Tag: #MentalHealthMatters

Uncategorized

New Year’s Resolutions: The Struggle is Real

JoLeave a comment

Ah, New Year’s Eve. That magical time when the clock strikes midnight, and we make a series of promises to ourselves. You know, those lofty promises we make to ourselves after one too many glasses of champagne on New Year’s Eve… (Well not for me I’d take a gummie, talk about LOFTY lmao, and some of THOSE promises are just insane lol)Promises that, let’s be honest, may or may not survive past January 3rd. Let’s get real for a second – are these resolutions actually helpful, or are we just setting ourselves up for a spectacular face-plant into the pool of disappointment? I approach New Year’s resolutions with the same enthusiasm I have for trying to put on real pants before noon: skeptical, exhausted, and overwhelmed. But hey, a girl can dream, right?

So, let’s dive in with a practical (and hopefully hilarious) look at New Year’s resolutions from my slightly chaotic, slightly messy perspective. Spoiler alert: This is all about striking a balance between healthy goals and embracing the reality of our squirrel-brained existence.

1. “I’m going to organize the entire house!”

You see it all the time—resolutions that are essentially a mental checklist of Pinterest boards gone wrong. “This year, I will Marie Kondo my entire house. I will have matching bins for everything, and the laundry will fold itself!” Sounds great in theory, right?

But as someone with ADHD, I can confidently say that my home often looks like a Lego set that exploded, then a hurricane hit, and then a random toddler decided to ‘help’ clean. I’ve got big dreams, but my focus flits from task to task like a squirrel on caffeine. A study in Psychiatry Research found that people with ADHD are more likely to underestimate the time it takes to complete tasks and feel overwhelmed by big goals. So, unless I plan on starting with a single drawer, then celebrating my small victory, I’ll be doing some serious mental gymnastics just to avoid crying over the sheer amount of clutter.

I finally found last weeks CVS receipt!

My personal experience: I once started cooking myself some lunch, simple enough but when I went in there and there were too many things on the counter so I try and put a few things away, damn it, everything is jumbled but not MY jumbled so of course I stop and ‘fix’ everything. So later after I found places for things I didnt know I had, I started to gather my ingredients, I don’t see the tomatoes. After running to all the spots I have my canned goods squirreled away, I can’t find them anywhere. I’m spending far too much time looking for them, I go sit down at the computer to try and see my receipt for that week because I just KNOW I bought them. When I prove myself right I’ll go back and RE check everywhere before I finally go ask hubby to see if he knows where they are. He comes out and finds them in seconds, where I JUST looked like some amateur magician, I mean around here people would say if I were any closer it would have bit me lol, However once I start to open it and its a bad hand day and I am too shakey so I take the can and can opener over to hubby’s desk only to realize he’s not there, hunting him down doesnt take too long the house is small but now I hear the shower running. Oh well I can wait, and I take the can and the opener to my desk and see I have a message to respond to.. Needless to say two hours later I end up ordering pizza because I forgot what I was doing and I’m starving. I’m hyper focused on things, some are super dumb to focus. Three hours later, I realized I forgot about the laundry, the dishes, and the food I need to live lol…oops.

2. “I’ll get my life together by being ‘healthier’.”

Ah, the classic resolution: get healthy. Maybe you’re aiming to drink more water, eat cleaner, or even start a workout routine. On paper, it’s the perfect plan. But for someone with fibromyalgia, bipolar disorder, ADHD, and a life full of sensory overload, “being healthy” can quickly feel like the equivalent of climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops.

Fibromyalgia makes me feel like a walking body ache, and some days I’m lucky to get out of bed, let alone hit the gym. I might be in the mood to work out (at 2 a.m. when the house is finally quiet), but then the next day I’ll be in a pain fog and realize that I can’t even lift my coffee cup without wincing.

The research: According to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, self-compassion is a healthier approach to mental and physical wellness, especially for those with chronic conditions. Instead of stressing over being “perfectly healthy,” the goal should be about taking small, manageable steps and giving yourself grace when it doesn’t work out as planned.

My personal experience: I’ve set a goal to eat better, the NEXT DAY we went to an all you can eat buffet! Shortest diet I’ve ever done lol. I’ve yo-yoed my whole life I’d like to get myself right in the middle, a healthy weight, but I can’t get out of my head enough once I decide I want to lose weight, its a target goal and I will skip eating then get in the pattern of not eating, then start forgetting to eat, this is the progression of this damn cycle. Its a ride I’m trying to get off of.

