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New Year’s Resolutions: The Struggle is Real

JoLeave a comment

Ah, New Year’s Eve. That magical time when the clock strikes midnight, and we make a series of promises to ourselves. You know, those lofty promises we make to ourselves after one too many glasses of champagne on New Year’s Eve… (Well not for me I’d take a gummie, talk about LOFTY lmao, and some of THOSE promises are just insane lol)Promises that, let’s be honest, may or may not survive past January 3rd. Let’s get real for a second – are these resolutions actually helpful, or are we just setting ourselves up for a spectacular face-plant into the pool of disappointment? I approach New Year’s resolutions with the same enthusiasm I have for trying to put on real pants before noon: skeptical, exhausted, and overwhelmed. But hey, a girl can dream, right?

So, let’s dive in with a practical (and hopefully hilarious) look at New Year’s resolutions from my slightly chaotic, slightly messy perspective. Spoiler alert: This is all about striking a balance between healthy goals and embracing the reality of our squirrel-brained existence.

1. “I’m going to organize the entire house!”

You see it all the time—resolutions that are essentially a mental checklist of Pinterest boards gone wrong. “This year, I will Marie Kondo my entire house. I will have matching bins for everything, and the laundry will fold itself!” Sounds great in theory, right?

But as someone with ADHD, I can confidently say that my home often looks like a Lego set that exploded, then a hurricane hit, and then a random toddler decided to ‘help’ clean. I’ve got big dreams, but my focus flits from task to task like a squirrel on caffeine. A study in Psychiatry Research found that people with ADHD are more likely to underestimate the time it takes to complete tasks and feel overwhelmed by big goals. So, unless I plan on starting with a single drawer, then celebrating my small victory, I’ll be doing some serious mental gymnastics just to avoid crying over the sheer amount of clutter.

I finally found last weeks CVS receipt!

My personal experience: I once started cooking myself some lunch, simple enough but when I went in there and there were too many things on the counter so I try and put a few things away, damn it, everything is jumbled but not MY jumbled so of course I stop and ‘fix’ everything. So later after I found places for things I didnt know I had, I started to gather my ingredients, I don’t see the tomatoes. After running to all the spots I have my canned goods squirreled away, I can’t find them anywhere. I’m spending far too much time looking for them, I go sit down at the computer to try and see my receipt for that week because I just KNOW I bought them. When I prove myself right I’ll go back and RE check everywhere before I finally go ask hubby to see if he knows where they are. He comes out and finds them in seconds, where I JUST looked like some amateur magician, I mean around here people would say if I were any closer it would have bit me lol, However once I start to open it and its a bad hand day and I am too shakey so I take the can and can opener over to hubby’s desk only to realize he’s not there, hunting him down doesnt take too long the house is small but now I hear the shower running. Oh well I can wait, and I take the can and the opener to my desk and see I have a message to respond to.. Needless to say two hours later I end up ordering pizza because I forgot what I was doing and I’m starving. I’m hyper focused on things, some are super dumb to focus. Three hours later, I realized I forgot about the laundry, the dishes, and the food I need to live lol…oops.

2. “I’ll get my life together by being ‘healthier’.”

Ah, the classic resolution: get healthy. Maybe you’re aiming to drink more water, eat cleaner, or even start a workout routine. On paper, it’s the perfect plan. But for someone with fibromyalgia, bipolar disorder, ADHD, and a life full of sensory overload, “being healthy” can quickly feel like the equivalent of climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops.

Fibromyalgia makes me feel like a walking body ache, and some days I’m lucky to get out of bed, let alone hit the gym. I might be in the mood to work out (at 2 a.m. when the house is finally quiet), but then the next day I’ll be in a pain fog and realize that I can’t even lift my coffee cup without wincing.

The research: According to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, self-compassion is a healthier approach to mental and physical wellness, especially for those with chronic conditions. Instead of stressing over being “perfectly healthy,” the goal should be about taking small, manageable steps and giving yourself grace when it doesn’t work out as planned.

My personal experience: I’ve set a goal to eat better, the NEXT DAY we went to an all you can eat buffet! Shortest diet I’ve ever done lol. I’ve yo-yoed my whole life I’d like to get myself right in the middle, a healthy weight, but I can’t get out of my head enough once I decide I want to lose weight, its a target goal and I will skip eating then get in the pattern of not eating, then start forgetting to eat, this is the progression of this damn cycle. Its a ride I’m trying to get off of.

3. “I will have a better morning routine.”

Let’s be real—mornings are chaos, especially when you have a neurodiverse kiddo in the house. I’ve tried every variation of a “better morning routine” that the internet offers. Wake up, drink water, stretch, make a smoothie, meditate… but when you have a child with autism who struggles with transitions, any routine can be in peril the second they decide that, today, the shirt you picked out is the worst one in the history of shirts. Also, you just got up at 4 a.m. to the sound of a small human announcing that they’ve had a bad dream and that all of your plans for personal growth are now irrelevant.

But guess what? A study from The Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders shows that predictability and structure in the morning are helpful for neurodiverse children. So, maybe my dream of getting a Zen-like morning isn’t as hopeless as it feels. (That’s not to say I won’t collapse into a heap of tears when my kid insists on eating a frozen waffle for breakfast, even though there’s a hot meal sitting in front of them.)

My personal experience: This one I’ve done a bit better at. I get up and do my morning stuff, a little duolingo, maybe watch youtube videos. Track your circadian rhythm, a fitbit or something that tracks your sleep, and experiment. I have found that I get the most done and be the most productive when I wake up before everyone else. The problem is that by 5 I am DONE lol. I’m usually ready to chill and watch tv until 8 or 9 when I give up the fight lol but everyone is different and you don’t know what works and fits into your life best until you experiment.

4. “I will learn to love myself.”

Self-love. The golden nugget of every resolution list. The heartwarming message that we should all aspire to love ourselves unconditionally. Except for the part where bipolar disorder hijacks my self-worth on a random Tuesday, and the fibro fog leaves me questioning whether I’m even a real person or just a walking pile of laundry. This kind of resolution, though well-intentioned, can feel like a setup for failure when your brain chemistry or chronic pain says, “Nope, not today.”

