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Signs You’re Pacing Your Energy Correctly (Even If It Feels Like You’re Doing Nothing)

If you live with chronic illness, neurodivergence, or both, pacing your energy can feel suspiciously like… failing. We’ve been conditioned to believe that productivity equals worth, and rest is something you earn after pushing yourself to the brink. Spoiler alert: that mindset is garbage — and it actively works against bodies and brains like ours.

Energy pacing isn’t about doing less because you’re “giving up.” It’s about doing what keeps you functioning tomorrow. And sometimes that looks like absolutely nothing from the outside.

Here are signs you’re actually pacing correctly — even if it doesn’t feel impressive.


1. You Stop Before You Crash

If you’re resting while you still technically could keep going, congratulations — you’re doing it right. Pacing means stopping at the “I should probably rest soon” stage, not the “I have made a terrible mistake” stage.

Ending an activity while you still have a sliver of energy left isn’t weakness. It’s strategy.


2. You Plan Rest on Purpose

Rest isn’t something that “just happens” anymore. It’s scheduled. Protected. Sometimes defended like a feral raccoon.

If your calendar includes intentional downtime — especially after appointments, errands, or social interaction — that’s not laziness. That’s advanced-level self-management.


3. Your Week Looks Boring but Survivable

A paced week doesn’t look exciting. It looks quiet. Repetitive. Underwhelming.

And that’s the point.

If you’re no longer stacking five demanding things in one day and calling it “normal,” you’re learning how to live within your limits instead of constantly bulldozing them.


4. You Say No Without a Full PowerPoint Presentation

You don’t owe anyone your medical history, trauma background, or a five-paragraph explanation for why you can’t do something.

If you’re starting to say “I can’t” or “That won’t work for me” without spiraling into guilt — that’s growth. Messy, uncomfortable, necessary growth.


5. You Recover Faster Than You Used To

Maybe you still flare. Maybe you still crash. But if the recovery time is shorter than it used to be — that’s pacing working.

Progress with chronic illness is often measured in less severe consequences, not total avoidance.


6. You’re Choosing the Easier Option Without Shame

Delivery instead of cooking. Grocery pickup instead of the store. Frozen food instead of scratch meals. Sitting instead of standing.

If you’re choosing accessibility over aesthetics, you’re not “giving up.” You’re adapting. And adaptation is how people survive long-term.


7. You Feel “Unproductive” but Less Destroyed

This one messes with people the most.

If you feel like you didn’t do much, but you also didn’t completely wreck yourself — that’s a win. A quiet one. An invisible one. But a real one.


8. You’re Thinking About Tomorrow, Not Just Today

Pacing means asking, “How will this affect me later?” instead of “Can I force myself through this right now?”

If future-you is part of your decision-making process, you’re playing the long game — and that matters.


Final Thought

Pacing doesn’t look heroic. It doesn’t get applause. It doesn’t fit hustle culture or toxic positivity.

But it keeps you alive, functional, and able to show up again.

You are not doing nothing.
You are managing a body and nervous system that require intention, restraint, and care.

And honestly? That’s not weakness.
That’s skill. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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My December Brain Thinks It’s Being Chased by a Tiger

A spoonie’s guide to understanding why this month feels like a boss battle

December arrives every year like it’s auditioning for a “Most Dramatic Month” award. Lights! Deadlines! Events! Family! Weather that makes my joints feel like they were installed backwards! I swear this month shows up wearing a sequined gown and holding a megaphone screaming, “SURPRISE, IT’S ME! LET’S CHAOS.”

And listen… I’m doing my best.
But my brain?
My brain is over in the corner rubbing two neurons together trying to make a spark like a Boy Scout with wet matches.

And that’s the thing: December is uniquely designed to absolutely obliterate neurodivergent and chronically ill people.

Let me explain — with actual science.
(But don’t worry, it’s me. I’ll keep it spicy.)


1. December is basically sensory overload in a trench coat.

Think about it: blinking lights, crowds, loud music, bells, scents, glitter everywhere like it escaped a containment lab… it’s a full assault on the senses.

For ADHD and autistic brains, the sensory load of ONE Target trip in December is equivalent to running a psychological marathon while someone throws cinnamon pinecones at your face.

When you see people calmly strolling through a decorated mall, please understand they are operating at a level of sensory privilege I can only dream of.


2. Our executive function gets hit with a holiday piñata stick.

Executive function — the part of the brain responsible for planning, organizing, remembering, transitioning, and not screaming into the void — already runs on 2% battery for a lot of us.

Then December rolls in and demands:

  • Coordination
  • Decision-making
  • Gift lists
  • Cooking
  • Routines changing
  • Socializing
  • Budgeting
  • TIME MANAGEMENT (okay calm down, this is a safe space)

It’s too much.
Neuroscience basically says: if your brain already struggles with dopamine, working memory, or task sequencing, December is like trying to juggle flaming swords with oven mitts on.


