Tag: #SpoonieHumor

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The ADHD Shopping Experience: How I Went for Milk and Came Home with a Succulent, Three Notebooks, and No Milk

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A play-by-play of my brain vs. reality, or: Why simple errands are never simple

Setting the Scene: Just need milk. One item. Simple mission. What could possibly go wrong?

In the Parking Lot

ADHD Brain: “Okay, milk. Just milk. Wait, should I make a list? No, it’s just ONE thing. But what if I see something else we need while I’m there? Maybe I should text hubby and ask… no, that’s ridiculous. It’s MILK. But what kind of milk? 2% or whole? Did we discuss this? Should I check the fridge from here? Can’t do that. Focus. MILK. M-I-L-K. Got it.”

Fibromyalgia Body: “Why does every parking space require a trek equivalent to hiking the Appalachian Trail? And why is it windy? Wind makes everything hurt more.”

What Actually Happened: Sat in my car for 5 minutes trying to remember if we needed 2% or whole milk, googled “difference between 2% and whole milk nutritionally” fell down a rabbit hole about dairy farming, got distracted by a text from my mom, completely forgot why I had googled dairy farming, and finally got out of the car having made zero progress on the milk question.

Entering the Store

ADHD Brain: “Straight to dairy section. Do not pass Go. Do not collect impulse purchases. Laser focus. I am a milk-seeking missile.”

Fibromyalgia Body: “Of course I grabbed the cart with the wobbliest wheel in existence. Every step is sending shock waves through my joints. This cart sounds like a dying pterodactyl.”

Bipolar Brain: “Actually, this is kind of fun! Look at all the possibilities! So many choices! I love having choices!”

What Actually Happened: Grabbed the first cart without testing it (rookie mistake), immediately got distracted by the seasonal display of Halloween decorations prominently displayed in August, spent three minutes judging the capitalist machine that pushes holidays earlier each year, then realized I was still standing at the front of the store holding a cart that sounded like it was powered by wounded animals.

Stop #1: The Pharmacy Section

ADHD Brain: “Wait, didn’t I need to pick up that prescription? When was that due? Was it today or tomorrow? Better check while I’m here. Multitasking!”

Fibromyalgia Body: “Standing in lines is torture. Why does every person in front of me have the most complicated prescription issue in pharmacy history?”

What Actually Happened: Joined the pharmacy line without checking if I actually had a prescription ready, discovered I didn’t, but got into a fascinating conversation with the pharmacist about medication timing, learned three new things about drug interactions, forgot why I came to the store entirely, then remembered MILk when I saw the refrigerated section behind the pharmacy counter.

The Succulent Section (How Is This Even a Section?)

ADHD Brain: “Ooh, plants! I could be a plant person! Look at this tiny perfect one – it probably needs rescuing from this fluorescent wasteland. I would give it a good home. I’d name it Gerald. Gerald deserves better than this. I’ll just—NO. MILK. FOCUS. But Gerald is so small and perfect…”

Bipolar Brain (manic whispering): “Plants are scientifically proven to improve mental health! This could be your new hobby! You deserve nice things! Gerald could be the first of many! Think of the Instagram potential!”

Fibromyalgia Body: “Bending over to look at these tiny plants is making my back scream, but Gerald IS pretty cute…”

What Actually Happened: Bought four succulents (Gerald, Susan, Peter,and one I didn’t name because I was trying to show restraint), plus a decorative pot that cost more than the plants, and mentally planned their placement in every room of my house despite historically being a plant serial killer.

Stop #2: The Drive-Through Coffee (Because Obviously)

ADHD Brain: “I should get coffee for this epic grocery mission. Caffeine will help me focus on the milk objective. This is strategic, not procrastination.”

Fibromyalgia Body: “My head is starting to hurt. Coffee will help. Coffee fixes everything.”

Bipolar Brain: “Treat yourself! You’re doing great! You deserve a fancy drink!”

What Actually Happened: Ordered a complicated seasonal latte, paid for it, thanked the barista, drove off immediately, got three blocks away before realizing I never actually received my coffee, circled back through the drive-through again to explain my ADHD brain to a confused teenager, got my coffee and a pitying look, then sat in the parking lot for 10 minutes mentally writing this exact blog post.

The Notebook Aisle (My Natural Habitat)

ADHD Brain: “These are on SALE! I always need notebooks! What if I run out of places to write my brilliant thoughts? What if this specific type gets discontinued forever and I never find another notebook that feels this perfect in my hands? This is an INVESTMENT.”

