The holidays are noisy. Not just with music and parties and people — but with proof. Proof that everyone else seems to be gathering, hosting, laughing, overflowing.
And then there’s your house. Quiet. Still. Too still.
You can be grateful and lonely at the same time. Those aren’t opposites — they’re roommates who don’t speak to each other.
You can know you’re lucky, blessed, resourced, safe… and still feel like something essential is missing. Like the volume of the world has been turned up everywhere else and muted where you are.
That disconnect messes with your head.
Because the messaging is relentless:
Be thankful.
Cherish this season.
Soak it all in.
But what if there isn’t much to soak in? What if you’re not ungrateful — you’re just alone?
There’s a particular kind of loneliness that shows up during the holidays. Not the dramatic kind. The quiet, creeping kind that makes you feel unworthy of love, like if you were easier, better, less broken, someone would be here.
And that’s the lie.
The truth is: Holidays magnify absence. They don’t create it.
Estrangement, distance, grief, illness, burnout — all the things you’ve been surviving all year don’t suddenly take December off. They just get wrapped in twinkle lights and judged harder.
If your house is quiet this season, it doesn’t mean you failed. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. It doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
It just means this season is asking something different of you.
Maybe survival instead of celebration. Gentleness instead of gratitude lists. Presence instead of performance.
You don’t have to force joy to prove you’re okay. You don’t have to fake cheer to earn rest. And you don’t have to minimize your pain just because someone else has it worse.
If the holidays are loud everywhere except your house — your quiet is still allowed. Your sadness still counts. And you are still worthy of love, even when no one shows up with cookies and matching pajamas.
Sometimes getting through is enough. Sometimes staying soft in a loud world is the bravest thing you’ll do all season. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other!
There’s a terrible little superpower I’ve developed: I can watch myself overreact.
It’s the worst seat in the house — front row, center stage — where my brain is performing a full-throttle disaster musical and I’m sitting there with the program, thinking, “Yep. That’s… dramatic.” Meanwhile my chest is doing interpretive dance, my throat is tight, and my hands have decided to be useless for the foreseeable future.
I know the script. I know the facts. I know that my kid is safe, that no one is angry enough to leave forever, that the noise outside is probably just traffic, not the arrival of doom. I can literally name the thoughts as they happen: This is a sign. This is going to spiral. Everyone will leave. I am unfixable. And I know, in a rational, calm part of my brain, that the thought is an alarm that’s been stuck on repeat. I also know that knowing it — intellectually — doesn’t flip a switch and make my body stop treating it like an emergency.
That’s PTSD after medical trauma for you in a sentence: your mind is both the actor and the audience. The rest of your life keeps going. You keep getting up, you keep making tea, you keep paying bills. But some invisible part of you stays backstage, rewinding and replaying a scary scene, making sound effects, and refusing to let the house lights come up.
Why the “I know it’s not true” feeling is its own kind of hell
It’s isolating. Because the knowledge that your thoughts are lying should be freeing, right? In theory. But being the person who can say, “This is irrational,” while your body screams “RUN” is exhausting and weirdly lonely. You end up apologizing to people for things they weren’t even upset about, or you cancel plans because you feel unsafe even though everything else says you’re fine. You blame yourself for being dramatic. You try to be the reasonable adult and the reasonable adult keeps getting ignored.
And then there’s guilt. If friends or family do help, you watch them pay attention and you feel both relieved and awful — because you think you’re costing them time and energy. You start to believe that self-sufficiency is the only moral option and asking for help is taking more than you deserve. Spoiler: that’s not the truth. It’s an emotional trap set up by fear.
Tiny, practical things that actually help when your brain runs the show
I’m not going to give you platitudes. Here are things that have helped me — small, honest, and doable even on the worst days.
Label the play: When the alarm starts, say out loud (or mentally): “That’s my PTSD talking. That’s the survival brain.” Naming it doesn’t make it vanish but it takes away some of its power.
Two-minute grounding: Five things you see, four things you can touch, three sounds, two smells, one thing you can taste (or one thing you like about the moment). It’s boring, and that’s the point. It pulls you out of the theater.
Breathe like you mean it: 4-4-6 breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 6) calms the vagus nerve faster than a pep talk.