But here’s the thing: self-love isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about being kind to yourself, even when you’re exhausted, your house looks like a crime scene, and your child just spilled cereal on the dog. Research shows that self-compassion is tied to better mental health, better coping skills, and a reduction in anxiety and depression, especially for those with chronic conditions. So, maybe this year I’ll resolve to be less harsh on myself when I’m not able to check off everything on my to-do list.

My personal experience: I spent an hour yesterday trying to learn how to cook sausage and peppers like my mom used to make. I googled it and I’ve stuck to the exact recipe, three different exact recipes actually (I’m kind of known for not sticking to recipes because I am incredibly picky) and yesterdays attempt was so far beyond yuck it made me feel like I failed and then I was hungry and mad at myself and in an emotional state because of the mental energy required to not scream.

5. “I’ll be more present.”

This one is popular among all parents, but especially those of us who feel like we’re constantly in survival mode. Being present with my child (and in my life) sounds lovely, but it’s easier said than done when you’re hyper-focused on a million other things, like that email from school, that phone call you need to make, and oh, your brain is just running through a checklist of everything you didn’t get done today.

But there’s hope. A 2020 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that mindfulness—just focusing on one thing at a time—can have a positive effect on both children and parents, especially in neurodiverse families. So, maybe I won’t master mindfulness right away, but I can certainly try to be “present” while making sure my kid doesn’t eat the cat food.

My personal experience: This was actually a goal from last year that I didnt really accomplish, I’m ready tonow I think. I spent 20 minutes watching football with my daughter with us chatting back and forth but I couldnt tell you what she even said because I was busy troubleshooting problems and planning next week’s dinners. Maybe tomorrow?

In Conclusion: The Real Resolution

So, here’s the deal: New Year’s resolutions can be tricky when you’re managing a swirl of mental and physical health conditions, plus trying to be the best version of yourself for your family. And yes, I can get overwhelmed by the pressure of trying to “fix” everything at once. But it’s important to remember that any resolution—no matter how big or small—is about progress, not perfection.

So, what’s a chronically fabulous person to do? Well, I’m a fan of what I like to call “micro-resolutions” or “goals with training wheels.” Instead of vowing to run a marathon (unless that’s your jam, in which case, do you! But I’ll tell you now, you ever see me running you should run fast because I don’t run unless something terrifying is chasing me), how about committing to stretching for five minutes a day? Or instead of promising to overhaul your entire diet, maybe just aim to add one extra veggie to your plate each week. The key is to make your goals flexible and forgiving. Life with chronic illness is unpredictable, and our resolutions should reflect that. It’s okay to have bad days, weeks, or even months. The important thing is to keep moving forward, even if it’s at a snail’s pace.

Instead of aiming for flawless execution of some arbitrary goal, I’m going to focus on one thing: being kind to myself. And if that means taking a nap in the middle of the day, or not organizing my whole house, so be it. The New Year’s resolution I’m setting this year is simple: give myself grace. And hey, if I can learn to drink more water and finally clean out my fridge? Bonus.

Your worth isn’t measured by how many resolutions you keep or how many goals you crush. It’s measured by the strength it takes to keep going, even when your body feels like it’s staging a mutiny. Here’s to a new year filled with gentle progress, self-compassion, and maybe a few less doctor’s appointments (a girl can dream, right?). Happy New Year, fellow chaotic warriors! May this year be filled with fewer expectations and more moments of peace…and maybe fewer meltdowns along the way. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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Creative Outlets for Coping with Stress: Finding Fun in the Chaos

JoLeave a comment

Stress management, we ALL at some point undergo stress, its an essential yet shitty byproduct of a joyful human experience. While your brain feels like it’s running a marathon while simultaneously trying to solve a Rubik’s cube, sometimes you need something more than deep breathing to keep from losing your mind. Maybe its because I grew up in the era of Saturday morning cartoons and reruns of Tom and Jerry, but I very much picture and visualize stress as making me red and steam coming out of my ears, so I look at stress relief as a valve that releases AAAALLLLLL the bad (I used to teach yoga, exhale the bad to give you room to inhale the good.). From work pressures to personal challenges, it can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. But did you know that one of the best ways to manage stress might just be to create, express, and explore? Engaging in creative activities like art, writing, and music not only offers a fun escape, but can also provide therapeutic benefits to calm the mind and rejuvenate the spirit. Here are some creative outlets that can help alleviate stress, all while having a blast.

Art: When Words Fail, Colors Speak

Forget being the next Picasso. This isn’t about creating museum-worthy masterpieces. It’s about splashing color around and telling your brain to shut up for a minute. Mixing colors and mediums have been proven to raise cortisol levels in repeated studies. Pro tip: Those adult coloring books? Total game-changers. Especially the ones with the naughty words, those help and who didnt color in bubble letters on stuff in school. I love those or the really pretty Mandalas! Last year I even got hubby one, the Mandalas were all boobs lol he loved it.

Writing: Your Brain’s Emotional Dumpster

Journaling isn’t just for angsty teenagers. It’s like having a conversation with yourself where you don’t have to apologize for your wild thoughts. Often offering both clarity and release, fiction, poetry, stream of consciousness – whatever helps you dump those mental gremlins onto paper. Stream of consciousness writings are my favorite. When something is bothering me I like to sit down and just start writing and just see where it takes me. Whether you’re writing a letter to yourself, crafting poetry, or telling a short story, the act of writing helps organize your thoughts and reduce emotional overload. Sometimes its funny sometimes its revealing in that sometimes I will be writing about whatever is bothering me and whatever the answer is it jumps onto the paper after I’ve worked it out in my head and put it to paper. Other times I will write about a problem and put it away for a set amount of time NOT thinking about it and go back to it after a day or so and when I look at it again it doesnt matter as much or I immediately come up with a solution I couldnt think of when I was laser focused on it. Any way you look at it, getting the words out (to your own eyes anyway) can’t make it worse.