Bipolar Brain: “Look at all these possibilities! You could start journaling again! Or write that novel! Or organize your life! Each notebook could be a fresh start!”

What Actually Happened: Bought notebooks in three different sizes for “different purposes” – one for grocery lists (ironic, considering), one for “important thoughts,” and one for daily planning that I’ll definitely use this time, unlike the other twelve identical notebooks at home. Spent fifteen minutes arranging them in my cart by color.

At Checkout

ADHD Brain: “Mission accomplished! Wait… what was my mission? Milk! Did I get milk? I feel like I’m forgetting something important. Why do I have plants? OH RIGHT, Gerald!”

Fibromyalgia Body: “Why is this checkout line moving so slowly? My feet are killing me. Should have gotten a scooter cart.”

Cashier: “Did you find everything you needed today?”

Me: “Everything except what I came for!”

What Actually Happened: Paid $47 for succulents, notebooks, Halloween candy (forgot to mention grabbing that), fancy soap that “smelled like my childhood,” and a magazine about organizing your life. No milk. Not even close to milk.

Back Home

Family: “Did you get milk?”

Me: “I got… life lessons? And Gerald.”

Family: “Who’s Gerald?”

Me: “My new succulent son. Also, we still need milk.”

ADHD Brain: “But look how happy Gerald looks on the windowsill! This was basically a success!”

The Moral of the Story: Sometimes the journey is more important than the destination. Sometimes that journey involves adopting plant children and buying notebooks you don’t need. And sometimes you just have to go back to the store tomorrow for milk, but with Gerald watching over you from his new pot. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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Body Function Bingo

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A totally real medical game where everyone’s a winner and no one feels good.

🎯 1. The Surprise Soundtrack

Symptom: Your joints crack like bubble wrap every time you move.
Fun fact: The average human knee wasn’t designed to sound like a haunted rocking chair — yet here we are.
Personal take: I’m TERRIFIED of moving like swaying because I’ve been warned repeatedly if my hip pops out I wont enjoy it. I keep remembering how EASY my hip used to pop out, I gotta be mindful of yet another ailment; *Dramatic fall upon our ‘fainting couch’ only to pop right back up*

🧠 2. Brain Fog Blackout

Symptom: You walk into a room and instantly forget why.
Science says: Fibro and ADHD can both affect working memory. That means your brain’s “clipboard” is full of glitter and expired coupons.
Pro tip: Keep a notebook, or just live in the room you walked into. It’s yours now. Your life exists there.

🔥 3. Is It a Hot Flash or Anxiety?

Symptom: Sudden wave of heat. Chest tight. Soul leaving body?
Reality: Could be hormones, could be panic, could be both. Whee!
Personal take: Am I the only one who walks around with sweats on *mostly* but when a hot flash hits, I’m in a tank and shorts, that I also set out to wear today because I did this so often that now I pick out a 4 piece outfit every day? Its like my anemia and my hormones have a time share in the place that controls my temp.

🎭 4. Mood Swing Square Dance

Symptom: Feeling fine → rage → tears → existential dread → cookie?
FYI: Bipolar mood shifts are no joke. Hormones and chronic pain don’t help.
Fun twist: Sometimes the mood changes faster than your outfit.

🧃 5. “Ow” Before It Happens

Symptom: You say “ow” before doing the thing.
Science says: Anticipatory pain is real in chronic illness brains. It’s like your nervous system’s version of spoilers.
Bonus round: Saying “ow” also applies to thoughts and feelings now.

🧬 6. Random Pain That Leaves as Mysteriously as It Came

Symptom: Stabbed in the ribs by an invisible elf. Gone five seconds later.
No explanation. No follow-up. No peace.
Personal take: (That sharp twinge in your back today? Yep.) I’m honestly not sure about back pain there are far too many terrible things it could be (thanks Dr Google) but its me so of COURSE we escalate to the worst case scenario, but its just as likely these days to be muscle strain. It was stabby and dull and seemed to move while radiating from the same region. Magic.

📺 7. Micro-Naps & Blinking Time Warps

Symptom: You swear it was just 2:30pm. Now it’s 4:17 and you’re holding a half-eaten piece of toast.
What’s happening: Could be fatigue, could be disassociation, could be alien abduction.
Helpful? No. Hilarious? Sometimes.