3. Chronic illness + cold weather = my body filing hostile complaints with HR.

Fibromyalgia loves the cold the way cats love knocking stuff off counters: it finds an opportunity and goes for it.

Scientific fun fact: colder temperatures can increase muscle tension and pain sensitivity, and reduced sunlight messes with serotonin levels, which can intensify fatigue and mood dips.

Scientific non-fun fact: my body reacts to December like someone unplugged it mid-update.


4. The holidays trigger “performance mode” whether we want it or not.

If you grew up in chaos, survived medical trauma, or just exist as a human with trauma baggage (hi, welcome, there are snacks), your nervous system may automatically shift into high-alert this time of year.

The brain hates unpredictability.
December is 90% unpredictability.

So your amygdala goes, “Heyyyy remember when things went bad before? Let’s be ready. Just in case.”

Which is cute.
Except it’s not.
Because suddenly everything feels urgent.


5. And then there’s the emotional landmines.

Family stuff. Estrangement. Loss. Loneliness. Pressure to be joyful on command.
This season brings things to the surface like the ghosts of holidays past showed up for a group project.

So if you’re exhausted?
Forgetful?
Behind on everything?
Crying at commercials about soup?
Shoving wrapping paper under the bed and pretending it’s not your problem?

Yeah. Same.
You’re not broken — you’re overloaded.


So what do we DO about it?

(You know… besides giving up and becoming a winter hermit.)

1. Drop the “holiday expectations” bar until it’s at ankle height.

You’re allowed to celebrate at your energy level, not Hallmark’s.

2. Use “do it the lazy way” as your December mantra.

If there’s an easier version of something? Do that.
Frozen food? Yes.
Gift bags instead of wrapping? Absolutely.
Paper plates? You’re doing amazing.

3. Build in tiny pockets of sensory calm.

Dark room + blanket + phone on silent = a spiritual experience.

4. If your brain is spiraling, label it.

“My nervous system is overwhelmed. This isn’t a failure; it’s a signal.”
Boom. Power move.

5. Accept that December brain is a special, limited-edition seasonal disorder.

It’s not you.
It’s the month.


And here’s the part I want you to hear the loudest:

You do not owe December a performance.
You don’t owe tradition your body.
You don’t owe the holiday season a curated, Pinterest-perfect experience.
You owe your life — your REAL life — kindness, rest, and honesty.

If you make it through the month fed, semi-warm, and not buried under gift wrap, congratulations: you won December.

Even if your brain thinks it’s running from a tiger. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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The Spoonie Survival Guide to December: Manage the Joy Without the Meltdown (Ok SOME meltdowns, but minimal)

Ah, December.
The month where everyone else seems to be powered by peppermint and holiday magic… and I’m over here running on fumes, stubbornness, and one functioning spoon. Maybe two if I slept weird and accidentally charged myself.

But here’s the thing: December doesn’t have to eat us alive.
We can enjoy the cute twinkle lights, the cozy vibes, the nostalgia — without sacrificing our last working nerve.

So here are my tried-and-true, spoonie-approved tips for making it through the season with your sanity (mostly) intact.


1. Lower the Bar. Then Lower It Again.

Holiday movies lied.
No one needs matching pajamas, a handmade wreath, and a three-course dinner.
Pick the bare minimum that still feels like joy — the rest can sit in the corner and think about what it’s done. Matching PJs? Nope, I get everyone a shirt and call it good.

2. Build Your “Nope List” Early

These are the things you’re not doing.
Not even considering.
Not even thinking about reconsidering.

Mine includes:

  • Wrapping gifts like a Pinterest mom
  • Baking anything that requires more than one bowl
  • Going to three events in one weekend (laughable)

Write it down. Honor it like a boundary carved in stone. I will NOT be guilted into something I physically am unable to do.

3. Embrace the Lazy-Girl Gift Strategy

If it can be ordered, mailed, or printed without me putting on real pants?
It’s fair game.

Digital gifts, Etsy finds, consumables… honestly, the best gifts don’t come from a craft room meltdown. Pants arent really the enemy but shoes and a bra always seem to take more spoons than I have.

4. Schedule Recovery Time Like It’s a Medical Appointment

Events = exhaustion.
Fun = exhaustion.
Walking from the couch to the door to sign for a package = sometimes also exhaustion.

So plan buffer days around anything that drains you. No guilt.

Your energy is a budget — spend wisely. I try to not plan anything for the whole month of December because things come up.

5. Keep One “Emergency Joy” Thing Nearby

A candle.
A smashbook.
Your comfort show.
A snack that makes you feel alive.

Something tiny that sparks joy when your spoon count hits “Windows XP crashing” mode.

