Tag: PTSD

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Extremely Official Life Lessons I’ve Learned From Inanimate Objects

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Hey friends. No heavy lifting today — unless you count carrying the emotional weight of a slightly stale muffin and a cluttered craft table. Just some wisdom I’ve gathered from staring at household objects for way too long and assigning them personalities.

1. My Laundry Basket

Life lesson: You can only carry so much emotional weight (and unmatched socks) before you drop something and cry about it.

2. My Microwave

Life lesson: You can explode if someone doesn’t give you enough time to cool off. It’s science. And vibes.

3. That One Spoon That’s Always Dirty

Life lesson: You are valuable. You are essential. And even if you feel gross and overlooked, someone’s probably looking for you right now.

4. The Craft Table (aka The Table Formerly Known as “Dining Room”)

Life lesson: You don’t have to be pretty to be productive. Also, chaos can be functional. It’s fine. It’s all fine.

5. My Phone Charger

Life lesson: You can’t be expected to power everything if you’re frayed at both ends. Unplug. Recharge. Or scream. Honestly, all valid.

6. The Thermostat

Life lesson: You can keep everything “set” just right and still end up wildly uncomfortable. Sometimes your system just doesn’t cooperate. That doesn’t mean you’re broken — it means you’re human. Or possibly perimenopausal. Or both. Let’s be honest, probably both.

7. The Floor

Life lesson: No matter how hard you hope, it still isn’t made of trampoline. Bouncing back takes work. And ice packs.

8. The Dish Towel That’s Always Damp

Life lesson: You can show up day after day, do your job, and still get left in a heap in the corner. But look at you — still wiping up messes like a champ.

9. That Cup in the Sink That No One Ever Claims

Life lesson: Boundaries are important. You are not the designated cleaner of everyone else’s mystery problems.

10. My Alarm Clock

Life lesson: People won’t always appreciate you for waking them up, but sometimes being the annoying truth-teller is your job. Be loud anyway.

Til next time gang, unless I resin my fingers together lol. Take care of yourselves, and each other!

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🧠 When You’re Too Overwhelmed to Function (Yes, It’s a Thing)

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There are days — and let’s be honest, whole eras — where the simplest task feels like trying to run a marathon in molasses. You walk into a room and forget why. You stare at a sink full of dishes like it’s trying to fight you. Your to-do list is screaming, your brain is buffering, and somehow the only thing you do manage to do is… nothing.

You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re overwhelmed — and your brain has hit the freeze setting.

This isn’t just relatable, it’s biological.

🧬 Why Your Brain Freezes When You’re Overwhelmed

When your brain perceives stress — whether that’s from sensory overload, emotional exhaustion, chronic illness, or straight-up having too many tabs open in your life — it doesn’t care if it’s “just” a sink full of dishes. It reacts like there’s danger.

And that reaction? It comes from your amygdala, the little almond-shaped area in your brain responsible for detecting threats. When it thinks something’s Too Much™, it sends a signal that hijacks your logical brain (the prefrontal cortex) and triggers a fight, flight, or freeze response.

🧠 The prefrontal cortex — the part that helps you plan, prioritize, and remember what you walked into the kitchen for — literally goes offline when overwhelm spikes.

🔄 That’s why you can ping between “I should do something” and “Why am I scrolling Instagram again?” without ever actually starting the thing.

According to a 2016 article in the Harvard Business Review, when we experience cognitive overload, we lose access to “working memory,” which is the part of our brain that helps us juggle tasks. And a study in the Journal of Neuroscience showed that chronic stress impairs decision-making and reduces the brain’s ability to adapt — making it even harder to snap out of the fog once you’re in it.

Basically: the more overwhelmed you are, the harder it is to stop being overwhelmed. Coolcoolcool.

🔓 Getting Unstuck: How to Unfreeze When You’re Overwhelmed

First, let’s make one thing clear: you don’t need a complete life overhaul to start moving again. We’re not doing a Marie Kondo purge, a 10-step plan, or a productivity bootcamp. We’re just finding tiny ways to signal to your brain, “Hey, we’re safe. We can take a step now.” I think I’ve talked about these before but they bear repeating.

Here are some strategies that actually help:

1. Name It to Tame It

Saying out loud, “I feel frozen right now,” isn’t weakness — it’s neuroscience. Recognizing your emotional state lights up the prefrontal cortex and starts to re-engage that logical part of your brain.
Bonus tip: Try writing it down, even if it’s just “overwhelmed AF” on a sticky note.

2. Do One Teeny, Tiny Thing

Literally one thing. Not “do the dishes.” Just “stand next to the sink.” Or “put one plate in the dishwasher.”
That’s it. Dopamine doesn’t care how small — it still gives you a little hit for doing something. And that can be just enough to take another step.