How many squares did you hit today? Bingo or just big ‘nope’? Either way — you’re still here, and that’s a win. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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The Real Truth About Living With Multiple Medical Conditions (From Someone Who Gets It)

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You’d think having one chronic health condition would be enough to earn you a loyalty card for the doctor’s office (every tenth copay is free?), but apparently, nature loves a “Buy One, Get One” deal just as much as supermarkets do.

In fact, as of 2023, over half (51.4%) of American adults are dealing with at least two chronic conditions simultaneously. Not to brag, but some of us are collecting diagnoses like they’re Pokemon cards. (Its me, I’m some of us.)

1. Your Pill Organizer Qualifies as a Carry-On

You know you’re living with multiple medical conditions when your pill organizer is bigger than your snack box… and requires its own spreadsheet for refills. You could host a bingo night called “Guess Which Pill is for What?” (Winner gets a nap.)

2. Doctor’s Appointments: The New Social Calendar

If social status were measured by how many specialists you know by their first name, you’d be downright popular. Dermatologist on Tuesday? Endocrinologist on Wednesday? Neurologist at the end of the month? You’ve got a calendar busier than a pop star’s tour schedule.

3. Symptoms: Pick ‘n’ Mix Edition

Fatigue, brain fog, joint pain, strange rashes—sometimes it’s hard to know whether a new symptom is a plot twist from an old diagnosis or just a friendly sequel from a new one. You ask your doctor, “Is this Normal™?” and they say, “Well, for you, maybe!”

4. Health Is a Team Sport Now

Turns out, it takes a village… to manage your prescriptions, go over lab results, and remind you again which foods will actually disagree with Condition #3 (but not #2).

5.You’re Not Alone in This Wild Ride

Here’s the kicker: 76.4% of US adults had at least one chronic condition in 2023—and over one in four young adults aged 18–34 now have two or more. If you sometimes feel like a medical outlier, you’re actually part of the majority (how’s that for a plot twist?).

6. Bonus Round: Confusing Your Fitbit

You tell your fitness tracker you have “bad days” and “good days.” Fitbit just quietly registers your nap as a “restorative yoga” session. (Thanks, buddy, I needed that win.)

Quick Facts to Drop at Parties for Street Cred:

Multiple chronic conditions (aka “multimorbidity”) are on the rise, especially among young adults—up from 21.8% to 27.1% in a decade. Most common tag team combos include high cholesterol, arthritis, hypertension, depression, and—everybody’s favorite—obesity.

Living with multiple medical conditions isn’t for the faint of heart…except, actually, sometimes it literally is when your next diagnosis is “mild tachycardia.” But you do it with humor, strength, and the world’s most impressive pill stash. And that, fellow warriors, is the real truth.

Author’s tip: If in doubt, just tell people you’re “collecting chronic conditions” like rare action figures. Laughter might not be the best medicine, but it’s definitely covered by emotional insurance.

Factual data for your reading pleasure: The CDC and other reputable sources confirm everything above, except maybe the part about winning a nap at diagnosis bingo. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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Lessons from a Neurospicy Household

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(Or: Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way and Now Pass Off as Wisdom)

1️⃣ If you open the dishwasher to “just add one thing,” congratulations. You now live here.
Ownership transfers upon entry. If you can’t fill it, go check your room. I know you dont eat in there as a general rule but go look and see if the random missing spoon is hanging out with the stray socks in their hideout.

2️⃣ “We’ll deal with it later” is a valid strategy until further notice.
No one said when later is. Legally, you’re covered. Until 5 pm when all the things you were going to do catch up and your teenager is asking why something isnt done to their exacting standards.

3️⃣ Matching socks are a social construct.
As are bedtimes, sanity, and tidy junk drawers. For socks, maybe track some other missing stuff (like the spoon from before), I swear theres a Narnia or hiding dimension.

4️⃣ No one has ever truly recovered from stepping on a rogue Lego.
We carry these wounds in silence. And orthopedic inserts. My kitty in the sky Bonkers used to sleep on them, a full bucket without the lid, weirdo. Miss you little dude but thanks for sending me Fryday who amuses me endlessly, but I still miss you!

5️⃣ If you set something down ‘just for a second,’ it’s gone forever.
Gone to the shadow realm. Gone where keys and pens go to die. See narnia, also with socks and spoons. And the tupperware lids vs tupperware ratio is always uneven so I blame them too.

