes back to earth, you’re left sorting through the emotional and physical wreckage. It’s not just exhaustion—it’s this weird cocktail of regret, confusion, and grief. You might feel raw, embarrassed, or even guilty for things you said or started and couldn’t finish. That aftermath can be brutal.

Hypomania is part of bipolar II disorder—it’s marked by elevated mood, a surge in productivity, and bursts of creativity or restlessness. But while it can feel euphoric at the time, the come-down can leave you reeling, questioning your choices, and trying to clean up the mess your over-caffeinated brain tornadoed through.

The Cycle of Risk and Regret (a.k.a. Oops, I Did It Again — But Not in a Fun Britney Way)

Here’s the thing no one glamorizes about hypomania: the aftermath of impulsive choices that seemed like brilliant ideas at the time. One minute you’re ordering $200 worth of “self-improvement” stuff at 2 a.m., signing up for a new certification course, and texting your ex like you’re starring in your own comeback tour — and the next, you’re wondering what the hell just happened.

And science backs it up. According to research published on PubMed, people in hypomanic states often engage in high-risk behaviors — overspending, substance use, reckless decisions — the kind of things that feel like you’re chasing possibility, but too often watching it all boomerang back with the grace of a collapsing Jenga tower.

What follows? That slow, sinking feeling. Guilt. Shame. Maybe even avoidance. You look at the credit card bill, or a strained relationship, and suddenly the vibrant energy of hypomania gets replaced with the emotional hangover no one warned you about.

You’re not the only one who’s been caught in this loop. You’re not a bad person. You’re a person with a disorder that messes with impulse and inhibition. It doesn’t excuse the consequences, but it does explain the pattern — and understanding the pattern is how we start breaking it. I was so stuck here myself but perhaps worse is the gaslighting I do over EVERY. SINGLE. DECISION. afterwards because I sincerely have lost all faith in my own judgment. Like every little thing, ‘is it a good idea or are you just manic’ plays in my head on a loop.

The Crash Landing No One Talks About

If hypomania feels like flying a little too close to the sun, then the crash that follows is more than just a rough landing — it’s a total freefall. One minute, you’re bursting with ideas and energy, barely sleeping, maybe even reorganizing the garage at 2 a.m. like you’re possessed by the spirit of Marie Kondo on espresso. And then… it’s like the lights shut off. The energy vanishes. You’re not just tired — you’re hollowed out. The sadness is deep, the fatigue bone-heavy, and everything starts to feel like too much and not enough, all at once.

It’s not just a “mood swing.” It’s a full-body, full-mind shutdown that makes even brushing your teeth feel like a high-stakes negotiation. And the cruelest part? The contrast. You remember how you felt just days ago, and now you can’t fathom getting off the couch. That whiplash is its own kind of heartbreak. Like it physically makes me ache sometimes.

When Life Throws a Brick Through the Window

Here’s the thing: if you’re already dancing on the edge of a depressive episode, real-life chaos doesn’t just nudge you — it can send you tumbling. Research backs this up: negative life events (you know, the kinds that seem to show up all at once like uninvited guests) have been shown to intensify depressive symptoms in folks with bipolar disorder [PMC, Cleveland Clinic]. And if you’re someone already wired with a predisposition

to depression? That impact hits even harder. It’s why managing stress isn’t just a suggestion — it’s survival. I will legit cry over such trivial stuff, then hate myself cuz I KNOW its dumb to cry about it so I cry more cuz I’m mad at myself for not being able to look at a situation thats got nothing to do with me or so so trivial Learning how to soften life’s blows, build resilience, and stack the odds in your favor might not make the hard stuff disappear, but it can definitely make it hurt less when it lands.

Moving Forward: Strategies for Coping (AKA, Surviving the Crash Without Losing Your Damn Mind)

Look, managing life after hypomania is like waking up in a house you swore you just deep cleaned, only to find emotional dishes stacked in every room. But there are ways to climb out of the mess — even if you’re doing it one spoon at a time.

🔹 Self-Compassion
This is not a personal failure, a moral shortcoming, or some character flaw you need to apologize for. It’s a medical condition — full stop. Remind yourself (repeatedly, if needed) that what you’re feeling isn’t your fault. You’re not broken, you’re human. In a world that crops all the edges to paint a rosier picture be the straight angle in black and white.

🔹 Structured Support
When your brain feels like a Pinterest board of chaos, routines can become lifelines. Simple, repeatable actions — morning check-ins, meal planning, a therapy appointment every other Tuesday — can help stabilize the rollercoaster. And yes, professional help is allowed and encouraged (therapy = tools, not weakness). Every morning my routine has been the same for years, Duolingo while I listen to stand up comedy with the news in the background, if any of those is missing my day starts out lacking which leads to a bad day

🔹 Community Connection
Even if you’re more “socially exhausted introvert” than “group hug enthusiast,” connecting with people who get it can make a huge difference. Whether it’s an online forum, a group chat, or that one friend who won’t judge your 2 a.m. existential texts — don’t go it alone. Thats what I’m trying to do here, build a community, hopefully to work right on up to a forum we can all support each other. Thats my goal anyway the minute I can sell enough in my store to pay to host the forum it will be done!

