You know how some people lose themselves in books or meditation? Yeah, not me. I lose myself in a daily game of hide & seek with my household items. Keys, phones, socks, remotes, pens — all apparently sentient and united in their mission to make me look ridiculous.
What makes it worse? The conversations I have with myself while I’m searching. Spoiler: I’m both the villain and the detective, and I’m never kind to myself in either role.
Here’s a peek into the thrilling mysteries that unfold in my home:
🧦 The Missing Socks Saga
One sock left in the dryer, the other AWOL.
Me: “Did I put this in the laundry?”
Also me: “Nope, it was definitely in the drawer.”
Me: “So… abducted by aliens?”
Also me: “Or maybe it’s sipping espresso in Paris while you walk around like a mismatched peasant.”
Result: I usually find it way too late — after my daughter has cut it into an art project, or the cat has been subjected to a “custom sweater” that was three sizes too small.
📱 The Vanishing Phone Mystery
My phone disappears precisely when I’m already late.
Me: “I know I set it down… somewhere.”
Also me: “Maybe in the fridge? You’ve done worse.”
Me: “I don’t know! I don’t know anything anymore! This is how the chaos wins.”
Also me: “Honestly, you’d be late even if it was taped to your forehead.”
📺 The Remote’s Secret Life
The remote hides in plain sight: under cushions, in laundry baskets, behind the cat.
Me: “This remote is plotting against me.”
Also me: “Yep, it’s basically Loki in plastic form.”
Me: “It knows I want to binge my show. This is betrayal on a molecular level.”
Also me: “Face it, the remote has stronger boundaries than you do.”
✨ Bonus Round – The Usual Suspects
Pens that vanish. Hair ties that escape. Phone chargers that ghost me like a bad date.
Me: “Is it under the bed, on the counter, or did it grow legs?”
Also me: “Nah, it packed a bag and joined the circus.”
Me: “Fine. I’ll just survive off raw anxiety.”
Also me: “Cool, that’s basically your whole lifestyle brand anyway.”
The Takeaway
Somewhere between yelling at invisible forces and negotiating with the cat, I’ve realized: maybe this is just normal. Maybe everyone’s household is secretly playing hide & seek with their sanity. Also me is a comedy genius lol.
Or maybe I’m just cursed.
Either way, I’m declaring a truce. But first… coffee. Definitely coffee.
Discover more from WannaBeNormal
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
WannaBeNormal 