Music: Turning Emotional Chaos into Sound

You don’t need to be a rock star. Singing in the shower, drumming on kitchen counters, or creating the world’s most chaotic Spotify playlist counts as therapy. Music has the incredible ability to transport you to another place. Research has shown that playing music, or even just singing along to your favorite tunes, can reduce cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and boost your mood. My personal recommendation? Find that one song that makes you forget everything else exists. Put on kitchen concerts for the animals. Blast the music while you are cooking and embarrass your teenager by singing along to all the songs at full volume with the confidence that said teenager used to sing the wrong lyrics with. LOL I hate saying ‘kids these days’ but its true, they didnt have radio before lyrics were freely available, remember when you were young singing along to songs with your friends only to realize you’ve been singing the wrong words so you missed the meaning in the song entirely lol. Music has hit me HARD in the last few years, and I have such eclectic taste, I love songs with that emotional breath catch, not like the fake movie ones but like just pure angst they just can’t contain the little noise that goes with it. Thats my favorite. I dont drive anymore but that used to be my go to, getting in the car and driving, windows down (well usually smoking back then too) and blasting the music loudly singing along. I do miss that, being a passenger doesnt work, it just hits different I dont know why.

Crafting: Hands Busy, Brain Quiet

Whether it’s knitting, building model trains, or creating the world’s most elaborate paperclip sculpture, sometimes keeping your hands busy is the best way to quiet your mind. Its for the same reason some people have to do lists, crossing those little things off the list give you a sense of accomplishment and a craft project, especially something tangible you can see and feel. Repetitive motions can be calming too. I generally read a book but when I’m going through things in my head I can’t sit still so I make things. Not good things, I made a coat hanger Christmas tree for my room because I love the lights. I’m tempted to become like a teenager and line my room with LED light strips I love the soft glow. I did a number of crafty gifts this year too. My little monkey (well not so little but my youngest will always be my little monkey) likes four different NFL teams and wanted merch for each for Christmas. We all know how expensive that would have been so I made her ornaments for each team. Little things like that.

Dance Like Nobody’s Watching (Seriously, Nobody’s Watching)

No choreography required. Just you, some music, and zero judgment. Moving your body releases endorphins and reduces stress. Dance also helps to reconnect with your body in a positive way, making it an excellent tool for both physical and mental wellness Pro move: Close the curtains and go absolutely wild. Ever since I was a teenager when I got upset I’d be in my room singing and dancing to the music I was blaring. It warns my family I’m going through some shit in my head and now might not be the best time to ask me for more since I’m already super overwhelmed. And in the kitchen while I am fixing dinner, it used to be a routine, me and monkey dancing around in the kitchen lol.

Cooking and Baking: Whisk Your Worries Away

Now we should also be talking about turning your kitchen into a stress-free zone. Cooking isn’t just about not starving – it’s like therapy, but with tastier results. Chopping veggies can be weirdly zen, and don’t even get me started on the magic of kneading dough. It’s like punching your problems, but in a socially acceptable way.Here’s the deal: whipping up a meal gives you control when everything else feels chaotic. Plus, experimenting with flavors is way more fun than spiraling into anxiety. And let’s be real, comfort food is called that for a reason. Bonus points if you share your creations – nothing beats the warm fuzzies of feeding your people.

Photography: Capturing Calm in the Chaos

Ever notice how looking through a camera lens can make the world seem less… overwhelming? It’s like putting on anxiety-canceling glasses. Suddenly, you’re not worrying about your to-do list; you’re hunting for that perfect shot of a flower or your friend’s goofy smile. Photography is sneaky mindfulness. You have to slow down, breathe, and really look at what’s around you. It doesn’t matter if you’re using a fancy camera or just your phone – the point is to capture those little moments of “oh, hey, the world isn’t so bad after all.”

Gardening: Nature’s Therapy

Let’s get our hands dirty, folks. Gardening isn’t just for retirees with too much time on their hands. It’s like playing in the dirt, but as an adult, and with purpose. There’s something stupidly satisfying about watching a seed you planted turn into an actual plant. It’s like, “Look, I made life happen!” – which is pretty cool when you’re feeling powerless. Even if you don’t have a green thumb (hello, plant murderers anonymous), just being around plants can chill you out. It’s nature’s way of saying, “Relax, dude. If I can grow through concrete, you can handle your day.”

Embrace Your Inner Weirdo Creator

Here’s the thing about all these stress-busting activities: there’s no right way to do them. Can’t cook without burning water? Who cares! Your photos all blurry? Big deal! Plants keep dying? Join the club! (seriously I swear they see me coming and unalive themselves LOL) The point isn’t to be good at these things. It’s about finding something that makes your brain shut up for a bit. Whether you’re painting stick figures, writing terrible poetry, or growing the world’s saddest basil plant, you’re giving your stress the middle finger. You can combine a lot of these creative pursuits, take a picture of the food you made all pretty, hell take pics of your ugly creations too, all the abominations, so if you decide to stick with whatever the creative pursuit you can keep track of how far you’ve made it. So next time you’re feeling like the world’s out to get you, try picking up a spatula, a camera, or a watering can. Your stressed-out brain will thank you – and hey, you might even have some fun along the way.Remember, gang: creativity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about telling stress to fuck all the way off. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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Some Napping Tips

JoLeave a comment

So I thought about what to share here (besides all the love in my heart lol) and from the reading I’ve done, proper rest is the best best BEST but if you can’t, theres always a GOOD power nap. I wanted to share my secrets but its not a secret, if I need a nap I try and wait til afternoon to take one, I am aided by a bit of the indica, and most of the time my sugar tanks and I go take a nap with just enough time for me to tell hubby that I’m gonna crash for a bit. If I’m sick, not feeling well, high pain low spoon kind of day these are the things I’ve found after researching it (just poked around google because I’m always curious) that might help or at least give you some guardrails to start with or from because napping isnt a luxury for people like us, its a necessity – it’s a survival strategy.

The Napping Commandments

First things first, let’s talk nap science. The perfect nap is like a precision-engineered weapon against fatigue:

  1. Timing is Everything: Aim for that sweet spot between 2-3 PM. This is your body’s natural “low energy” zone. Think of it as your daily reset button.
  2. Size Matters: Keep it short and sweet – 15-30 minutes is the magic window. Any longer, and you’ll wake up feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck of grogginess. There are the really bad days though that I end up down for longer but if we go past the hour-ish sweet spot that my body seems to respond to, I’ll wake up and not know the date and time and all that lol. Listen to your body’s cues, most people only do that when their body starts to loudly protest. Train yourself to hear it before middle age and you’re future you will thank you.