6️⃣ Your brain will retain the lyrics to a 1997 boy band hit but not why you walked into the room.
Priorities. We don’t make the rules. Its tearing up my heart that you don’t ‘remember the time’ you walked into a room and left with exactly what you walked in there for but honestly ‘bye bye bye’ to that dream because honestly we’re ‘never gonna get it no never gonna get it’

7️⃣ Snacks are sacred.
Do not touch another’s designated snack without first drafting a formal agreement and receiving notarized consent. I think it sucks so much worse when you crave a texture and have no food with that texture available. Like I hate it when I bring home fresh baked goods because I can only eat one every few days or I forget its there. I MIGHT get one. Vultures.

8️⃣ If the ADHD person in your house starts cleaning, DO NOT INTERRUPT.
You’re witnessing a natural phenomenon rarer than a solar eclipse. Often whats good is pulling up a rag and joining them, not that you need to do any of the cleaning, they’ll do it but they will do it alot faster if you join them.

9️⃣ We don’t do ‘normal’ here.
We tried. It was exhausting. Weird is cheaper and fits better. I have discussed this at length, I know the name is deceiving because I love being weird and don’t want any part of me normal lol. There was a time I did strive to an impossibly high level too. That me burned herself out a decade ago.

🔟 The motto remains: Lower the bar, keep the vibe.
Survival with style. That’s the goal. Often its just survival.

Closing Thought:

Some houses run on routine, others run on vibes and caffeine.
Guess which one we are. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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Sunday Scaries, Spoonie Style: A Checklist for Surviving Monday Without Crying (Much)

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If Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest, why does it feel like a suspense thriller called “What Fresh Hell Will Monday Bring?”

📝 Quick bulleted list to get you ready for Monday:

  •  Locate your bra.
    Or make peace with not wearing one. Honestly, if it doesn’t bring me joy, it’s not making the cut today.
  •  Stare at your meds and pretend you’re not already tired of managing this circus.
    The greatest show on Earth is mostly side effects and co-pays.
  •  Do exactly none of the things you swore you’d prep this weekend.
    I meant to meal prep, but I accidentally disassociated for 24 hours. Like a whole day just gone!
  •  Question if you actually rested, or if you just laid still while panicking quietly.
    There’s a difference between rest and being emotionally paralyzed. I did the second one.
  •  Mentally prepare to act like a human when your body screams “nope.”
    The performance is called “Functioning Adult” and I deserve an Oscar.
  •  Tell yourself this week you will go to bed on time (you liar).
    Sure, keep spewing those filthy lies until one day it happens on accident lol
  •  Wonder if it’s too late to run away and become a moss-covered tree sprite.
    Honestly? Forest Wi-Fi sounds more stable than my mental health.
  •  Make a meal plan that may or may not involve cereal and vibes.
    Nutritional value: questionable. Emotional support: unmatched.

    💡 

You made it to Sunday. That’s already a win. Monday can wait its damn turn. Til next time gang, we got this! Take care of yourselves, and each other!

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🩰 The Bipolar-Fibro Tango: When Mood Swings and Muscle Screams Collide

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Welcome welcome one and all come on in. Its me —your neighborhood chronically exhausted gremlin with a nervous system that’s basically running Windows 95. If you’ve ever looked at your list of diagnoses and thought, “Cool, now I can collect the whole set,” then friend, pull up a chair and a heating pad. Today we’re talking about the beautiful disaster that is living with both fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder—aka “Mood Swings & Musculoskeletal Mayhem.”

I live it. I hate it. I laugh at it. Let’s go.

🎭 Act I: “What Fresh Hell Is This?”

So, first off: what the hell is fibromyalgia?

It’s that charming condition where your body interprets gentle breeze as blowtorch, basic fatigue as brain-dead exhaustion, and sleep as an optional luxury item from a catalog you can’t afford.

And bipolar disorder? Oh, that’s just where your brain slaps the gas and brake pedals randomly while you’re driving through Lifeville. Sometimes you feel like a goddess who could run a Fortune 500 company on three hours of sleep and a Red Bull. Other times, putting on socks feels like solving a Rubik’s cube blindfolded.

So what happens when you have both?

Well, according to a 2020 study in the Journal of Affective Disorders, roughly 32% of fibromyalgia patients also meet the criteria for bipolar disorder, compared to only 4.4% in the general population.