3. “I will have a better morning routine.”

Let’s be real—mornings are chaos, especially when you have a neurodiverse kiddo in the house. I’ve tried every variation of a “better morning routine” that the internet offers. Wake up, drink water, stretch, make a smoothie, meditate… but when you have a child with autism who struggles with transitions, any routine can be in peril the second they decide that, today, the shirt you picked out is the worst one in the history of shirts. Also, you just got up at 4 a.m. to the sound of a small human announcing that they’ve had a bad dream and that all of your plans for personal growth are now irrelevant.

But guess what? A study from The Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders shows that predictability and structure in the morning are helpful for neurodiverse children. So, maybe my dream of getting a Zen-like morning isn’t as hopeless as it feels. (That’s not to say I won’t collapse into a heap of tears when my kid insists on eating a frozen waffle for breakfast, even though there’s a hot meal sitting in front of them.)

My personal experience: This one I’ve done a bit better at. I get up and do my morning stuff, a little duolingo, maybe watch youtube videos. Track your circadian rhythm, a fitbit or something that tracks your sleep, and experiment. I have found that I get the most done and be the most productive when I wake up before everyone else. The problem is that by 5 I am DONE lol. I’m usually ready to chill and watch tv until 8 or 9 when I give up the fight lol but everyone is different and you don’t know what works and fits into your life best until you experiment.

4. “I will learn to love myself.”

Self-love. The golden nugget of every resolution list. The heartwarming message that we should all aspire to love ourselves unconditionally. Except for the part where bipolar disorder hijacks my self-worth on a random Tuesday, and the fibro fog leaves me questioning whether I’m even a real person or just a walking pile of laundry. This kind of resolution, though well-intentioned, can feel like a setup for failure when your brain chemistry or chronic pain says, “Nope, not today.”

But here’s the thing: self-love isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about being kind to yourself, even when you’re exhausted, your house looks like a crime scene, and your child just spilled cereal on the dog. Research shows that self-compassion is tied to better mental health, better coping skills, and a reduction in anxiety and depression, especially for those with chronic conditions. So, maybe this year I’ll resolve to be less harsh on myself when I’m not able to check off everything on my to-do list.

My personal experience: I spent an hour yesterday trying to learn how to cook sausage and peppers like my mom used to make. I googled it and I’ve stuck to the exact recipe, three different exact recipes actually (I’m kind of known for not sticking to recipes because I am incredibly picky) and yesterdays attempt was so far beyond yuck it made me feel like I failed and then I was hungry and mad at myself and in an emotional state because of the mental energy required to not scream.

5. “I’ll be more present.”

This one is popular among all parents, but especially those of us who feel like we’re constantly in survival mode. Being present with my child (and in my life) sounds lovely, but it’s easier said than done when you’re hyper-focused on a million other things, like that email from school, that phone call you need to make, and oh, your brain is just running through a checklist of everything you didn’t get done today.

But there’s hope. A 2020 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that mindfulness—just focusing on one thing at a time—can have a positive effect on both children and parents, especially in neurodiverse families. So, maybe I won’t master mindfulness right away, but I can certainly try to be “present” while making sure my kid doesn’t eat the cat food.

My personal experience: This was actually a goal from last year that I didnt really accomplish, I’m ready tonow I think. I spent 20 minutes watching football with my daughter with us chatting back and forth but I couldnt tell you what she even said because I was busy troubleshooting problems and planning next week’s dinners. Maybe tomorrow?

In Conclusion: The Real Resolution

So, here’s the deal: New Year’s resolutions can be tricky when you’re managing a swirl of mental and physical health conditions, plus trying to be the best version of yourself for your family. And yes, I can get overwhelmed by the pressure of trying to “fix” everything at once. But it’s important to remember that any resolution—no matter how big or small—is about progress, not perfection.

So, what’s a chronically fabulous person to do? Well, I’m a fan of what I like to call “micro-resolutions” or “goals with training wheels.” Instead of vowing to run a marathon (unless that’s your jam, in which case, do you! But I’ll tell you now, you ever see me running you should run fast because I don’t run unless something terrifying is chasing me), how about committing to stretching for five minutes a day? Or instead of promising to overhaul your entire diet, maybe just aim to add one extra veggie to your plate each week. The key is to make your goals flexible and forgiving. Life with chronic illness is unpredictable, and our resolutions should reflect that. It’s okay to have bad days, weeks, or even months. The important thing is to keep moving forward, even if it’s at a snail’s pace.

