Recovering from hip replacement surgery sounds daunting, so why not make the most of your downtime? I’m a week out and I’m SO bored. I’ll probably knock out at least five of these this week. If you guys have ideas let me know EDITED TO ADD: Mother in law sent me a message letting me know that when her hubby had a hip replacement he built models and thats how she ended up with a curio case full lol. I hadn’t thought of them until she reminded me of Grandpa Greg’s recovery but thats also something tangible so I’d absolutely work on that. Legos too after I thought about it.

1. Binge Watch TV Shows Until You Forget What Day It Is

HBO, Netflix, Hulu… I feel like this one goes without saying… summon the entertainment gods! Start a show so long you’ll still be watching it when you can finally walk without looking like a baby giraffe. I’m planning to re watch this season’s Law and Orders, and Greys, and all the Chicago shows. Then I’ll branch out to see if there are any finished shows, or finished seasons of shows that I have on my to watch list.

2. Perfect the Art of Asking for Everything

This is your time to shine as the supreme monarch of laziness. Channel your inner diva and ask others to fetch you water, snacks, blankets, and everything else. I’ve started calling my husband into the room to do little things once I lay down. I start by justifying it as he’s walking in the room he’s like ‘just tell me, I know you’d do it if you could’. But half the fun is making up the justifying stuff. Make an argument they can’t say no to

3. Assemble a Throne of Pillows

You’re going to be sitting a lot, so why not create the most luxurious pillow fort for your recovery? Bonus points if you make people call you the Pillow Queen. I don’t just want a pillow throne, I want a pillow empire that I may sit atop and be fanned and fed grapes LOL

4. Write a Memoir Called “Titanium and Tantrums”

Chronicle your hip replacement journey in all its glory—include your emotional highs, your many Netflix binges, and the awkward moment you dropped a crutch down the stairs. Kidding, steer clear of stairs for the duration of your recovery. I didnt do crutches, I did a combo of walker and cane but it sucks to drop your cane. I have a grabber that I also drop, so I play pick up sticks with my toes lol. My memoir would be boring, mostly about how I try doing things myself, fail, then wait for someone to *gulp* help.

5. Invent an Alter Ego for Your New Hip

Name your new hip something badass like “T-800” or “Iron Justice.” Refer to it exclusively in the third person. “Iron Justice doesn’t approve of stairs today.” LOL I havent named mine yet, but I did notice I didnt have any bionic powers yet. Super Speed???? Maybe but I wont find that out til its magically activated and I am summoned to my rightful place instead of seated here atop my pillow throne.

6. Train Your Pets to Assist You

Turn your dog into a furry nurse or your cat into a reluctant butler. Teach them to fetch your slippers, deliver snacks, or at least sit next to you and look cute. I’ve been working SO HARD at this one, so far I have gotten two of the four to sit in my vicinity and grace me with their presence, I’ll continue working at it, it will be slow going but I’ve got time.

7. Learn to Swear in Different Languages

You’ll need new words for when physical therapy makes you want to throw something. Imagine shouting “Merde!” or “Scheisse!” to spice up your frustrations. I should look into the swear words, I don’t think they have a section for it in Duolingo lol, but I’ve been doing Duolingo more. Make yourself fluent in a language of your choosing. Thats using your time constructively

8. Create a Playlist Called ‘My Hip Don’t Lie’

LOL You knew a playlist had to be on the list somewhere! Honestly my soundtrack has been senate hearings and stand up comedy, but now that I’m feeling good enough not to sit on my ass today it’s Shakira time. Include other bangers like “Can’t Stop This Feeling” and “Walk This Way.” Dance from the couch (or gently sway if you’re not quite there yet).

9. Become a Professional Napper

If naps were an Olympic sport, you’d be going for gold. Nap at odd hours. Nap mid-conversation. Nap just because you’re bored. Recovery requires rest, after all. I seriously love me a good nap. I havent been sleeping well because I have to elevate my hip and I’m uncomfortable on that side, so if I’m in my chair and the moment calls for it I can be sound asleep in under 3 minutes.

10. Plan Your Post-Recovery Dance Routine

Once your new hip is ready, you’ll obviously want to celebrate with a victory dance. Sketch it out now: a little cha-cha, a hip thrust (carefully), and a triumphant lean. I have actually thought about this a fair amount, I love to dance. I love to move, I hate sitting still so its driving me crazy, but I know I’ll be able to dance soon and feel much better while doing it, so thats what I’m holding on to.

Final Thoughts:

Recovery is hard, but humor makes it bearable. Whether you’re inventing alter egos for your hip or perfecting your dramatic limping skills, the key is to stay entertained and keep smiling (or rolling your eyes). You’ve got this—Iron Justice (or Titanium Tina ooohhh, I like that one) will be back on the dance floor in no time. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.