6. Delegate Like a CEO on a Deadline

Kids can help.
Partners can help.
DoorDash exists for a reason.

Being a spoonie in December means becoming a master delegator with zero apologies.

7. Create a Bare-Minimum Holiday Tradition

One thing.
Just one.

A movie you always watch.
A hot cocoa night.
A drive to see lights.

Consistency beats intensity every time. I’ve got little things I add each year, with trimming the tree (daughter does under my supervision.) We TRY and watch a movie with a holiday theme. Hot chocolate. Little things.

8. Let Go of the Ghost of December Past

Maybe old you did more.
Maybe old you hosted dinners or ran around like a festive tornado.

New you deserves grace — not comparison. What sucks is there is ten years between middle and last child. I could do WAY more when the older two were prime Christmas ages! Theres not even a comparison.

9. Pick the Memories Over the Motion

If something makes a good memory but doesn’t drain you?
That’s the sweet spot.

We’re not chasing “perfect.”
We’re chasing “present.” There’s a lot of moments you can be ‘present’ for once you take shortcuts on the things that matter less.

10. Celebrate Your Way — Even If Your Way Is the Couch

Rest doesn’t make you less festive.
Joy doesn’t require performance.
You’re allowed to celebrate at the speed your body allows. Do things in advance to use when your spoons are empty, cook in bulk when you have everything out.

And honestly?
That’s where the real peace of the season lives.
December is not a test you have to pass.
It’s a month — messy, beautiful, loud, overwhelming — that you get to shape in the way that works for you.

You deserve moments of joy that don’t cost you your health.
You deserve ease.
You deserve gentleness.

So here’s to a season that meets us where we are — not where the world tells us we “should” be.Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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🧩 11 Things I’ve Accepted I’ll Never Have Together (And That’s Okay)

There comes a point in every adult’s life where you stop chasing perfection and just start chasing peace.
Mine came somewhere between my third “lost laundry sock” breakdown and realizing that meal planning for the week doesn’t make my brain any less chaotic.

So here are 10 things I’ve fully accepted I’ll never have together — and honestly, I’m fine with it.


1. My Sleep Schedule

Some nights I’m out cold by 9. Other nights, I’m rearranging my thoughts (and furniture) at 2 a.m. Balance? Never met her. My problems are in those wee hours of the morning but my issues are waking up no later than 4, even if I dont fall asleep til 3. Its maddening.


2. Laundry

There’s clean, there’s dirty, and there’s “on that chair I swear I’ll fold tomorrow.”
Spoiler: tomorrow’s been rescheduled indefinitely.


3. My Phone Storage

I can delete exactly 400 screenshots and still have “not enough space.” I think the memes multiply when I’m not looking.


4. Matching Socks

At this point, I’m calling it fashion. If my socks are both clean, that’s a win.


5. My Inbox

Some people zero out their email every night. I zero out emotionally about my email every night.


6. That One Junk Drawer

It’s basically a time capsule for expired batteries and mystery cords from 2008.


7. My Brain’s Tabs

They’re all open. None of them are loading. I’ve accepted it’s just part of my operating system.


8. My To-Do List

For every item I cross off, three new ones appear like hydra heads. Productivity is a myth perpetuated by people with working serotonin.


9. My Diet

Sometimes it’s vegetables and lean protein.
Sometimes it’s cold pizza and vibes.
It’s called balance, baby.


10. The Idea of “Having It Together”

Turns out, nobody does. Some just accessorize their chaos better.
So here’s to letting go, laughing at the mess, and knowing that imperfect is still enough.

11. My Posting Schedule

I love sharing my thoughts and connecting with my community — but some days, the mental energy just isn’t there.
And that’s okay.
Skipping a post doesn’t mean I’m lazy or unreliable; it means I’m human. listicles are just easier to do when your brain wont shut up enough to do any research or even just have the mental capacity for boring depressive stuff. I’m trying to keep it up beat and hold it all together. Sometimes “taking care of business” looks like closing the laptop, eating something carb-loaded, and giving my brain a breather.


💭 Final Thought:

You don’t have to fix everything to be doing okay.
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is stop fighting the tide and just float for a bit.Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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8 Times My Mental Health Made Me a Genius — and 3 Times It Made Me a Dumpster Fire

Some days, I swear my brain is a chaotic supercomputer running on caffeine and trauma responses. It’s exhausting. It’s unpredictable. And occasionally, it’s brilliant.

So let’s give credit where it’s due — because sometimes mental illness hands you a superpower… and sometimes it hands you a Molotov cocktail.


🧠 The Genius Moments

1. Hyperfocus: AKA My Accidental Superpower
When my brain decides something is interesting, I turn into a NASA-level researcher on a Red Bull IV. I can build a business plan, reorganize my entire digital life, and deep-dive through 42 tabs of psychology articles before breakfast. I might forget to eat, but I will emerge knowing the mating habits of penguins if it’s remotely relevant.