Write the loop down: If a memory keeps looping, grab a notebook and write it until you’re bored of it. Then scribble one practical line: “Right now: I am home. Right now: I can breathe.” The page can hold the drama when your brain insists on replaying it.
Micro-asks for people: Don’t make others guess. Say, “Can you sit with me for ten minutes?” or “Could you text me at 7 to check in?” People who care usually want the script — they just don’t want to mess it up.
Make a tiny safety plan: three things to do if it spikes (call X, 2-minute grounding, favorite playlist). Tape it to the fridge if you have to. Pre-deciding reduces panic.
What to say — when you want to ask for help but hate feeling needy
Try something simple and specific:
“I’m feeling fragile today. I don’t need advice — could you just sit with me for 10 minutes?”
Or, if you need practical help:
“My energy is low; could you pick up milk on the way home? It would help more than you know.”
Short. Specific. Low drama. It gives people an easy yes.
The honest truth I remind myself (even when my brain screams otherwise)
I can hold two truths at once:
My mind is telling a bigger story than the facts support.
Needing help right now doesn’t make me a burden — it makes me human.
There’s a difference between the loudness of a feeling and the size of reality. Your feelings are not the final arbiters of truth. They are signals. Sometimes they’re reliable, sometimes they’re not. You don’t have to act on every alarm. You can notice it, honor it, and then choose what you do next.
A small support for the messy days
If you’re reading this while your chest is tight and your brain is staging a meltdown, I see you. I know how lonely it becomes to watch yourself react and feel like you’ve failed at being calm. You haven’t failed. You’ve survived things that rewired your alarm system. That makes your reactions loud — not your worth small. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Can I tell you guys something just between us? I hate my brain. Like so much sometimes. When its not sending out signals that make me move all awkward and weird, its trying to convince me all coincidences or times when I may not get the clearest signals that everyone hates me and they all want me to drop dead. theres no middle ground. Convincing my mind and heart that I’m not as sad and lonely as they often believe feels like a daily negotiation. I remind myself that emotions can be deceptive, twisting reality into a shadowy landscape that weaves through the tapestry of my dreams, where I feel isolated and overwhelmed. In those moments, when I recognize the feelings creeping in, I consciously shift my focus to the small joys around me—the warmth of sunlight streaming through the window, the comforting purr of my cat (our old man cat has the cutest purr, I swear if I need surgery just give me him and I’m out like a light.), or the laughter of friends, even if it’s just through a screen. I practice gratitude, acknowledging the connections I do have, however distant they may seem. By challenging the narratives of sadness and loneliness with evidence of love and support in my life, I slowly but surely create a more balanced perspective. It’s a journey of self-compassion, where I learn to embrace my feelings without letting them define me, reminding myself that even in solitude, I am never truly alone. In my research, I learned that of chronic pain patients, 30%-50% also have anxiety. I won’t pretend to understand the science of it but the studies link chronic pain and anxiety and some show some heightened activity in the central nervous system, you know, where it all goes down lol. Chronic pain also has been shown to lead to altered brain chemistry. Of course that has a negative impact our ability to get shit done when 75% of our brain is trying to calm the anxiety that comes and knock us on our ass leaving us unable to handle MORE shit… its the endless cycle I’ve discussed but I know if your reading this you are already quite familiar. Here are some, not all but some of the tricks I use to try and get a handle on all the negative self talk.
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Acknowledge that living with chronic illness is challenging, and it’s okay to have difficult days. When the spoons are in abundance sit down with a friend or loved one and talk about what you do when your anxiety gnaws at you, often times just verbalizing our worries helps us come up with solutions.
Challenge negative self-talk: When you hear those “not good enough” thoughts, question their validity. Replace them with more balanced, realistic statements about your worth and abilities. Be honest, we all have strengths and weaknesses, always play to your strengths, and commit to working on the areas that arent so solid and strong.
Seek support from understanding individuals: Surround yourself with people who validate your experiences. Consider joining support groups for those with chronic illnesses to connect with others who truly get it. My journey started in an online support group, and I don’t know if I’d have made it through everything that has tested me without that support.
