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It’s Not Laziness, It’s Executive Dysfunction (And It Sucks)

JoLeave a comment

Let me just say this plainly: if I could get everything done that I want to get done, I’d be running the world, not Googling “how to un-shame clean your kitchen” for the fifth time this week. But thanks to my brain, I’m lucky if I remember why I walked into a room before I forget what day it is. Again.

ADHD Isn’t About Laziness. Period.

We’ve all heard it: “You just need to try harder,” or “If it mattered to you, you’d do it.”

But research—you know, those pesky facts—says otherwise. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that impairs the brain’s executive functioning system. That’s the part of your brain in charge of motivation, planning, prioritizing, and following through. Imagine if the project manager in your head was replaced by a hyperactive squirrel on espresso (GEORGE! George is fine by the way, he has a whole family now, hardly ever has time to say hello). That’s what we’re dealing with.

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Russell Barkley, one of the top researchers on ADHD, people with ADHD have impairments in “executive function” that make self-regulation incredibly difficult. It’s not about willpower; it’s about the wiring. Our dopamine systems are under-responsive to reward cues, which means motivation isn’t just low—it’s missing the GPS coordinates’. I’m not one to give myself excuses, because I don’t like it when others use them and I hate being a hypocrite, but its still true that we are wired differently going in a direction we dont know and are constantly getting redirected. I often liken it to a pinball in a machine.

Unreliable Doesn’t Mean Uncaring

One of the most brutal side effects of ADHD isn’t the mess or the missed appointments. It’s the shame that comes from being “that friend” or “that mom” who can’t follow through the way they want to. You know, the one with a big heart and the flakiest calendar. Do you know how much I’d do for others

People think you’re careless, selfish, or just plain rude. What they don’t see is the internal warfare: the notes, reminders, alarms, sticky tabs, pep talks, self-hatred, guilt spirals, and emotional crashes. You don’t skip coffee with a friend because you don’t care. You skip because your brain misfired three times trying to remember to get dressed and now you’re late and frozen in a shame spiral. Again.

Rejection Sensitivity and the Spiral of Doom

Ever heard of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)? It’s a common experience for people with ADHD and it means that even a hint of disappointment or criticism can hit like a sucker punch to the gut. So now you’re not just late, you’re convinced your friend hates you, you’re the worst human ever, and hey—why not just never make plans again?

This is where ADHD becomes more than a memory issue. It becomes a self-worth issue. You start doubting your ability to be dependable, to show up, to be enough. And when the world keeps reflecting that back at you, the damage compounds.

So What Helps?

  • Compassion (especially from yourself): You’re not lazy. Your brain has different settings. Start there.
  • External supports: Use them all. Alarms, timers, whiteboards, apps, body doubles. Build scaffolding around your brain. I write everything down. I have shit everywhere that I do not remember why I wrote it or sometimes come across the thing I wrote it down for. When I started breaking up every chore into little baby chores I was a lot more real with myself. Like setting the meals as I do. Less chance of me deviating and going into decision paralysis. Though I did mess up this week but it can’t be helped, I forgot and planned a meal on my birthday AND we had a prolonged power outage causing us to throw away a lot of things.
  • Micro-goals: Instead of “clean the house,” try “clear the table.” Progress feels good, if it feels good your brain will do more of it. I do one side of the sink then give myself a free break to write or just veg out for half an hour or whatever. YOU make the rules, there ARE rules though and when you give yourself little dopamine snacks through the day it will make you more even keel.
  • Community: ADHDers need each other. Not for advice—though that helps—but for validation. To always compare yourself against what YOU perceive to be a perfect normal person (though I PROMISE you everyone you meet has stuff bringing them down, some just have the advantage of a prettier package, inside its still the same shit) is pointless.

Here’s the Truth

You can be inconsistent and still be valuable. You can forget the thing and still be deeply caring. You can be unreliable sometimes and still be a good mom, friend, partner, person.

I don’t write this post as a PSA. I write it as someone who has been eaten alive by guilt more times than I can count. I want the world to stop equating productivity with worth. But until it does, I hope this helps someone—even just one person—feel a little less broken. Because I promise, you’re not. Til next time guys. Take care of yourselves and each other

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Apparently, I’m the Mean Mom — For Enforcing the Deal She Made

JoLeave a comment

The Dishes, the Drama, and the Floor Dive That Saved the Day

‘woe is me’ – me probably being melodramatic

Let me set the scene:
I’m a chronic-illness, ADHD, bipolar, recently-hip-replaced mom trying to hold the household together with duct tape and sarcasm. My teen? Smart. Strong-willed. And currently convinced I’m the villain in her origin story.

And today? Today was The Dishes Incident™.

✋ Scene One: A Chore of Her Own Choosing

We don’t assign chores like a dictatorship around here. I made a list. She chose “dishes.” It was her idea.
Ten bucks a week. Seemed simple. No tricks, no traps. Just a job she picked herself.

Last night, after hours of computer time, I said: “It’s time.”


She said: “I’m tired.”


I said: “Fine. Tomorrow morning, before school.”


She said: “Okay.”

Agreement made. Terms accepted. Treaty signed.

