Top 10 Things I’ve Googled This Week as a Chronically Ill, Neurospicy Parent

(aka “This Is Not a Cry for Help, But Also… Send Snacks?”)

• “Why does my hip make that sound?”
  Its not so much a pop as it is a crackle, I feel like the Rice Crispies guys are hiding somewhere.
  
• “How to explain sarcasm to a teenager who is now more sarcastic than me”
  It took forever for her to ‘get it’ (she’d say, is that sarcasm? every time we laugh at a joke) now she is almost more sarcastic than me. Almost lol.
  

• “Can I survive on toaster waffles and spite?”
  No? Coca cola and contempt? Those are my wheelhouse.
  
• “What does executive dysfunction look like in adults asking for a friend (it’s me)”
  Pretty sure I dissociated so hard I time-traveled. I came to around dinner like, wait… where did the day go?
  
• “Symptoms of burnout vs laziness vs demonic possession”
  Spoiler: It was burnout. But let’s be honest, if a demon was possessing me, they’d at least fold the laundry
  
  
• “How to nicely ask your teen to shower without being emotionally attacked”
  “I tried ‘Would you like a shower now or in 10 minutes?’ and still got hit with the emotional equivalent of a boss battle I didn’t consent to
  
  
• “How long is too long to wait for meds to kick in before giving up on the day?”
  Asking for science. But also for vibes. Because the vibes are off and so is my serotonin.
  

• “How to turn rage-cleaning into a workout”
  If slamming laundry baskets and scrubbing with vengeance burned calories, I’d be shredded by now.
  

• “Can fidget toys fix my life or is that false advertising?”
  Look, they may not fix it — but they do keep me from sending That Text™ or scream-cleaning my kitchen.
  
• “Is it normal to cry over spilled resin?”
  Normal? No clue. But between the cost, the smell, and the emotional spiral? Yeah. Very on brand.
  
  
  

Living with chronic illness, ADHD, and a teenager is like being the main character in a sitcom written by the universe when it was feeling particularly chaotic. But hey — at least I’m not boring.

BRB, googling if emotional support waffles are a thing. Til next time gang, take care of yourselves, and each other.