Engage in mindfulness techniques: Use meditation, deep breathing, or journaling to stay grounded in the present moment. This can help manage anxiety and negative thought patterns. I use journalling for meds and diet and all that fun stuff so I can spot pattern disruptors.
Prioritize self-care activities: Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, even if they’re small. This could be reading, taking a bath, or listening to music – whatever helps you unwind and recharge
Remember, your worth isn’t determined by others’ opinions or your illness. Focus on what you can control and celebrate your resilience in facing daily challenges. Til next time gang, you’re not alone, reach out, take care of yourselves, and each other
Let’s talk about something as tough as politics at a holiday dinner: dealing with questions about your estranged child at festive gatherings. It’s like navigating an emotional minefield while balancing sugar cookies and a glass of eggnog. Here’s the deal, people are going to ask. They’ll ask because they care, or because they’re nosy, or because they forgot that small talk can sometimes be big talk. When they do, it’s like someone blasting “All I Want for Christmas Is You” right in your face – jarring and overwhelming.
But here’s the thing: you don’t owe anyone your full story. You’re allowed to protect your heart, even if Aunt Mildred thinks she’s entitled to the details. So, for the sake of your sanity (and to avoid ugly-crying into the punch bowl), it’s a good idea to have a few responses ready. Think of them as emotional armor or your invisibility cloak at the holiday party of life. These responses aren’t deflections; they’re self-care. They allow you to acknowledge the situation without turning the evening into a therapy session. Because, let’s be real, the only professional help we need during the holidays is from a chef or bartender.
Here are 10 responses that google thinks are easier to digest than dinner and won’t give you emotional indigestion, along with my opinion of each They are not lies or anything negative, just a subtle change of direction to avoid awkwardness and not be sitting there talking trash or anything but make you feel more prepared.:
“It’s been a year of changes. I’m learning to embrace the present moment. How are you handling the holiday bustle?
” This is fairly broad and could even be mundane, I like this for a more formal affairs.
“They’re on their own journey right now. How about you? How’s your family doing?”
I like this one for my extended family I think, it sounds more hippie live and let live man vibe that I try and live my life by
“We’re giving each other some space at the moment. I’d rather focus on the festivities today.”
Great to talk about whatever thing you are currently thinging lol either a celebration or something like other parents at other kids plays, concerts, choir whatever your children are a part of (also does anyone besides me get a little annoyed that choir is not spelled like it sounds ‘io, oi is different, I-OR? Just me?)’
“It’s a complicated situation, but I’m working on finding joy in other aspects of life. How are you enjoying the party?”
This is really cold I think, definitely suitable for a work gathering or something
“They couldn’t make it this year. I’m grateful for the loved ones who are here. Have you tried the appetizers?”
This is definitely for a family and its a good diversion, who doesnt love food lol, the only hesitation I would have is its kind of a lie, so not my favorite
“We’re navigating some challenges. I appreciate your concern, but I’d prefer not to discuss it today.”
Abrupt and kind of rude, so use this on someone who is persistent dogged in their pursuit of tea to spill
“They’re taking time for themselves this holiday. Speaking of which, do you have any exciting plans for the season?”
I don’t really like this one as it could be true or not but its not why they arent there and will probably just make more questions.
“It’s a sensitive topic for me right now. I hope you understand if I’d rather talk about something else.”
Most will take this subtle hint (more like knock on the head with a hammer) but the convo might sputter out quick because of the awkwardness, the other person probably reaching in their brain for a question that WOULDN’T involve , so use this if you want the person to become disinterested and walk away.
“We’re in a period of transition. But enough about that – how have you been?”
Just saying enough about that may lead them to think you are being modest or something and try and dig deeper. Best to avoid this one
“They’re finding their own way this year. I’m focusing on creating new traditions. What’s your favorite holiday tradition?”
I mean, finding their own way sounds like you were just mean and said find it yourself, or it sounds that way to me anyway
Using these doesn’t mean you’re in denial or don’t care—it means you’re choosing self-preservation. And if someone pushes for more info, feel free to disappear to the bathroom or suddenly become fascinated by the nearest houseplant. You’ve got this, holiday warriors. May your responses be smooth, your boundaries strong, and may there always be a distraction when you need one. Until next time guys, take care of yourselves, and each other
Well, fuck me sideways, it’s happening again. You know that moment when life decides to throw everything at you at once, like some cosmic game of dodgeball? Yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. It’s like my brain suddenly turned into a washing machine on spin cycle, thoughts tumbling over each other in a chaotic mess. Bills, deadlines, family drama, health issues – they’re all doing the conga line in my head, and I’m just standing here like a deer in headlights, completely frozen.