I would say I’m honored to be part of that elite club, but no one’s handing out free tote bags, just prescriptions and pity.

🧠 Act II: Pain Perception Is a Lying Liar

One of the cruelest things about this combo platter is how bipolar mood states can hijack your pain perception.

During manic or hypomanic episodes, people sometimes experience reduced sensitivity to pain, which sounds amazing until you realize it’s just your brain temporarily gaslighting you while it prepares to body slam you into a depressive episode later. A study published in Pain Practice found that manic states may suppress pain sensitivity, while depressive states amplify it. Seriously guys, this is real. Not saying its the same for everyone, but I had my hip REPLACED, and since I got home from the hospital I started like 5 new hobbies and don’t sit down more than 5 minutes a stretch lol. When asked if I hurt, I would answer yes, when I stop and put any thought to it I’m usually in the 5-7 range but when I distract myself I can go hours before I hurt so bad it will literally take my breath.

So some days, I’m cleaning the kitchen like a superhero with zero regard for my spine. Other days, I need a break halfway through brushing my teeth because my jaw hurts like I chewed concrete in my sleep. (Spoiler: I didn’t. Probably.)

⚖️ Act III: Treatment Is a Dumpster Fire of Trial and Error

If you’re wondering what it’s like to treat both bipolar and fibromyalgia, imagine playing Jenga on a trampoline.

You want something for the pain? Great! Depressed because ouch, it hurts. Well, chemical imbalance of the brain can be fixed right? Except—oops—some antidepressants often used for fibro (like SNRIs and SSRIs) can trigger manic episodes if you’re bipolar and not carefully mood-stabilized first.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3181950/A 2011 article in Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience warned that antidepressant monotherapy in bipolar patients can significantly increase the risk of manic switches.

So, you try another med. That one numbs the pain but gives you brain fog so thick you forget where your fridge is. Or it stabilizes your mood but turns you into an emotionless zombie who eats beige food and says, “I’m fine” in a monotone voice while dying inside.

It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s… fine.

🧃 Act IV: The Emotional Toll of Being the Human Equivalent of a Glitchy App

Let’s not forget the emotional side. Chronic pain and bipolar disorder don’t just tag-team your physical body; they start squatting in your brain and charging rent. There’s grief for the person you used to be, guilt about being “too much” or “not enough,” and shame for not being able to manifest healing with gratitude journaling and kale smoothies.

Here’s the sciencey truth: a study in Arthritis Care & Research found that patients with fibromyalgia are 3.4 times more likely to have suicidal ideation, and bipolar disorder increases that risk even further.
🔗 Source

So no, you’re not just “being dramatic.” Your pain is real, your mood shifts are real, and your struggle is so valid it could be a thesis.

🎤 Curtain Call: Embrace the Chaos (or at Least Laugh at It)

Look, I didn’t sign up for this. No one hands you a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia and says, “Congrats, you’ve unlocked hard mode—now go parent your autistic teen and try to cook something that isn’t beige.”

But I’m here. You’re here. We’re doing it—badly, weirdly, and with frequent snack breaks.

This dance between bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia is exhausting, confusing, and often unfair. But it’s not the end of the story. There’s still joy. There’s still meaning. And there’s still a damn good reason to keep showing up (even if it’s just for memes and microwave mashed potatoes).

So if you’re out there thinking, “Why is my body like this?”—just know you’re not alone. You’re part of a weird, wonderful, warrior community. We’re the ones limping into therapy with caffeine in one hand, a heating pad in the other, and a sarcastic one-liner ready to go.

And that, my friend, is something to be proud of. Til Next time gang take care of yourselves, and each other.

Sources for the Nerds Like Me(or your doctor who thinks you’re exaggerating): (full disclosure the sciencey stuff I googled and chat GPT’d the source links because its been a long time since I’ve had to cite things and I wanted to make sure I did it right.)

  1. Di Salvo et al. (2020). Journal of Affective Disorders, “High prevalence of bipolar disorder in fibromyalgia patients” – PubMed
  2. Dvir et al. (2011). Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, “Bipolar disorder: new strategies for treatment” – PMC
  3. Lautenschlager, J. et al. (2005). Arthritis Care & Research, “Suicidal ideation and risk in fibromyalgia” – Wiley Online
  4. Pain Practice, 2011. “Mood and pain: Depression, mania, and the modulation of physical suffering” – PubMed