Instead of aiming for flawless execution of some arbitrary goal, I’m going to focus on one thing: being kind to myself. And if that means taking a nap in the middle of the day, or not organizing my whole house, so be it. The New Year’s resolution I’m setting this year is simple: give myself grace. And hey, if I can learn to drink more water and finally clean out my fridge? Bonus.

Your worth isn’t measured by how many resolutions you keep or how many goals you crush. It’s measured by the strength it takes to keep going, even when your body feels like it’s staging a mutiny. Here’s to a new year filled with gentle progress, self-compassion, and maybe a few less doctor’s appointments (a girl can dream, right?). Happy New Year, fellow chaotic warriors! May this year be filled with fewer expectations and more moments of peace…and maybe fewer meltdowns along the way. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Uncategorized

… And Tries To Shake You Lose

JoLeave a comment

Can I tell you guys something just between us? I hate my brain. Like so much sometimes. When its not sending out signals that make me move all awkward and weird, its trying to convince me all coincidences or times when I may not get the clearest signals that everyone hates me and they all want me to drop dead. theres no middle ground. Convincing my mind and heart that I’m not as sad and lonely as they often believe feels like a daily negotiation. I remind myself that emotions can be deceptive, twisting reality into a shadowy landscape that weaves through the tapestry of my dreams, where I feel isolated and overwhelmed. In those moments, when I recognize the feelings creeping in, I consciously shift my focus to the small joys around me—the warmth of sunlight streaming through the window, the comforting purr of my cat (our old man cat has the cutest purr, I swear if I need surgery just give me him and I’m out like a light.), or the laughter of friends, even if it’s just through a screen. I practice gratitude, acknowledging the connections I do have, however distant they may seem. By challenging the narratives of sadness and loneliness with evidence of love and support in my life, I slowly but surely create a more balanced perspective. It’s a journey of self-compassion, where I learn to embrace my feelings without letting them define me, reminding myself that even in solitude, I am never truly alone. In my research, I learned that of chronic pain patients, 30%-50% also have anxiety. I won’t pretend to understand the science of it but the studies link chronic pain and anxiety and some show some heightened activity in the central nervous system, you know, where it all goes down lol. Chronic pain also has been shown to lead to altered brain chemistry. Of course that has a negative impact our ability to get shit done when 75% of our brain is trying to calm the anxiety that comes and knock us on our ass leaving us unable to handle MORE shit… its the endless cycle I’ve discussed but I know if your reading this you are already quite familiar. Here are some, not all but some of the tricks I use to try and get a handle on all the negative self talk.

  1. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Acknowledge that living with chronic illness is challenging, and it’s okay to have difficult days. When the spoons are in abundance sit down with a friend or loved one and talk about what you do when your anxiety gnaws at you, often times just verbalizing our worries helps us come up with solutions.
  2. Challenge negative self-talk: When you hear those “not good enough” thoughts, question their validity. Replace them with more balanced, realistic statements about your worth and abilities. Be honest, we all have strengths and weaknesses, always play to your strengths, and commit to working on the areas that arent so solid and strong.

  3. Seek support from understanding individuals: Surround yourself with people who validate your experiences. Consider joining support groups for those with chronic illnesses to connect with others who truly get it. My journey started in an online support group, and I don’t know if I’d have made it through everything that has tested me without that support.
  4. Engage in mindfulness techniques: Use meditation, deep breathing, or journaling to stay grounded in the present moment. This can help manage anxiety and negative thought patterns. I use journalling for meds and diet and all that fun stuff so I can spot pattern disruptors.
  5. Prioritize self-care activities: Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, even if they’re small. This could be reading, taking a bath, or listening to music – whatever helps you unwind and recharge

Remember, your worth isn’t determined by others’ opinions or your illness. Focus on what you can control and celebrate your resilience in facing daily challenges. Til next time gang, you’re not alone, reach out, take care of yourselves, and each other

Uncategorized

Land of Confusion

JoLeave a comment

Well, fuck me sideways, it’s happening again. You know that moment when life decides to throw everything at you at once, like some cosmic game of dodgeball? Yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. It’s like my brain suddenly turned into a washing machine on spin cycle, thoughts tumbling over each other in a chaotic mess. Bills, deadlines, family drama, health issues – they’re all doing the conga line in my head, and I’m just standing here like a deer in headlights, completely frozen. 