2. Emotional Intelligence on God Mode
Years of overanalyzing every tone and micro-expression have made me a human lie detector with empathy upgrades. I can walk into a room and feel the vibe like a weather forecaster for emotions. It’s exhausting but occasionally makes me the person everyone calls when they need comfort or brutal honesty — whichever comes first.


3. Creative Problem Solving: The Chaos Alchemy
Give me a problem and 15 minutes of unfiltered panic, and I’ll have three off-the-wall solutions that actually work. Spoonies and neurodivergent folks don’t just “think outside the box.” We’ve set the box on fire, repurposed the ashes, and turned it into an Etsy product.


4. The Art of Masking (AKA Professional Acting)
Sure, it’s born from survival, but let’s be honest — I’ve basically earned an honorary degree in emotional theater. I can hold it together in public, then immediately turn into a crying burrito when I get home. Oscar-worthy.


5. Intuition That Borders on Witchcraft
When you live in constant hypervigilance, your brain notices everything. Energy shifts. Tone changes. The fact that Karen at the store is not okay. Sometimes it’s anxiety, sure — but sometimes it’s eerily accurate intuition. I’m not saying I’m psychic, but…


6. The Research Rabbit Hole™
I’ve “accidentally” learned the DSM-5 like it’s bedtime reading. If I love something, I deep dive — no casual interests here. Just full-blown expertise in ADHD coping strategies, trauma theory, and which weighted blanket won’t suffocate me.


7. Empathy = My Super Serum
Pain teaches compassion. Chronic illness teaches perspective. Together, they make you someone who can meet others where they are, not where you wish they were. That’s no small thing.


8. Resilience Built from Pure Stubbornness
You ever meet someone who survived their own brain on hard mode? Yeah — we don’t quit easily. We rest, cry, reboot, and come back with snacks and spreadsheets.


🔥 The Dumpster Fire Moments

1. Overwhelm Level: Existential Crisis
Sometimes, everything is just too much. The noise, the people, the to-do list — all of it. My brain freezes like an overloaded computer and suddenly, I’m watching TikToks instead of doing basic human tasks like “laundry” or “feeding self.”


2. The ‘Fun’ Side of Mania or Hyperfixation
Oh, you wanted balance? Sorry, my brain just ordered $120 of craft supplies for a project I’ll finish never. I’ve also rewritten the same paragraph 14 times because it’s 3 a.m. and I’m possessed by perfectionism.


3. Memory? Think Again
There are entire days that vanish like deleted browser history. Did I take my meds? Did I text back? Why is there coffee in the microwave from yesterday? No one knows.


The Takeaway

We’re walking contradictions — brilliant and burned out, wise and impulsive, compassionate and chaotic. But you know what? We still show up. Every single day, we rebuild from the ashes our brains set on fire.

And that? That’s not a flaw. That’s art. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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Taylor Swift Gets Us All: Even the Spoonie Ones

From survival mode to regret, heartbreak to invisibly raging chaos, Taylor somehow finds the words for it all. These lyrics aren’t just clever turns of phrase — they’re mirrors for anyone struggling to be seen, understood, or simply to make it through another day. So the next time your body, brain, or emotions feel like they’re on fire, remember: Taylor’s got a line for that, and so do you. It’s not about whose pain is “worse” or more legitimate — it’s about being seen, validated, and reminded that even in the middle of your messiest moments, you’re still here, still trying, and still worthy of recognition.

“Balancin’ on breaking branches.” — Exile
Tell me you live with chronic illness, ADHD, or bipolar disorder without telling me. That line is the daily tightrope walk — trying to look stable while everything underneath you is creaking. You’re functioning, technically… but one more unexpected email, flare-up, or emotional storm and snap. It’s the exhausted kind of resilience that looks impressive from the outside but feels like survival from the inside.

“I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t.” — Back to December, Speak Now
Sometimes life leaves you with regrets that can’t be undone. Chronic illness, mental health episodes, or relationship missteps can haunt you, and all you can do is keep going forward while carrying those lessons with you.


“They told me all my cages were mental.” — This Is Me Trying, Folklore
Living with invisible illness or neurodivergence can make people question your experience. Taylor nails the frustration of having your struggles minimized or dismissed, even when you’re doing your absolute best to keep it together.

“Love slipped beyond your reaches.” — Champagne Problems, Folklore
For anyone navigating relationships while dealing with chronic pain, mental illness, or emotional turmoil, this lyric speaks to those moments when your best efforts simply aren’t enough — and you feel powerless watching connection slip away.

“Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?” — Right Where You Left Me, Folklore
That’s literally trauma in a sentence. Perfect for describing being stuck in survival mode long after the danger has passed.