Creating Your Nap Sanctuary

Pro tip: Your napping environment is more important than your dating profile. Here’s how to create the ultimate nap zone:

  • Minimal light (but not complete darkness)
  • Quiet space
  • Turn off those darn screens
  • Comfortable temperature
  • Optional: Cozy blanket that feels like a hug from the universe

Nap Justification 101

For those judgmental friends and family who don’t understand the sacred art of napping, here are some scientifically-backed comebacks:

  • “I’m not napping, I’m managing my chronic condition”
  • “This is medical self-care, not laziness”
  • “Studies show napping can help manage inflammation and pain”

A Serious Note (But Still Funny)

If you’re finding yourself needing excessive naps, it might be worth chatting with your healthcare provider.
Sometimes constant fatigue can be a sign of underlying issues. But also, sometimes it’s just your body saying, “Girl, we need a break!”Pro Chronic Illness Warrior Tip: Napping is not a sign of weakness. It’s a strategic recovery mission. You’re not avoiding life; you’re recharging your batteries so you can kick ass later. Remember, in the Olympics of Chronic Illness Survival, napping is your gold medal event. Embrace it, own it, and maybe invest in some really cute pajamas (I’m queen of comfy pjs) while you’re at it!
Nap on, warriors. Nap on. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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Anxiety’s Toll – When Worry Grabs You By The….

JoLeave a comment

So you are here. If you are here, logic dictates you share similar issues as mine, and while I’ve got a ton to say about all of the things I struggle with daily, and make no mistake, I struggle, but if I had to pick ONE thing that creeps in the longest strongest and loudest to my everyday, its hands down (then up cuz ew?) ANXIETY!
And folks I know the WHY of why I struggle with every minute of every hour of everyday, I think there’s never a second of my life that isnt in some way shape or form exhibiting one of these things. Sometimes we don’t know how to solve the problem that we already have the answer for tucked up in the corner of our brains, out of the way just like memories of our favorite trip on the boat when we were kids, or our very first phone numbers. And THAT my friends, reminds me of the time that my mother changed our phone number and didnt tell me, OR THE SCHOOL what that number was, initially refusing to do so. Ah, fun times. Most of us just don’t suck at giving life the answers and a compassionate ear. But we’ve not been given us the tools one needs to complete a task successfully or one ounce of ability to convey what we learned. We do learn lessons even in failure and defeat. anyway that was unrelated but you’d be surprised at all the systems impacted by our anxiety, both justified and not (I am queen of worrying about shit I can’t do anything about) or at least I was surprised, so let me lay out what I learned:

Let’s face it, folks – when anxiety decides to set up shop in your brain long-term, it’s not just messing with your mind. This unwelcome guest can wreak havoc on your whole body. Here’s the lowdown on what chronic anxiety can do to you:

Physical Toll:

Your immune system takes a nosedive, leaving you open to every bug out there. Chronic anxiety can weaken your immune system, making it less effective at defending your body against infections and illnesses. This leaves you more vulnerable to catching colds, viruses, and other health issues, so even though anxiety itself doesnt exhibit symptoms, your immune system always in flight mode isnt doing you any favors, wearing you down physically.

Your ticker might start acting up (hello, heart problems!) – like you know, it stopping or something, I might know a little about that lol Anxiety triggers the “fight or flight” response, increasing heart rate and blood pressure, which can strain the heart and blood vessels, contributing to heart disease over time.

Muscle tension, especially in the neck, shoulders, and back, can lead to chronic pain, headaches, and jaw clenching or teeth grinding. Even if you don’t mean to, words thoughts or actions have a polarizing effect on your body and without adequate self care those affects could become permanent

Say goodbye to peaceful digestion (stomach issues, anyone?) I mean, IBS is ugly to talk about but we all suffer from it from time to time, but anxiety makes it a permanent addition to your alphabet of issues

Constant tension headaches become your new normal – Migraines CAN be caused by tension, or maybe you are tense BECAUSE you have a migraine. They can be caused by something else and made WORSE by a migraine but its never a question vice versa because migraines are never ever a good time..

Mental Mayhem:

  • Depression might join the party (as if anxiety wasn’t enough) I love it when I get depressed BECAUSE I’m anxious, then somewhere I flip the script and get anxious about always being depressed.
  • Your memory starts playing hide and seek – I’ve also been told menopause can cause you to forget things, and also menopause can make you for- wait, what was my point? Yes, a joke? but memory loss is one of the worst things and I get so anxious about my memory because I know I KNOW I’ll forget stuff then I wind up trying so hard to not forget something that I forget something else, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy, never ends.
  • Concentrating becomes as hard as nailing jelly to a wall. Concentrate? LOL I can’t keep something on my brain long enough to concentrate on it lol
  • Sleep? What’s that? Insomnia becomes your midnight companion. This has affected me in the past but I’ll tell you I honestly fall asleep at the drop of a hat these days. I’m in a legal weed state, draw your own conclusions

Bottom line: Chronic anxiety isn’t just about feeling worried all the time. It’s a whole-body experience that can seriously mess with your health if left unchecked. So if you’re battling this beast, don’t tough it out alone – reaching out for help is the smartest move you can make. We truly are all ‘in it’ together and it would be great if we could work with each other and not against each other. Always remember, kindness is free and highly contagious. Not going to promise because if I’m up to it we’ll be putting the tree up but next week we’ll dig in to what can be done about anxiety (without throwing copious amounts of drugs at it. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves and each other.

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The Introvert’s Guide to Socializing Without Losing Your Mind (or Your Netflix Queue)

JoLeave a comment

Let’s face it: socializing can feel like a Herculean task for us introverts. The thought of mingling with a crowd can send us into a spiral of anxiety faster than you can say “awkward small talk.” But fear not! With a few practical tips and a sprinkle of humor, you can navigate the social scene without sacrificing your sanity—or your beloved Netflix binge-watching sessions.

Prep like you’re going into battle: Before any social event, clear your schedule for some sweet, sweet alone time. It’s like carbo-loading, but for your soul. I usually like to do this a full day in advance, nice hot shower, five minutes listening to your favorite songs, any and every little bit helps.