Probably the biggest thing of note, my cat, MY old lady cat Ding (or D or Dingers, depends on who was calling her) we had to have her put down last week. She’d been sick and for the last week she’d stopped eating, and every day I thought I’d wake up to find her passed away in her sleep, but I knew after she quit eating it was HER choice and she chose, she’d had cancer and had started only eating cat treats by the handful. For this reason, she was always ALWAYS by my right hand. She’d been sticking close by me the last few years, if I left her sight she’d come out and LOUDLY inform me that I needed to return post haste. I can’t tell you how many times since we had her put down that I’ve reached for her. I don’t think I’ll ever stop reaching.

The chaos wasnt ALL terrible. Everyone who knows me knows my love of animals, and Correy is just as bad. One day a week monkey goes to school early and Correy was getting out of the car when he heard crying. I thought he was taking a long time as I’d seen him pull up and hadnt come inside yet. He was out of the car just listening. So I listened too and encouraged him to go find the source of the crying. He hopped across the street just on a courtesy glance and lo and behold. This brought a new member into our family then and there. He was maybe 6-8 weeks old and  as I’m whisper yelling, WHAT IS IT? And he turned around with that little ball of fluff was in his hands and he looks nearly identical to a cat we used to have that I miss terribly. But I have taken control of him mostly because he can hide in my room, not that he hides, he is the cattiest cat we’ve had in a while very playful, but got sick last week, with what I think Ding had, so he’s been to the vet several times already,was all alone on the sidewalk just screaming for us to save him, and we did, his name is Fryday.



 You’d think with all this shit going on, I’d be a whirlwind of activity, tackling problems left and right. But nope, my brain’s brilliant response is to just… stop. It’s like my mental gears have ground to a halt, leaving me staring into space like I’m trying to decode the mysteries of the universe in my bed room wall.

Nope, still havent found an ideal plan but I came up with a number of new recipe ideas!

 I know it’s just my brain’s fucked up way of dealing with overload. When there’s too much input, it decides the best course of action is to do absolutely nothing. Thanks, brain. Real helpful. So here I am, caught in this ever-circling pit of despair, where thinking about any one problem feels like trying to catch a greased pig. All I can do is breathe and wait for my brain to reboot like some outdated Windows PC. 

Seriously guys, I lose whole days to this, I just sit there thinking of all I have to do, then I’ll turn to look something up, forget what I’m looking up and start down a rabbit hole about the new Reba show and if its the same blonde woman as the sassy friend as was in the last show Reba had and its time for monkey to get off the bus. I’ve lost the day with nothing to show for it except for some anger and frustration at my own damn brain’s rebellion like a teenager with a bad attitude ‘I DON’T WANNA’. Oh today we have to call the vet and do two loads of laundry and dinner, a light easy day, until I can’t talk on the phone because the words I am looking for won’t come to me so I say ok, well I can do that later, I should start the laundry. Well ok, I’ll do that at the next commercial. Hey that dude in the commercial looked familiar, I’ll google it. Oh shit my shows back on, I’ll go at the next commercial’


TWO HOURS LATER


Oh shit I havent started dinner. I wanted to use up the left over chicken with home made lemon glazed fancy pants thing thats super complicated but googled while high. Well we can’t do the brine today so fuck it, time for pizza.. 


20 minutes later

Still in paralysis in front of the computer refreshing The kicker? I know this is temporary. I know that eventually, my brain will decide to come back online, and I’ll be able to start tackling this mountain of crap one pebble at a time. But in the moment? It feels like I’m stuck in mental quicksand with no way out. If you’re reading this and nodding along, congrats! You’re part of the “My Brain Likes to Fuck with Me” club. We meet every time life decides to go batshit crazy. Membership is free, but the emotional toll is pretty steep. 

So here’s to all of us stuck in the freeze zone. May our brains eventually decide to cooperate, and may we find a way to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Because sometimes, when everything is going to hell in a handbasket, all you can do is take a deep breath, say “fuck it,” and wait for the storm to pass. 

I have no coping strategies or advice, I wish I had the answers. I try and keep my brain busy. I’m learning Spanish. I’ll binge  a show until my brain go fuzzy, or I’ll put both ear buds in and dance like no one is watching (because no one is lol)I’m writing when I can, slowly easing back into school routine. I’m going to work more on the site this week. I have two or three ideas that I’ve come up with my petting and spoiling D in her final days. I know life goes on. I’ve tried to not ask for help getting through it, I’ve tried to sit with my sad all contained but some days it ends spilling from my eyes so I’ve hid away, plus getting to know the new guy. But lets do this, I’m back and I’m going to try to promise to report here once a week even if its just ‘this sucks, can’t wait til this part is over’. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

George says hey!

