Well staying past your welcome is just plain disrespectful…

I think you can judge by the title what kind of day its been. You probably don’t want or need to hear how the palms of my hands are burning, but I’m going to tell you anyway, because I don’t have to fake smile with you. You don’t need me to be strong. You don’t need me to make responsible decisions. I LIKE that about you so thank you to the one person skimming this with their cereal while doing the crossword, I appreciate you. (Is it raisin bran? You seem like a raising bran person. I am a raisin bran person so I can spot my fellow raisin fans. But I’m also feeling corn flakes and fruit loops and so there’s room for error LOL). We’ll get into that too, the scrolling while doing a crossword and eating cereal. I feel you, I have to keep myself busy too. Its neurodivergence and we will discuss it in great detail once I can form words. I really should write these in the morning before the brain fog machine starts cranking, but nothing has happened by then generally. I’d write about the previous day’s activities but my day gets blurry when I look back. There’s a sweet spot I’m sure I just haven’t found it yet.

So I didn’t do much, one load of laundry, vacuum, dinner, exercise that’s the extent of it. Lots of inside my own head and reflections and spent a bit with monkey just watching tv. Now sitting here I’m getting this weird pain in my chest scaring myself but I’m sure its nothing, I’m a hypochondriac. I know this about me so its likely just a panic attack and I’m perpetuating it worrying about what and why I’m worried about it, I’m telling you its a math riddle I’m not even sure I could do the math and I’m the one who wrote the problem lol.

Anyway, I am proud of myself for making it though the monotony. If nothing else I’m always proud of myself even for just getting up as well as incredibly grateful I’m blessed to be here and breathe this air today.
I wanted to see if I could talk for a minute about the pain I’m experiencing. Maybe one of you has something similar, they all suck so in no particular order
MY HIP: Ok so there is a clear hierarchy on the pain in my body and hip decided to take point on this one. It feels as if there are electrical wires as my nerve endings and every time I hit it just right BLINDING pain. Its been this way for a while and will have me on the floor in a second if that hits. Nothing helps. Its been happening for over a year and my doc just throws up her hands and shrugs and says ‘that’s fibro?’ I get it but having been having extreme symptoms for over a year, maybe we try something else? She talked about shots and I’d consider it but I’ve read some not great things about it and I’m only putting myself through that if a higher percent of cases are a lot better.
Burning in palms and soles of feet: So this one is fairly new. I don’t know how else to explain it other than it feels like those, are they called thistles? Like soft thin thorns under my skin. It burns like poison. I don’t know what they are, but I can’t help but think this and the electrical shock pains seem like they could be the results of a pinched nerve

THE FOG: The never ending roll after roll of thought stealing mist that is blanketing my area. I don’t think I can explain it better than that and I think if you get it my analogy would work well describing it. Simple words I have been saying all my life won’t come to mind when I need them. Under this header you can also find ‘walking into a room and having no idea why I went in there so I start doing something else, stay busy all day, and only remember when I’m laying down to sleep that I never got the thing I went in there to get. Often several times. Also, losing total track of your point minutes in to a conversation, like as you are speaking, the words evaporate like Thanos snapping his fingers. I heard a comedian’s description once and it was spot on. My brain hears some things it can’t properly process and decides to go on a little walk about. Yup, my brain doesn’t understand what its hearing so it gives up, only a short time later it catches up and wants to say something but the convo is already on something totally different.
The exhaustion: Like enough said. But its not just feeling tired all the time, its feeling tired of this or that. A lackadaisical why bother kind of vibe. I’m just so over everything.
Wide spread tender points: they all suck. Also super sensitive to tastes, smells, noise.

That’s just the fibro. We’ll talk more about mania tomorrow. Maybe. We’ll see if it pisses me off

How about you guys? Anyone have anything to add to the list? It sucks and I am proud of you for getting up and battling it. I’m going to crash, take care of yourself and each other.