Have an escape plan: Know where the exits are, and don’t be afraid to use them. A quick “bathroom break” can be your secret weapon for recharging mid-event. I’ve been known to dip into a bedroom and pet a cat. I find their purrs ground me.

Quality over quantity, people: Choose events that actually interest you. Life’s too short for small talk about the weather with Karen from accounting. You don’t have to go to everything you’re invited to and you shouldnt be made to feel bad about prioritizing your sanity over a meal and a show or something.

Bring your extrovert shield: Got a chatty friend? Use them as your social buffer. They get to talk, you get to nod and smile. Win-win. Lol most of the time I’m the chatty one because I ramble when I’m anxious. I hate that about me

Embrace the power of curiosity: People love talking about themselves. Ask questions and let them do the heavy lifting in the conversation. I could be an interrogator when I meet new people and even moreso if its new people talking about something thats new to me.

Small groups are your friend: Intimate gatherings mean deeper conversations and less energy drain. Plus, easier escape routes. Make sure at least one person knows when you are overwhelmed you need help

Recharge like it’s your job: After socializing, indulge in your favorite introvert activities. It’s not lazy, it’s self-care. I like to reward myself with chocolate or something when I have to go out into the world.

Digital socializing counts: Sometimes, a good text conversation is all the human interaction you need. Thank goodness for this rule since I talk to people like vocally lol sometimes I forget what I sound like.

Let extroverts be your social curators: Have an outgoing friend? Let them pick the events worth attending. It’s like having a personal social secretary, or a blocker for a quarterback if thats an easier reference for you.

Reframe small talk as a mission: Approach conversations like you’re a secret agent trying to uncover interesting facts. It makes boring chats way more fun. Ok thats silly but I do in my mind make myself pass little tests or like ‘if I get this and this done, I can do nothing tomorrow’.

Remember, being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re broken, it just means you process the world differently. So go forth and socialize… in small doses, with plenty of Netflix breaks in between! Til next time guys. Take care of yourself and each other.

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Lessons from My Cat: What My Furry Therapist Taught Me About Mindfulness

JoLeave a comment

Sorry for my absence, I can’t think past the dark place, it swallows all rational thinking so I would be careful taking advice from me, but hey I’m honest. I’m trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other because as people, its just what we have to do, but every day seems like I’m sliding down deeper into the darkness. So I’ve been trying to be more than I am, but it hurts more every day. If you ever feel like that, like your best is never going to cut it, now or ever in the past or the future, just know you arent alone and its ok to sometimes not be ok. Drop me an email or message and I’ll absolutely sit in the dark with you. Since I’ve been feeling so shitty, I can’t help but think back on all the ways Ding impacted my life and what I learned from her and her brothers and sisters who went before her.

Be Present in the Moment
Cats are masters of living in the now. Whether they’re basking in a sunbeam or pouncing on a toy, they fully immerse themselves in the experience. Ding absolutely was present in the moment, especially in her old age lol she forgot things faster than a goldfish. I tried to put her in the sunbeam on her last day with us, that was her thing, when she didnt perk up I know the end was upon us.

Embrace Naps as Self-Care
Your cat knows the importance of rest. When she curls up for a nap, it’s a reminder that self-care is essential. This new kitten, I swear he’s got a form of kitty narcolepsy, he passes out in the strangest places and positions, like he can be mid movement and lay close his eyes and just be OUT lol. His predecessor Bonkers who looked nearly identical did the same thing, but this one’s favorite spot appears to be crawled up on me and bury himself under my neck into my hair.

Savor Your Food
Cats take their time when eating, savoring each bite. They remind us to slow down and appreciate our meals rather than rushing through them. Ding certainly embodied this lesson. For the last year, she had a spot we were pretty sure was cancer, as old as she was I wasnt going to put her through anything traumatic, but she stopped eating regular food more than a year ago. For a full year, she sat in her bed, at my elbow, which she’d yell at me so I got her eating cat TREATS instead of food and she liked it so much we just kept feeding her handfuls. Of course it also meant one of us always had to be here so we had to take separate family trips last year, not just Ding actually Dorian and Isaac couldnt eat regular food and needed to be medicated a few times a day. I’m hopeful that we have gotten them past the worst of it.

Play Like Nobody’s Watching
Cats can turn anything into a toy and find joy in playtime. They teach us to let go of inhibitions and have fun, even as adults. Ding was like a kitten when catnip or the dot broke out, I can generally get all of them to chase it, she’d go so hard at it lol, that was HER dot until maybe six months ago when she stopped playing, well into when we knew she didnt have much time left, she played. My cats before her usually had a particular thing they’d always play with. I remember Carmen, hubby’s cat for about as long as I had Ding, was old and cranky but if I was making the bed, she was there as I smoothed the sheet out. Ding highly recommended the dot (laser pointer) I used to let her get it sometimes and the look she’d give me lol like she was saying ‘yeah I know you are letting me get it and I don’t care’ lol.

Stretch It Out
Cats are champions of stretching, and they remind us to listen to our bodies and take care of our physical health. I don’t know that I FIRST learned it from cats, back in my younger days I did gymnastics, but a few years ago I was trying to lose weight and whenever I’d get down on the floor to do some basic stretches or yoga she’d flop down beside me. She would lay on her back while I did sit-ups or my leg stretches. We stretched together and it felt great, especially when we went and found a window so we could do it in the sunlight. I remember how much she loved that warmth and it makes it hurt a bit less.

Set Boundaries
When your cat wants space, she makes it clear. She teaches us the importance of setting boundaries for our mental well-being. Ding was the boss bitch, but really it was Myra I think of when I think about setting boundaries. Theres a reason we affectionately called her bitchface, man woman dog or cat if you crossed a boundary she’d let you know. She had her ways and lived by her own rules. Slept on my head lol she claimed me as hers in a thousand ways.

Find Comfort in Routine
Cats thrive on routine, whether it’s mealtime or cuddle time. This consistency helps them feel secure, reminding us to create routines that ground us. I’ll be honest, this is initially inspired by Monkey but we’ve found the cats need routine as well. When Ding was sick hubby and monkey went on a trip leaving me with three sick cats, two of whom were on meds, and one of them needed meds 3 times a day. And his food needed to be blended, the process was a good half hour time suck. They’ve gotten better and yo-yo’d and now our middle two guys need to be begged and pleaded with to eat.