Uncategorized

Finding Joy in Everyday Life: Cultivating Small Moments of Joy and Gratitude

JoLeave a comment

Hey there! Life can sometimes feel like a whirlwind, especially when you’re juggling the ups and downs of mental health and family life. As a bipolar mama dealing with anxiety and ADHD and chronic pain, I totally get how tough it can be to spot joy amidst the chaos. But trust me, it’s those little moments that can help us cultivate gratitude and find some peace. So, let’s chat about how to invite joy into your everyday life, even when things get a bit bumpy.

Embrace the Power of Small Moments
Joy often sneaks in through the little things—a warm cup of coffee, a quick chat with a friend, or a giggle with your kid. So, hit pause for a sec and soak it all in. Take a deep breath, be present, and notice the little details around you. Practicing mindfulness can help you stay anchored in the moment and make it easier to see the beauty hiding in plain sight.

Create a Joy Jar
Here’s a fun idea: grab a jar and some slips of paper. Whenever something brings you joy or you feel grateful, jot it down and toss it in the jar. Over time, you’ll have a treasure trove of positive reminders to dig into whenever you need a little pick-me-up. It’s a great way to shift your focus from challenges to the bright spots that pop up throughout your day.

Celebrate Your Achievements
Big or small, every win counts! Set some manageable goals—like finally tackling that mountain of laundry or taking a stroll outside—and give yourself a high-five when you achieve them. Celebrating these little victories helps build momentum and reinforces the idea that joy can come from everyday accomplishments. Try and limit the unpleasant activities to one each day, we can all stomach a lot more if we break it off into bite size chunks.

Cultivate Gratitude
Gratitude is like magic for your perspective. Try keeping a gratitude journal where you jot down three things you’re thankful for each day. This simple practice helps shift your focus from what’s missing in your life to what you already have, nurturing a more positive mindset. If three sounds daunting, start with one. There is air in your lungs. Tomorrow it can be the baby that smiled at you in the check out lane. If you can’t find one thing to be grateful for, then be someone else’s reason to give thanks, then there will be two of you.

Connect with Nature
Nature is like a big hug for your soul. Even a short walk around the block or spending some time with your plants can lift your spirits. Pay attention to the sounds, colors, and textures around you—engaging with nature can really help ground you and reconnect you with yourself. Sunlight, and I am one of those people that hisses when light touches me, but 20 minutes of open air sunlight exposure every day will connect you, ground you to your surroundings and give you vitamins and minerals that light bulbs can’t replace.

Engage in Creative Activities
Get those creative juices flowing! Whether it’s painting, writing, gardening, or crafting, find something that sparks joy for you. Allow yourself to create without any judgment; just enjoy the process and let it be a source of happiness and self-discovery. A fifteen minute block of time with nothing but a piece of paper and a pen and just write or draw, whatever you feel.

Reach Out for Connection
Feeling isolated can be tough when you’re navigating mental health challenges. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups—sharing your experiences can lighten the load and remind you that you’re not alone in this journey. I’ve found a lot of help and information in message boards. I’ve considered setting up a small message board here, not with any centralized theme I just want somewhere anyone can come to not feel alone.

Practice Self-Compassion
We all have tough days; it’s part of being human! So, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a friend going through a rough patch. Remember that every step toward joy matters—even if it feels small. You don’t have to have it all together, you don’t have to have anything together and its ok to not be ok.

Make Room for Play
As busy mamas, we often forget how important play is! Carve out time for activities that bring you joy—whether it’s playing games with your autistic teen or trying out a new hobby. Play helps relieve stress and reminds us of the simple joys in life. If you can share the hobbies you enjoy with the ones you love it will give you both reasons to smile.

Find Meaning in Challenges
It might be hard, but try to find meaning in your struggles. Reflect on what you’ve learned from those experiences and how they’ve shaped you. This perspective can help build resilience and deepen your appreciation for the joy that follows tough times. Its lessons that shape us good or bad and its because of where we’ve been that we know where we ARE.

Conclusion

Finding joy in everyday life isn’t about pretending challenges don’t exist; it’s about embracing those small moments that light up our days. As someone navigating bipolar disorder, anxiety, and ADHD, I know how real the struggle is—but by cultivating gratitude and seeking out joy, we can tackle our journeys with more resilience and hope. Remember: it’s perfectly okay to seek support and take time for yourself. You deserve joy, and it’s often hiding in the simplest moments! Take care of yourselves, and each other!

