Tag: PTSD

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R.S.D….elightful!

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For years, rejection has been a constant presence and the fear of it hindered many important moments in my life, if only I’d known how common of a thing it was, maybe I could have talked with someone who would have understood, made myself feel a little less isolated. So tonight I wanted to talk a little bit about something I wish I knew then, maybe if someone else is aware of it they could be like OMG ME TOO! And feel at least a little less alone.

For many with ADHD, even minor incidents of perceived rejection can trigger an overwhelming flood of negative emotions that feel utterly unbearable. This phenomenon, known as rejection sensitive dysphoria or RSD, causes what should be a mild feeling of disappointment or sadness to escalate rapidly into intense emotional agony.

The dysphoria from RSD is described as a “wounded” feeling, where the emotional pain and hurt from the rejection consumes every thought. It’s not just being sad or upset – it’s a visceral, physical sensation of being acutely injured by the rejection. Small critiques or casual teasing that would roll off most people’s backs can send the ADHD brain spiraling into self-loathing, anxiety, depression and even anger or lashing out.

This emotional dysregulation and inability to keep emotions within a normal range is thought to be hard-wired into the ADHD brain. The regions that regulate emotional responses and pain perception may be wired differently, causing the brain to treat perceived rejection as incredibly painful, personal attacks rather than minor slights. What feels like a subtle social cue to others is processed as deep, searing rejection.

ADHD brains are also more sensitive to dopamine levels, the neurotransmitter linked to motivation and reward. So rejection feels more punishing, with the sting of failure and negative reinforcement hitting harder. This hypersensitivity fuels the RSD response, where any critique or rejection is blown out of proportion into something viscerally agonizing.

While everyone dislikes rejection, the RSD reaction goes far beyond the typical human experience. It’s a level of emotional turmoil described as “unbearable” and “devastating” by those who suffer from it. Managing these intense emotions is one of the most disruptive and impairing aspects of living with ADHD.
Til next time gang, you know what to do.

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Emotional Yo-yo AKA Don’t like my attitude? Give it 3 minutes, it’ll change

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I had a topic picked for today, for days really, but it’s deeply personal and today I’ve already cried over three commercials and once cuz I was pissed off, so I’m going to wait on that one, I feel too vulnerable. So instead, why don’t we talk about one of the middle symptoms in my ven diagram of my illnesses (its also a common comorbidity of autism, so I am getting it from all sides folks) its called Emotional Dysregulation.

What IS emotional dysregulation? Emotional dysregulation is like having your emotions go on a rollercoaster ride without your consent. You know, it’s when you struggle to keep those feelings in check and end up reacting in ways that might seem a bit over-the-top to others. It’s like your emotions are playing tug-of-war with you, making everyday situations feel like a big deal. And it’s not just about feeling all the feels, but also struggling with how to respond appropriately. Think of it as your emotional volume knob stuck on high, making it tough to keep things chill when you need to. And hey, it’s often buddies with executive dysfunction, so they like to hang out together, but we’ll dive into that one another time.

In Bipolar Mania, this is going to be like someone put a rocket booster in your brain and lit the fuse. One minute you’re feeling energetic and euphoric, making grandiose plans to start 17 new business ventures. The next, you’re sobbing uncontrollably because a Geico commercial reminded you of that goldfish you killed in 3rd grade. Your moods careen so violently, loved ones get whiplash just watching. It’s a real hoot when the mania convinces you that you’re a world-renowned painter, so you “decorate” the living room walls with your…unique…art. Its ok guys, mine just makes me think I write anything worth reading LOL.

In ADHD you are going to recognize this as more like having a nuclear meltdown at the sight of a mildly inconvenient traffic jam. You go from 0 to rage monster in 3.5 seconds over something as minor as the remote being lost. Then just as quickly, you’re cackling at internet memes, having completely forgotten what set you off. Your emotional outbursts are so disproportionate and fleeting, it’s like watching a moody toddler control the weather. Things that are of vital importance RIGHT NOW suddenly don’t seem like a big deal especially after thinking of all the work involved. Its not that I’m lazy its just there are days when I think all the thoughts and there are days where I will work myself to exhaustion and bleeding to avoid thinking ANY thoughts. Its a delight really lol.