⏰ Scene Two: The Deal Breaker

She woke up on her own at 5 AM — a miracle I did not question. Then she asked:

“Can I do them when I get home?”

Cue my calm-but-firm voice: “No. That’s not the deal.”
The deal. Her deal.

Enter: rage. Defiance. And the words that burn like fire even when you know they’re just teen flailing:

“I hate you! I want to go live with Grandma!”

Classic. Not the first time I have heard it and it wont be the last I’m sure but it guts me every time.

🐈 Scene Three: The Cat, the Crisis, and the Floor

Then I saw her on the living room camera… getting way too close to one of the cats. And a pit hit my stomach:
Was she looking for something to hurt because she was hurting?

the cat was like, ‘you broke the food lady’

I ran. Too fast. My hip screamed.
I told her: “If you need to hurt someone, hurt me. I’m the one you’re mad at.”

Then her dad got up.
And I — knowing better — told him what she said.

Cue: screaming. Yelling. Not listening. To me, nor each other.

So I did the only thing I could think of. I threw myself on the floor.
Literally. Like a one-woman protest movement.

It worked. Not proud of it. But it worked.
Because when words don’t reach them, drama sometimes does.

🫱 Scene Four: The Olive Branch (and the Laundry)

Later, I offered her a new deal.
The laundry. Every day. Not as punishment — as partnership.

Her dad won’t have to haul baskets up and down stairs.
I still can’t do them after surgery.
It’s a chance for her to contribute and feel capable again.

But just so we’re clear:
If she cooks it, she cleans it.
I may be flexible, but I’m not a doormat.

💬 What I’m Learning (Even When It Hurts)

Holding boundaries hurts sometimes.
Offering grace doesn’t always feel graceful.
Being the “mean mom” isn’t about being cruel — it’s about being consistent.

She sees me as mean today. We’ll see how she is when she gets home. We havent had a blow up like that in a while, sometimes she comes home apologetic, sometimes she doubles down.
Maybe one day she’ll see it for what it was: love that didn’t flinch, even when it limped.
Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!

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Lessons from My Cat: What My Furry Therapist Taught Me About Mindfulness

JoLeave a comment

Sorry for my absence, I can’t think past the dark place, it swallows all rational thinking so I would be careful taking advice from me, but hey I’m honest. I’m trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other because as people, its just what we have to do, but every day seems like I’m sliding down deeper into the darkness. So I’ve been trying to be more than I am, but it hurts more every day. If you ever feel like that, like your best is never going to cut it, now or ever in the past or the future, just know you arent alone and its ok to sometimes not be ok. Drop me an email or message and I’ll absolutely sit in the dark with you. Since I’ve been feeling so shitty, I can’t help but think back on all the ways Ding impacted my life and what I learned from her and her brothers and sisters who went before her.

Be Present in the Moment
Cats are masters of living in the now. Whether they’re basking in a sunbeam or pouncing on a toy, they fully immerse themselves in the experience. Ding absolutely was present in the moment, especially in her old age lol she forgot things faster than a goldfish. I tried to put her in the sunbeam on her last day with us, that was her thing, when she didnt perk up I know the end was upon us.

Embrace Naps as Self-Care
Your cat knows the importance of rest. When she curls up for a nap, it’s a reminder that self-care is essential. This new kitten, I swear he’s got a form of kitty narcolepsy, he passes out in the strangest places and positions, like he can be mid movement and lay close his eyes and just be OUT lol. His predecessor Bonkers who looked nearly identical did the same thing, but this one’s favorite spot appears to be crawled up on me and bury himself under my neck into my hair.

Savor Your Food
Cats take their time when eating, savoring each bite. They remind us to slow down and appreciate our meals rather than rushing through them. Ding certainly embodied this lesson. For the last year, she had a spot we were pretty sure was cancer, as old as she was I wasnt going to put her through anything traumatic, but she stopped eating regular food more than a year ago. For a full year, she sat in her bed, at my elbow, which she’d yell at me so I got her eating cat TREATS instead of food and she liked it so much we just kept feeding her handfuls. Of course it also meant one of us always had to be here so we had to take separate family trips last year, not just Ding actually Dorian and Isaac couldnt eat regular food and needed to be medicated a few times a day. I’m hopeful that we have gotten them past the worst of it.

Play Like Nobody’s Watching
Cats can turn anything into a toy and find joy in playtime. They teach us to let go of inhibitions and have fun, even as adults. Ding was like a kitten when catnip or the dot broke out, I can generally get all of them to chase it, she’d go so hard at it lol, that was HER dot until maybe six months ago when she stopped playing, well into when we knew she didnt have much time left, she played. My cats before her usually had a particular thing they’d always play with. I remember Carmen, hubby’s cat for about as long as I had Ding, was old and cranky but if I was making the bed, she was there as I smoothed the sheet out. Ding highly recommended the dot (laser pointer) I used to let her get it sometimes and the look she’d give me lol like she was saying ‘yeah I know you are letting me get it and I don’t care’ lol.