Explore with Curiosity
Cats are naturally curious creatures, exploring every nook and cranny of their environment. They inspire us to approach life with curiosity and wonder. Ding was an explorer of all things three feet and lower LOL. I swear I never dropped her but she had a deep rooted fear of falling so did not enjoy being picked up or held, even by me. Whats funny is we also had Simon, who was an explorer of everything higher because he wouldnt touch the floor (for real, we carried him to the litterbox otherwise he basically lived on my desk and we fed him there too), he’d do all manner of twists and curls to not have to touch the floor, I used to say he was my floor is lava kitty. Also was funny to think I dont know if either of them knew the other existed lol. Which is also a reminder that people see the same thing sometimes differently, we only look at things through our own unique lens tinted by past experience and expectations

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Cats seem unbothered by minor inconveniences; they roll with the punches and move on quickly. They remind us not to get hung up on trivial matters. Ding didnt let the little stuff get to her, even as it got increasingly difficult for her to get around, she’d still frequently leave my room to yell at one of the boys or sometimes to yell at hubby, or to find me when she forgot that I left the room lol but me and her bed and her brush were all she needed to be a happy kitty.

Show Affection Freely
When cats want love, they seek it out without hesitation. They teach us the value of expressing affection and connecting with those we care about. Ding hated every animal and most humans, but for some reason she liked me and I am tremendously grateful and I will miss her yelling until I breathe my last breath, but I can tell you, without a doubt I know that cat loved me, because she showed her affection by her over protectiveness and how she’d seek me out, I took that for what it was, an I love you in Ding language.
Our big guy does head bops. Every day thats how he says I love you, he’ll touch foreheads if cats have those. He’ll stare at you until you put your head close enough for him to bop it.
The new guy? He snuggles, guys he burrows in my hair lol but it feel like his version of kisses.
Dorian shows his belly, thats his I trust you enough to sleep soundly while you pet me and if I’m out enough you’ll get a Blep. Its the cutest.
Isaac does the cuddle and slow blink, plus if he really likes you he’ll pet your face affectionately. Its the cutest.

They are all the cutest, we don’t deserve them, but I am grateful for every minute with mine and every single lesson they taught me. So go forth friends, hug your fur babies and enjoy the unconditional love and blind trust that they entrust you as their human with. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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10 Half-Assed Mindfulness Hacks for Parents Who Are Losing Their Shit

JoLeave a comment

Listen up, you beautiful disasters! If you’re like me—juggling ADHD, bipolar disorder, fibromyagia, and a kid on the autism spectrum—you probably feel like you’re one meltdown away from joining the circus. Well, grab a seat and a drink (coffee, wine, whatever floats your boat), because I’m about to drop some truth bombs about mindfulness for parents who don’t have time to om their way to nirvana. As if life isnt stressful enough we have elections and questionable economics time. Seriously guys if I think about it too long I cry. So, the answers? I don’t have any, but we’re in it together, so lets get more mindful and attentive and lets be present.

  1. The “Oh Shit” Breath
    When life’s going to hell in a handbasket, take five seconds to breathe like you mean it. It’s not meditation, it’s survival.

  2. Actually Listen to Your Kid (Revolutionary, I Know)
    Put down your phone and pretend your kid’s the most interesting person in the world. Bonus: You might actually learn something.

  3. Body Scan for the Chronically Pained
    From your toes to your “I need coffee” headache, check in with your body. It’s like playing “Where’s Waldo?” but with pain.

  4. One Damn Thing at a Time
    ADHD brain wants to do all the things? Tough shit. Pick one task and stick to it like your sanity depends on it (because it does).

  5. Mindful Eating (Or Inhaling, Let’s Be Real)
    Take a hot second to actually taste that cold pizza you’re scarfing down between crises. Your taste buds will thank you.
  6. Savor the Silence (All 3 Seconds of It)
    Find a quiet moment and cling to it like it’s the last lifeboat on the Titanic. Even if it’s just hiding in the bathroom.
  7. Gratitude: Not Just for Hippies
    When your brain’s being a jerk, list three things you’re grateful for. Even if it’s “I’m grateful I haven’t lost my mind… yet.”
  8. Transition Without Tantrums (You, Not the Kids)
    Take a breath before switching gears. It’s like hitting the mental reset button, but without the IT guy.
  9. Self-Compassion for the Self-Loathing
    On days when you feel like the world’s worst parent, remind yourself: “I haven’t sold the kids to the circus yet, so I’m winning.”
  10. Mindful Moments for the Time-Strapped
    Use those in-between moments to check in with yourself. Waiting in line? Perfect time for a mental health check instead of doom-scrolling.

Look, I know mindfulness sounds like something for people who have their shit together. But trust me, it’s for us mess-makers too. These aren’t fancy techniques; they’re survival skills for parents on the brink. So the next time you’re about to lose it, try one of these. And remember, we’re all in this chaotic, beautiful clusterfuck together. Now go forth and half-ass your way to mindfulness, you amazing people and take care of yourselves, and each other

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Land of Confusion

JoLeave a comment

Well, fuck me sideways, it’s happening again. You know that moment when life decides to throw everything at you at once, like some cosmic game of dodgeball? Yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. It’s like my brain suddenly turned into a washing machine on spin cycle, thoughts tumbling over each other in a chaotic mess. Bills, deadlines, family drama, health issues – they’re all doing the conga line in my head, and I’m just standing here like a deer in headlights, completely frozen. 

Probably the biggest thing of note, my cat, MY old lady cat Ding (or D or Dingers, depends on who was calling her) we had to have her put down last week. She’d been sick and for the last week she’d stopped eating, and every day I thought I’d wake up to find her passed away in her sleep, but I knew after she quit eating it was HER choice and she chose, she’d had cancer and had started only eating cat treats by the handful. For this reason, she was always ALWAYS by my right hand. She’d been sticking close by me the last few years, if I left her sight she’d come out and LOUDLY inform me that I needed to return post haste. I can’t tell you how many times since we had her put down that I’ve reached for her. I don’t think I’ll ever stop reaching.