Fibromyalgia brings a special kind of emotional chaos. You wake up feeling somewhat human, but by noon, the brain fog has you zoning out mid-sentence while describing your weekend. Nobody I’m talking to can possibly be more pissed at me zoning out than me, so often times I will catch myself and not say anything, because when I do then the person I’m talking to just gets annoyed at me whereas my way I only annoy myself. Though it does mean I miss whole convos, so eventually it comes out that I totally spaced it so I guess either way I’m pissing people off. By 2pm, you’re snapping at loved ones over the slightest noise because everything is exacerbating your body’s pain signals. But then a good cry sesh has you feeling marginally better, so you impulsively buy yourself 10 shirts because they are a good deal in bulk. An emotional rollercoaster where the only consistent thing is inconsistency.

Now take all three of those delightful experiences and put them in a blender – that’s the big mood gumbo you get with comorbid bipolar, ADHD and fibromyalgia. One second you’re manically rearranging the furniture and rapidly rambling business plans. The next you’re lashing out at your spouse for daring to breathe too loudly near your full-body ache-fest. Throw in some weepy fibro fog where you forget what you’re upset about, and baby, you’ve got a stew going!

And lets not forget I’m navigating around a moody autistic teenager thats dealing with her own emotional dysregulation. In her that can present as intense outbursts or all out shutdowns, difficulty calming down, they already struggle to self soothe, this just highlights and exacerbates it. They might struggle to express emotions appropriately, its often a big deal and takes a while to settle. Sensory overload is also a problem, if overwhelmed everything is amplified by ten. Stimming is a big indicator, and for most kids that sounds or repetitive movements and also a rigidity and difficulty with flexibility can be considered emotional dyregulation.

For the blissfully unacquainted, just imagine a rollercoaster designed by a schizophrenic rocket scientist who’s ingested every mind-altering substance known to humanity. Ups, downs, loop-de-loops and sudden screeching emotional halts that make no sense. That’s the bipolar/ADHD/fibromyalgia brain on a good day! But don’t worry, we’re sure the burning desire to both achieve world domination and take a 5-year nap will balance itself out…any minute now. Until next time gang, take care of yourself and each other. (Oh I forgot to say, when I was taking my trash out I saw a real life George. He says ‘hey’ lol)

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SuperFibroman… fibroperson? Fibro super powers…

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Let’s be real – living with fibromyalgia is basically like being bitten by a radioactive sloth. You get all these weird-ass “powers” that nobody asked for and just make everyday life more of a challenge. But since we fibro warriors are stuck with them, we might as well lean into the absurdity.

For starters, we’ve all developed a spidey-sense for detecting chairs from a mile away. Usually with our shins when we walk into them but also when we look for them upon entering a room. I always clock exits, then chairs. Our bodies are so desperate for relief that we could spot a La-Z-Boy in a Vegas casino from the parking lot. Now thats not an always thing, some days I’d rather stand because I need to walk or stretch, but I HAVE TO know where my options are.

Then there’s our superpower of confusing the absolute shit out of doctors. We walk into their offices presenting a cluster of bizarre symptoms that have them scratching their heads harder than a dog with fleas. “You’re a real medical mystery!” they proclaim, as if we should feel honored to be their personal enigma wrapped in brain fog and muscle knots. Thanks, I guess?

Of course, our most impressive feat is the ability to look totally normal while feeling like microwaved garbage on the inside. We’re masters of disguise, slapping on makeup and clean clothes to conceal the bone-deep exhaustion and full-body aches. Somehow we make it through work, social events, you name it – all while our bodies are practically screaming for a horizontal surface.