3. Try a “Body Double” Moment

This is magic for ADHD brains but helpful for anyone: having someone around (even virtually!) can snap your brain out of a freeze. It’s not about accountability — it’s about regulation.
Text a friend, turn on a co-working YouTube, or call your sister and do five minutes of Something While Complaining.

4. Change the Channel (Sensory Reset)

Sometimes your brain needs a hard reboot. That can be as simple as:

  • Splashing cold water on your face
  • Stepping outside and feeling the air
  • Listening to music with no lyrics (lofi is a fave here)
  • Switching to a different space (yes, flopping on a new surface counts)

5. The “Timer Trick”

Set a timer for 5–10 minutes and say, “I’ll just do this one thing until the timer goes off.”
You can stop when it dings — really! — but often, starting is the hardest part. The timer gives your brain a finish line.

🌱 One Last Thing: You’re Allowed to Rest

Freezing isn’t failure. It’s your brain doing its best to protect you — and that means you don’t need to bully it into productivity. Sometimes the most radical act is letting yourself rest without shame.

You are not lazy. You are not broken. You’re surviving in a system that wasn’t designed for brains like yours — but you’re still here. That’s power. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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Survival & Sanity Weeks 9&10

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Another two weeks, another round of What the hell are we eating? Welcome to Survival and Sanity: Weeks 9–10, where the focus is chicken (because it’s cheap), simplicity (because I’m exhausted), and enough reserves to keep you from spiraling into meal decision burnout.

This plan is spoonie- and budget-friendly. You’ll find cook-day meals that stretch across multiple nights, plenty of “fend for yourself” reserves, and recipes that don’t demand your soul in exchange for dinner.

🍽️ Survival and Sanity: Weeks 9–10 Menu

Starting Monday, June 9

Monday (June 9):
Reserves Day – It’s Monday. You’re lucky there’s food at all.

Tuesday (June 10):
Chicken Stir Fry – For when you want takeout vibes but need your wallet to calm down.

Wednesday (June 11):
Reserves Day – Eggs? Sandwiches? Cereal? I support all of it.

Thursday (June 12):
Kielbasa & Veggie Sheet Pan Bake – One pan, zero shame, and dinner without a meltdown.

Friday (June 13):
Reserves Day – Official “find your own dinner and your own fork” night.

Saturday (June 14):
Takeout or Reserves – AKA “pretend we’re normal” night.

Sunday (June 15):
Bacon-Wrapped Chicken – Because wrapping anything in bacon is basically therapy.

Monday (June 16):
Mixed Flatbreads (Pesto + BBQ Chicken) – One of each flavor because decisions are hard and everyone wins.

Tuesday (June 17):
Garlic Ranch-Seasoned Chicken & Potatoes – No clumpy white sauce here, just herby garlic goodness baked until golden.

Wednesday (June 18):
Reserves Day – We’re all just scavengers at this point. Go forth and forage.

Thursday (June 19):
Chicken Tomato Pasta – Proof that noodles and tomatoes can solve most of life’s problems.

Friday (June 20):
Reserves Day – Not my circus, not my dinner.

Saturday (June 21):
Reserves or Eggs – Whatever’s in the fridge or however many eggs you can scramble.

Sunday (June 22):
Crockpot Chicken with Garlic Butter Herb Sauce – A Sunday dinner that feels like someone tried without making you cry in the kitchen.
Til next time gang, take care of yourselves and each other!

Printable Groceries
Recipes for Cook Days
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“Wait, Why Did I Walk in Here Again?” — The Silent Rage of Forgetting Everything and Blaming Yourself for It

JoLeave a comment

I walked into the kitchen and immediately forgot why. So I stood there. Just… stood there. Like maybe the answer would jump out and bite me in the ass. Sometimes it does. Other times I start spinning like a loading screen stuck at 3%, muttering to myself, “No. I came in here for a reason. We are not leaving until we figure it out.”

And then I see the dishes. Maybe that’s why I came in? No… but might as well do them, right? But the water jug needs filling first. So I fill that. If I’m going to do the dishes I should grab my cup. So I go to grab my cup — and by the time I get to my room, the real reason I went into the kitchen finally slaps me in the face. I spin around and race back in before I forget again… but it’s too late. Whatever it was is gone. I sigh. I fill my water. I forget the dishes. And the next time I look up, it’s lunchtime and I have nothing to show for my entire morning but frustration, a full water jug, and a brain that feels like it’s made of mashed potatoes.

You already know I’ve written about executive dysfunction — and this, my friends, is a prime example. Forgetting what you were doing in the middle of doing it? Classic brain chaos.

But the part that really gets me? The rage at myself afterward.

It’s not just forgetfulness. It’s that instant gut-punch of anger when I realize I’ve wasted another 30 minutes chasing my own tail around the kitchen like a confused Sims character. It’s looking up at the clock and realizing that despite all my effort, I have nothing to show for it. Again.