Probably the biggest thing of note, my cat, MY old lady cat Ding (or D or Dingers, depends on who was calling her) we had to have her put down last week. She’d been sick and for the last week she’d stopped eating, and every day I thought I’d wake up to find her passed away in her sleep, but I knew after she quit eating it was HER choice and she chose, she’d had cancer and had started only eating cat treats by the handful. For this reason, she was always ALWAYS by my right hand. She’d been sticking close by me the last few years, if I left her sight she’d come out and LOUDLY inform me that I needed to return post haste. I can’t tell you how many times since we had her put down that I’ve reached for her. I don’t think I’ll ever stop reaching.
The chaos wasnt ALL terrible. Everyone who knows me knows my love of animals, and Correy is just as bad. One day a week monkey goes to school early and Correy was getting out of the car when he heard crying. I thought he was taking a long time as I’d seen him pull up and hadnt come inside yet. He was out of the car just listening. So I listened too and encouraged him to go find the source of the crying. He hopped across the street just on a courtesy glance and lo and behold. This brought a new member into our family then and there. He was maybe 6-8 weeks old and as I’m whisper yelling, WHAT IS IT? And he turned around with that little ball of fluff was in his hands and he looks nearly identical to a cat we used to have that I miss terribly. But I have taken control of him mostly because he can hide in my room, not that he hides, he is the cattiest cat we’ve had in a while very playful, but got sick last week, with what I think Ding had, so he’s been to the vet several times already,was all alone on the sidewalk just screaming for us to save him, and we did, his name is Fryday.
You’d think with all this shit going on, I’d be a whirlwind of activity, tackling problems left and right. But nope, my brain’s brilliant response is to just… stop. It’s like my mental gears have ground to a halt, leaving me staring into space like I’m trying to decode the mysteries of the universe in my bed room wall.
Nope, still havent found an ideal plan but I came up with a number of new recipe ideas!
I know it’s just my brain’s fucked up way of dealing with overload. When there’s too much input, it decides the best course of action is to do absolutely nothing. Thanks, brain. Real helpful. So here I am, caught in this ever-circling pit of despair, where thinking about any one problem feels like trying to catch a greased pig. All I can do is breathe and wait for my brain to reboot like some outdated Windows PC.
Seriously guys, I lose whole days to this, I just sit there thinking of all I have to do, then I’ll turn to look something up, forget what I’m looking up and start down a rabbit hole about the new Reba show and if its the same blonde woman as the sassy friend as was in the last show Reba had and its time for monkey to get off the bus. I’ve lost the day with nothing to show for it except for some anger and frustration at my own damn brain’s rebellion like a teenager with a bad attitude ‘I DON’T WANNA’. Oh today we have to call the vet and do two loads of laundry and dinner, a light easy day, until I can’t talk on the phone because the words I am looking for won’t come to me so I say ok, well I can do that later, I should start the laundry. Well ok, I’ll do that at the next commercial. Hey that dude in the commercial looked familiar, I’ll google it. Oh shit my shows back on, I’ll go at the next commercial’
TWO HOURS LATER
Oh shit I havent started dinner. I wanted to use up the left over chicken with home made lemon glazed fancy pants thing thats super complicated but googled while high. Well we can’t do the brine today so fuck it, time for pizza..
20 minutes later
Still in paralysis in front of the computer refreshing The kicker? I know this is temporary. I know that eventually, my brain will decide to come back online, and I’ll be able to start tackling this mountain of crap one pebble at a time. But in the moment? It feels like I’m stuck in mental quicksand with no way out. If you’re reading this and nodding along, congrats! You’re part of the “My Brain Likes to Fuck with Me” club. We meet every time life decides to go batshit crazy. Membership is free, but the emotional toll is pretty steep.