“When I was drownin’, that’s when I could finally breathe.” — Clean, 1989
Leave it to Taylor to turn a mental breakdown into poetry. That line perfectly sums up what it feels like when you finally stop pretending you’re fine — when the exhaustion, pain, or chaos finally knocks you flat, and somehow, that’s when you start healing. It’s not weakness; it’s the breath you take after holding it for way too long.


“You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter.” — Mine
Generational trauma wrapped in a love song. It’s breaking the patterns you were born into, learning love without fear, and realizing being “the careful daughter” was never the same as being safe.

“Why’d I have to break what I love so much.” — Afterglow
For anyone who’s accidentally hurt someone they care about — a child, partner, or even themselves. Chronic illness, emotional overwhelm, or mental health challenges can make us stumble in ways we never intended, and this lyric captures that ache of regret perfectly.

“The room is on fire, invisible smoke.” — The Archer
This is what living with chronic illness, PTSD, or anxiety can feel like. Everything in you is alight — panic, pain, exhaustion — but the world sees nothing. Your body aches, your brain races, your emotions combust… and everyone else is just like, “You seem fine.” It’s invisible chaos, and that’s the cruelest part: no one can help fight a fire they can’t see.

“I guess sometimes we all get some kind of haunted.” — Midnight Rain
The emotional equivalent of a PTSD flashback, chronic pain flare-up, or neurodivergent meltdown. It’s the moment when your past — trauma, illness, or just life — creeps up on you uninvited. It’s not about reliving the past; it’s about acknowledging that it still lingers.

“I miss who I used to be.” — Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve
When life steals pieces of you. Chronic illness, mental health struggles, or trauma can leave you staring at the mirror wondering if you’ll ever recognize yourself again. Taylor nails the quiet heartbreak of missing the “you” that existed before pain, betrayal, or illness started rewriting your story.

“How much sad did you think I had in me?” — So Long, London
Nails the emotional extremes of bipolar or just being completely maxed out emotionally. That mix of exhaustion, overwhelm, and “I’m still standing, barely” is instantly relatable to anyone with intense mood swings or chronic emotional strain.

“I can go anywhere I want — just not home.” — Exile
The heartbreak of estrangement in one line. You build a life, you heal, but that door you once knew as “home” doesn’t open anymore. It’s grief with no funeral, just echoes.


    From survival mode to heartbreak, estrangement to invisible chaos, Taylor somehow finds the words for it all. Each lyric shows us we’re not alone in our experiences, that even invisible struggles — chronic illness, mental health battles, neurodivergence, estrangement — are valid and worthy of recognition. So the next time your body, brain, or emotions feel like they’re on fire, remember: Taylor’s got a line for that, and so do you. It’s not a contest about whose pain is “worse.” It’s about being seen, being validated, and acknowledging that even in the middle of your messiest moments, you’re still here, still trying, and still worthy of recognition.

    Til next time, gang: take care of yourselves, and of each other.

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    The Unofficial Chronic Illness Starter Pack: 13 Things We All Somehow End Up Owning

    There’s no “welcome packet” when you join the chronic illness club. No orientation video, no handbook, not even a “sorry your body betrayed you” cupcake. But give it a year or two, and like clockwork, you’ll somehow accumulate the exact same stuff as every other chronically ill human alive.

    It doesn’t matter what your diagnosis is — autoimmune, neurological, connective tissue chaos, or “we still don’t know but it’s definitely something.” You’ll still end up with this exact lineup. Consider it the unofficial starter pack for a life you didn’t sign up for.


    1. The Heating Pad That’s Basically a Limb Now

    Not a heating pad. The heating pad. The emotional-support heating device that never leaves your side. The one that smells a little… “well-loved.” The one that goes on vacation with you, because without it, you might as well just stay home and cry.

    Bonus points if you own more than one: couch pad, bed pad, travel pad. If there’s an outlet nearby, there’s probably a heating pad plugged into it.


    2. The Pill Organizer That Screams “Elder Millennial in Crisis”

    Remember when you thought pill organizers were for your grandma? That’s adorable. Now you’ve got the jumbo one with four compartments per day and color-coded sections that could rival a NASA launch sequence.

    You’ve upgraded at least twice. You’ve probably dropped it at least once and watched your entire week scatter across the floor like medical confetti.


    3. The Hydration Graveyard

    “You need to drink more water!” they said. So you bought every water bottle known to humankind. The motivational one with time stamps. The $40 one that promised to change your life. The one with a straw that always smells faintly weird.

    And yet… you’re still dehydrated. But at least your shelf looks like an REI display.


    4. Compression Socks That Deserve Their Own Fashion Line

    When you first bought them, you swore they were temporary. Now you’ve got rainbow stripes, polka dots, and ones that match your pajamas.