And I know — I know — this isn’t a moral failure. I’ve read the books. I’ve written the posts. But logic doesn’t stop that voice in my head from whisper-screaming:
“Why can’t you just remember one simple thing?”

📚 You’re Not Broken. You’re Wired Differently.

Here’s the thing: this is common for people living with ADHD, bipolar disorder, and fibromyalgia — especially when you’ve got more than one working against you. We’re out here trying to be productive while our brains are basically running Windows 95 during a thunderstorm.

Let me throw you some validation, science-style:

  • A study in Psychiatry Research (2017) found that adults with ADHD often report intense frustration and self-directed anger after forgetful moments — especially when they’re trying to keep up with everyday tasks.
  • Another study in Bipolar Disorders Journal (2020) confirmed that even between episodes, people with bipolar disorder experience ongoing memory lapses and cognitive fog, which can trigger shame and feelings of incompetence.
  • Oh, and let’s not forget fibro fog, which isn’t just a cute nickname — it’s real cognitive dysfunction tied to chronic pain and fatigue. Researchers at the University of Michigan linked fibromyalgia with slower information processing, memory issues, and impaired attention — aka, the holy trifecta of “why am I like this?”

🧠 It’s Not a Lack of Effort — It’s a Lack of Mental Gas

We aren’t failing because we’re lazy or not trying hard enough. We’re just running on fumes while carrying twenty invisible backpacks full of mental weight.

Sometimes we remember. Sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we get furious with ourselves for not being able to hold all the tabs open, even though the mental browser has clearly crashed and is asking us to send an error report.

And the worst part? We carry that anger all day. It builds. It compounds. It turns into guilt, then into a shutdown. That’s the cost no one sees — and too many of us pay it in silence.

When the Tabs Crash – How to Forgive Yourself for Having a Human Brain

So what do you do when your brain throws a blue screen of death during your breakfast routine?

You don’t white-knuckle it through the guilt spiral, that’s for damn sure. Here’s what I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that might actually help when your brain taps out mid-task:

🔁 1. Reboot, Don’t Rage

When you realize you’ve just lost 20 minutes chasing nothing, pause. Literally. Sit down. Sip your coffee. Give your brain a hot minute to defragment.

Say something to yourself like: “That was frustrating. But it’s not a character flaw. It’s a symptom.”

📝 2. Use External Memory — Sticky Notes Are Your Friends, Not an Admission of Failure

Put a dry erase board in the kitchen. Use a Sharpie on your hand. Talk to yourself out loud like you’re your own helpful assistant.

It’s not “cheating.” It’s adaptive. Athletes wear gear. We write shit down.

🧍‍♀️ 3. Anchor the Space

If you forget why you walked into the room, try narrating the space to yourself.

“I’m in the kitchen. Here’s the sink. I see the water jug. I hear the fridge.”
Sometimes giving your brain cues can help reset the context and recall the task.

🧠 4. Remember: Brains Use Energy. Yours Just Uses More.

You wouldn’t blame your phone for dying if you’d been using GPS, streaming music, and checking Instagram at the same time, right? You’d say, “Yeah, that makes sense.” Your brain is the same. ADHD, bipolar, fibro — they all eat cognitive battery life like candy.

💬 5. Talk Back to the Inner Bully

When that voice says “You’re useless,” respond with your voice:

“Nah. I’m just tired. My brain is tired. I’m still worthy. I’m still showing up.”
Even if you only showed up to stare into the fridge and forget what cheese was for a second — you still showed up.

💗 Final Words: You’re Not Alone. And You’re Not the Only One Forgetting Why You Opened the Fridge.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re the only person yelling at yourself in the middle of the day for forgetting why you walked into a room — you’re absolutely, 100% not.

And if you’ve been carrying that anger, thinking it means you’re weak or broken or lazy?

Let me tell you something:

You are doing Olympic-level thinking while carrying diagnoses and still remembering your kid’s snack preferences. You are doing fine. Better than fine.

Let the damn dishes wait. You’ve got enough on your plate. Til Next time guys, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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🧵 The Art of Distracting Myself: Crafting Through Chronic Pain

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Living with chronic conditions like fibromyalgia, ADHD, and bipolar disorder means navigating a daily landscape filled with unpredictability and discomfort. Some days, it’s the bone-deep ache that slows me down; other days, it’s the whirlwind of mental fog, impulsivity, or emotional crashes that make the hours feel heavier than they should.

Over time, I’ve discovered something powerful: crafting isn’t just something I enjoy—it’s something I need. Whether I’m swirling pigment into resin or layering textures in a tray mold, I’m not just passing time. I’m reclaiming it.