Uncategorized

Navigating the Chaos of RSD: A Beautiful Disaster’s Guide

JoLeave a comment

So I talked the other day about RSD, which is a bastard that I’m currently fighting with RIGHT NOW in my head. If you experience RSD, save this post. Save my email. In particular save some of these solutions to help you when your brain tries to make you hate yourself.
Let’s dive into how to wrangle this RSD beast without completely losing our shit. These thoughts can hit like a freight train full of emotional baggage, making it a real bitch to keep your cool in social situations. But don’t worry, I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve that might just save your sanity.



Self-Compassion (AKA Don’t Be an Asshole to Yourself)
Cut yourself some slack, for fuck’s sake. Everyone gets rejected sometimes – it doesn’t mean you’re a walking dumpster fire. Try talking to yourself like you would to your best friend after a bad breakup. “Hey, you may be a mess right now but you’re still awesome even if that person didn’t see it.” Constant struggle, often you will have to love yourself for trying enough to let go.


Reality Check (Or: Is Your Brain Bullshitting You?)

Before you spiral into the abyss, ask yourself if there’s actual evidence for your fears or if you’re just being a drama queen. Maybe, just maybe, your brain is playing tricks on you. “Okay, they’re 5 minutes late. Does that really mean they hate me, or am I just catastrophizing again?” The only flaw in this logic is when your brain doesn’t let the logical side of your brain kick in because it actually believes the bad shit. You are not who you were and your value doesnt diminish based on what you can and can’t do for someone else.



Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation (Zen and the Art of Not Losing Your Shit)

Try some mindfulness crap to stay grounded. Deep breathing or muscle relaxation can help when you feel like you’re about to go off the deep end. It’s like hitting the pause button on your brain’s chaos for a hot minute. Again, the logical side of you will see this. Listening and believing that it will pass might take some intentional steps like sitting in front of the mirror multiple times a day feeling stupid but in kind words, let the feelings out. Alone even. But say the words out loud, meditate on them if you need to, the best you can do is only so much, sometimes you will fuck everything up, sometimes you CAN’T fix things, thats part of the process, you have to own it to let it go.


Reframe That Shit

Try to see rejection as a learning experience. Maybe it’s the universe’s way of saying “Not this asshole, try again.” Look back at times when rejection led to something better – they exist, I promise. Remember when that job rejection led you to an even better opportunity? Yeah, like that. One door closes but another one you couldnt see is waiting for you. Or maybe you just learn what not to do, everything is a lesson if you frame it as such.


Phone a Friend (Or a Therapist, We Don’t Judge)

Talk to someone who gets it. Sometimes you need an outside perspective to remind you you’re not actually the worst person ever. Join a support group and find your tribe of fellow beautiful disasters. Misery loves company, right? It helps to know you’re not alone in this.


Level Up Your Coping Skills

Find healthy ways to distract yourself or solve problems. Maybe take up kickboxing to punch out your frustrations, or learn to bake so you can stress-eat in style. Channel that energy somewhere useful instead of letting it eat you alive. I often stack on the hobbies, sometimes I have to be writing and listening to late night monologues on you tube and have the news or a game on just to shut up that nagging inner voice that says I’m not good enough. Most days that works


Get Real with Your Expectations

News flash: not every interaction is gonna be rainbows and unicorns. It’s normal to face some rejection in life, even if it feels like getting punched in the gut. Lower that bar a bit, and you might just find yourself pleasantly surprised. Nothing is ever perfect even if it feels like it at the time and thats not even factoring in the other persons reactions maybe they are as awkward as you!



Focus on You, You Magnificent Mess
Work on becoming the badass you want to be. Set some goals and crush them. Nothing builds confidence like proving yourself wrong. “Oh, I can’t do that? Watch me, bitch.” Start by taking account of what you have control over. Thats where you can start. Once you are cognitively aware of what is under your power to do, set a reminder daily to remind yourself, that will help a lot with the expectations and being grounded, but its something you have to commit to taking honest stock in yourself and situations impacting your life.


Curate Your Circle (AKA Ditch the Toxic Assholes)


Surround yourself with people who aren’t total jerks. Limit time with folks who make you feel like crap. Life’s too short for that bullshit. Find your people – the ones who get your brand of crazy and love you anyway. We all have to deal with people in the real world that just rub us the wrong way or are unpleasant. Limit your interactions and while you are not seeing them, think of things you have in common with them so that your next interaction stays controllable and tolerable on your end.