So here’s to all of us stuck in the freeze zone. May our brains eventually decide to cooperate, and may we find a way to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Because sometimes, when everything is going to hell in a handbasket, all you can do is take a deep breath, say “fuck it,” and wait for the storm to pass.
I have no coping strategies or advice, I wish I had the answers. I try and keep my brain busy. I’m learning Spanish. I’ll binge a show until my brain go fuzzy, or I’ll put both ear buds in and dance like no one is watching (because no one is lol)I’m writing when I can, slowly easing back into school routine. I’m going to work more on the site this week. I have two or three ideas that I’ve come up with my petting and spoiling D in her final days. I know life goes on. I’ve tried to not ask for help getting through it, I’ve tried to sit with my sad all contained but some days it ends spilling from my eyes so I’ve hid away, plus getting to know the new guy. But lets do this, I’m back and I’m going to try to promise to report here once a week even if its just ‘this sucks, can’t wait til this part is over’. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.
Let’s face it, parenting is hard enough without throwing mental health issues, chronic pain, or neurodivergence into the mix. It’s like trying to juggle flaming chainsaws while riding a unicycle – on a tightrope. Over a pit of hungry alligators.
First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: isolation. When you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia, ADHD, or raising a kid with autism, it can feel like you’re on a deserted island. A really shitty deserted island where the coconuts are actually grenades and the sand is made of Legos. But you’re not alone. There are tons of us out here, fumbling through life, trying not to fuck up too badly. Alot of us out here that feel like we are one mistake or misunderstanding away from being ostracized by everyone we love if we say anything thats even remotely negative, and stuff it down, way down to our toes but every day theres more and more… Oh is that just me? If you relate to any of this, all of this, you are among friends.
But maybe you’re old school and want to see actual human faces. Local support groups can be a godsend. Picture this: a room full of people who don’t bat an eye when you say you forgot to pack your kid’s lunch because a depressive episode hit you like a freight train. No judgment, just understanding nods and maybe someone offering to carpool next time. It’s fucking beautiful.
Here’s a fun fact for you: Studies show that people with chronic conditions who participate in support groups report lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. It’s like group therapy, but without the hefty price tag and with more swearing.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “But what if I’m too anxious to meet new people?” or “What if my fibro flares (as its known to do especially when we get nervous, so that starts its own self destructive doom cycle) and I can’t make it?” Listen, we’ve all been there. The beauty of our fucked-up little community is that we get it. Can’t make it to the meetup because your body decided today was a good day to feel like you’ve been hit by a truck? Send a message. Chances are, someone else is in the same boat and you can commiserate virtually.
Remember, building connections takes time. It’s not like those cheesy rom-coms where you meet your best friend in a quirky coffee shop and suddenly you’re inseparable. It’s more like dating – awkward at first, with a lot of trial and error. But when you find your people, it’s worth all the cringe-worthy small talk and anxiety-induced sweating. I started my online fibro journey 20 years ago and am proud to say I have friends from a few countries and sometimes that is super helpful perspective wise. I like to think of it like a marathon. Only we arent racing, its not a sprint. There are people who will pull ahead or fall behind, theres some that will keep pace with you for a time its all welcome, you learn from every encounter, just trust and be open to the blessings and gifts and messages buried in pain, good or bad, there are always lessons to be learned.
So, here’s your homework, you beautiful dears: Reach out. Join a group. Send a message. Hell, start your own support group if you can’t find one that fits. Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this together. We’re all just trying to keep our heads above water while making this whole world spin. And remember, on those days when everything feels like too much, when you’re convinced you’re the worst person in the world, there’s a whole community out here ready to remind you that you’re doing just fine. We’ve got your back, even if we’re all a bit of a hot mess ourselves. Just do your best and we’ll pull each other up, one rung of the ladder at a time. Til next time gang,take care of yourselves and look out for each other. And George, look out for George he’s a shady little fucker …
So I talked the other day about RSD, which is a bastard that I’m currently fighting with RIGHT NOW in my head. If you experience RSD, save this post. Save my email. In particular save some of these solutions to help you when your brain tries to make you hate yourself. Let’s dive into how to wrangle this RSD beast without completely losing our shit. These thoughts can hit like a freight train full of emotional baggage, making it a real bitch to keep your cool in social situations. But don’t worry, I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve that might just save your sanity.