🎨 Crafting as a Therapeutic Distraction

When my pain flares or my brain decides it wants to spiral, I’ve learned to grab a tool—sometimes a glue gun, sometimes my 3D printer software—and create instead of collapse. Focusing on a tactile task redirects my mind and offers relief, even if temporary. And sometimes that temporary is exactly enough to get me through the day.

Today I mowed. Should I have? Likely not, I was weed eatering (I have no idea what to call it, using the weed eater sounds weird, like use it for what lol, I was using in for its intended purpose LOL) I was around the base of our biggest ‘problem’ tree, I tripped over a root and went tumbling (I was on an incline) but don’t worry, I didnt hurt my hip I landed face first LOL. I got up but knew I was on limited time before the pain made me get down and stay down for the day, so I immediately went in an showered so I could go make art which I did all afternoon. It really didnt feel like I had any pain then after I did some designs I stood up to get something and THERE IT IS! My pain let itself be known. In fact it started screaming at me, my entire body aches.

This isn’t just anecdotal. A study from the University of Colorado found that mental distractions actually inhibit pain at the earliest stages of processing. Basically, when you’re busy crafting or designing something fun or beautiful, your brain says “brb” to the pain (source).

🧠 The Neuroscience of Distracting Pain

Pain is weird. It’s not just in your body—it’s in your brain too. And your brain can be tricked (in the nicest way). Activities that take up cognitive load (like learning a new resin technique or tweaking text in Tinkercad) can literally reduce your brain’s ability to process pain.

There’s even evidence that creative distraction helps people who tend to catastrophize pain—that is, folks whose brains go “this is the worst pain ever and I will never survive this” before breakfast. (Relatable? Same.) (source)

🧺 Turning Pain Into Purpose

I don’t just make things to distract myself—I make things with meaning. Every “Bad Day Basket,” every resin trinket tray, every cheeky 3D-printed phrase like “feel your feelings” or “meds, magic & mindset”—they all come from lived experience.

Helping people has always been a passion of mine, I’ve made up baskets and boxes from coupon shopping, theres nothing like the feeling of doing something of consequence for someone else. Theres an episode of Friends where Phoebe wants to do something selfless, and ever time she does, Joey finds a way it benefited her, concluding that since when you do good for others, you feel happy and proud that you were able to do that, therefore nothing is entirely selfish. Like if you’ve ever vacuumed a new rug, you know the lined pattern you get after for a job well done? Its like that only times a whole bunch more.

These aren’t just products. They’re part of a bigger story—mine, and maybe yours too.

🌟 Creativity as Self-Care (Not Performance)

It’s not about perfection. This isn’t art school. This is about peace. About having something in your hands that makes you feel in control again. About setting your mind gently in another direction for a little while.

Let yourself play.
Let yourself suck at it.
Let yourself create something beautiful—or beautifully messy.

💬 Final Thoughts

Chronic illness will take what it can. Crafting is how I take a little bit back. It’s okay if it’s imperfect. It’s okay if it’s just for you. The act of creating is the win.

If you’re on your own journey through pain or mental health struggles, I hope you’ll try creating something too. And if you don’t know where to start… well, I’ve got some trays and kits with your name on them. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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The ADHD Energy Crash: Why It Happens and How to Navigate It

JoLeave a comment

If you live with ADHD, you’re likely familiar with the phenomenon of feeling mentally and physically drained by mid-afternoon. This isn’t just about being tired; it’s a distinct experience tied to the unique ways ADHD affects energy regulation.

🔍 Understanding the ADHD Energy Crash

ADHD is characterized by challenges in executive functioning, which means tasks that require planning, focus, and organization demand more cognitive effort. This heightened effort can lead to quicker depletion of mental energy. Additionally, individuals with ADHD often struggle with interoception—the ability to recognize internal bodily cues—making it harder to notice signs of fatigue until they’re overwhelming.

✅ Practical Strategies to Combat the Crash

Here are several evidence-based strategies to help manage and mitigate the afternoon energy slump:

  1. Incorporate Regular Physical Activity: Engaging in physical exercise can boost energy levels and improve focus. Even short walks or light stretching during breaks can make a significant difference. If you have a fitbit, the get up once an hour and do 250 steps setting, turn it on and stick to it.
  2. Prioritize a Protein-Rich Breakfast: Starting your day with a meal high in protein can stabilize blood sugar levels and provide sustained energy, reducing the likelihood of an early crash. Breakfast isnt a great meal on the go but if nothing else have a protein shake.
  3. Utilize Power Naps Wisely: Short naps, ideally between 10–20 minutes, taken in the early afternoon, can rejuvenate your mind without affecting nighttime sleep. This is a rule of thumb but not one I follow. I found my best nap is between 30 minutes to an hour, it gives me the perfect alertness when I get up. Experiment on your own and listen to your body.
  4. Practice Energy Pacing: Monitor your energy levels throughout the day and plan tasks accordingly. Scheduling demanding activities during peak energy times and allowing for rest during low-energy periods can enhance productivity. I tell people after dinner don’t ask me shit because once the last dish is done I am off the clock lol
  5. Engage in Body Doubling: Working alongside someone else, either in person or virtually, can increase accountability and focus, making tasks feel less daunting. This is seriously magic I don’t get why it works but it does.
  6. Stay Hydrated and Eat Balanced Meals: Dehydration and poor nutrition can exacerbate fatigue. Ensure you’re drinking enough water and consuming meals that balance carbohydrates, proteins, and healthy fats. Water water water. I hate it but it affects more than you’d think.
  7. Maintain Consistent Sleep Patterns: Establishing a regular sleep schedule helps regulate your body’s internal clock, leading to improved energy levels during the day. I’m up at 3. It was upsetting as I tried to change and mold it to conform with the usual hours, when I accepted that my body wanted to set its own schedule and started planning my days around that I was a great deal happier.
  8. Limit Caffeine Intake: While caffeine can provide a temporary boost, excessive consumption may lead to energy crashes later in the day. Moderation is key. HAHAHA! I can hear everyone who knows me heads whipping around. I’m a coca-cola girl, and maybe you arent overly sensitive to caffeine but thats where I’d make adjustments first.
  9. Create a Stimulating Work Environment: Incorporate elements that keep you engaged, such as background music or varying your workspace, to maintain interest and energy. They sell fidget mats that have all these things but your better off getting a fidget spinner, those are portable.
  10. Seek Professional Support: If energy crashes are significantly impacting your daily life, consider consulting a healthcare professional for personalized strategies and potential treatment options. Theres no shame in asking for help.

By understanding the underlying factors contributing to the ADHD energy crash and implementing these strategies, you can better manage your energy levels and maintain productivity throughout the day. Remember, it’s about finding what works best for you and being compassionate with yourself in the process. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves and each other.

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A Grown-Up Juice Box and Other Things I Wish Existed Today

JoLeave a comment

Survival & Sanity Edition

Some days, I just need something to fix everything instantly.
A nap. A hug. A reset button. A very large grilled cheese that appears by yelling “Grilled cheese!”

Since none of that magically appeared (yet), here’s my list of things I wish existed today. Feel free to add yours in the comments, because I know I’m not the only one on the edge.

🌈 Today’s Top 10 Things That Should Exist But Don’t:

  1. A grown-up juice box with electrolytes, magnesium, and a splash of wine. Or beer. Or a shot of Jack lol it depends on the day.
  2. A “No One Is Allowed to Ask Me Anything Today” hat—everyone must obey it. Also on a related note, a personal bubble. Let those suckers keep their distance .
  3. A teleporting weighted blanket that hugs you and then disappears before you get too hot. Does anyone’s body temp go wonky with sleep deprivation or high anxiety? No just me? Sweet! It actually makes me have a physical ‘flush’
  4. An adult-sized baby swing that rocks you while playing lo-fi beats and whispering “you’re doing great.” Maybe music instead of the whispering, that actually sounds a little creepy lol but I’m down for the swings! Hubby even has hooks indoors to hang hammocks sometimes the swinging or rocking repetitive motion helps.
  5. A “pause the world” button. Just for an hour. Or a week. It was kind of like that when I was in the coma, don’t recommend that route.
  6. A clone who does your grocery shopping and argues with the insurance company for you. Use what you’ve got though, we do pick up whenever possible even if we plan on going inside, its easier to manage the list, keeps things a little more organized.
  7. A universal “I’m spiraling, treat me gently” badge that everyone understands. Or don’t understand, just respect others feelings, that shouldnt even have to be a wish, but its not exactly great out there.
  8. An emotional support burrito that is also a functioning therapist. Or tacos! Emotional support tacos with some frozen margs lol.
  9. A magic snack drawer that restocks with your comfort food daily (and knows your allergies). Cool ranch on lock!
  10. A panic shutoff switch. Like a car alarm button, but for your brain. A pause? Maybe just not a multi party pile up on the everything all at once highway lol
  11. A fidget suit. I would straight up rock that thing at every opportunity. Imagine: a soft, cozy hoodie with textured sleeves, loops to tug on, snap buttons, zipper pulls, maybe even little hidden squeeze pouches and stretchy straps to tug when you’re crawling out of your own skin, I can tell you how often the panic will come over me at night and the only thing that helps is hopping out of bed and MOVING. Oh and POCKETS.
  12. Weighted curtains for your brain, you pull them closed and suddenly outside voices get quiet, to-do lists stop screaming, and it’s like a sensory hug for your overstimulated self.
    Bonus: blocks gaslighting and unsolicited advice.
  13. A Spoon Dispenser lol you swipe a card or breathe into it, and if it senses you’ve been emotionally juggling chainsaws, it gives you five extra spoons for the day. So many days I’d give my last penny for a spoon lol
  14. Memory foam couch that holds you like a mom, it knows when you’re about to cry and reclines automatically. One arm dispenses hot tea, the other tucks a weighted blanket around you.
    Available in “Smells Like Cookies” and “Washes Your Hair Energy.”
    Limited edition comes with caffeine mist and validation.