Stretch It Out
Cats are champions of stretching, and they remind us to listen to our bodies and take care of our physical health. I don’t know that I FIRST learned it from cats, back in my younger days I did gymnastics, but a few years ago I was trying to lose weight and whenever I’d get down on the floor to do some basic stretches or yoga she’d flop down beside me. She would lay on her back while I did sit-ups or my leg stretches. We stretched together and it felt great, especially when we went and found a window so we could do it in the sunlight. I remember how much she loved that warmth and it makes it hurt a bit less.

Set Boundaries
When your cat wants space, she makes it clear. She teaches us the importance of setting boundaries for our mental well-being. Ding was the boss bitch, but really it was Myra I think of when I think about setting boundaries. Theres a reason we affectionately called her bitchface, man woman dog or cat if you crossed a boundary she’d let you know. She had her ways and lived by her own rules. Slept on my head lol she claimed me as hers in a thousand ways.

Find Comfort in Routine
Cats thrive on routine, whether it’s mealtime or cuddle time. This consistency helps them feel secure, reminding us to create routines that ground us. I’ll be honest, this is initially inspired by Monkey but we’ve found the cats need routine as well. When Ding was sick hubby and monkey went on a trip leaving me with three sick cats, two of whom were on meds, and one of them needed meds 3 times a day. And his food needed to be blended, the process was a good half hour time suck. They’ve gotten better and yo-yo’d and now our middle two guys need to be begged and pleaded with to eat.

Explore with Curiosity
Cats are naturally curious creatures, exploring every nook and cranny of their environment. They inspire us to approach life with curiosity and wonder. Ding was an explorer of all things three feet and lower LOL. I swear I never dropped her but she had a deep rooted fear of falling so did not enjoy being picked up or held, even by me. Whats funny is we also had Simon, who was an explorer of everything higher because he wouldnt touch the floor (for real, we carried him to the litterbox otherwise he basically lived on my desk and we fed him there too), he’d do all manner of twists and curls to not have to touch the floor, I used to say he was my floor is lava kitty. Also was funny to think I dont know if either of them knew the other existed lol. Which is also a reminder that people see the same thing sometimes differently, we only look at things through our own unique lens tinted by past experience and expectations

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Cats seem unbothered by minor inconveniences; they roll with the punches and move on quickly. They remind us not to get hung up on trivial matters. Ding didnt let the little stuff get to her, even as it got increasingly difficult for her to get around, she’d still frequently leave my room to yell at one of the boys or sometimes to yell at hubby, or to find me when she forgot that I left the room lol but me and her bed and her brush were all she needed to be a happy kitty.

Show Affection Freely
When cats want love, they seek it out without hesitation. They teach us the value of expressing affection and connecting with those we care about. Ding hated every animal and most humans, but for some reason she liked me and I am tremendously grateful and I will miss her yelling until I breathe my last breath, but I can tell you, without a doubt I know that cat loved me, because she showed her affection by her over protectiveness and how she’d seek me out, I took that for what it was, an I love you in Ding language.
Our big guy does head bops. Every day thats how he says I love you, he’ll touch foreheads if cats have those. He’ll stare at you until you put your head close enough for him to bop it.
The new guy? He snuggles, guys he burrows in my hair lol but it feel like his version of kisses.
Dorian shows his belly, thats his I trust you enough to sleep soundly while you pet me and if I’m out enough you’ll get a Blep. Its the cutest.
Isaac does the cuddle and slow blink, plus if he really likes you he’ll pet your face affectionately. Its the cutest.

They are all the cutest, we don’t deserve them, but I am grateful for every minute with mine and every single lesson they taught me. So go forth friends, hug your fur babies and enjoy the unconditional love and blind trust that they entrust you as their human with. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

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10 Half-Assed Mindfulness Hacks for Parents Who Are Losing Their Shit

JoLeave a comment

Listen up, you beautiful disasters! If you’re like me—juggling ADHD, bipolar disorder, fibromyagia, and a kid on the autism spectrum—you probably feel like you’re one meltdown away from joining the circus. Well, grab a seat and a drink (coffee, wine, whatever floats your boat), because I’m about to drop some truth bombs about mindfulness for parents who don’t have time to om their way to nirvana. As if life isnt stressful enough we have elections and questionable economics time. Seriously guys if I think about it too long I cry. So, the answers? I don’t have any, but we’re in it together, so lets get more mindful and attentive and lets be present.

  1. The “Oh Shit” Breath
    When life’s going to hell in a handbasket, take five seconds to breathe like you mean it. It’s not meditation, it’s survival.

  2. Actually Listen to Your Kid (Revolutionary, I Know)
    Put down your phone and pretend your kid’s the most interesting person in the world. Bonus: You might actually learn something.

  3. Body Scan for the Chronically Pained
    From your toes to your “I need coffee” headache, check in with your body. It’s like playing “Where’s Waldo?” but with pain.

  4. One Damn Thing at a Time
    ADHD brain wants to do all the things? Tough shit. Pick one task and stick to it like your sanity depends on it (because it does).