Understanding the highs and lows — especially the rough emotional terrain that can follow hypomania — isn’t just helpful, it’s empowering. When you mix solid science with self-awareness and some well-worn coping tools, you start to feel just a little more in control. Not perfect, not invincible — but stronger. And that counts. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.
P.S. If this hit a little close to home and you’re looking for something to help you process the messy in-between parts — I made a workbook just for this. It’s not magic, but it’s honest, helpful, and created by someone who’s been there. Check it out

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Bad Day Basket

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💌 Someone you love having a rough one?

Send them a Bad Day Basket — a cozy, comforting hug in a box.
Curated with real-life rough days in mind (because we’ve been there), every basket is packed with self-care goodies, cozy items, and a custom playlist to help them feel seen, soothed, and maybe even smile a little.

🎁 Thoughtful. Affordable. Ready to ship.
🛒 Order now on Etsy »

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Trying to Be a Present Parent When You’re Dissociating

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(Or: “Sorry, kid, my brain’s floating three feet to the left right now.”)

Some days, I’m Supermom(ish).
Other days, I’m just a sentient pile of laundry pretending to be a person.
And then there are the days I’m trying to parent through a fog so thick it feels like I’m watching my life on a 5-second delay. Do you ever do that? Your nodding along, it appears you are in agreement only to blurt out an answer to a rhetorical question from two topics ago and its just stares and crickets? No? just me?

That’s dissociation — and it’s not just zoning out. It’s a real and very common symptom of trauma, stress, and neurodivergence.

🧠 What Dissociation Actually Is

Dissociation is your brain’s way of going, “Nope. Too much. We’re going to detach for survival now.” Believe it or not I learned this when my heart stopped. I have ZERO recollection of at least a month on either side, and I hope I never get those memories back because they had to be scary for my brain to hide them like that.

Dissociation can feel like:

  • You’re watching yourself from outside your body
  • Time is warped or unreal
  • The world looks… fake. Like how they depict it in movies with people in your face that look like characters from a dream
  • Emotions are muted, or you’re totally numb

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), dissociation can affect people with PTSD, anxiety, depression, ADHD, and bipolar disorder — basically, a Greatest Hits list of what I’m working with.

And yes, it can show up in chronic pain conditions too. Research in the Journal of Trauma & Dissociation (2020) found that people with fibromyalgia reported higher dissociation symptoms than control groups — likely because living in constant pain is its own form of trauma.

👩‍👧 But What Does That Look Like as a Parent?

It looks like:

  • Nodding at your teen’s story but realizing you didn’t process a word of it
  • Looking at the kitchen sink and wondering how the dishes multiplied like gremlins
  • Holding your kid’s hand while mentally floating somewhere in 2004
  • Hearing “Mom?” for the third time before realizing you are Mom. Or your name, anything someone has to say three times before it registers.

And when your kid’s autistic and needs you fully present — or your brain’s ADHD and skittering like George in a glitter store — that’s a special brand of guilt.

🧷 What Helps Me Come Back

I’m still figuring it out. But here’s what works — sometimes:

  • Name it: “I’m dissociating” sounds weird at first, but saying it out loud grounds me. It also helps my teen understand it’s not personal. It has helped countless times with hubby.
  • Cold water or texture changes: Ice packs, textured putty, or touching something rough brings me back. Try keeping a wash cloth in the freezer.
  • Mindless movement: Folding towels. Walking in circles. Tapping my fingers. Rhythm helps. Fidget spinners. Keep a pencil and paper and doodle. Anything mindless.
  • Breathing and narration: “I’m sitting. My feet are on the floor. I can hear the fan.” It’s cheesy. It works. Its a variation of a tact professionals use, five things you can see, four things you can hear, etc.

💬 If This Is You Too…

You’re not broken.
You’re not a bad parent.
You’re not failing because your brain protects you in weird, inconvenient ways.

You’re doing the best you can. And you’re still showing up. Even if it’s in pieces, even if you’re floating — you’re here.

That counts for something. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves and each other.

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Why Telling Someone with Anxiety to ‘Just Relax’ Doesn’t Help—and What Actually Works

JoLeave a comment

In today’s fast-paced world, we’re constantly flooded with news from every direction—social media, TV, podcasts, and more. It can feel impossible to escape the nonstop flow of information, and for many, this leads to increased anxiety. As someone navigating a neurodivergent mind, I often struggle with how to handle this overwhelming surge of news. I always have. I remember my first existential crisis thought. I asked my Mom what happens when you die and while I don’t remember her reply the feeling of ice down my spine is burned into my soul. I was eight.