Whether it’s imaginary inventions or real-deal coping tools, the truth is we’re all just trying to patch together peace in a loud, messy world. Some days we thrive. Some days we spiral in our soft pants and pray the coffee kicks in before the anxiety does. Either way, you’re not alone in this. You never were.

So take your meds, drink some water, and rest when you need to. Find something small to laugh about if you can. And remember: survival is still survival, even when it’s messy.

Take care of yourselves—and each other.

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Flaky Doesn’t Mean Faithless: Chronic Illness and Friendship Guilt

JoLeave a comment

🧠 The Truth About Being a ‘Flaky’ Friend

People with chronic illness or neurodivergence often carry a ton of guilt about canceling plans, going silent, or not showing up “like we used to.” We’ve internalized the idea that not being physically or emotionally available = not being a good friend.

But here’s the reality:
➡️ According to a 2019 survey by the NIH, over 60% of chronically ill individuals reported losing friendships due to symptoms like fatigue, pain, or mental health swings.
➡️ A 2022 study on social isolation in disability populations found that many people with invisible conditions felt “socially unreliable” — not because they didn’t care, but because their bodies were unpredictable.

I don’t make plans anymore. I can’t remember exact situations where I flaked due to hurting but I do remember the fun others had without me and who wants that?

💬 You’re Not Letting People Down — You’re Living with Limits

Chronic illness isn’t convenient. ADHD isn’t on a timer. Fibro flares don’t RSVP.
Being “flaky” is often just a side effect of surviving something the world wasn’t built to accommodate.

That doesn’t make you unreliable.
That makes you human.

I’ve certainly had others call and cancel for short notice, so intellectually I know I’m not the only one, but shit every time I can’t do something I feel like someone is shining a spotlight on me.

🧷 What Real Friendship Looks Like

True friendship isn’t measured by how often you show up, but how real you are when you do.
Some friends won’t get it—and that hurts. But the right people? The ones who stay? They see your effort, not your absence.

And let’s be honest, sometimes we don’t show up for others because we can’t even show up for ourselves. That’s not selfish. That’s self-preservation.

✅ What You Can Do Instead of Guilt-Looping

  • Send a quick check-in text even if you can’t talk: “Hey, not up for chatting, but I’m thinking of you.”
  • Leave room for honest updates, not excuses: “I wish I had more spoons today. I hate canceling.”
  • Say thank you to the people who stay without making you feel bad.

To the select few who love me regardless and pick up where we left off no matter how much time passed, I appreciate and love you.

❤️ Final Thought

You’re not a bad friend. You’re just living in a body that asks a lot of you. If people mistake that for being faithless, they were never seeing you clearly to begin with.

Give yourself the grace you’d give anyone else struggling.

You don’t owe anyone more than what you’ve got to give. And what you do give—your honesty, your love, your truth—is enough. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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Healing Out Loud: What It Looks Like to Unlearn a Lifetime of Self-Gaslighting

JoLeave a comment

For many of us who live with chronic illness, ADHD, bipolar disorder, trauma, or just the fallout of a childhood where vulnerability wasn’t safe, the idea of trusting our own thoughts and feelings is… complicated. We don’t just second-guess ourselves—we override ourselves. We self-gaslight.

“It’s not that bad.” “I’m just being dramatic.” “Other people have it worse.” Sound familiar? That’s not humility. That’s internalized invalidation, and it’s one of the cruelest things we do to ourselves.

What is Self-Gaslighting?

Self-gaslighting is when you question or dismiss your own reality, often as a learned response from years of being invalidated by others. According to therapist Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD, this pattern often forms in people who have experienced emotional abuse or childhood neglect.¹ It’s a survival mechanism that becomes self-sabotage.

And it’s common—especially in neurodivergent and chronically ill communities. Studies have shown that women are especially likely to have their symptoms dismissed or misdiagnosed, leading to a long-term mistrust of their own internal cues. For example:

  • Up to 50% of women with ADHD are misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression first.²
  • 1 in 5 people with bipolar disorder go undiagnosed for more than a decade.³
  • Chronic pain conditions like fibromyalgia are disproportionately underdiagnosed and stigmatized, especially in women.⁴

“I Hate Needing Help”: The Roots of Self-Gaslighting and How I’m Unlearning the Lie

I hate needing help. Like… viscerally. It makes me feel less than, and not in some abstract way — in the deep, core-wounding kind of way. And it didn’t come from one trauma or a single toxic person. It came from a thousand tiny, normalized moments that stacked up over time, whispering that needing help was weak. That I was weak.