  5. Mindful Eating (Or Inhaling, Let’s Be Real)
    Take a hot second to actually taste that cold pizza you’re scarfing down between crises. Your taste buds will thank you.
  6. Savor the Silence (All 3 Seconds of It)
    Find a quiet moment and cling to it like it’s the last lifeboat on the Titanic. Even if it’s just hiding in the bathroom.
  7. Gratitude: Not Just for Hippies
    When your brain’s being a jerk, list three things you’re grateful for. Even if it’s “I’m grateful I haven’t lost my mind… yet.”
  8. Transition Without Tantrums (You, Not the Kids)
    Take a breath before switching gears. It’s like hitting the mental reset button, but without the IT guy.
  9. Self-Compassion for the Self-Loathing
    On days when you feel like the world’s worst parent, remind yourself: “I haven’t sold the kids to the circus yet, so I’m winning.”
  10. Mindful Moments for the Time-Strapped
    Use those in-between moments to check in with yourself. Waiting in line? Perfect time for a mental health check instead of doom-scrolling.

Look, I know mindfulness sounds like something for people who have their shit together. But trust me, it’s for us mess-makers too. These aren’t fancy techniques; they’re survival skills for parents on the brink. So the next time you’re about to lose it, try one of these. And remember, we’re all in this chaotic, beautiful clusterfuck together. Now go forth and half-ass your way to mindfulness, you amazing people and take care of yourselves, and each other

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Land of Confusion

JoLeave a comment

Well, fuck me sideways, it’s happening again. You know that moment when life decides to throw everything at you at once, like some cosmic game of dodgeball? Yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. It’s like my brain suddenly turned into a washing machine on spin cycle, thoughts tumbling over each other in a chaotic mess. Bills, deadlines, family drama, health issues – they’re all doing the conga line in my head, and I’m just standing here like a deer in headlights, completely frozen. 

Probably the biggest thing of note, my cat, MY old lady cat Ding (or D or Dingers, depends on who was calling her) we had to have her put down last week. She’d been sick and for the last week she’d stopped eating, and every day I thought I’d wake up to find her passed away in her sleep, but I knew after she quit eating it was HER choice and she chose, she’d had cancer and had started only eating cat treats by the handful. For this reason, she was always ALWAYS by my right hand. She’d been sticking close by me the last few years, if I left her sight she’d come out and LOUDLY inform me that I needed to return post haste. I can’t tell you how many times since we had her put down that I’ve reached for her. I don’t think I’ll ever stop reaching.

The chaos wasnt ALL terrible. Everyone who knows me knows my love of animals, and Correy is just as bad. One day a week monkey goes to school early and Correy was getting out of the car when he heard crying. I thought he was taking a long time as I’d seen him pull up and hadnt come inside yet. He was out of the car just listening. So I listened too and encouraged him to go find the source of the crying. He hopped across the street just on a courtesy glance and lo and behold. This brought a new member into our family then and there. He was maybe 6-8 weeks old and  as I’m whisper yelling, WHAT IS IT? And he turned around with that little ball of fluff was in his hands and he looks nearly identical to a cat we used to have that I miss terribly. But I have taken control of him mostly because he can hide in my room, not that he hides, he is the cattiest cat we’ve had in a while very playful, but got sick last week, with what I think Ding had, so he’s been to the vet several times already,was all alone on the sidewalk just screaming for us to save him, and we did, his name is Fryday.



 You’d think with all this shit going on, I’d be a whirlwind of activity, tackling problems left and right. But nope, my brain’s brilliant response is to just… stop. It’s like my mental gears have ground to a halt, leaving me staring into space like I’m trying to decode the mysteries of the universe in my bed room wall.

Nope, still havent found an ideal plan but I came up with a number of new recipe ideas!

 I know it’s just my brain’s fucked up way of dealing with overload. When there’s too much input, it decides the best course of action is to do absolutely nothing. Thanks, brain. Real helpful. So here I am, caught in this ever-circling pit of despair, where thinking about any one problem feels like trying to catch a greased pig. All I can do is breathe and wait for my brain to reboot like some outdated Windows PC. 

Seriously guys, I lose whole days to this, I just sit there thinking of all I have to do, then I’ll turn to look something up, forget what I’m looking up and start down a rabbit hole about the new Reba show and if its the same blonde woman as the sassy friend as was in the last show Reba had and its time for monkey to get off the bus. I’ve lost the day with nothing to show for it except for some anger and frustration at my own damn brain’s rebellion like a teenager with a bad attitude ‘I DON’T WANNA’. Oh today we have to call the vet and do two loads of laundry and dinner, a light easy day, until I can’t talk on the phone because the words I am looking for won’t come to me so I say ok, well I can do that later, I should start the laundry. Well ok, I’ll do that at the next commercial. Hey that dude in the commercial looked familiar, I’ll google it. Oh shit my shows back on, I’ll go at the next commercial’


TWO HOURS LATER


Oh shit I havent started dinner. I wanted to use up the left over chicken with home made lemon glazed fancy pants thing thats super complicated but googled while high. Well we can’t do the brine today so fuck it, time for pizza.. 