    Nothing like someone complimenting your “cute socks” while you’re over here preventing blood from pooling in your legs like a human Capri Sun.


    5. Meds You’re 70% Sure You Still Need

    Your medicine cabinet looks like a CVS threw up. Some prescriptions you take daily, some “just in case,” and others that you can’t remember why you still have but you’re too scared to stop taking.

    At least once a week you’re googling, “can I take this one with food or nah?”


    6. The Sacred Comfort Outfit

    Elastic waistband. Zero zippers. Fabric so soft it might disintegrate soon but you’ll die before you part with it.

    You own duplicates because when you find something that doesn’t make your body angry, you commit.


    7. The Ice Pack Army

    The freezer is 80% ice packs and 20% actual food. There are gel ones, flexible ones, and the infamous bag of peas that’s been there since the Obama administration.

    Visitors open your freezer and immediately regret asking questions.


    8. Pillows. So Many Pillows.

    You’ve got regular pillows, wedge pillows, knee pillows, body pillows, and that expensive orthopedic one you swear doesn’t help but you’re too stubborn to admit it.

    Your bed looks like a cloud exploded. Your couch looks like a pillow fort designed by an overachiever.


    9. Your Personal Medical Archive

    You could open a small clinic with your paperwork. Test results, specialist notes, insurance denials, and that one referral you might need someday.

    Because if you don’t keep copies, you’ll end up explaining your entire medical history from scratch at every appointment anyway.


    10. The Blanket Multiverse

    Weighted blanket. Heated blanket. Soft blanket. “Don’t touch me” blanket. “Only this texture doesn’t make me rage” blanket.

    You’ve reached a point where you can’t sit anywhere without instinctively grabbing one. It’s fine. It’s cozy. You’ve accepted it.


    11. Snacks on Standby

    Every bag, drawer, and vehicle has a snack stash. Protein bars, nuts, crackers, and that one emergency granola bar that’s probably older than your pet but still good in a pinch.

    Low blood sugar waits for no one.


    12. The Endless Notebook Collection

    Symptom logs, med trackers, food diaries, mood charts, appointment notes. Every notebook started with good intentions and ended three pages in.

    You’ve also tried every app known to mankind, but somehow keep coming back to paper and pen.


    13. A Dark, Sparkly Sense of Humor

    You can’t buy this one, but it’s essential. If you can’t laugh at your heating pad dependency and your pharmacy-sized pill case, you’ll lose your mind.

    Because crying hurts your head, and honestly, we’re low on spoons for that today.


    The Unspoken Truth

    If you’re reading this while sitting on your heating pad, wrapped in a blanket, surrounded by snacks and water bottles you forgot to refill — congrats, you’re one of us now.

    The chronic illness starter pack isn’t sold anywhere. You build it piece by piece, fueled by trial, error, and desperate 2 a.m. Amazon searches.

    We didn’t choose this starter pack. But we’re making it work — one heating pad session, one sarcastic laugh, one survival day at a time. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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    When You Can’t Tell If It’s a Flare or a Flashback (And Why That’s Terrifying)

    Your heart’s doing the cha-cha at 130 beats per minute. Your chest tightens. The world tilts. Your hands shake. Your brain starts whispering, “Hey, are we dying or just freaking out again?”

    Is it POTS? A panic attack? A flashback to that one time your body really did betray you?
    You’ve got about thirty seconds to figure it out before the anxiety of not knowing makes everything worse.

    Welcome to the impossible diagnostic puzzle that is living with chronic illness and PTSD from medical trauma.


    When Your Body Is Both the Scene of the Crime and the Witness

    People with chronic illnesses are statistically more likely to develop PTSD-like symptoms—but the kicker is, it’s not from a one-time event. It’s because your body is an ongoing threat to your own sense of safety.

    Unlike classic PTSD, where the trauma is technically in the past, medical PTSD means the trauma could literally happen again.
    When you live with something like POTS, EDS, or MCAS, your body is both the suspect and the alarm system. The hypervigilance isn’t paranoia—it’s pattern recognition. You’ve learned that symptoms can mean something is seriously wrong.

    But here’s the nightmare twist: those same symptoms—heart racing, shaking, dizziness—are also identical to a panic attack.


    The Overlap That Makes You Want to Scream Into a Pillow

    Let’s play a fun game called “Spot the Difference” between POTS and panic attacks:

    POTS Symptoms:

    • Rapid heart rate (120+ bpm)
    • Dizziness or lightheadedness
    • Shortness of breath
    • Chest tightness
    • Trembling, sweating, nausea
    • Feeling like you might pass out

    Panic Attack Symptoms:

    • Rapid heart rate
    • Dizziness or lightheadedness
    • Shortness of breath
    • Chest tightness
    • Trembling, sweating, nausea
    • Feeling like you might pass out

    Yeah. Exactly the same.

