(Or: Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way and Now Pass Off as Wisdom)

1️⃣ If you open the dishwasher to “just add one thing,” congratulations. You now live here.
Ownership transfers upon entry. If you can’t fill it, go check your room. I know you dont eat in there as a general rule but go look and see if the random missing spoon is hanging out with the stray socks in their hideout.

2️⃣ “We’ll deal with it later” is a valid strategy until further notice.
No one said when later is. Legally, you’re covered. Until 5 pm when all the things you were going to do catch up and your teenager is asking why something isnt done to their exacting standards.

3️⃣ Matching socks are a social construct.
As are bedtimes, sanity, and tidy junk drawers. For socks, maybe track some other missing stuff (like the spoon from before), I swear theres a Narnia or hiding dimension.

4️⃣ No one has ever truly recovered from stepping on a rogue Lego.
We carry these wounds in silence. And orthopedic inserts. My kitty in the sky Bonkers used to sleep on them, a full bucket without the lid, weirdo. Miss you little dude but thanks for sending me Fryday who amuses me endlessly, but I still miss you!

5️⃣ If you set something down ‘just for a second,’ it’s gone forever.
Gone to the shadow realm. Gone where keys and pens go to die. See narnia, also with socks and spoons. And the tupperware lids vs tupperware ratio is always uneven so I blame them too.

6️⃣ Your brain will retain the lyrics to a 1997 boy band hit but not why you walked into the room.
Priorities. We don’t make the rules. Its tearing up my heart that you don’t ‘remember the time’ you walked into a room and left with exactly what you walked in there for but honestly ‘bye bye bye’ to that dream because honestly we’re ‘never gonna get it no never gonna get it’

7️⃣ Snacks are sacred.
Do not touch another’s designated snack without first drafting a formal agreement and receiving notarized consent. I think it sucks so much worse when you crave a texture and have no food with that texture available. Like I hate it when I bring home fresh baked goods because I can only eat one every few days or I forget its there. I MIGHT get one. Vultures.

8️⃣ If the ADHD person in your house starts cleaning, DO NOT INTERRUPT.
You’re witnessing a natural phenomenon rarer than a solar eclipse. Often whats good is pulling up a rag and joining them, not that you need to do any of the cleaning, they’ll do it but they will do it alot faster if you join them.

9️⃣ We don’t do ‘normal’ here.
We tried. It was exhausting. Weird is cheaper and fits better. I have discussed this at length, I know the name is deceiving because I love being weird and don’t want any part of me normal lol. There was a time I did strive to an impossibly high level too. That me burned herself out a decade ago.

🔟 The motto remains: Lower the bar, keep the vibe.
Survival with style. That’s the goal. Often its just survival.

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Closing Thought:

Some houses run on routine, others run on vibes and caffeine.
Guess which one we are. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!