20 minutes later

Still in paralysis in front of the computer refreshing The kicker? I know this is temporary. I know that eventually, my brain will decide to come back online, and I’ll be able to start tackling this mountain of crap one pebble at a time. But in the moment? It feels like I’m stuck in mental quicksand with no way out. If you’re reading this and nodding along, congrats! You’re part of the “My Brain Likes to Fuck with Me” club. We meet every time life decides to go batshit crazy. Membership is free, but the emotional toll is pretty steep. 

So here’s to all of us stuck in the freeze zone. May our brains eventually decide to cooperate, and may we find a way to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Because sometimes, when everything is going to hell in a handbasket, all you can do is take a deep breath, say “fuck it,” and wait for the storm to pass. 

I have no coping strategies or advice, I wish I had the answers. I try and keep my brain busy. I’m learning Spanish. I’ll binge  a show until my brain go fuzzy, or I’ll put both ear buds in and dance like no one is watching (because no one is lol)I’m writing when I can, slowly easing back into school routine. I’m going to work more on the site this week. I have two or three ideas that I’ve come up with my petting and spoiling D in her final days. I know life goes on. I’ve tried to not ask for help getting through it, I’ve tried to sit with my sad all contained but some days it ends spilling from my eyes so I’ve hid away, plus getting to know the new guy. But lets do this, I’m back and I’m going to try to promise to report here once a week even if its just ‘this sucks, can’t wait til this part is over’. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.

George says hey!

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Finding Your Tribe: When Life’s Dealt You a Crappy Hand

JoLeave a comment

Let’s face it, parenting is hard enough without throwing mental health issues, chronic pain, or neurodivergence into the mix. It’s like trying to juggle flaming chainsaws while riding a unicycle – on a tightrope. Over a pit of hungry alligators.

First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: isolation. When you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia, ADHD, or raising a kid with autism, it can feel like you’re on a deserted island. A really shitty deserted island where the coconuts are actually grenades and the sand is made of Legos. But you’re not alone. There are tons of us out here, fumbling through life, trying not to fuck up too badly. Alot of us out here that feel like we are one mistake or misunderstanding away from being ostracized by everyone we love if we say anything thats even remotely negative, and stuff it down, way down to our toes but every day theres more and more… Oh is that just me? If you relate to any of this, all of this, you are among friends.

But maybe you’re old school and want to see actual human faces. Local support groups can be a godsend. Picture this: a room full of people who don’t bat an eye when you say you forgot to pack your kid’s lunch because a depressive episode hit you like a freight train. No judgment, just understanding nods and maybe someone offering to carpool next time. It’s fucking beautiful.

Here’s a fun fact for you: Studies show that people with chronic conditions who participate in support groups report lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. It’s like group therapy, but without the hefty price tag and with more swearing.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “But what if I’m too anxious to meet new people?” or “What if my fibro flares (as its known to do especially when we get nervous, so that starts its own self destructive doom cycle) and I can’t make it?” Listen, we’ve all been there. The beauty of our fucked-up little community is that we get it. Can’t make it to the meetup because your body decided today was a good day to feel like you’ve been hit by a truck? Send a message. Chances are, someone else is in the same boat and you can commiserate virtually.

Remember, building connections takes time. It’s not like those cheesy rom-coms where you meet your best friend in a quirky coffee shop and suddenly you’re inseparable. It’s more like dating – awkward at first, with a lot of trial and error. But when you find your people, it’s worth all the cringe-worthy small talk and anxiety-induced sweating. I started my online fibro journey 20 years ago and am proud to say I have friends from a few countries and sometimes that is super helpful perspective wise. I like to think of it like a marathon. Only we arent racing, its not a sprint. There are people who will pull ahead or fall behind, theres some that will keep pace with you for a time its all welcome, you learn from every encounter, just trust and be open to the blessings and gifts and messages buried in pain, good or bad, there are always lessons to be learned.

So, here’s your homework, you beautiful dears: Reach out. Join a group. Send a message. Hell, start your own support group if you can’t find one that fits. Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this together. We’re all just trying to keep our heads above water while making this whole world spin. And remember, on those days when everything feels like too much, when you’re convinced you’re the worst person in the world, there’s a whole community out here ready to remind you that you’re doing just fine. We’ve got your back, even if we’re all a bit of a hot mess ourselves. Just do your best and we’ll pull each other up, one rung of the ladder at a time. Til next time gang,take care of yourselves and look out for each other. And George, look out for George he’s a shady little fucker …

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Navigating the Chaos of RSD: A Beautiful Disaster’s Guide

JoLeave a comment

So I talked the other day about RSD, which is a bastard that I’m currently fighting with RIGHT NOW in my head. If you experience RSD, save this post. Save my email. In particular save some of these solutions to help you when your brain tries to make you hate yourself.
Let’s dive into how to wrangle this RSD beast without completely losing our shit. These thoughts can hit like a freight train full of emotional baggage, making it a real bitch to keep your cool in social situations. But don’t worry, I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve that might just save your sanity.



Self-Compassion (AKA Don’t Be an Asshole to Yourself)
Cut yourself some slack, for fuck’s sake. Everyone gets rejected sometimes – it doesn’t mean you’re a walking dumpster fire. Try talking to yourself like you would to your best friend after a bad breakup. “Hey, you may be a mess right now but you’re still awesome even if that person didn’t see it.” Constant struggle, often you will have to love yourself for trying enough to let go.