Self-Compassion (AKA Don’t Be an Asshole to Yourself) Cut yourself some slack, for fuck’s sake. Everyone gets rejected sometimes – it doesn’t mean you’re a walking dumpster fire. Try talking to yourself like you would to your best friend after a bad breakup. “Hey, you may be a mess right now but you’re still awesome even if that person didn’t see it.” Constant struggle, often you will have to love yourself for trying enough to let go.
Reality Check (Or: Is Your Brain Bullshitting You?)
Before you spiral into the abyss, ask yourself if there’s actual evidence for your fears or if you’re just being a drama queen. Maybe, just maybe, your brain is playing tricks on you. “Okay, they’re 5 minutes late. Does that really mean they hate me, or am I just catastrophizing again?” The only flaw in this logic is when your brain doesn’t let the logical side of your brain kick in because it actually believes the bad shit. You are not who you were and your value doesnt diminish based on what you can and can’t do for someone else.
Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation (Zen and the Art of Not Losing Your Shit)
Try some mindfulness crap to stay grounded. Deep breathing or muscle relaxation can help when you feel like you’re about to go off the deep end. It’s like hitting the pause button on your brain’s chaos for a hot minute. Again, the logical side of you will see this. Listening and believing that it will pass might take some intentional steps like sitting in front of the mirror multiple times a day feeling stupid but in kind words, let the feelings out. Alone even. But say the words out loud, meditate on them if you need to, the best you can do is only so much, sometimes you will fuck everything up, sometimes you CAN’T fix things, thats part of the process, you have to own it to let it go.
Reframe That Shit
Try to see rejection as a learning experience. Maybe it’s the universe’s way of saying “Not this asshole, try again.” Look back at times when rejection led to something better – they exist, I promise. Remember when that job rejection led you to an even better opportunity? Yeah, like that. One door closes but another one you couldnt see is waiting for you. Or maybe you just learn what not to do, everything is a lesson if you frame it as such.
Phone a Friend (Or a Therapist, We Don’t Judge)
Talk to someone who gets it. Sometimes you need an outside perspective to remind you you’re not actually the worst person ever. Join a support group and find your tribe of fellow beautiful disasters. Misery loves company, right? It helps to know you’re not alone in this.
Level Up Your Coping Skills
Find healthy ways to distract yourself or solve problems. Maybe take up kickboxing to punch out your frustrations, or learn to bake so you can stress-eat in style. Channel that energy somewhere useful instead of letting it eat you alive. I often stack on the hobbies, sometimes I have to be writing and listening to late night monologues on you tube and have the news or a game on just to shut up that nagging inner voice that says I’m not good enough. Most days that works
Get Real with Your Expectations
News flash: not every interaction is gonna be rainbows and unicorns. It’s normal to face some rejection in life, even if it feels like getting punched in the gut. Lower that bar a bit, and you might just find yourself pleasantly surprised. Nothing is ever perfect even if it feels like it at the time and thats not even factoring in the other persons reactions maybe they are as awkward as you!
Focus on You, You Magnificent Mess Work on becoming the badass you want to be. Set some goals and crush them. Nothing builds confidence like proving yourself wrong. “Oh, I can’t do that? Watch me, bitch.” Start by taking account of what you have control over. Thats where you can start. Once you are cognitively aware of what is under your power to do, set a reminder daily to remind yourself, that will help a lot with the expectations and being grounded, but its something you have to commit to taking honest stock in yourself and situations impacting your life.
Curate Your Circle (AKA Ditch the Toxic Assholes)
Surround yourself with people who aren’t total jerks. Limit time with folks who make you feel like crap. Life’s too short for that bullshit. Find your people – the ones who get your brand of crazy and love you anyway. We all have to deal with people in the real world that just rub us the wrong way or are unpleasant. Limit your interactions and while you are not seeing them, think of things you have in common with them so that your next interaction stays controllable and tolerable on your end.