    So you sit there, pulse pounding, trying to decide if you need electrolytes or grounding exercises. And the longer you try to figure it out, the more anxious you get. Which—you guessed it—makes your heart race even more.

    Congratulations, you’ve just triggered both conditions at once.


    The “Is It My Body or My Brain?” Spiral

    1. Heart rate spikes.
    2. You think, “Is this POTS or panic?”
    3. The uncertainty feeds the anxiety.
    4. Anxiety makes your heart rate climb higher.
    5. PTSD brain jumps in like, “Hey, remember the last time this happened?”
    6. Your body floods with stress hormones.
    7. Symptoms worsen, clarity vanishes, and you’re stuck in a full-body loop of chaos.

    Sometimes grounding doesn’t work. Sometimes standing makes it worse. Sometimes everything makes it worse. The mental gymnastics of self-triage would exhaust an Olympic athlete, and that’s before you even factor in the fatigue that both conditions bring.


    When Hypervigilance Isn’t a “Coping Issue”

    In classic PTSD, hypervigilance—constantly scanning for danger—is something therapy tries to reduce.
    But when you live with a chronic condition that can cause fainting, cardiac issues, or anaphylaxis, that vigilance might literally save your life.

    So how do you tell your brain to “calm down, you’re safe” when sometimes… you actually aren’t?

    This is the impossible bind of trauma plus illness:
    PTSD therapy says, stop monitoring every sensation.
    Your medical team says, monitor every sensation.
    Neither is wrong. Neither fully works.


    The Medical Gaslighting Cherry on Top

    And just to make it more fun: when you do seek help, you get hit with the “it’s just anxiety” script.

    Even though POTS isn’t caused by anxiety, and even though research shows anxiety rates are about the same as the general population, you’ll still have doctors waving off your physical symptoms because your chart says PTSD.

    You start to lose faith in professionals. You stop asking for help. You learn to rely only on yourself for triage—because nobody else seems capable of telling the difference either.

    Which means you’re back to square one, again, sitting in the impossible space of trying to figure it out alone.


    The Treatment Contradiction

    PTSD therapy often involves exposure work—facing the thing that scares you until your brain chills out about it.
    Except in this case, the “thing that scares you” is your own body.

    You can’t just take a break from having a body. You can’t “gradually reintroduce” the experience of dizziness or tachycardia when those things are daily realities that might require medical intervention.

    Worse, some PTSD therapies intentionally raise your heart rate to help you practice staying calm through physical sensations. That’s great… unless you have POTS, where that heart rate spike might actually make you faint.

    So you end up in a no-win situation where treating one condition can trigger the other.


    What Actually Helps (Sometimes)

    There’s no perfect fix here. But there are ways to soften the edges:

    💡 Look for patterns, not moments. Track triggers over time. Are symptoms linked to posture, temperature, dehydration, or specific memories? Zooming out can help reduce panic in the moment.

    💡 Build a “both/and” plan. Sit down? Yes (helps POTS). Ground yourself? Yes (helps panic). You don’t have to guess which one it is to respond with compassion instead of chaos.

    💡 Find trauma-informed doctors. You need providers who understand that your nervous system and your medical symptoms aren’t separate universes.

    💡 Accept uncertainty. Sometimes you just won’t know—and that’s not failure. That’s reality.

    💡 Validate yourself. You’re not dramatic. You’re not broken. You’re reacting appropriately to a wildly confusing body situation that most people can’t imagine.


    The Unspoken Truth

    Living with medical PTSD and chronic illness means constantly trying to interpret a body that lies to you and tells the truth at the same time.

    It means your hypervigilance is both too much and not enough.
    It means your body is both the warning sign and the danger.

    You’re not failing to cope—you’re surviving something that isn’t designed to make sense.

    And honestly? That’s nothing short of heroic.

    Til next time, gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!


    🧠 Research Toolbox

    • American Psychological Association. Medical trauma and PTSD in patients with chronic illness (2020).
    • Raj, S. R. (2022). Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS): Pathophysiology, Diagnosis, and Management. Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine.
    • Löwe, B. et al. (2021). Trauma, PTSD, and chronic illn
    Uncategorized

    The Social Hangover: Why One Family Gathering = Three Business Days of Recovery

    I did a thing.

    I put on jeans. Yes, actual denim. Not “leggings that whisper about being pants if you squint hard enough.” Real jeans. Then, because apparently I like to cosplay as a functioning human, I added makeup. First time in two years. Even did my hair. Honestly, I could’ve stopped there and deserved a medal.

    But no, I had a mission: drive three hours each way to see my sister, hand-deliver the painstakingly perfected gifts I’d been working on for weeks, and socialize with more humans than my hermit soul has encountered in… possibly a decade for my sister and grand niece.