Reality Check (Or: Is Your Brain Bullshitting You?)

Before you spiral into the abyss, ask yourself if there’s actual evidence for your fears or if you’re just being a drama queen. Maybe, just maybe, your brain is playing tricks on you. “Okay, they’re 5 minutes late. Does that really mean they hate me, or am I just catastrophizing again?” The only flaw in this logic is when your brain doesn’t let the logical side of your brain kick in because it actually believes the bad shit. You are not who you were and your value doesnt diminish based on what you can and can’t do for someone else.



Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation (Zen and the Art of Not Losing Your Shit)

Try some mindfulness crap to stay grounded. Deep breathing or muscle relaxation can help when you feel like you’re about to go off the deep end. It’s like hitting the pause button on your brain’s chaos for a hot minute. Again, the logical side of you will see this. Listening and believing that it will pass might take some intentional steps like sitting in front of the mirror multiple times a day feeling stupid but in kind words, let the feelings out. Alone even. But say the words out loud, meditate on them if you need to, the best you can do is only so much, sometimes you will fuck everything up, sometimes you CAN’T fix things, thats part of the process, you have to own it to let it go.


Reframe That Shit

Try to see rejection as a learning experience. Maybe it’s the universe’s way of saying “Not this asshole, try again.” Look back at times when rejection led to something better – they exist, I promise. Remember when that job rejection led you to an even better opportunity? Yeah, like that. One door closes but another one you couldnt see is waiting for you. Or maybe you just learn what not to do, everything is a lesson if you frame it as such.


Phone a Friend (Or a Therapist, We Don’t Judge)

Talk to someone who gets it. Sometimes you need an outside perspective to remind you you’re not actually the worst person ever. Join a support group and find your tribe of fellow beautiful disasters. Misery loves company, right? It helps to know you’re not alone in this.


Level Up Your Coping Skills

Find healthy ways to distract yourself or solve problems. Maybe take up kickboxing to punch out your frustrations, or learn to bake so you can stress-eat in style. Channel that energy somewhere useful instead of letting it eat you alive. I often stack on the hobbies, sometimes I have to be writing and listening to late night monologues on you tube and have the news or a game on just to shut up that nagging inner voice that says I’m not good enough. Most days that works


Get Real with Your Expectations

News flash: not every interaction is gonna be rainbows and unicorns. It’s normal to face some rejection in life, even if it feels like getting punched in the gut. Lower that bar a bit, and you might just find yourself pleasantly surprised. Nothing is ever perfect even if it feels like it at the time and thats not even factoring in the other persons reactions maybe they are as awkward as you!



Focus on You, You Magnificent Mess
Work on becoming the badass you want to be. Set some goals and crush them. Nothing builds confidence like proving yourself wrong. “Oh, I can’t do that? Watch me, bitch.” Start by taking account of what you have control over. Thats where you can start. Once you are cognitively aware of what is under your power to do, set a reminder daily to remind yourself, that will help a lot with the expectations and being grounded, but its something you have to commit to taking honest stock in yourself and situations impacting your life.


Curate Your Circle (AKA Ditch the Toxic Assholes)


Surround yourself with people who aren’t total jerks. Limit time with folks who make you feel like crap. Life’s too short for that bullshit. Find your people – the ones who get your brand of crazy and love you anyway. We all have to deal with people in the real world that just rub us the wrong way or are unpleasant. Limit your interactions and while you are not seeing them, think of things you have in common with them so that your next interaction stays controllable and tolerable on your end.


Consider Professional Help (Because Sometimes We All Need a Brain Tune-Up)


Therapy can be a game-changer. CBT might help you rewire that brain of yours to be less of an asshole to you. It’s like getting an oil change for your mind – sometimes you need a professional to keep things running smoothly. Its every few years instead of mileage and it never hurts to have a check in just to keep things running smoothly


Remember, rejection sucks donkey balls, but you’ve got this. You’re tougher than you think, you magnificent mess. These strategies won’t make rejection a walk in the park, but they might just help you navigate this emotional minefield without completely losing your marbles. And hey, if all else fails, there’s always wine and Netflix. No judgment here. Maybe a gummie for me since I don’t drink Til next time guys, take care of yourself, and each other

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Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: A Rollercoaster Ride Through My Messy Mind

JoLeave a comment

Time’s been flying, but not because of any fun reason Nah, I’ve been wrestling with my own brain, and let me tell you, it’s been about as much fun as trying to wrangle cats. Pissed off cats at that.
.So, RSD. is characterized by an intense emotional reaction to perceived rejection or criticism. People with RSD may feel overwhelming sadness, anger, or anxiety in response to situations where they believe they have been rejected or judged. This can lead to avoidance of social situations or extreme sensitivity to feedback. It’s like your brain decided to crank the “giving a fuck” dial up to eleven and then broke it off. Every perceived rejection or criticism feels like a punch to the gut, leaving you gasping for air and questioning your entire existence. It’s the emotional equivalent of stepping on a Lego in the dark – unexpected, painful as hell, and makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry.