Consider Professional Help (Because Sometimes We All Need a Brain Tune-Up)
Therapy can be a game-changer. CBT might help you rewire that brain of yours to be less of an asshole to you. It’s like getting an oil change for your mind – sometimes you need a professional to keep things running smoothly. Its every few years instead of mileage and it never hurts to have a check in just to keep things running smoothly
Remember, rejection sucks donkey balls, but you’ve got this. You’re tougher than you think, you magnificent mess. These strategies won’t make rejection a walk in the park, but they might just help you navigate this emotional minefield without completely losing your marbles. And hey, if all else fails, there’s always wine and Netflix. No judgment here. Maybe a gummie for me since I don’t drink Til next time guys, take care of yourself, and each other
Time’s been flying, but not because of any fun reason Nah, I’ve been wrestling with my own brain, and let me tell you, it’s been about as much fun as trying to wrangle cats. Pissed off cats at that. .So, RSD. is characterized by an intense emotional reaction to perceived rejection or criticism. People with RSD may feel overwhelming sadness, anger, or anxiety in response to situations where they believe they have been rejected or judged. This can lead to avoidance of social situations or extreme sensitivity to feedback. It’s like your brain decided to crank the “giving a fuck” dial up to eleven and then broke it off. Every perceived rejection or criticism feels like a punch to the gut, leaving you gasping for air and questioning your entire existence. It’s the emotional equivalent of stepping on a Lego in the dark – unexpected, painful as hell, and makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry.
When I try to explain this shit to people, they look at me like I’ve grown a second head. They don’t understand how some times that inner critic is far too loud to ignore Its hard for someone without these thoughts to understand why we know its irrational and try our best to correct things before we speak. People without these thoughts can wonder about why we feel the way we feel but if that voice is not in you, you won’t get why we end up being so fucked up we don’t know up from down right from left. They don’t get how how this is such a debilitating, all encompassing feeling that makes the bad little intrusive thoughts that you normally think, feel, and let go, end up more like think, feel, think some more about why this feeling won’t go away, argue with the sane reasonable side of yourself, lose all faith in yourself and motivation to do anything because you can’t get past this one intrusive thought as it gets louder and louder and harder and harder to reason with or ignore, cry until there’s no tears left, find more tears, eat ice cream and accept that you are unlovable and no one wants you around.
Wow, that was quick with the big feelings right? It really does go like that. It really does make you examine every interaction and put it in the frame of a failure Lets look at how impactful this is and next time I will talk about some possible help.
Self-Blame and Doubt: I’m always on high alert for ways I can screw things up. It’s like I’m a disaster magnet, and no matter how hard I try to steer clear, I end up crashing headfirst into every emotional tree in sight. And yeah, I know it’s exhausting for everyone around me. Who wants to be a full-time firefighter for someone else’s emotional dumpster fires that seemingly never end?
Fear of Rejection: The minute someone’s two minutes late, my brain goes into overdrive. “They hate me, I’m worthless, I knew this would happen.” It’s like I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, just so I can say “I told you so” to myself while I’m crying into a pint of ice cream.
Catastrophizing: Every little hiccup feels like the end of the world. I’m the queen of “I’m sorry” – I’d probably apologize to a chair for bumping into it. I have in fact, and also a random shoe, a WALL, don’t know how I did that one.and probably five more crazy things, and thats only this month lol. People get tired of hearing it, but I can’t stop. It’s like my default setting is set to “Everything is my fault.” The sky isn’t falling Chicken Little!
Overgeneralization: Sometimes in my head, every relationship is a competition, and I’m always coming in dead last. It’s like I’m playing a game where the rules keep changing, and I’m the only one who doesn’t know how to play.
Perfectionism and Self-Criticism: I have mini freak-outs if I have to give anyone anything that’s not absolutely perfect. It’s like my brain only operates in extremes – either I’m the best, or I’m a complete failure. There’s no room for the messy middle ground where most of life actually happens.
Emotional Magnification: The delusions during these moments are what really fuck me up. If I text three people and no one responds immediately, my brain convinces me they’re all off somewhere plotting my social demise. Rational me knows this is bullshit, but try telling that to my anxiety.
Personalization: I’m a master at blaming myself for everything while simultaneously feeling like an arrogant ass for thinking I have that much impact on others. It’s a mind-bending paradox of self-importance and self-loathing.
But here’s the thing – I’m putting this out there because maybe, just maybe, someone else is feeling this way too. If even one person reads this and feels less alone, or understands why their thought pattern is more toxic than a radioactive waste dump, then it’s worth it.