The chaos wasnt ALL terrible. Everyone who knows me knows my love of animals, and Correy is just as bad. One day a week monkey goes to school early and Correy was getting out of the car when he heard crying. I thought he was taking a long time as I’d seen him pull up and hadnt come inside yet. He was out of the car just listening. So I listened too and encouraged him to go find the source of the crying. He hopped across the street just on a courtesy glance and lo and behold. This brought a new member into our family then and there. He was maybe 6-8 weeks old and  as I’m whisper yelling, WHAT IS IT? And he turned around with that little ball of fluff was in his hands and he looks nearly identical to a cat we used to have that I miss terribly. But I have taken control of him mostly because he can hide in my room, not that he hides, he is the cattiest cat we’ve had in a while very playful, but got sick last week, with what I think Ding had, so he’s been to the vet several times already,was all alone on the sidewalk just screaming for us to save him, and we did, his name is Fryday.



 You’d think with all this shit going on, I’d be a whirlwind of activity, tackling problems left and right. But nope, my brain’s brilliant response is to just… stop. It’s like my mental gears have ground to a halt, leaving me staring into space like I’m trying to decode the mysteries of the universe in my bed room wall.

Nope, still havent found an ideal plan but I came up with a number of new recipe ideas!

 I know it’s just my brain’s fucked up way of dealing with overload. When there’s too much input, it decides the best course of action is to do absolutely nothing. Thanks, brain. Real helpful. So here I am, caught in this ever-circling pit of despair, where thinking about any one problem feels like trying to catch a greased pig. All I can do is breathe and wait for my brain to reboot like some outdated Windows PC. 

Seriously guys, I lose whole days to this, I just sit there thinking of all I have to do, then I’ll turn to look something up, forget what I’m looking up and start down a rabbit hole about the new Reba show and if its the same blonde woman as the sassy friend as was in the last show Reba had and its time for monkey to get off the bus. I’ve lost the day with nothing to show for it except for some anger and frustration at my own damn brain’s rebellion like a teenager with a bad attitude ‘I DON’T WANNA’. Oh today we have to call the vet and do two loads of laundry and dinner, a light easy day, until I can’t talk on the phone because the words I am looking for won’t come to me so I say ok, well I can do that later, I should start the laundry. Well ok, I’ll do that at the next commercial. Hey that dude in the commercial looked familiar, I’ll google it. Oh shit my shows back on, I’ll go at the next commercial’


TWO HOURS LATER


Oh shit I havent started dinner. I wanted to use up the left over chicken with home made lemon glazed fancy pants thing thats super complicated but googled while high. Well we can’t do the brine today so fuck it, time for pizza.. 


20 minutes later

Still in paralysis in front of the computer refreshing The kicker? I know this is temporary. I know that eventually, my brain will decide to come back online, and I’ll be able to start tackling this mountain of crap one pebble at a time. But in the moment? It feels like I’m stuck in mental quicksand with no way out. If you’re reading this and nodding along, congrats! You’re part of the “My Brain Likes to Fuck with Me” club. We meet every time life decides to go batshit crazy. Membership is free, but the emotional toll is pretty steep. 

So here’s to all of us stuck in the freeze zone. May our brains eventually decide to cooperate, and may we find a way to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Because sometimes, when everything is going to hell in a handbasket, all you can do is take a deep breath, say “fuck it,” and wait for the storm to pass. 

I have no coping strategies or advice, I wish I had the answers. I try and keep my brain busy. I’m learning Spanish. I’ll binge  a show until my brain go fuzzy, or I’ll put both ear buds in and dance like no one is watching (because no one is lol)I’m writing when I can, slowly easing back into school routine. I’m going to work more on the site this week. I have two or three ideas that I’ve come up with my petting and spoiling D in her final days. I know life goes on. I’ve tried to not ask for help getting through it, I’ve tried to sit with my sad all contained but some days it ends spilling from my eyes so I’ve hid away, plus getting to know the new guy. But lets do this, I’m back and I’m going to try to promise to report here once a week even if its just ‘this sucks, can’t wait til this part is over’. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

George says hey!

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Finding Your Tribe: When Life’s Dealt You a Crappy Hand

JoLeave a comment

Let’s face it, parenting is hard enough without throwing mental health issues, chronic pain, or neurodivergence into the mix. It’s like trying to juggle flaming chainsaws while riding a unicycle – on a tightrope. Over a pit of hungry alligators.

First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: isolation. When you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia, ADHD, or raising a kid with autism, it can feel like you’re on a deserted island. A really shitty deserted island where the coconuts are actually grenades and the sand is made of Legos. But you’re not alone. There are tons of us out here, fumbling through life, trying not to fuck up too badly. Alot of us out here that feel like we are one mistake or misunderstanding away from being ostracized by everyone we love if we say anything thats even remotely negative, and stuff it down, way down to our toes but every day theres more and more… Oh is that just me? If you relate to any of this, all of this, you are among friends.

But maybe you’re old school and want to see actual human faces. Local support groups can be a godsend. Picture this: a room full of people who don’t bat an eye when you say you forgot to pack your kid’s lunch because a depressive episode hit you like a freight train. No judgment, just understanding nods and maybe someone offering to carpool next time. It’s fucking beautiful.

Here’s a fun fact for you: Studies show that people with chronic conditions who participate in support groups report lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. It’s like group therapy, but without the hefty price tag and with more swearing.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “But what if I’m too anxious to meet new people?” or “What if my fibro flares (as its known to do especially when we get nervous, so that starts its own self destructive doom cycle) and I can’t make it?” Listen, we’ve all been there. The beauty of our fucked-up little community is that we get it. Can’t make it to the meetup because your body decided today was a good day to feel like you’ve been hit by a truck? Send a message. Chances are, someone else is in the same boat and you can commiserate virtually.

Remember, building connections takes time. It’s not like those cheesy rom-coms where you meet your best friend in a quirky coffee shop and suddenly you’re inseparable. It’s more like dating – awkward at first, with a lot of trial and error. But when you find your people, it’s worth all the cringe-worthy small talk and anxiety-induced sweating. I started my online fibro journey 20 years ago and am proud to say I have friends from a few countries and sometimes that is super helpful perspective wise. I like to think of it like a marathon. Only we arent racing, its not a sprint. There are people who will pull ahead or fall behind, theres some that will keep pace with you for a time its all welcome, you learn from every encounter, just trust and be open to the blessings and gifts and messages buried in pain, good or bad, there are always lessons to be learned.