I grew up steeped in traditional expectations most of us did at my age: men work hard and provide, women do everything else. Even if she worked outside the home, the mom still handled the doctor appointments, the homework folders, the mental load of everyone’s everything. I saw it play out every day. When the school called home, they didn’t call my dad — even though he worked at the same place as my mom. They called her. Because, of course they did.

One of my earliest memories of being “too much” started when I was seven and sick — fever, sore throat, the works. I said I was hurting, but everyone figured I was just being dramatic. (To be fair, I am dramatic, but I was also SEVEN and clearly not faking it.) They took me to the doctor, got me antibiotics, and figured that was that. But I wasn’t getting better.

Eventually — after more crying, more pain, and more dismissal — my Gram told my Mom to take me to a backup pediatrician because my doctor happened to be out of the office that day. That man took one look at me and told my mom, “She needs to go to the ER. Now. Her appendix is rupturing.”

He didn’t mince words: “She’s small. If the infection spreads, it could be too late.”

The surgery happened that night. It turned out my appendix had been leaking slowly — poisoning my body while I was being told I was too sensitive, too loud, too whiny. And sure, they saved me (yay!)… but the version of the story that stuck in my head wasn’t about how I survived. It was about how much of a burden I was.

To this day, my mom recalls how she had to carry my “heavy ass” because I couldn’t walk. Now, was I actually heavy? No. I was maybe 45 pounds of dead weight and fever. But it embedded this core belief in me: I’m dramatic. I’m too much. I’m inconvenient.

That belief stayed with me. Through childhood. Through my first marriage. Through flare-ups of chronic illness. Through postpartum depression. Through ADHD paralysis. Through years of pushing myself past the edge so no one would see me as “lazy.”

When people doubted my pain — or worse, when I doubted it myself — I swallowed it. I thought maybe I was just being dramatic. Maybe I should be able to handle it all. After all, other people have it worse, right?

That’s self-gaslighting. And it’s insidious.

It’s the voice that says:

  • “It’s not that bad. You’re overreacting.”
  • “You’re not really in pain, you’re just tired.”
  • “You could do this if you tried harder.”

It’s what kept me quiet when I needed help the most.

But therapy — lots of therapy — helped me finally unravel it. It took years, but I finally get it now:

  • You don’t have to earn rest.
  • You’re not a burden for having needs.
  • You’re not weak for needing help.
  • Other people can have it worse AND your situation can still suck.
  • You are allowed to ask for support before you collapse.

And honestly? That doesn’t make you selfish. That makes you human.

If you’re unlearning this too, here’s what I want you to know:

You are not too much. You were never too much. People’s discomfort with your needs doesn’t make those needs invalid. Being the “strong one” doesn’t mean you can’t fall apart. You get to rest. You get to be supported. You get to live a life that isn’t about surviving on fumes and masking your pain to protect someone else’s comfort.

I spent decades trying to be perfect, to be easy, to be less. But screw that. Life is too short to shrink yourself into silence. Take up space. Let people help. Let them carry you sometimes.

Because you are worth it. Even on your worst day.
How to Begin Healing From Self-Gaslighting

Let’s be real—this is messy work. You don’t fix it by reading a meme or journaling once. You fix it by practicing the opposite, over and over, until it becomes your new truth. Here are some small steps with a big impact:

  • Reality checking with safe people — someone who validates your feelings can be a lighthouse when you’re lost in doubt. It can be anyone but make sure its someone you can trust for their honesty but also know your heart and can be critical while still being gentle.
  • Name the gaslighting — say it out loud: “That was a survival thought, not a truth.” Say it like you are talking to someone you are trying to help.
  • Document your experiences — journaling, voice notes, or even social media posts (if safe) can help anchor you in your own story. I journal, its incredibly freeing even just writing it down, seeing it, releasing it, but find which of the healing paths fits the best for you. Sometimes, its beneficial to have a community for support, even if its online, so googling support groups for whatever is the most emergent need in your life. I’m big on support
  • Therapy, when possible — especially trauma-informed or neurodiversity-affirming practitioners. If the first one you talk to doesnt vibe, don’t give up, sometimes it takes one or two before you really feel like you have that connection.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Healing.

You’re not too much. You’re not making it up. You’re not weak because you’re tired or need help. You are unlearning a system designed to keep you quiet and compliant. That is hard and brave and it counts—even when it’s invisible. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves and each other.