And let’s not forget our supercharged empathy and ability to sense others’ invisible suffering. One look at someone and we can decode the subtle signs of fatigue, pain, and the dreaded brain fog. We see you, fellow spoonies – our x-ray vision cuts through the smiles and pleasantries.

So sure, having fibromyalgia may not give us the coolest superpowers in the traditional sense. But if you think about it, we’re all low-key superheroes just powering through each day with these bizarre abilities nobody else wants. Who needs super strength when you have the power to baffle medical professionals? Til next time gang, take care of yourself and each other!

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Fibro be makin me crazy… or crazy makin me fibro?…

JoLeave a comment

Fibromyalgia, the condition that makes “chronic pain” seem like an understatement, often comes with a side order of psychological hurdles, courtesy of our good friend, solitude. Picture this: you’re in a constant battle with your own body, and just when you think you’ve reached an understanding, your social life decides to pack its bags and take a vacation to “nowhere in sight.”

Isolation, the VIP section of the fibromyalgia club, isn’t exactly a coveted spot. Between canceling plans last minute because your body decided to throw a tantrum and having to explain for the umpteenth time why you can’t just “shake it off,” it’s no wonder you’re left feeling like the lone wolf in a pack of social butterflies.

Loneliness, the emotional equivalent of trying to find Waldo in a sea of blank stares, becomes your not-so-trusty sidekick on this rollercoaster ride. Who needs friends when you have your trusty heating pad and a Netflix subscription, right? But let’s be real, even the most dedicated binge-watcher can’t fill the void of genuine human connection.

Feeling misunderstood? Welcome to the fibromyalgia Olympics, where everyone’s a gold medalist in the sport of not getting it. Because nothing says “fun” like trying to explain why you’re tired all the time to someone who thinks a good night’s sleep can cure anything from a broken heart to a broken leg.

In conclusion, the psychological effects of solitude on individuals with fibromyalgia are about as enjoyable as a root canal without anesthesia. But fear not, fellow fibro warriors, for in the midst of the chaos and the pain, there’s humor to be found. So, here’s to finding solace in laughter, camaraderie in shared experiences, and the occasional eye roll at well-meaning but clueless bystanders. After all, if you can’t laugh in the face of adversity, what’s the point? Take care of yourself, and each other.

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Fibro and friends…

JoLeave a comment

Ah, relationships and fibromyalgia, the ultimate test of love and patience. Because what better way to spice up your romantic life than with a chronic pain condition that’s about as predictable as the weather forecast in the Midwest in May?

Picture this: you’re all snuggled up on the couch, ready for a cozy night in with your significant other. But instead of Netflix and chill, it’s more like a game of “Find the Least Painful Position” as you try to avoid triggering a fibro flare-up every time they accidentally bump into you. Ah, romance.

Also, the timeless struggle of elucidating fibromyalgia to your significant other without coming off like a wannabe actor on Grey’s Anatomy. “Oh darling, I’m not merely exhausted—I’m ‘fibro-fatigued.’ It’s fatigue with a twist, a dash of theatrics, and a sprinkle of existential dread for flavor. Just your average day in the life of a medical drama, right?”” I’ve always wanted to be on Greys. Or, honestly I’m old school and ER was my jam. STAT! lol

Oh, and communication? That’s a whole other ballgame. Because nothing says “I love you” like trying to have a serious conversation about your pain levels while your partner’s eyes glaze over like they’re watching paint dry. Ah, the sweet sound of empathy. I love watching the light in my partners eyes dim when I talk tender points. I can see exactly when he tunes out and I’m always tempted to throw in extra random shit to see if he’s paying attention lol

But hey, if your relationship can survive the endless doctor’s appointments, the mood swings from pain medication, and the occasional meltdown in the frozen foods aisle because they’re out of your favorite ice cream (or just because its Tuesday), then you know you’ve found a keeper. So here’s to love, laughter, and navigating the minefield of fibromyalgia together. Til next time gang, take care of yourself, and each other.