When I try to explain this shit to people, they look at me like I’ve grown a second head. They don’t understand how some times that inner critic is far too loud to ignore Its hard for someone without these thoughts to understand why we know its irrational and try our best to correct things before we speak. People without these thoughts can wonder about why we feel the way we feel but if that voice is not in you, you won’t get why we end up being so fucked up we don’t know up from down right from left. They don’t get how how this is such a debilitating, all encompassing feeling that makes the bad little intrusive thoughts that you normally think, feel, and let go, end up more like think, feel, think some more about why this feeling won’t go away, argue with the sane reasonable side of yourself, lose all faith in yourself and motivation to do anything because you can’t get past this one intrusive thought as it gets louder and louder and harder and harder to reason with or ignore, cry until there’s no tears left, find more tears, eat ice cream and accept that you are unlovable and no one wants you around.

Wow, that was quick with the big feelings right? It really does go like that. It really does make you examine every interaction and put it in the frame of a failure Lets look at how impactful this is and next time I will talk about some possible help.

Self-Blame and Doubt:
I’m always on high alert for ways I can screw things up. It’s like I’m a disaster magnet, and no matter how hard I try to steer clear, I end up crashing headfirst into every emotional tree in sight. And yeah, I know it’s exhausting for everyone around me. Who wants to be a full-time firefighter for someone else’s emotional dumpster fires that seemingly never end?

Fear of Rejection:
The minute someone’s two minutes late, my brain goes into overdrive. “They hate me, I’m worthless, I knew this would happen.” It’s like I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, just so I can say “I told you so” to myself while I’m crying into a pint of ice cream.

Catastrophizing:
Every little hiccup feels like the end of the world. I’m the queen of “I’m sorry” – I’d probably apologize to a chair for bumping into it. I have in fact, and also a random shoe, a WALL, don’t know how I did that one.and probably five more crazy things, and thats only this month lol. People get tired of hearing it, but I can’t stop. It’s like my default setting is set to “Everything is my fault.” The sky isn’t falling Chicken Little!

Overgeneralization:
Sometimes in my head, every relationship is a competition, and I’m always coming in dead last. It’s like I’m playing a game where the rules keep changing, and I’m the only one who doesn’t know how to play.

Perfectionism and Self-Criticism:
I have mini freak-outs if I have to give anyone anything that’s not absolutely perfect. It’s like my brain only operates in extremes – either I’m the best, or I’m a complete failure. There’s no room for the messy middle ground where most of life actually happens.

Emotional Magnification:
The delusions during these moments are what really fuck me up. If I text three people and no one responds immediately, my brain convinces me they’re all off somewhere plotting my social demise. Rational me knows this is bullshit, but try telling that to my anxiety.

Personalization:
I’m a master at blaming myself for everything while simultaneously feeling like an arrogant ass for thinking I have that much impact on others. It’s a mind-bending paradox of self-importance and self-loathing.

But here’s the thing – I’m putting this out there because maybe, just maybe, someone else is feeling this way too. If even one person reads this and feels less alone, or understands why their thought pattern is more toxic than a radioactive waste dump, then it’s worth it.

Remember, you magnificent mess, you’re not alone in this. We’re all just trying to navigate this crazy existence, one emotional rollercoaster at a time. Til next time (which will be fairly quick since I’ve already written it) take care of yourselves, and each other.




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Hello? Is Anyone Out There?

JoLeave a comment

I know politics feels about as appealing as a root canal performed by a drunk squirrel, but hear me out. When it comes to mental health, the shit our elected officials decide can actually make or break someone’s ability to get help without selling a kidney. (This is George’s cousin Tony, and he’d not DRUNK, but he’s not sober, so he’s willing to give you a small discount)

Now, I’m not here to tell you which team to root for in this political circus. God knows they’re all clowns in different makeup. But here’s the kicker: your vote? It’s like a middle finger to the system that’s been treating mental health like that weird cousin no one talks about at family reunions.

Tonight I want to discuss Mental Health, more specifically Mental Health Deserts. No, I’m not talking about some fancy new dessert trend. I’m talking about places where getting mental health help is about as easy as finding a unicorn riding a bicycle. (In fairness we should have taken that pic before Tony shared his hooch and dared her to ride it. She’s MUCH better sober, on a unicycle)

Picture this: You’re struggling with thoughts darker than your coffee, and the nearest therapist is further away than your ex’s emotional availability. Welcome to the mental health desert, where the only thing more scarce than water is a fucking psychiatrist. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Just go see a therapist!” Yeah, sure, let me just hop in my private jet and fly to the nearest big city. Oh wait, I can’t, because I’m too busy trying to afford ramen noodles this week.