    Let me tell you, the event itself? Lovely. The invite? Appreciated. The people? Wonderful. The food? Chef’s kiss. My energy afterward? Dead. Buried. Ghosted.

    Here’s the unglamorous math nobody tells you:

    • Prep time: two weeks of stressing, shopping, and crafting gifts.
    • Cosmetic upgrades: one hour to transform into “someone who looks like she has her life together.”
    • Event length: six hours in the car, plus a full day of interaction.
    • Recovery time: estimated three to five business days, maybe longer. Please hold.

    Today, I’m the human equivalent of a phone stuck on 2% battery with a broken charger. Hollow, sluggish, vaguely resentful at the concept of standing upright. And yet… this is the price of admission when you leave your cave.

    So if you’re also lying in bed after “a fun day,” wondering why your body feels like you ran a marathon while juggling flaming swords, let me reassure you: you didn’t imagine it. Social hangovers are real. Spoon debt is brutal. Jeans are a weapon of mass destruction.

    Recovery Day Survival Tips (a.k.a. How to Human Again After Too Much Humaning)

    • Hydrate like it’s your new religion. You just sweated out three weeks’ worth of electrolytes socializing.
    • Eat something that doesn’t come in a crinkly wrapper. (No shame if it does, but bonus points for real nutrients.)
    • Lay flat. On the bed, the couch, or the floor — whatever’s closest when you collapse.
    • Noise-cancel the world. Earplugs, headphones, or just a dramatic blanket burrito.
    • Cancel productivity. Laundry and dishes can wait. Your nervous system cannot.
    • Gentle motion only. Stretching, slow walks, or the ceremonial shuffle to the fridge.
    • Remember: jeans are optional for the rest of your life.


    Tomorrow I’ll probably be fine(ish). But today? Today is about recovery, snacks, and swearing off denim forever. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

    Uncategorized

    Notifications from My Chronic Illness Squad

    Sometimes living with multiple diagnoses feels like I’m stuck moderating the world’s most chaotic group chat. None of my conditions text in complete sentences, everyone interrupts, and nobody ever seems to be on the same page. Honestly, if you peeked at the notifications going off in my brain, this is pretty much what you’d see…

    Good Morning!

    ADHD: “GUYS I just had the BEST idea! Let’s reorganize the closet at 2 a.m. while blasting music!”

    Fibromyalgia: “Cool, but you’re going to need a heating pad, three naps, and a chiropractor after.”

    Bipolar: “YES. Let’s do it! Let’s paint the closet rainbow colors and start a whole new side hustle around it!!”

    Anxiety: “Wait. What if the paint is toxic? What if you mess it up? What if everyone laughs at you? Also, did you lock the door?”

    Depression: “lol. what’s the point of even having a closet.”

    PTSD: [randomly sends 17 fire emojis]

    After Lunch:


    ADHD: “Oops, forgot the drawers. Now I’m starting a craft project.”

    Fibromyalgia: “Oh, awesome. Guess who’s going to need three days in bed because of hot glue injuries?”

    Bipolar: “WE CAN SELL IT ON ETSY! MILLIONS!!”

    Anxiety: “What if nobody buys it? What if they all leave one-star reviews? What if we end up bankrupt??”

    Depression: “same.”

    PTSD: [sends an old photo no one wanted to see]

    Mid – Afternoon

    ADHD: “Oops! Forgot the craft, but I DID deep clean the fridge!”


    Fibromyalgia: “Congrats. I’ll just be over here, inflamed like a balloon.”

    Motivation (rare cameo): “Guys… maybe we… clean the kitchen?”

    ADHD: Ignore Motivation, he’s on vacation most days


    Bipolar: “OMG let’s turn this into a cleaning business! Million-dollar idea!!”


    Anxiety: “What if someone hires us and we miss a spot and they never forgive us?”


    Depression: “We wouldn’t go anyway.”


    PTSD: [sends a soft focus picture of nothing in particular]

    2 A.M. Chaos 🌙

    ADHD: “GUYS! Big idea! We should make a podcast!”

    Fibromyalgia: “We can’t even make it through a shower without a recovery period.”


    Bipolar: “No, no — THIS is the idea that’ll change everything!!”

    Anxiety: “What if no one listens? What if EVERYONE listens?!”

    Depression: “lol. either way, pointless.”

    PTSD: [sends a GIF of an explosion]

    And that’s just one day in the group chat. Tomorrow they’ll be arguing about whether to try a new hobby, cry about laundry, or plan an entire business venture at 3 a.m. Living with ADHD, bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia (and the rest of the crew) isn’t neat or predictable—it’s messy, noisy, and sometimes ridiculous. But at least if I can laugh at the chaos, I get to feel like the one running the chat instead of just stuck in it Till next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!