Remember, you magnificent mess, you’re not alone in this. We’re all just trying to navigate this crazy existence, one emotional rollercoaster at a time. Til next time (which will be fairly quick since I’ve already written it) take care of yourselves, and each other.
OK guys, I’m struggling with some things and guys, little secret, I SUCK at advice to myself, I was given a lesson today to act with intention, so lets reach out, help make ONE PERSON smile while then I feel it was a complete day. I feel like I’m 20 different people in a one person body and they are all moving at different speeds and opposite directions. So let’s dive into the chaos fest that IS feeling like a worthless pile of crap while drowning in a sea of half-finished projects. If you’re riding the rollercoaster lets talk about how to about to embrace this mess like it’s our job. Yes I feel like we have dealt with these themes, but I can only write what I know, and unfortunately pain is what I know. Its my shadow and my security blanket at the same time. I’m having trouble seeing the light but I know its there somewhere.
Feelings We All Have Them: Acknowledge Them, But Don’t Let Them Define You Look, feeling unloved or worthless sucks donkey balls. But here’s the kicker: feelings are just feelings. They’re not facts, no matter how much your brain tries to convince you otherwise. So, next time your brain tells you you’re worthless, tell it to fuck right off. Sorry for liberally using the word fuck, but I’m serious, you have worth even on your worst days. It SUCKS that our brains root against us sometimes.
Self-Compassion: Because Being an Asshole to Yourself Isn’t Helping On days when getting out of bed feels like climbing Everest, cut yourself some slack. Instead of beating yourself up over unfinished projects, celebrate the fact that you managed to put on pants. Or even that you managed to locate clean ones lol Progress is progress, even if it’s at a snail’s pace.
Routines: Flexible Is Best Structure is great, but let’s be real – our conditions are about as predictable as a cat on catnip. Create a routine that bends like a rubber band, not snaps like a twig. And if your day goes to hell in a handbasket? There’s always tomorrow. I also find that you can define a task two ways, if you set yourself a start time and an end time, whether its finished or not, you tuck it away, but what if its a task you can’t just drop because its cooking or something? So I can see the pluses or minues each way. I find blocks of time work best FOR ME, but its super subjective so if you think the other way is better let me know how it works.
Project Management: One Tiny Step at a Time, You Overachiever Got a hundred unfinished projects? I hear ya! I have in my brain that are all excited and ready to go the instant I put one to the side lol. Instead of trying to tackle them all at once like some kind of superhero, break them down into baby steps, pretty sure I told you guys, baby steps are my jam and the only way I ever accomplish anything. Its literally been ‘ok, if you can make it 15 minutes…’ whatever you are facing, ask yourself, can it wait 15 minutes? It sucks and its hard but can you just keep moving forward for 15 more minutes? Can you hang on 5 more minutes, can you hold this pain, this need to do or not do something? S. Completed one tiny task? Fuck yeah, you’re killing it!
Reach Out: Because Misery Loves Company (In a Good Way) You’re not alone in this clusterfuck, so don’t act like you are. Reach out to your people – the ones who get it. Sometimes, just knowing someone else is in the same boat can make you feel less like you’re drowning.
Mindfulness: Because Your Brain Needs a Time-Out When your thoughts are spinning faster than a hamster on Red Bull, it’s time for some mindfulness. Take a few deep breaths, focus on the present, or try meditation. It’s like hitting the pause button on your brain’s chaos. It helps me even if its just a quick five minutes in the quiet before everyone gets up.
Embrace the Mess: Because Perfect is Boring AF Life with chronic conditions is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes downright shitty. But you know what? It’s also uniquely yours. Embrace the chaos, celebrate the small wins, and remember that your worth isn’t measured by your productivity or how many projects you finish. You keep being you, you keep showing up
Remember, you magnificent mess, you’re doing the best you can with the hand you’ve been dealt. And that hand might be full of jokers, but you’re still in the game. So be kind to yourself, embrace the messiness, and know that you’re worthy of love and respect, even on your worst days. Now go forth and conquer, you beautiful, chaotic souls. You’ve got this. Take care of yourselves, and each other.
WannaBeNormal 