When anxiety levels rise due to the relentless news cycle, well-meaning friends and family often offer the same advice: “Just relax” or “Take a break from the news.” While this may sound simple and straightforward, it can feel dismissive to those of us who experience anxiety or ADHD. The implication is that we can simply switch off our feelings and concerns with a flick of a switch. I get the impulse to say it, it comes to mind for us too. Do you think I am not SCREAMING at myself on the inside to just relax? Did you think thats not a thought that has occurred to me in multiple scenarios in my life, NOTHING coming from my rational adult mind is saying lay on the floor in the fetal position and remember every single thing that could go wrong in life, and then here we are.

For many neurotypical individuals, taking a break from the news or engaging in self-care activities can be effective strategies for managing stress. They might find that stepping away from their screens allows them to recharge and regain perspective. This approach can help them feel more grounded and less affected by external chaos. I’ve seen the methods everyone has suggested work, a lot worked well with people I knew to have heightened anxiety, I have SEEN the benefits.

However, for those of us who are neurodivergent, the situation is often more complex. The advice to “just relax” can feel like a foreign language when our brains are wired differently. Anxiety can manifest as racing thoughts or an inability to focus on anything other than the distressing information we consume. This makes it challenging to simply “turn it off.”

For many neurodivergent individuals, there’s a compulsion to stay informed about current events—often driven by anxiety about missing crucial information. This need can lead to excessive news consumption, where checking updates becomes a ritual rather than a choice. Ironically, this behavior can exacerbate feelings of distress rather than alleviate them. Like I GET that the room is on fire, I can feel the heat of it, and you are RIGHT that the room will be on fire whether I’m looking at it or not, HOWEVER if I’m not looking at it how do I know if a spark will land on me. (That metaphor works on multiple levels, my high brain is giving itself a high five lol)

Hyperfixation is another common experience for those with ADHD or anxiety. When something captures our attention—like a troubling news story—we may find ourselves fixated on it for hours or even days. This rumination can lead us down a rabbit hole of worry and fear, making it difficult to engage in other activities or enjoy moments of peace. It follows you whether you want it to or not any the second you relax that control just a little in your mind the bad thoughts have the clearance they need to invade.

The sensory overload created by constant notifications and alerts can further complicate our ability to cope with anxiety. The barrage of sounds and visuals can feel overwhelming, leading to heightened stress levels and an increased sense of panic. It’s as if our brains are on high alert all the time, making relaxation nearly impossible.

Interestingly, the advice to avoid news altogether can create its own set of challenges. For some neurodivergent individuals (myself included) , avoiding distressing information doesn’t eliminate anxiety; instead, it may lead to increased worry about what we might be missing out on or how we might be unprepared for future events. If I don’t know whats coming at me how can I prepare for the inevitable pop up derailments that follow me around like a rain cloud.

The phrase “just relax” often comes from a place of care but can feel frustrating and invalidating for those dealing with anxiety or ADHD. It minimizes the complexity of our experiences and implies that we lack control over our emotions when, in reality, we’re navigating a much more intricate landscape. On top of that it makes me want to look at them and say ‘REALLY? OMG YOU’RE RIGHT THATS THE ANSWER! Thank you SO much now I am cured’

Ultimately, it’s essential for friends, family members, and healthcare providers to recognize that everyone experiences anxiety differently. Acknowledging these differences can foster better communication and support systems that allow neurodivergent individuals to express their needs without feeling judged or misunderstood.

Strategies to Help:

  1. Mindful Media Consumption: Set specific times during the day when you check the news instead of allowing it to infiltrate every moment.
  2. Curate Your Information Sources: Choose reliable sources that provide balanced reporting without sensationalism.
  3. Practice Grounding Techniques: Techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 method (identifying five things you see, four things you hear, etc.) can help anchor you in the present.
  4. Engage in Absorbing Activities: Pursue hobbies that require focus—like painting or reading—to provide a healthy distraction from distressing thoughts.
  5. Seek Support: Talk openly with understanding friends or mental health professionals who respect your experiences and offer guidance tailored to your needs.

There’s little we can do for much of life beside hang on for the ride but distraction can work wonders. I throw myself into finding the best deals. My mind hasnt quieted enough to help me read which is my favorite down time activity, thoughts are too loud for the book words to penetrate the frustrating shell over my brain. Hang in there guys, lets build a community of people who listen and support rather than rush to judge. I’m always happy to hear what helps for you guys, lets share strategies! Til next time gang. Take care of yourselves, and each other.