Sources:

  1. Sarkis, S. (2018). Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People—and Break Free.
  2. Quinn, P.O., & Madhoo, M. (2014). A Review of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Women and Girls. The Primary Care Companion for CNS Disorders.
  3. Hirschfeld, R.M.A. (2001). Bipolar disorder: The rate of nonrecognition. The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry.
  4. NIH & Mayo Clinic studies on gender bias in pain diagnosis and treatment.
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Parenting Through the Fog: ADHD, Fibromyalgia, and Showing Up Anyway

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Some mornings, the win is just getting pants on. Other mornings, it’s breakfast made, meds taken, laundry halfway done before noon, and a gold star for basic humaning. But when you live with both Bipolar and fibromyalgia, (with a little ADHD thrown in for good measure) parenting becomes less of a schedule and more of a survival sport.

And the thing no one tells you? Showing up imperfectly still counts.

The Day-to-Day: A Symphony of Chaos and Grit

On paper, it probably looks like we’re flaky. Late to the appointment, forgot the school form (again), still haven’t finished the laundry from last Tuesday. In reality, it’s brain fog, chronic pain, executive dysfunction, and a nervous system that acts like it’s sprinting from a bear… while we’re just trying to make dinner.

It’s the kind of exhaustion you can’t nap your way out of.

Some days you’re the mom who makes Halloween costumes from scratch. Other days you’re the mom who considers goldfish crackers and applesauce a win. You are both and neither — and you are enough.

💡 My Daily Routine (On a Good-ish Day):

I am up at 4. No reason for it, just can’t sleep any later ever since my heart when I was in the hospital, first thing they did was draw blood so I think I started getting up early to psych myself up for it lol/
I do my Duolingo (gotta get to exercising the brain) I ‘watch the news’, I listen to all the late night monologues and any interviews I wanted to catch, or just some music in my headphones when the news isnt interesting.
This is the quiet start to the day..
5:30 First attempt waking hubby
6 First attempt waking up monkey
Usually I watch the news or do my steps in between going room to room rousing people.
6:30 daughters not up start getting irritated.
7:40 I feed and medicate the furry children
8 I start on either post or making something.
10 I have to eat to take my meds
12 the cats get fed and medicated again
12-3 Always cleaning. Folding clothes, vacuuming and dishes usually round out my day.
4 I typically start either project or chat with daughter about her day, dinner
5:30 all my chores are done by now, or as I say to them ‘if it aint done it aint gettin done til tomorrow’
I watch tv til 8 and put myself into bed, usually falling asleep, when I don’t I get up and take a gummie, because I NEED sleep and no matter what time I go to bed I am up at 4, so might as well get some sleep you know?

This might be the hardest for me. Or it WAS, I’m finally letting go.

Spoonie-friendly routines. Simplify where you can. Wash days spaced out. Clothes that don’t need ironing. Outsource or automate what you can.
I have an every other day routine because I am honest with myself and I know I need a day to recover after a productive day LOL

Movement, but gentle. Stretching or chair yoga instead of pretending we’re still in our 20s with full cartilage and a pain-free morning.
Walking, so much walking lol

Let someone help. Even if it’s just asking your kid to throw their trash away. Micro-help still counts.
Stop feeling guilt, other people have hands and feet too!

Digital checklists or ADHD-friendly planners (visual, colorful, forgiving of missed days).
I might know somewhere to get them… LOL Seriously I love mine and feeling halfway organized.

The Numbers Behind the Fog

  • ADHD is underdiagnosed in women by huge margins. One study found girls are 50–75% less likely to be diagnosed than boys, often because they’re more “daydreamy” than disruptive.
  • Fibromyalgia affects 80–90% women, and often takes 5+ years to diagnose. Why? Because women’s pain is historically minimized or chalked up to anxiety.
  • Executive dysfunction isn’t laziness — it’s a brain-based difficulty in initiating, organizing, and following through on tasks. ADHD and fibro both contribute as does the Bipolar.
  • Bipolar disorder is frequently misdiagnosed in women, often as depression or borderline personality disorder. Studies show up to 69% of women with bipolar are initially misdiagnosed, and the average delay before an accurate diagnosis is 6 to 8 years.

So yeah… it’s not in your head. But even if it were, that would still be real.


You’re Not a Failure, You’re a Force

If all you did today was exist in your body and care about your kids, you’ve already done the hard part.

The parenting books didn’t cover flare days or mental fog. But we are writing the new manual: one honest, messy, beautiful chapter at a time.

You’re not alone, you’re not broken — and you don’t have to do this perfectly to be doing it well. Til next time guys, take care of yourselves, and each other

🔍 Sources to Back It All Up

  1. ADHD underdiagnosed in girls/women
  2. Fibromyalgia affects mostly women & takes years to diagnose
  3. Bipolar misdiagnosis in women
  4. Executive dysfunction is real (not laziness!)