So, here’s your homework, you beautiful dears: Reach out. Join a group. Send a message. Hell, start your own support group if you can’t find one that fits. Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this together. We’re all just trying to keep our heads above water while making this whole world spin. And remember, on those days when everything feels like too much, when you’re convinced you’re the worst person in the world, there’s a whole community out here ready to remind you that you’re doing just fine. We’ve got your back, even if we’re all a bit of a hot mess ourselves. Just do your best and we’ll pull each other up, one rung of the ladder at a time. Til next time gang,take care of yourselves and look out for each other. And George, look out for George he’s a shady little fucker …

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The Worst Party I’ve Ever Crashed

JoLeave a comment

Hey guys today lets talk about: When Chronic Pain, Depression, and Anxiety Decide to Have a Fucking Party.” It’s like the worst reunion ever, and guess what? You’re the unwilling host.

Let’s start with the guest of honor: Chronic Pain. This persistent bastard doesn’t know when to leave the party. It’s like that drunk person who keeps telling the same story over and over, except instead of boring you, it’s literally torturing you. Studies show that about 50 million U.S. adults suffer from chronic pain in some form or fashion. That’s a lot of people dealing with this uninvited guest.

Its been said that fibro is like muscle cramps. I don’t even acknowledge that uninformed opinion.There are days that I can mow the yard (I’m the lesser emergent heart concerns in the home) And there are days that I’m in paralyzing pain, the kind of pain that has you locked into one pose for hours on end just because it hurts a tensy bit less and right now you’ll take any relief, what ever strength form or shape it arrives in. I understand how it could appear to others that I’m a normal person with normal persons aches and pains. I am 100% positive that is a good deal of my pain, but I don’t think I begin at the same point as others. Its not that I’m special or different other than being a bit more sensitive, its a condition I have and currently just have to live with as best I can. Thats all any of us can do, even on the days all we do is get up to pee and hydrate.


Enter Depression, the party pooper that turns everything into a black hole of misery. It’s not content with just making you feel like shit; it actually amplifies your pain. Research suggests that people with chronic pain are four times more likely to have depression or anxiety than those who are pain-free


It’s like Depression and Chronic Pain are in cahoots, tag-teaming your ass into oblivion. The cycle just repeats, you hurt so you can’t be active even though you have things you want to do. What happens when we want to do something badly? We tense up, normal human reaction, but that just hurts worse so you don’t get up and you get mad at yourself for not getting up to do ANYTHING, and when you start negative self talking thats when your system shuts down, you go on autopilot eating sleeping and breathing and SOMETIMES when the water isnt too hard you scrape yourself up for a shower. Even if you KNOW once you are out you will feel soft warm and clean.

And just when you think it can’t get any worse, Anxiety crashes the party. This jittery mess of a guest is always convinced the worst is about to happen. It’s like having a paranoid squirrel on cocaine running around in your brain. Anxiety disorders affect about 20% of adults with chronic pain (I’d actually expected much more than that) turning your mind into a non-stop horror movie of “what-ifs” and worst-case scenarios. Usually these leave me feeling fearful of my future and everyone around me honestly. And I HATE IT! If I could change one thing, like after all of the other wishes for my family and friends I’d wish to NOT suffer from everything but if we are talking about the first thing I’d get rid of, its actual the Anxiety, the fearfulness that makes me hate myself and keeps me frozen, or at best on autopilot. I’d sell an organ or answer the trolls riddles three if it meant not actively hating every single thought in my head.

Now, here’s where it gets really fucked up. These three assholes feed off each other like some kind of dysfunctional symbiotic relationship. Chronic pain makes you depressed, depression amplifies your pain, anxiety makes you tense up which – you guessed it – causes more pain. It’s a vicious cycle that would make even the most sadistic carnival ride designer say, “Whoa, that’s a bit much.”

But wait, there’s more! This unholy trinity doesn’t just mess with your head and body; it fucks with your entire life. Work, relationships, sleep – nothing is safe. A study found that people with chronic pain and depression are more likely to have work-related disabilities and unemployment .

I.t’s like these three decided to team up and play a game of “How can we ruin this person’s life today?” I have had the majority of this written four or five days ago, a number of unrelated problems popped up that have me so unbelievably confused and stressed, I have sat here, for large chunks of time, I knew I couldnt do what I wanted, even though it wasnt anything that would prevent me from typing this, so I sat and stared into space. Like for real, the tv was on but I couldnt tell you what I was watching, just completely blank, so I’m pissed as shit at myself, which makes for a lot of negative self talk, so I’ve basically sitting, in my room, alone, with the tv on, sometimes pen in hand, half written notes and ideas scattered everywhere. It makes me so mad, then depressed, then the day would be gone so mad at myself, make up some super ambitious goals that I’m setting myself up for failure, that cycle repeats ALL DAY. For weeks on end. Endless loop.

So, what’s the solution? How do we kick these party crashers to the curb? Well, it’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either. Integrated treatment approaches that address both the physical and mental aspects have shown promise. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, mindfulness practices, and certain medications can help manage this clusterfuck of symptoms. Speak up, be honest with your doc, 9 out of 10 times you are better off getting a referral. Its manageable guys, and I’m saying that as someone who is currently drowning in the sorrow sea right now lol. Just hang on better than Jack. (Some of you will get that but its not imperative to the weight of my story). I’m of the belief that you have to find your own combo and fine tune it, as I have been since the age of fifteen. Clearly I’ve not found the perfect mix but I’ll try anything and I remain hopeful. Thats why I feel such a need to fill this space with friends and others who can share and grow and learn.


In conclusion, living with chronic pain, depression, and anxiety is like hosting the world’s worst party where you’re both the host and the unwilling guest of honor. It’s a relentless, exhausting experience that millions of people deal with every day. But remember, you’re not alone in this shit show. Reach out, seek help, and don’t let these assholes run the party. It’s your life, and you’ve got the right to enjoy it, even if these uninvited guests refuse to leave. Til next time guys, it won’t be as long, I’m going to beat this. Take care of yourselves, and each other.