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When the Doctor’s Office Becomes a Battlefield: Understanding Medical PTSD

JoLeave a comment

 Ok gang, let’s get real about something that doesn’t get nearly enough attention: medical PTSD. If you’ve ever left a doctor’s office feeling dismissed, doubted, or downright defeated, you’re not alone. For those of us with chronic illnesses and invisible conditions like fibromyalgia, bipolar disorder, autism, or ADHD, the healthcare system can feel less like a safety net and more like a minefield.

What Is Medical PTSD?

Medical PTSD is what happens when repeated negative experiences with healthcare providers leave you emotionally scarred. It’s not just about a bad appointment here or there—it’s about the trauma that builds up over time when your pain or symptoms are brushed off as “nothing” or “all in your head.” Spoiler alert: it’s not in your head.
For many of us with invisible illnesses, this is an all-too-familiar story. Bloodwork comes back fine? Must be nothing. Physical exam looks normal? You’re probably exaggerating. And suddenly, you’re left questioning your own reality because someone with a stethoscope couldn’t see what you’re feeling every single day. The number of times I’ve left a doctors appointment shaking my head saying ‘well, I mean if it WAS something wouldn’t they see it?’ No, thats not true, some stuff is tricky and it hides behind stuff. Some times you have to poke around at stuff until you figure it out, that doesnt mean things arent there to find.

Truth Bomb: Invisible Doesn’t Mean Imaginary

Here’s the thing: just because something doesn’t show up on a test doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Fibromyalgia doesn’t light up on an X-ray. Bipolar disorder doesn’t leave a trail in your bloodwork. Autism and ADHD don’t come with flashing neon signs saying, “Hey, I’m here!” But that doesn’t make them any less valid—or any less debilitating.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into an appointment armed with symptom logs, research, and sheer determination, only to be met with raised eyebrows and the dreaded “It’s probably just stress.” Or, ‘well you DO have Fibro’ Oh really? Because last time I checked, Fibromyalgia didn’t cause my hip to stage a full-blown mutiny (looking at you, early retirement hip).

The Emotional Toll of Being Dismissed

Let me paint you a picture: You’re already dealing with chronic pain, fatigue, mood swings—basically the greatest hits of invisible illness. Then you muster up the courage to seek help (because let’s be honest, even making the appointment feels like climbing Everest). You sit there, vulnerable and hopeful, only to be told your symptoms don’t add up or aren’t serious enough to warrant concern.

That kind of dismissal doesn’t just sting—it leaves scars. Over time, it can make you hesitant to seek care at all. Why bother if no one’s going to listen? But here’s the kicker: avoiding care can lead to worsening symptoms and even more complex health issues down the line. It’s a vicious cycle that needs to stop.

Breaking the Cycle: Advocacy and Awareness

So how do we fix this mess? For starters:

Trust Your Gut: If something feels wrong in your body, it probably is. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Document Everything: Keep a symptom diary so you have concrete evidence to back up your concerns.

Bring Backup: Take a trusted friend or family member to appointments—they can help advocate for you when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Seek Second Opinions: If one doctor dismisses you, find another who will listen. Your health is worth fighting for. Though check with your doctors office or hospital system on policies, my doctor of 7 years dropped me because I got one.

And let’s not forget the role of healthcare providers in this equation. Doctors need better training on invisible illnesses—period. They need to understand that just because they can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. A little empathy goes a long way.

My Own Battle Scars

I’ve got plenty of stories I could share about being dismissed by doctors (and believe me, I will). Like the time I was told my fibro pain was just “overexertion” when I hadn’t done more than shuffle from my bed to the couch all week.
Or when my bipolar symptoms were brushed off as “just moodiness” because I happened to be having a good day during my appointment. Yes its about highs and lows but there is so much nuance and theres no way to catalogue each patient’s symptoms into a graph saying which predominant symptom is worse from day to given day, I don’t even know a metric you could rate them on, its just too much.
But perhaps the most frustrating moment was when my hip—yes, my actual joint—was screaming for help, and I was told ‘Well, fibro is painful.’ said sincerely with a hand on my shoulder (do not touch a fibro sufferer there and expect to be conveying sympathy or empathy, its like my BIGGEST tender point, which I never mentioned SPECIFICALLY so I let it go, but you wouldnt do that)
Spoiler alert: it wasn’t just fibro; it was my hip waving its white flag and demanding replacement parts.

The Bottom Line

Medical PTSD is real, and it’s time we start talking about it. For those of us living with chronic conditions and invisible illnesses, advocating for ourselves isn’t just an option—it’s a necessity. So keep pushing for answers, keep telling your story, and never let anyone make you feel like your pain isn’t valid.Because at the end of the day? We know our bodies better than anyone else ever could. And who can tell your story and explain your pain better than you? Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!