Consider Professional Help (Because Sometimes We All Need a Brain Tune-Up)


Therapy can be a game-changer. CBT might help you rewire that brain of yours to be less of an asshole to you. It’s like getting an oil change for your mind – sometimes you need a professional to keep things running smoothly. Its every few years instead of mileage and it never hurts to have a check in just to keep things running smoothly


Remember, rejection sucks donkey balls, but you’ve got this. You’re tougher than you think, you magnificent mess. These strategies won’t make rejection a walk in the park, but they might just help you navigate this emotional minefield without completely losing your marbles. And hey, if all else fails, there’s always wine and Netflix. No judgment here. Maybe a gummie for me since I don’t drink Til next time guys, take care of yourself, and each other

Uncategorized

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: A Rollercoaster Ride Through My Messy Mind

JoLeave a comment

Time’s been flying, but not because of any fun reason Nah, I’ve been wrestling with my own brain, and let me tell you, it’s been about as much fun as trying to wrangle cats. Pissed off cats at that.
.So, RSD. is characterized by an intense emotional reaction to perceived rejection or criticism. People with RSD may feel overwhelming sadness, anger, or anxiety in response to situations where they believe they have been rejected or judged. This can lead to avoidance of social situations or extreme sensitivity to feedback. It’s like your brain decided to crank the “giving a fuck” dial up to eleven and then broke it off. Every perceived rejection or criticism feels like a punch to the gut, leaving you gasping for air and questioning your entire existence. It’s the emotional equivalent of stepping on a Lego in the dark – unexpected, painful as hell, and makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry.

When I try to explain this shit to people, they look at me like I’ve grown a second head. They don’t understand how some times that inner critic is far too loud to ignore Its hard for someone without these thoughts to understand why we know its irrational and try our best to correct things before we speak. People without these thoughts can wonder about why we feel the way we feel but if that voice is not in you, you won’t get why we end up being so fucked up we don’t know up from down right from left. They don’t get how how this is such a debilitating, all encompassing feeling that makes the bad little intrusive thoughts that you normally think, feel, and let go, end up more like think, feel, think some more about why this feeling won’t go away, argue with the sane reasonable side of yourself, lose all faith in yourself and motivation to do anything because you can’t get past this one intrusive thought as it gets louder and louder and harder and harder to reason with or ignore, cry until there’s no tears left, find more tears, eat ice cream and accept that you are unlovable and no one wants you around.

Wow, that was quick with the big feelings right? It really does go like that. It really does make you examine every interaction and put it in the frame of a failure Lets look at how impactful this is and next time I will talk about some possible help.

Self-Blame and Doubt:
I’m always on high alert for ways I can screw things up. It’s like I’m a disaster magnet, and no matter how hard I try to steer clear, I end up crashing headfirst into every emotional tree in sight. And yeah, I know it’s exhausting for everyone around me. Who wants to be a full-time firefighter for someone else’s emotional dumpster fires that seemingly never end?

Fear of Rejection:
The minute someone’s two minutes late, my brain goes into overdrive. “They hate me, I’m worthless, I knew this would happen.” It’s like I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, just so I can say “I told you so” to myself while I’m crying into a pint of ice cream.

Catastrophizing:
Every little hiccup feels like the end of the world. I’m the queen of “I’m sorry” – I’d probably apologize to a chair for bumping into it. I have in fact, and also a random shoe, a WALL, don’t know how I did that one.and probably five more crazy things, and thats only this month lol. People get tired of hearing it, but I can’t stop. It’s like my default setting is set to “Everything is my fault.” The sky isn’t falling Chicken Little!

Overgeneralization:
Sometimes in my head, every relationship is a competition, and I’m always coming in dead last. It’s like I’m playing a game where the rules keep changing, and I’m the only one who doesn’t know how to play.

Perfectionism and Self-Criticism:
I have mini freak-outs if I have to give anyone anything that’s not absolutely perfect. It’s like my brain only operates in extremes – either I’m the best, or I’m a complete failure. There’s no room for the messy middle ground where most of life actually happens.

Emotional Magnification:
The delusions during these moments are what really fuck me up. If I text three people and no one responds immediately, my brain convinces me they’re all off somewhere plotting my social demise. Rational me knows this is bullshit, but try telling that to my anxiety.

Personalization:
I’m a master at blaming myself for everything while simultaneously feeling like an arrogant ass for thinking I have that much impact on others. It’s a mind-bending paradox of self-importance and self-loathing.