But here’s the kicker: even if you could find a therapist, good luck affording it. It’s like they think we’re all secretly millionaires hiding our wealth in our pillow fort of depression.
So what’s a mentally fucked up person to do in these barren wastelands of sanity? Well, strap in, because I’ve got some ideas that might just keep you from losing your shit entirely:

  1. Hotlines and Crisis Text Lines: For when you need someone to talk you off the ledge at 3 AM. They’re like the Uber of mental health – always there, even if you’re in your pajamas.
  2. Teletherapy: Because sometimes the best therapy happens when you’re not wearing pants. Plus, your therapist can’t judge your messy room if they can’t see it.
  3. Online Support Groups: Find your tribe of fellow hot messes. Misery loves company, especially when that company understands your specific brand of crazy.
  4. Community Health Centers: They might not have fancy leather couches, but they do have people who give a shit about your mental health. And sometimes, that’s enough.

Look, I know it’s not perfect. It’s like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. But it’s something. And sometimes, something is the difference between making it through another day and… well, not.

We need to make some noise about this shit. Call your representatives, scream it from the rooftops, interpretive dance about it in the town square – whatever it takes. Because no one should have to face their demons alone just because they live in the middle of fucking nowhere.

This election season, while you’re drowning in campaign promises that sound about as reliable as my ADHD medication schedule, take a hot second to think about the poor bastards struggling to get help for their brain gremlins. Your vote could be the difference between someone getting the support they need and being told to “just cheer up” for the millionth time.
So, drag your cynical ass to the polls and vote like mental health depends on it. Because, spoiler alert: it fucking does. Your voice matters, even if it feels like screaming into the void. Who knows? You might just accidentally make the world suck a little less.

Remember, you fabulous fucked up fighters, you’re not alone in this battle. Even if it feels like you’re screaming into the void, know that there are people out there who give a damn. And if all else fails, well, there’s always sarcasm and memes. They’re not FDA-approved treatments, but they’re better than nothing. Stay alive, you magnificent messes. The world needs your brand of crazy. . Now go forth and vote, you magnificent messes. If all else fails, at least you’ll get an “I Voted” sticker to slap over that existential dread.
In the near future I’m going to create a form letter that you can easily adapt for your own Senators, Congress people and representatives. It will make it a little easier to get our voices heard. Now go take care of yourself, and each other!

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More Brain Battles

JoLeave a comment

Folks tonight, in the ‘if I don’t laugh I’ll cry category, welcome to ‘My brain is a sieve and I can’t remember shit’. I know you guys get it, it happens to all of us as we get older, but man you add fibro fog, mania, and ADHD and you’ve got a special kind of mush don’t you? Welcome to the club, where we’re all annoying as hell, but no one’s more pissed off about it than we are!

Let’s start with the classic “I Know Things But Can’t Remember Them When I Need To” syndrome. You know, that delightful phenomenon where your brain is like a squirrel hoarding nuts, except instead of nuts it’s random facts, and instead of finding them when winter comes, they’re lost in the abyss of your mind. It’s like having a library where all the books are constantly rearranging themselves. Fun times! Or how about when you sit straight up in bed some random Thursday at 1:25 in the morning and suddenly someone let the tap that keeps the fun facts all neat and tidy loose and you remember your 4th grade best friend’s dog’s name. Not at all needed or wanted info, but you’ve got that shit at the ready should it ever prove useful.

Then there’s the “I Just Met You And I’ve Already Forgotten Your Name” dance. Oh, the joys of introducing yourself to someone, having a whole conversation, and then realizing you have no clue who the hell they are five minutes later. It’s like your brain has a “delete recent history” button that gets hit every time you meet someone new. Sorry, not sorry, Karen… or was it Susan? Is it awkward to ask the name of someone? How about mid convo? How about for the fourth time? How about when you are so focused on remembering their name that you don’t listen to anything they said because you were too busy committing the name to memory? See? Annoying, well aware, but any way you look at it its going to be awkward so you just gotta pick your awkward lol.

This segues perfectly into our next category “Words Go In But Understanding Takes A Vacation” experience. You know, when someone’s talking to you and you’re nodding along like one of those bobblehead dogs, but your brain is still buffering like a 90s internet connection. By the time you’ve processed what they’ve said, they’re three topics ahead and you’re left wondering if you accidentally time-traveled.

Now, I don’t know the fancy scientific terms for these delightful quirks of cognition. Maybe it’s some flavor of ADHD, a dash of anxiety, or just good old-fashioned “my brain likes to fuck with me” syndrome. Whatever it is, it’s about as welcome as a porcupine in a balloon factory.

The real kicker? We know we’re annoying people. We see the eye rolls, the sighs, the “I just told you this five minutes ago” looks. But trust me, no one is more annoyed than we are. It’s like being trapped in a sitcom where you’re both the bumbling character AND the frustrated audience.

So, to all my fellow memory-challenged, slow-processing, name-forgetting comrades out there, I salute you. We may be annoying as hell, but at least we’re consistent about it. And hey, if people get too fed up with us, chances are we’ll forget about it anyway!

Remember (ha!), you’re not alone in this cognitive clusterfuck. We’re all just doing our best to navigate a world that expects us to remember things, process information quickly, and not look like a deer in headlights during casual conversation. So cut yourself some slack, embrace the chaos, and maybe invest in some name tags.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go figure out who the hell I was talking to earlier and why I have a reminder on my phone that just says “purple elephant banana split.” Notes only work if they make sense people lol. Wish me luck! Til next time, take care of yourself, and each other!