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Off with her head… or all the rest of the parts that hurt…

Jo1 Comment

We’ve all been there, some social event that you drag yourself out of bed for, any big gathering that you’ve saved up your spoons for because you know how things get. You’ve managed to smile for most of the people and start to ache, thinking only of the inevitable crash that comes after having fun with others. You’ve clocked the exits, you’re making your rounds saying goodbye to everyone. Hand shakes, gentle hugs for the chosen few, when someone sees you trying to make your quiet farewell. A loud someone. A judgemental someone. A someone you’ve artfully managed to dodge for the entire event, and there they are blocking the door. You can hear it already, their complete dismissal of the monster that consumes your entire being most days. How much you wish you could just transfer the monster to this persons back for five minutes, maybe you’d get a little empathy. Of course not. Today is the day they get through to you that you’re not feeling what you think you’re feeling, you’re feeling what THEY think you are feeling, and with a lot less first hand knowledge. Rolling your eyes and thanking them won’t work, but you are not in the mood to debate it, some people will just never believe what they can’t see, touch, or feel themselves.

You are not going to change hearts and minds here. Your best bet is to leave before anyone’s feelings are hurt (including your own, some people are mean). BUTTTTTT, you see where this is going, so you square your shoulders and smile, hoping to minimize the interaction and get out of there before drawing a crowd and having to say goodbye to everybody all over again. Bracing for it, you are not at all surprised to hear, ‘You know, I read that fibromyalgia is 100% mental, have you ever thought about the possibility you’re just too sensitive? It’s all in your head, I bet’


Oh boy. He went there. Now if you’re like me and you are not completely depleted from peopleing at this point, this is when you laugh. Not the good funny ha-ha laugh, but the ‘listen here f*cktw@t’ chuckle of you loading up the heat to roast this fool. Get out your marshmallows and gather round…

Guys fibro is hard, and fibro fog makes thinking of quick witty comebacks a near impossibility, but if you are prepared, locked and loaded with the snark this comment deserves this can be the highlight of the evening not just for you but for all in the vicinity, especially those who don’t enjoy this tool’s company. I GOT YOU! Look no further, these comebacks are sure to have him feeling the heat of that burn until the next party (where I promise at least this dumbass won’t be providing color commentary on your health.)

‘Oh wow of course! All I need to do is flip the switch in my brain labeled pain sensitivity to the off position, why didnt I think of that!’ – Ironically thats what some of our meds actually do, but this person wasn’t trying to be helpful and you don’t owe him a science lesson.

‘Wow, why didn’t I think of that? Let me just tell these nerves to stop being so dramatic’ – That one works best with an eye roll and then a fast subject change, as if you have no time for his shit.

‘Great idea! I’ll just add ‘ignore chronic pain’ to my to-do list. I’ll put it right under solve world hunger and teach you how to find the g-spot’ – That one is savage and might need to be adjusted in accordance with their sexual orientation

‘Oh silly me, I forgot to unsubscribe to the feeling pain newsletter, and I forgot my imaginary pain repellent! Can I borrow yours?’ – You can add ‘never mind, I’ll find my own, I forgot you keep yours up your ass with your head’ it depends on who is around and how much you dislike this person.

The last one is best delivered with full eye roll and exaggerated ‘I’m over this’ hair toss – ‘Ah, the elusive solution: simply pretend it doesn’t exist. Thanks for the groundbreaking advice. Remind me to cancel my doctors appointment and just think happy thoughts, why did I forget I was going to get to see Dr. Obvious, first name Captain’ and swish on out of there.

None of these are ideal, but neither are the ignorant people with uneducated opinions. You won’t change anyone’s heart or mind because its exactly as two dimensional as any other illness that has never touched that persons life, so you might as well get a decent laugh out of it, maybe provide a witness with a funny story to tell. Until next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!