But here’s the thing – I’m putting this out there because maybe, just maybe, someone else is feeling this way too. If even one person reads this and feels less alone, or understands why their thought pattern is more toxic than a radioactive waste dump, then it’s worth it.

Remember, you magnificent mess, you’re not alone in this. We’re all just trying to navigate this crazy existence, one emotional rollercoaster at a time. Til next time (which will be fairly quick since I’ve already written it) take care of yourselves, and each other.




Uncategorized

Leaning Into It

JoLeave a comment

OK guys, I’m struggling with some things and guys, little secret, I SUCK at advice to myself, I was given a lesson today to act with intention, so lets reach out, help make ONE PERSON smile while then I feel it was a complete day. I feel like I’m 20 different people in a one person body and they are all moving at different speeds and opposite directions. So let’s dive into the chaos fest that IS feeling like a worthless pile of crap while drowning in a sea of half-finished projects. If you’re riding the rollercoaster lets talk about how to about to embrace this mess like it’s our job. Yes I feel like we have dealt with these themes, but I can only write what I know, and unfortunately pain is what I know. Its my shadow and my security blanket at the same time. I’m having trouble seeing the light but I know its there somewhere.

  1. Feelings We All Have Them: Acknowledge Them, But Don’t Let Them Define You
    Look, feeling unloved or worthless sucks donkey balls. But here’s the kicker: feelings are just feelings. They’re not facts, no matter how much your brain tries to convince you otherwise. So, next time your brain tells you you’re worthless, tell it to fuck right off. Sorry for liberally using the word fuck, but I’m serious, you have worth even on your worst days. It SUCKS that our brains root against us sometimes.

  1. Self-Compassion: Because Being an Asshole to Yourself Isn’t Helping
    On days when getting out of bed feels like climbing Everest, cut yourself some slack. Instead of beating yourself up over unfinished projects, celebrate the fact that you managed to put on pants. Or even that you managed to locate clean ones lol Progress is progress, even if it’s at a snail’s pace.
  1. Routines: Flexible Is Best
    Structure is great, but let’s be real – our conditions are about as predictable as a cat on catnip. Create a routine that bends like a rubber band, not snaps like a twig. And if your day goes to hell in a handbasket? There’s always tomorrow. I also find that you can define a task two ways, if you set yourself a start time and an end time, whether its finished or not, you tuck it away, but what if its a task you can’t just drop because its cooking or something? So I can see the pluses or minues each way. I find blocks of time work best FOR ME, but its super subjective so if you think the other way is better let me know how it works.
  1. Project Management: One Tiny Step at a Time, You Overachiever
    Got a hundred unfinished projects? I hear ya! I have in my brain that are all excited and ready to go the instant I put one to the side lol. Instead of trying to tackle them all at once like some kind of superhero, break them down into baby steps, pretty sure I told you guys, baby steps are my jam and the only way I ever accomplish anything. Its literally been ‘ok, if you can make it 15 minutes…’ whatever you are facing, ask yourself, can it wait 15 minutes? It sucks and its hard but can you just keep moving forward for 15 more minutes? Can you hang on 5 more minutes, can you hold this pain, this need to do or not do something? S. Completed one tiny task? Fuck yeah, you’re killing it!
  1. Reach Out: Because Misery Loves Company (In a Good Way)
    You’re not alone in this clusterfuck, so don’t act like you are. Reach out to your people – the ones who get it. Sometimes, just knowing someone else is in the same boat can make you feel less like you’re drowning.
  1. Mindfulness: Because Your Brain Needs a Time-Out
    When your thoughts are spinning faster than a hamster on Red Bull, it’s time for some mindfulness. Take a few deep breaths, focus on the present, or try meditation. It’s like hitting the pause button on your brain’s chaos. It helps me even if its just a quick five minutes in the quiet before everyone gets up.

  1. Embrace the Mess: Because Perfect is Boring AF
    Life with chronic conditions is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes downright shitty. But you know what? It’s also uniquely yours. Embrace the chaos, celebrate the small wins, and remember that your worth isn’t measured by your productivity or how many projects you finish. You keep being you, you keep showing up

Remember, you magnificent mess, you’re doing the best you can with the hand you’ve been dealt. And that hand might be full of jokers, but you’re still in the game. So be kind to yourself, embrace the messiness, and know that you’re worthy of love and respect, even on your worst days. Now go forth and conquer, you beautiful, chaotic souls. You’ve got this. Take care of yourselves, and each other.